A tribute to all of the amazing doctors and heroes putting their lives on the line for COVID patients. Guys, Gals, Non-binary pals--another angsty hamburr short fic. Also--be nice to doctors, everyone.
It popped into my head and well I really wanna appreciate our doctors, nurses, and everyone else. There will be more parts, I hope you like the story!
I also hope you catch my symbolism ;) MODERN AU--COVID pandemic. Burr is a COVID doctor.
Warnings: Vivid descriptions of death, doctor abuse, disease, and crying hamburr at the end :(
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Aaron was exhausted, working day and night in the hospitals of New Jersey. His back was aching and his legs felt numb from running to patients--his heart felt...so heavy. Tending to patients everyday, watching them die in front of his very eyes. Watching their soul just...leave their bodies. A silent and solemn wistful cold that stays in the room as the beeping falls to low and momentary pulses...
and the way the patient's eyes flicker one last time--one last glimpse of a raw hope and pain that takes them. The way their fingers tremble and gasp for breath...how they look at the doctors as if they are the only hope--the last one indeed. Aaron stands by them, forced to watch their agony as they look through watery eyes...face paled and limp as they go--everything falling loose. Burr knows that once the patient dies--the hardest part is informing the family...
He's strong enough to not break when the family looks through broken eyes, with betrayed faces, with a hand on the doctor's collar as they scream at them for not being good enough. Maybe that's why Aaron walks home crying, a bruise forming at his eye at four in the morning. He could get an hour of talking to Alex, his fiancee, and then head back immediately after fixing that nasty bruise. Burr know's he'll never be good enough--he just doesn't want to see death anymore, he wants to quit--to give up...but he won't let himself. Hamilton won't let him either.
Burr opens the apartment room and sighs tiredly after washing his hands and going into a hot shower immediately, getting rid of any germs possible. At least he wasn't in the ICU, he was just the nurse and set up monitors and other stuff. He is the youngest doctor there--might as well get some sort of experience, right? Aaron sighs tiredly, stepping out of the shower and pulling on a pair of soft black sweatpants and a dark maroon hoodie. Sure he was going to be home for only an hour, but he needs any comfort right now. Closing the door softly, he heard other gentle footsteps.
"Aaron? You home, love?" He called softly, Burr turned around with a smile. Seeing his Alexander, hair frizzled and all over the place, tied into a messier bun. He was wearing one of Aaron's light grey Princeton hoodie, practically engulfed and wearing sweatpants too. He let out a happy sigh, walking over to Alex and pulling him into his arms.
"Alex..." he weakly croaked, nuzzling into his neck as Hamilton let out a small chuckle, "I missed you..." he murmured. Alex was the only person keeping him going, the only person who could understand him even if he didn't say a word--and it was more than comforting. He doesn't deserve Alexander, the way his happy little smile would light up the room, the way his hair would fall over his face and when it fell loose--Alex would huff and let it dangle there. He doesn't deserve the way he respects Burr, sprinkles his face with kisses like now and reminding him how important he is...
"I missed my plonk too," Alex responded, laughing when Aaron let out a playful whine and tickles his stomach. "As much as I'd love to stay like this--you've gotta eat something." Aaron sighed again, and pushed away to tuck a lose strand behind the smaller's ear. Hamilton's smile fell--looking intently at the bruise forming at his eye and giving it a feathery touch.
"What...what happened?" He asked. Aaron looked down, blinking away loose tears and staring into those concerned...loving violet eyes. He doesn't want to talk about it, he really doesn't. It's just...so difficult. How could he say it? Luckily, Burr's silence was enough for Alexander to wrap him in his arms again, and he buried his face into his lover's shoulder, cuddling for warmth.
"You don't deserve it. You didn't...I still love you and I'm so proud of you for trying." Aaron tried to speak, he tried to talk. But what only came out was a stupidly pathetic whimper--why did he have to be so pathetic? Why didn't he do more? Why couldn't he try harder?
"I love you too but--I don't wanna go back...I just wanna quit." Burr whispered. Alexander let out a small huff of breath, parting only slightly to press their lips into a soft...distilling moment. A soft press of his gentle and plump lips, and Aaron kissed back in desperation.
"I know. But--Aaron, they need you. They need you..." Hamilton's voice was gentle, fingers soft against his skin as they cupped the taller's face with one hand, the other resting gently on his shoulder. He was right--they do need him. The patients living need him...and he has to do everything he can to help them live. Help them survive...
Burr's hands shifted to hold Alexander's waist, pulling him closer gently and nuzzling their noses. "I know...I'm doing this for them...for you." He whispered the last part, pressing his lips again and smiling when Alex smiled against his own again. Aaron want's to stay in this moment forever, wants to keep Alex against his lips forever...wants to spend more time, to love, to give, anything at all.
"If anyone hurts you again--I'll fight them all for you, okay? I'll write a 95 paged pamphlet, I'll get my boss to murder them, I'll-"
"No, Alex--that's--no. Thank you though...for being so patient. I don't think Washington would send a team of lawyers for me," Aaron said with a soft laugh, feeling Hamilton wrap his arm around his waist and lead them to the kitchen. Alexander laughed with him, his grip protective and warm...a grateful smile on both of their faces.
"Well, I'm his strongest army." Hamilton added, smirking proudly to himself. Aaron rolled his eyes and took out a croissant--unable to stop the growing smile on his face. He always admired his lover's determination, even though he loved to brag. He would notice the happy giggles he would laugh out when he would launch into a story. Aaron wished he had more time to spend with Alex--but this one hour was worth so much. He would either make out when he's stressed, cuddle and watch an episode or two with Alex, talk and debate, even eat ice cream and start tickle fights. Alexander was the one light of happiness in his dark world...and the greatest person he knew.
"--Jeffershit kept on muting me, and then SO DID WASHINGTON? Backstabbers," Alexander finished, gasping for breath as Aaron broke into laughter at the thought of Hamilton pouting at a laptop screen while glaring at Jefferson's icon--which is a bowl of macaroni.
"honey, you spend all day working. Get some sleep." Aaron is literally concerned for him--sure it was Burr's job to work all the time outside, but Alex should sleep if he has the chance to. He didn't want him getting sick because of it. Hamilton sighed, putting down a mug of supposedly coffee or green tea considering the time.
"I don't...well, I don't like to sleep...without you." Burr felt a pang of guilt run through his chest, before walking forward and capturing his lips on Hamilton's. The smaller let out a soft sound, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close with desperation. The poor man had to be alone all day and night, working relentlessly to drown his feelings--it's been like that for weeks and months. Aaron wishes he can have all the time in the world to hear him cry out his thoughts, to laugh out his happy moments...to be happy with him.
"I miss you so much...and--and I'd do anything to spend more time with you. It'll be okay, Alex...I promise it'll be okay. I need to make sure you're taking care of yourself too," Aaron's fingers tangled softly into Hamilton's hair, his lower lip worrying as he ducked his head down. Burr shifted one hand to tilt his face up, seeing Alexander looking at him with pure concern...but then he smiled. It was a heartbreaking smile...one that still lit up the room, but gave a sadder aura.
"I know. Just...be careful, alright? We've still gotta get married. I've still gotta bother you for the rest of your life. I've still got a million things I haven't done," Aaron laughed softly at his words, raising Alex's knuckles and kissing his hand softly...then kissing the finger with the rings they gave each other.
"I'm yours...always. I'll be careful--only if you sleep. If you don't, I'm gonna go running around asking everyone to sneeze on me," Burr joked, laughing harder when Alexander kicked his shin and kissed his neck softly. He pulled the Hamilton into his arms, carrying him bridal style as the smaller let out a yelp and clung to the taller's neck. He would trade anything to make this moment last longer...to have more than one hour with his lover in his arms, to press kisses and give him the attention he deserves...to be able to share a moment in peace.
"Lex...go to sleep." Burr sighed, tucking him into the blankets and kissing his forehead. He didn't want to leave, he didn't really want Alex to sleep. But he does at the same time, so he can sleep and get rested, so he could be more productive and energetic. Alexander didn't protest, he only reached weakly for Aaron's hand, moving it so it rested against his own cheek.
"Stay?" He practically whimpered. Aaron looked at those pleading, wide eyes. He checked the time and realized he still has a good thirty minutes. Burr softly stroked at the smaller's neck, sitting on the empty bedside that's his own and smiled at the purr in response, nodding twice. Alex let out a happy grin, fingers intertwining with each others. He was perfect this way--eyes fluttering shut slowly, gaze fixed on Burr...brown hair sprawled onto the bed and collapsing. The small puffs of breath as he began to doze off quickly--Aaron pulling himself up so he could run his finger through the silky hair, allowing his fingers to stroke at his cheek.
Alex let out a single tear, before planting his face in Burr's lap. Aaron frowned sadly, but when he called his name--Hamilton was out cold, sleeping peacefully...relaxed in a deep slumber.
Aaron let out a small sniffle. He wants to hold his Alex right here, to feel his head gently resting against his chest, listening to him mumble incoherence as he fell asleep. He didn't want to go back to the house of death-
Burr cursed when his phone rang and Alex's head jolted up quickly--eyes widened. Apologizing to Hamilton, he kissed his cheek and lifted the phone to his ear. He tried to leave--But Alexander squeezed his thigh gently, his head and arms wrapped around it.
"James?"
"Aaron. Knox wanted me to tell you you're getting transferred to New York...you've gotta go attend to the ICU there. We don't know how long it'll take, but they need more doctors and the situation's getting worse." Aaron felt his heart drop heavily--looking down to see Alex's hopeful and wide eyes, clearly hearing what was just said. His eyes looked so pure...broken and tired, looking up with that fearful gaze Burr always felt upset by. That meant...no more Alexander...not even for an hour?
"No--No, James I can't. I'm...I'm sorry...you need to get someone else."
"Aaron." Burr looked down to see Alex shaking his head, looking up with heartbreak but--...but hope too. He was silently encouraging him. All of this despite the fact that they both wanted more time...more so much as a second more--but Alex looked defiant.
"Look we don't have a choice, you either lose your job or come to New York with me." Madison sounded frantic, the faint sound of papers shuffling--also silently hoping Burr would come, they had been friends since medical school after all. Alexander looked at him--eyes glazed as he gave and encouraging smile and nodded. Burr bit on his lip, wiping at a stray tear falling off of his face. He doesn't want to leave his Hamilton...he doesn't want to say goodbye yet. He just wants to be with his lover, he just wants all of the death to end.
"Fine." he winced at the small crack in his voice, and Madison let out a thanks, telling him to have his stuff ready in the next hour. When he hung up, Alexander threw himself onto him. He was sobbing...breaking in his arms as he stroked at Aaron's hair, trying to comfort him...
He didn't realize we was letting out pained, rasped sobs too.
Peace is too much to ask for.
The thought of Jefferson and Washington muting Alexander in a zoom meeting? Priceless. Also we're back with the Plonk insult, ain't that cute?
I got this idea from watching BBC documentary btw it was so sad.