Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home
Natalie came to bed at some point between four and five in the morning and she probably thought I was deep asleep, but the empty side next to me was messing with my sleeping schedule to great extents.
Nat and I had been sleeping together, only sleeping, for a week now, and it had become kind of an unbreakable habit. I had gotten used to sharing a king-sized bed with her, so the sudden absence of her caught me off guard.
I knew she'd come back eventually, or else I'd go looking for her. I could hear voices coming from downstairs, so I assumed that was her. She was talking to Alex, I think, and I couldn't quite discern what they were saying, but I heard my name at some point.
When I felt the left side of the bed deepen under Natalie's weight, I laid completely still. I knew I'd be able to sleep now that she was with me, I was tired and my eyes were literally closing on their own.
"Awake?" She said.
"No." I kept my back to her, hearing her let out a cute little giggle in response.
I felt her scooting closer to me till her chest was pressed against mine. I held my breath for some reason, feeling her cling onto me for dear life. She nuzzled her nose into the crook of my neck and her sweet scent immediately invaded my nostrils.
Today, her fragrance was coated by the weak smell of smoke, so I assumed she'd been smoking again. Maybe she was a bit high, which wasn't exactly a good thing because she probably wasn't tired.
"You smell of lavender," She inhaled deeply.
"Consequences of using your shampoo." I quipped.
Natalie laughed into my skin, making the sweet vibrations of her voice reverberate all along my body. The sound of her giggles made an unexpected wave of euphoria havoc through my veins, so I smiled.
"Are you cuddling me?" I asked after some seconds of silence, feeling as her muscles tensed behind me.
"No." She drawled out hesitantly, so I laughed. "Shut up."
"You're too cute." I whispered, unable to hide the wide smile creeping up my lips once more.
"I am not!" She quickly propped her elbow on the mattress and looked down at me as I glanced at her over my shoulder.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, darling." I rolled my eyes playfully, laying on my back so I could have a better look at her face.
Her dark hair was messy and her eyes looked very dark under the dim lightning of her nightlight. Her bangs had already grown a bit, falling on her eyes in the hottest way. She was only wearing a very cute strawberry-patterned sleeping short and my shirt, which she deliberately stole while I showered.
"Stop calling me darling, makes me feel like I've swallowed a fucking butterfly." Natalie rubbed her stomach.
I laughed out loud, placing my hands over my own stomach as I just examined her face. She gave me a quick eye roll, laying down on top of me and placing her chin on my chest. She lined up her legs with my own and laid completely still.
I watched as she closed her eyes, so I closed mine and enjoyed the way her heartbeat felt against my body. It was beating at a slow, tranquil pace that was making me feel so fucking safe.
"Harry?"
"Yes, darling?" I emphasized the word 'darling' only to tease her, making her laugh.
"Uh, I think..." She hesitated, so I opened my eyes and gave her a confused look. "I think I like you."
"I know, babe, you told me. I like you too," I gave her a lopsided smile, and I swear I could see a faint blush on her cheeks.
"No but like... I like you." She whispered slowly.
She liked me.
What was that even suppose to me? That she liked me twice more? Because I liked her twice more too. I really liked her and I felt happy that she was deciding to open up about her feelings with me.
We never talked about this kind of things, but I felt proud of her for starting the conversation. Maybe it was the dose of toxins on her system, but I really couldn't care less at the moment.
"Harry? Please say something." Natalie snapped me out.
"I like you too. Always." I gave her one more smile, which was kinda erasable by now.
"You've said 'always' to me three times already," She frowned.
"Hmm, well, defines what I feel for you," I explained, shrugging my shoulders. "You know in movies, where couples say they'll be together forever? Always can be like our own forever."
"Always?" Natalie kept a cute pout on her lips, looking deeply into my eyes.
"And forever." I winked, but she didn't answer.
She seemed to be deeply immersed in her mind, which was something I had grown fond of because you could see how concentrated she was. She'd subconsciously pout her lips and furrow her brows, looking but not looking.
I wanted to know so bad what was happening in her imagination, I was always curious. I had my hypothesis... perhaps she was scared of her own mind, maybe there were things stored in there she didn't want to relive.
That would explain the reason of all those sleepless nights. Falling asleep meant locking the door of your brain while you were still inside, and she was so scared of herself that she'd rather not sleep at all than found herself alone in her mind again.
I wanted to know why, I wanted her to be confident enough to trust me with that kind of things. Maybe I was wrong and she just hated sleeping or she had insomnia... I actually hoped I was wrong.
Or maybe she was just scared of her killer side, which was another option. Maybe she was so terrified of what she could do that she'd rather not face her inner demons, but I doubted this could ever happen because Natalie embraced her violent side like a best friend.
I couldn't say I knew what she felt because my life was nothing like hers and I hadn't gone through the things she had, I had never killed people for fun. It was me who was deciding to ignore this rage in her because I was too mesmerized by her to care.
I liked her, I knew that. Maybe more than I wanted to, but even if I refused to accept my feelings, that didn't mean they would be gone overnight. She was what I wanted and I didn't want to hide it anymore, even though I still struggled with acceptance.
I wondered what was going on inside her mind... was she punishing herself? Shit, I didn't want her to go harsh on herself, I didn't want her to suffer. I was willing to wait for as long as it was necessary.
There was light wind entering through the open window, making the white curtain fly forward. I could see the moon from my place on the bed and I wondered why we hadn't gone out to stargaze again. I missed it.
I missed her in general, which was something weird to say because lately we were really attached to each other. I wanted to feel her impossibly closer, I wanted her to be all mine and I wanted to be able to hug and kiss her and let people know who she belonged to. And not only sexually speaking.
I had memorized her features and her scent and the way she'd chew on her lips when she was nervous and how she'd dance to music when she was in a good mood, and also her hazel eyes and her lips and the way she was more insecure than she let know, her cute little snores when she slept and how she'd roll her eyes whenever I annoyed her.
I had memorized even the way she owned my heart entirely.
I wasn't going to talk about the word because I had no idea how to. Maybe it was there, maybe it wasn't, I just didn't know. I wanted to figure out myself, then figure her out and then just be with her. I cared about her, I really did.
So, for both of our sanities, I wasn't going to mention the L-word. I certainly didn't want to push her away, I wanted to prolong all of this sensations for as long as I could because I knew it'd be over eventually... I didn't want it to end.
"Harry?" Natalie snapped me out of my little bubble when she spoke.
"Yes?" I hummed.
And now I was sure about the blush on her cheeks. She was trying to hide her face by nuzzling into my chest, but it was useless because it only gave it all away even more. She was so damn cute sometimes.
"Are you my boyfriend?" She chewed on the skin of her lips nervously, looking everywhere but me.
I couldn't ignore the way my heart fluttered at her words. It was weird labelling our... whatever we had going on, but the way she was already indirectly claiming herself to be mine was making my stomach clench in the best way possible.
"I don't know," I let out a deep sigh. "Do you want me to be your boyfriend?"
Natalie looked up at me. Her eyes glimmered under the limelight, but I couldn't see the hazel anymore. Instead, I saw pure brown or even black, I couldn't discern it but it was very dark.
"I think I do." She admitted, hiding her face on her hands. I grabbed her arms and softly pushed them aside to expose her face.
"Well, then ask me to." I gave her a sideway smile.
I watched as she looked down, playing with her rose ring. Her hair was falling on her eyes and she was still biting her lips harshly. It looked painful, but I knew it didn't hurt to her.
"Will you be my boyfriend?"
I smiled, making sure to keep my eyes on hers all the way through. I held my hands on her lower back, holding her as close to me as it was physically possible and not wanting her to let me go ever.
"Yes, always." I gave her a warm look.
"Forever." She blushed, and I smiled impossibly wider.