I wouldn't try to throw myself away
If you asked me, I'd say
To be careful my love
At death we'll leave the same
I couldn't sleep that night now that I had a boyfriend.
Harry did though, which was kinda surprising since I stayed on top of him all the way through. But he didn't wake up even when I decided to poke his cheek around eight a.m. to check if he was awake already.
It had been two hours now and Harry hadn't woken up yet, which I assumed was because he stayed up till dawn. I often forgot how necessary sleeping was to other people.
I sure did annoy him though. At some point, I started moving around in bed because the wait was starting to annoy me. I sat next to his feet and stared at him for a couple of minutes before crawling back towards him. I think he woke up, but it didn't last long because he immediately dozed off again.
I liked the way he looked when he slept. His curls would get all messy and kept this very cute pout on his lips, making me want to kiss it away. And I know watching him sleep was probably a tad creepy, but I didn't have much else to do.
Around midday, when the sun was already burning its way through the window, I got tired of waiting and started annoying him once more, poking every inch of his face to wake him up.
"Wake up." I whispered, tickling the tip of his nose.
"No," Harry groaned under his breath, turning around so that he was laying on his stomach.
"Yes, wake up." I complained, straddling his lower back and starting to draw lazy patterns on his shoulder blades. "It's midday."
"Good for you." He huffed, nuzzling against the pillow so that his voice sounded muffled.
"C'mon, dork." I rolled my eyes playfully even though I knew he couldn't see me.
I pursed my lips, keeping my knees on each side of his body as I looked down at him. I knew he was falling asleep again, but I already wanted him to wake up because I missed my boyfriend. And I got an idea.
"Alex and I talked about fucking last night." I shrugged my shoulders casually.
Harry immediately shot his eyes open, turning around so that I was straddling his waist now. The sudden action made me gasp, but he grasped my hips harshly so that I wouldn't fall. He looked wide awake now.
"What?" Was all he said.
"What?" I arched my eyebrows. "Is my boyfriend jealous?"
Saying the word that made our relationship official caused an irrefutable wave of euphoria splash its way through my veins, which was probably the reason why I would use it a lot today. And always.
"Did you and him talked about sleeping together right before you came here to ask me to be your boyfriend?" He pointed his finger at me, ignoring my previous question.
"Well, not exactly. Actually, we talked about a threesome." I squinted my eyes. "You weren't invited."
"Do you seriously want to make me jealous at this time of the day? Not very smart of you, baby." Harry arched one eyebrow, making my stomach clench weirdly.
"What will you do? Fucking wake up once and for all?" I rolled my eyes, but I didn't see it coming when he turned as around so now his body was hovering over me.
"Oh, trust me, I'm wide awake." He leaned in to ghost his lips over mine.
I tried to kiss him because I wasn't in the mood for teasing, but he pulled away immediately before I got to touch him. He was already walking away towards the closet, but I suddenly felt so fucking turned on.
"I know what you're thinking and no, I'm not going to fuck you." Harry turned around with a white shirt on his hand. "It's midday."
Arrogant fucker.
I watched as he left the room, so I took a minute to calm down before hurrying my way behind him. He was half down the stairs, the mahogany steps creaking under his weight.
"If you're not fucking me now, are you fucking me tonight?" I asked, and he didn't even turn around to answer.
"Probably." Harry reached the end of the stairs, turning around and leaning in. "Saw your vibrator... might use it."
Jesus motherfucking hell.
Without even thinking about it, I was already clenching my thighs together. He winked at me with a cocky smirk plastered on his lips, leaving me alone on the foot of the stairs, once again, turned on.
I heard voices and shifting coming from the kitchen, so I shook my frustration away and ran towards the isle. Alex and Alissa were sitting on the stools, sipping coffee as Harry prepared his own mug.
"Morning." I cleared my throat awkwardly.
"Want anything to eat?" Harry asked.
"No, I'm not hungry," I snapped my jaw, but the stern look Harry gave me was enough to twist my insides. "I mean, um, I'll eat an... uh, apple."
I cursed under my breath at how stupid I sounded as Harry tossed me an apple into the air. I caught it and stared at it suspiciously before taking a bite of it. Harry watched me over the rim of his cup as I chewed on the fruit.
I liked apples, but I knew I'd start feeling nauseous any moment soon. I focused on drawing deep intakes of air in and out, keeping myself together while I took bites of the apple and Harry gave me cryptical looks.
"You don't have to eat it all, half of it is fine." Harry explained.
Alex and Alissa watched us with arched eyebrows in suspicion, probably trying to decipher what the hell was going on. I stood behind them, eating and trying not to act weirder than I already was.
I challenged myself, eating the whole thing and throwing the core of the apple in the trash can. I pressed my hand against my stomach as Harry grasped my hips, separating his legs to level my eyes.
"Good?" He frowned.
"Good." I formed my lips into a line, stroking his forearms.
"Are you guys, like, official already?" Alex arched an eyebrow, pointing his finger back and forth between Harry and I.
"Yes, so no threesomes." I shook my head playfully, earning a laugh from him.
Alissa's eyes widened and I felt Harry's grip on my waist tightening, so I turned to him. His eyes were harsh, so I dedicated him an innocent smirk and leaned forward to peck his lips.
I knew Alissa was still a bit tense, probably because he didn't trust us. She didn't talk much and she made sure to always stick around with Alex, which I didn't blame her for, but I wanted her to relax. I was still a bit upset with her, but nothing too serious.
"Alissa, do you want to get high with me?" I spoke up.
"Now? It's midday-"
"It's the second time I've heard those words in the past hour. I've already been sex deprived by this motherfucker right here so I won't be weed deprived or whatever the fuck. Alissa, do you want to get high with me?" I repeated.
She gave Alex a nervous glance, but he nodded in encouragement so she turned back to me, "Sure."
I gave her a big smile, rushing upstairs to my room where I kept my stash of weed. I wouldn't smoke as much as I usually did, I just wanted to get some momentary sensation of pure comatose.
Things were doing great, except for a small detail: we still weren't getting the info on the next trade. I was happy, but the feeling of stress and concern deep in my chest came up sometimes, usually late at night.
I could already feel the nausea building up deep in my stomach, but I pushed it back down my throat as I rallied down the stairs with a small bag of weed clutched in between my fingers. Alissa was already sitting on the couch by the time I made it downstairs.
"Catch." I said, tossing the small bag to her. She caught it swiftly.
I sat next to her with my knees bent over the backrest and my head hanging close to the floor, watching her rolling two blunts for us. She did it incredibly fast, handing one to me. I light up both of the joints and took mine to my mouth.
"You shouldn't be so tense, don't you trust us?" I mused, keeping the cigarette lingering in between my lips.
"Honestly? No." She laughed, not looking at me. "But it's not like you trust me though."
"I do trust you," I raised my eyebrows.
She didn't answer, leaving the words to waft in the atmosphere together with the smoke drifting out of the joints. The silence was heavy but manageable, and I suddenly was glad I was smoking because, if I wasn't, then my thoughts would start screaming at me again.
"Fuck it. Let's get high." I shrugged.