I quietly set up the camera and let out a long sigh before hitting the record button.
"Hey you guys, this video is going to be a different one." I look down at my hands, swallowing all of my fear away. "The past few days have been worse than the others. I don't want to push this back any further, in case I forget."
"This is my video dedicated to everyone that's been here to see me grow into the person I am. Specifically my younger self. Thank you for not giving up on me."
I begin to tear up and let out a laugh at my overwhelming emotions. "I'm sorry, I told myself I wasn't going to cry. Anyway, here's a song I wrote for my younger self. I'm giving it to the guys, but I want to sing it for you before I begin with the sappiness."
"This is Old Me."
I begin strumming a few chords before singing the first few lyrics. "Shout out to the old me, and everything you showed me."
*
"You're Margo, right?" Calum Hood asks as he approaches me with a smile.
"Yeah, that's me. Why?" I ask as I close my locker and turn to him with a confused look. "Giselle and Luke aren't here, if that's what you're here for."
"No! No, I actually just came from over there, where Luke is. I wanted to talk to you." He lets out a nervous laugh, causing me to smile.
"Oh? I'm intrigued." I wiggle my eyebrows and he smiles. "What's up? I'm not in trouble, am I?"
"No, of course not! I just wanted to see how you're doing."
"Well, it's hard not to break under the weight of the world, but I'm managing. I know my future self will thank me one day for not giving up."
*
"Now that I've finished the song, this next message is for Ashton." I let out a soft sigh, smiling at the thought of his cheeky grin when he finally watches this. "Thank you for being the person I can always look forward to talking to. Thank you for not being biased and only ever telling me what I needed to hear. You deserve endless love, and I hope you find it. Thank you for being my safe space, my best friend, my brother. You deserve more credit than I could ever give you."
*
"I'm not hugging you." I shake my head furiously as I push him away. "Ashton, you stink."
"I was just in the ditch thanks to Luke, of course I stink." He argues and I place my hands onto my hips.
"Then go change! After, and ONLY after you change, we can hug." I walk away from him and he clears his throat from behind me.
"Not if I steal a hug!"
He lunges at me and pulls me into a tight hug with a laugh bellowing from inside him.
"Ashton, you smell like cheese!"
*
I let out a shaky breath and look down at my list that I wrote down, in case I forget the people I want to thank.
"This next thanks goes to Mikey. We didn't talk much, but you never failed to show me that even the quiet people can have the loudest impact. You'll never understand the amount you've changed my life by just being by my side. Thank you for seeing through my shield and noticing that I'm just like you."
*
"You're good for him." Mikey nudges me as we sit beside the field, watching Calum aimlessly kick the ball around. "He's happy when he's with you."
"I'm happy when I'm with him too." I smile softly before turning to face him. "You're a good friend."
"Yeah, I like to think I am."
*
I look down at the list again only for my stomach to drop as I read the next name. "Luke."
His name comes out as a whisper and I can feel my heart shattering as I look up at the camera.
"I know you're upset at the universe for this happening to me, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You're handling it better than anyone could ever image asking for. You saw through me and noticed I'm just a bruised soul. You gave me a chance." I sniffle and wipe my eyes before continuing. "You showed me what it feels like to be happy. You made me feel like I was worth something. I'm happy we got our dream life before the odds ripped it away from us. I wouldn't want to have a connection like ours with anyone else. You're one of a kind, and I hope you'll be able to see that someday. Until that day comes, I hope you find someone that can stain your coffee cups with their lipstick."
*
"We would never date." Luke shakes his head and I let out a nervous laugh.
"Yeah, that idea is insane. Who would think such a thing?!" I feed his statement and he nods.
"Delusional people, duh." He teases me as we sit down at our usual bench in the middle of the common room. "Speaking of dating, who do you have a crush on?"
Well, it was your best friend, but the more we hang out the more I-
"Hello, earth to Margo." He waves his hand in front of my face. "Come on, don't tell me you don't have one. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."
"You tell me yours first." I raise my eyebrows and he shakes his head quickly.
"No way! I asked first, so tell me." He shoves my shoulder playfully and I look up at him longingly.
"I'll give you a hint." I smirk and he frowns.
"That's not fair! You know I suck at guessing games." He pouts and I smile, looking away thinking I've won. "Fine, give me the first hint."
"He's delusional."
*
"This next one is for Calum. Bubba, I don't know what words I could possibly use for you. I know we said forever, but that's a long time. I know all of this is unexpected, but it rains when it isnt supposed to. The odds may not work out for us in this life, but I'm sure it'll work in another life." I tuck a few strands of hair behind my ears before continuing. "You deserve a love that will consume you, and I hope you find it. You deserve your happy ending. You deserve a life filled with adventure and exciting experiences. I hope you get that in the next few years. I hope you get to grow old with your lover and have kids who will bless you with dozens of grandkids. The odds may not work out in my favour, but there's still a chance they'll work out in yours. I hope you get a love that you give."
*
"Margo, I'm going to fall!" Calum grips my hands tightly and I let out a laugh as the people behind him pass us. "How are you skating backwards?"
"Because I have practice. I can get you one of those walkers if you want. That little girl looks like she doesn't need hers anymore." I tease him and he rolls his eyes.
"Not funny, I'm embarrassed." He pouts and I try to stifle my laughter.
"Sorry, you're right, it's not funny." I shake my head, attempting to stop laughing.
He falls onto the ice, pulling me down with him as we get tangled together like a pile of yarn. "Okay, maybe it's a little funny."
"You're an ass." He frowns as I pull myself onto my feet.
"And you're on yours. Here, take my hand before that elderly couple overlaps us again.
*
I look around my room and notice the picture on my nightstand of me, Noelle and Abe.
"Noelle, I'm sorry I couldn't give you those dozens of years you wanted. Thank you for the few that we did get though. I hope after I'm gone you find someone that can get close to filling my place. Someone that will bully and annoy you when you're having a bad day, and do the same thing when you're having a good one. I hope you get that significant other you're always bragging about wanting. I hope you get those kids you want that I would always claim to be a bad influence for. I hope you have the heart to forgive me and remember that I love you more than I could ever love myself."
*
"I think this would be cute." Noelle holds the dress up to her chest and I shake my head, shovelling more ice cream into my mouth.
"Maybe on a grandma."
"Oh come on." She frowns, sticking it back into the closet. "Good thing I would be a hot grandma."
"Ew, that's gross!" I toss the spoon at her as she dodges it.
"Stop! You're going to get my clothes dirty!" She yells and I let out a mischievous laugh.
"Not like they're going to be on for long, knowing you."
"Are you slut-shaming me?" She spins around to face me and I smile.
"If the shoe fits, wear it."
*
"And Abe, if you see this, thank you for seeing my potential. You gave me a superiority complex that someone my age would only ever dream of having. You reminded me of my worth everyday and always gave me the feeling that I wasn't a disappointment. You reminded me of my worth and I'm sorry we haven't ended things on the best note, but I hope you realize I've always looked up to you through rose coloured glasses. No matter what happened between us, I've always seen myself as you're golden girl."
*
"You'll be back, right?" I ask as I follow Abe out of the house.
He hands his bags to the driver and turns around with a soft smile.
"You've got to stop worrying so much, kid. I'll be fine." He places his hands on my shoulders and lets out a sigh. "Besides, I heard my replacement is young."
"I don't want young." I frown. "I want you to stay."
"I know, but this will give you new opportunities. Take chances when you get them, I'll be back before you know it." He pulls me into a hug and I fight back my tears. "I'll see you soon, golden girl."
*
"Koleton and your family, specifically Meemaw. I know you guys won't hear about the tumour until I'm gone, but I want to thank you for showing me what a family looks like. I want to thank you for giving me faith that love isn't just in the movies. And Meemaw, don't forget to stay out of trouble. Or at least try to." I let out a small laugh and press my lips into a thin line. "Stevie, you deserve the entire universe and nothing less. You've got a heart bigger than your body and so much potential. You could even be bigger than me one day. I'll be cheering you on."
*
"You're the replacement?" I stand at the end of the stairs as the new guy places his bags on the floor. "This has to be a joke."
"Nice to meet you, ma'am. My name is-"
"Oh god, AND you're southern? I need to sit down." I walk towards the kitchen and open the fridge to grab a water. "This is going to be a long few weeks. Don't think we're friends."
*
"To the One Direction boys, thank you for cheering me on from afar. You guys deserve to feel pure happiness and I hope you find it soon."
"Finally, to my fans. Thank you a million times for being the most loyal fan-base on the planet. I wouldn't be where I am today if you all weren't the most dedicated, strong-willed humans on this floating rock. If I could thank each of you personally, I would. Try to remind yourself that I'm proud of you, okay? I know how easy it is to forget those kinds of things. Pun not intended."
"To everyone, thank you for being here when I thought I was alone."