Days like today are my favorite in the studio.
I worked in my office while two painters set up at the large window, thick white fabric splattered in colorful mess laid under their easels.
They asked to rent the space together for a project with their friend who played guitar.
It was quiet and peaceful, there were soft murmurs passed between them that filled the loft with the perfect blend of white noise and soft guitar strumming.
Their friend was good, he had a very folky kind of sound to his music that I didn't hear too often but appreciated.
The sun was out today even though it was cold and it gave the studio a warm hue that always restored my belief that New York is magical. No city filled with such grime and grit with people so harsh and sharp has ever been as beautiful as this one and that has to be magic.
It was a relaxing morning for sure, I answered emails and prepped some Instagram posts for the week.
My bagel sat half-eaten on the crinkled paper beside my empty coffee cup as I rummaged through my desk, trying to find a contract for a photographer who is renting the space next week.
The calm energy that flowed through the studio was harshly disrupted by a loud banging on the heavy door and an even louder Irish accent shouting in the hallway.
"ASSSSHHHHHTOON. COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE."
I flew from my chair as fast as my chubby body would allow, apologizing profusely to the artists. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I have no idea why he's here. Give me just a second."
If looks could kill, the Irish fuckface behind the door would have been six feet under when I met his eyes. I snarled through my teeth at him in hushed whispers. "What the FUCK are you doing here Niall? How dare you show up here and be a disturbance. I have fucking clients in there trying to work. You're jeopardizing my BUSINESS you immature fuck. WHAT do you want!?" I had backed him against the other side of the hallway.
"Fuck, I forgot just how hot you are. God, I'm throbbing in my pants Ash, kiss it better." Niall's head was rolled back against the wall while he jutted his hips out toward me.
I grabbed his crotch as hard as I could without causing damage, causing him to hiss and wince, throwing himself forward by tucking his hips back in a desperate attempt to escape. "What do you want Niall? Also, how the fuck did you find this place?"
"Let me go, Ash. Come on, don't hurt the goods, they've always been good to you. Please, please, please." He was such a big talker but deep down Niall would always resort back to his puppy dog self. I released my death grip on his crotch and crossed my arms across my chest, waiting for answers.
"I used the internet. It's not hard...I came to get you for lunch, so get your shit and let's go." He talks fast and breathy while he holds his crotch.
"I never agreed to lunch with you. I have shit to do, I can't just leave." Actually, I could just leave and I was planning on leaving in the next half hour anyway, but he didn't need to know that.
"Come on Ash, please? I've missed you. We all have. It's just lunch, what could it hurt? Didn't you miss any of us at all?" His voice was still strained but now it sounded more like it was the emotional pain that caused it.
I did miss him. I missed all of them. Even Harry, even though he's a fucking dick. I guess lunch with Niall wouldn't hurt...it could be fun. It would be nice to know how the hell him and Harry ended up in NYC at a recording studio, that's for sure.
"Okay. Fine. Let me get my things...stay here and shut up." I huffed a breath out quickly before turning back to my studio.
"Again, I'm so sorry. The studio is all yours until 5, and the code I gave you will lock up after you. I'm gonna go and get him out of here so you can work in peace." I quickly gathered my puffy coat and my tiny purse before I slid out the door and back into the hallway.
I shoved my coat into Niall's stomach roughly and he held it for me while I slipped my purse on.
Niall held my coat up for me to help me into it which made me smile despite my best efforts. He was also thoughtful with little shit like that.
He smiled back at me with excitement and walked toward the elevator with a bounce in his step. "This is gonna be fun, Ash!"
The air outside was crisp today, almost brutally harsh if you were out in it too long. The sun made up for it a little bit though, which was nice. February was coming to an end which meant that my favorite time in the city was coming. Spring is so beautiful here, the trees get so bright and the little flowers on people's balconies start to bloom. The rooftop bars are always so colorful and pretty during spring too.
I followed Niall down the concrete steps and into the subway station. He double swiped his card, paying for my ride like the gentleman he likes to pretend he is.
I chuckled behind him as I followed him through the turning thingy and onto the platform. "So, where are we going?" I asked as we stood in the cold. His nose was turning pink despite the large army green coat he was wearing.
"Not too far. Just a couple of blocks really. Figured it was best to stick in your comfort zone." I nodded slowly while I kept my eyes on the dirty concrete beneath my feet.
"Going to lunch with you is so far out of my comfort zone these days, I appreciate the attempt at familiarity for the restaurant." I nudged him gently with my elbow as the train pulled in and then. followed behind him again as we loaded on.
"To be fair, I didn't pick the place, Harry did." I stopped dead in my tracks on the platform. I hadn't even made it on the train yet. People shoved their way around me like I was an everyday nuisance.
"What did you just say?"
Niall flips around to see me frozen on the platform and immediately rolls his eyes
"Don't be like that. Come on. It's just lunch! It's not a big deal. Come ON!" I wasn't moving.
He tricked me. This lucky charms motherfucker tricked me into lunch with him AND Harry!?
"Ashton get on the fucking train, stop being a drama queen." I felt my glare settle on my face while my feet stayed firmly on the platform.
"Fucks sake, Ash. " Niall took two big steps forward, wrapped his arms around my waist, and hoisted my heavy ass toward him and onto the train.
No one even blinked.
No wonder so many people get murdered here.
"Now who's being dramatic? Who do you think you are the fucking Brawny man!? You're lucky you didn't break your spine, idiot." I wiggled from his grasp quickly and crossed my arms again, standing against the pole behind me.
"Oh please. I'll throw you around like a rag doll anytime you want, love. You just gotta ask." He winked while he placed his arm behind me on the pole, keeping me from falling over if we came to a stop.
We finished the ride in silence and when we got to our stop he slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me alongside him out onto the platform.
We didn't walk very far before he was pulling me toward a brightly painted building that had tables spilling outside onto the sidewalk, which wasn't unusual for the city, most popular little spots ended up with an outdoor dining area at some point. It was usually a good sign that the food is good so that was a bonus.
It smelled incredible as Niall pushed me inside, he kept a hand on my shoulder to guide me while I was distracted by the eclectic decor that cluttered the walls.
I loved places like this. It felt chaotic in the best way because it was intentional. It was full of color and textures and stories. It made it feel warm and welcoming like it was already worn-in. It was loud too, there was a lot of chatter and voices and music playing over the sounds of the kitchen.
One laugh stood out as we made our way around the cramped tables and I felt the pull tug. It had been dormant for weeks now but it was back again as soon as his loud laughter hit my ears.
He was leaning over the counter, smiling at the waitress and what looked to be the pastry chef, making them laugh while he had one of those annoyingly contagious smiles on his face.
He looked good. He was still an asshole, but he did look good. He had on jeans again, and it's so strange to see him in something other than the skin-tight skinny jeans he wore all through high school and college... but these look good on him too.
He wore the jeans with a white t-shirt and a brown cardigan and he looked so cozy I would love to hug him if he wasn't such a fucking prick to me.
I wondered if he could feel the pull too, cause he stopped talking mid-sentence and his eyes fell to mine immediately.
The vibrant smile that had just been on his face fell as his eyebrows settled into their furrowed state that seems permanent anytime I'm around.
I could feel my shoulders fall and Niall must too cause he gave me a quick squeeze of support followed by a gentle slap on my ass in true Niall fashion.
"Come on, over here.". I followed Niall to a table near the back in a darker corner of the restaurant. We took off our jackets and sat at the table. I adjusted my top so it was sitting correctly when suddenly two freezing cold hands covered my eyes.
I jumped, naturally, and heard Niall chuckle. He was beside me though so it wasn't him. It wasn't Harry because he didn't do playful shit and certainly not to me. "Who is this!?"
I brought my hands up to cover theirs and patted around gently, trying to feel for Liam's scar to see if it was him, but it wasn't there.
The hands were ice cold, thin, pretty veiny I guess and they smelled just a little bit like smoke. Like they'd been smoking a cigarette outside.
A menthol cigarette.
God, those are my favorite. I remember the first time I bummed one off Lo-
"Louis?" It came out hesitantly, but as soon as I said it, those cold hands gripped my fingers, and then two lanky arms wrapped around my neck in a hug while a kiss was planted on the side of my head.
"What gave me away!?" His voice was so comforting to me, it brought tears to my eyes immediately. Louis was like my other brother, out of all the boys I was almost tempted to call him when things got hard these past few years.
I flung myself out of the chair and wrapped my arms around his scrawny neck as tightly as I could while he squeezed me back and rocked us from side to side. "What are you doing here!? "
I leaned back to look at him and held his face in my hands because I was scared he was going to vanish from my arms. "I can't believe you're here." I was truly shocked.
"How come I didn't get a fucking greeting like that!? What the fuck!?"
Niall was pouting in his seat so Louis flipped him off while he spoke, "Cause she likes me more you nitwit. Shut up and cry about it why don't you." I could feel the smile spread across my face at the familiar interaction.
"We've been in the same city almost this whole time, who woulda guessed!?" Louis takes my hands and pulls my seat out for me before sitting in the chair next to me.
"Wait what!? You live here too?" No fucking way.
"Sure do, babe. I own a tattoo shop in-"
"OH MY GOD. It WAS you." I interrupted him before he could finish. I knew exactly where his shop was, I knew I saw him that day.
"I saw you. I saw you through the window one day and I wanted to turn around but Grant wouldn't let me. I can't believe it was actually you."
"Hey, buddy, how ya been?" Harry gives Louis a gentle hit on the shoulder as he passes and then moves on to greet Niall while completely ignoring my existence.
"Sorry! The dog shit in the house so it took me an extra minute to leave." Liams voice bellows through the loud restaurant.
"Hey sis," Liam kisses the side of my head before sitting down in the chair next to Harry. "Boys, how are you?"
They talk quietly amongst themselves catching up on their day-to-day lives I guess, while I sit there in absolute disbelief.
"Where is Zayn? Does he live here too? Apparently, everyone else does." Harry's jaw locks at the sound of my voice and he looks down to the table.
"Zayn's out in Vegas now, babe. We haven't seen him in a bit." Niall pipes in as he pours water from the pitcher into his glass.
"Oh. Vegas? Wow." It's odd for me to imagine him out there alone, I guess it's hard for me to picture any of them alone now that I know they've all been in the city together for most of this time. Vegas seems so far, I can't imagine what took him over there without any of the boys.
They move past the topic quickly and continue on with their chatter like nothing is strange here.
Everything is strange.
Louis quickly engages me in a conversation about life and work and the chunk of time that we missed, never once bringing up the fact that I "abandoned" him, which I appreciated.
We talked about his new girlfriend, Kenna, who he met at the shop when she and a group of girlfriends came in to get matching tiny tattoos. Apparently, She's a stunning redhead with a quick tongue and a good heart, so naturally, I'm convinced we'll be best friends.
Louis' eyes light up when he talks about in the way that every girl dreams about. Shit, guys probably dream about it too, being adored in that way. It made me feel warm inside to know he was so happy but it also broke me a little bit, those harsh reminders of how broken my relationship is aren't fun to go through.
I didn't dwell on it long though.
We laughed while we ate and we had a few drinks, reminiscing on the fun we used to have.
Niall brought up a story about high school that immediately took me back. He mentioned the night we all got high and went to look at the stars out on the beach. I remember taking photos of them in the gym that day, they were grumpy and Harry was annoying as always. But he was there, even on the worst days.
We had come from school and it had been a shit day, so Li suggested a beach trip to cheer us up but Harry was running so late that we didn't end up going until it was dark out.
They didn't know why Harry was late though.
We had gotten home from school and dumped our bags in our bedrooms like we always did before Liam went to find food and I started texting my friends. This friend happened to be Harry, who had almost made me miss my last class because he was sucking hickeys onto my chest in the storage room by the gym.
We decided to finish what we'd started at school so I was supposed to meet him at a gas station and we'd "go for a drive."
I told Liam I was going to my friend's and to call me so I could come home before the beach and then I left. I ended up going to the wrong gas station. I thought he meant a local one and he meant the one a few towns over so that we wouldn't be seen meeting up.
So we argued on the phone for an hour about who should make the drive to the other gas station and in the end, I caved and had to drive almost an hour out of town just to meet him to get laid.
Once I got there we were both fuming mad about the stubbornness of the other person so the car ride to the lookout he picked was dead silent. We pulled into the gravel area with a beautiful view and neither of us said a word. It had started to rain, which meant it would be pouring soon so if we were doing this thing we needed to hurry up and get in the back seat.
We never made it to the backseat though because neither of us would give in so we sat in tense silence while it monsoon rained around us. Finally, after another thirty minutes of silence, Harry caved. "Fuck it, just get over here."
He reached across the center console and gripped my face, pulling it to his as he smashed his mouth against mine. "Why do you always have to be so difficult."
He ground the words against my mouth while one hand unbuckled my seatbelt and flung it off of me. I remember the pathetic whimpers that fell from my mouth while he sucked my bottom lip between his own and pulled me toward him.
I flung the sweatshirt I had on over my head while he moved his seat back and reclined it a bit for more space. We'd done this before, but only for a quick make-out session, not the whole act. I scrambled to get myself over the center console and onto his lap while he under his belt and unbuttoned his pants.
As soon as I was seated on top of him his mouth latched to my chest in the same area he had riddled with markings before. A deep hum crawled from his throat when his hands gripped onto my hips and pressed them into his own.
I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him roughly while he undid my pants and shimmied them down over my hips and thighs until he could easily pull them off and throw them in the back seat.
He kissed me for another minute and then his hands slid to the front of my underwear so he could rub me harshly through the fabric. We were in high school back then, there wasn't much tenderness or grace in sex, foreplay was just a means to an end.
When I was panting into his mouth and squirming on his lap he finally pulled a condom out of his center console and slid it on. I remember being mesmerized watching it roll down the skin. Mesmerized in kind of a grossed out way because I was 17, but mesmerized none the less.
I positioned him at my opening and slid down onto him slowly, wincing at the sting but he distracted me with tender kisses and licks on my neck that made me a whimpering puddle in his hands. His hands helped guide me until we found the right rhythm, one hand clutched to his hair for dear life and the other stabilizing me on the steering wheel behind me.
"Fuck, that feels good. You're always so wet for me. " He moved one hand to pull my tank top down so that he could have a face full of tit while I rode him and that seemed to excite him because he drilled up into me faster than before.
"God! Oh, God. Shit, Harry." I had to lean forward and press myself closer to him to steady myself on the back of the seat.
"Louder." He mumbled out to me.
"What?" I looked down at him with curiosity and he clarified his desire.
"I said louder. Nobody is out here, and even if they were they wouldn't know us." He slid one hand from my hip to brush his fingers against my clit while I rode him and it sent me over the edge.
"So, be louder for me. Scream for me, I want to hear it."
The male ego will forever need to be stroked, so I did what he asked and when he made me cum I screamed his name until his thrusts got jerky and his eyes pinched shut. The veins in his neck strained as he pressed his head back into the seat while he finished with a satisfied look on his face.
I remember collapsing against him for just a minute before we both realized he was stroking my hair softly. I pushed away from him immediately and gently climbed off of him, leaving a mess in my underwear as I grabbed my pants from the backseat.
The tension in the car was relieved but an awkward silence took its place while he got situated. Once we were settled he simply started the car and backed out of the look-out.
About an hour and a half later I made it home just in time for Liam to tell me that Zayn was picking the boys up and we were heading to the beach.
The memory flashed through my mind and made me giggle just the smallest bit, I can't believe we snuck around for so long without anyone catching on.
I guess the fact that we hate each other probably helped.
"What's so funny?" Liam asked from across the table and I was snapped back to reality.
"Oh nothing, high school just seems like a whole lifetime ago. I'm amazed we all made it this long considering all the stupid shit we did." I smiled again and met the green eyes that were haunting me since I saw them again weeks ago.
He remembered too, I know it. There was the faintest, tiniest upturn of the right side of his mouth that gave him away. He quickly cleared his throat and went back to ignoring me though as he chatted with Niall about some work thing.
He was so good at that. So good at hating me while he was charming and fun to everyone else. I wish I could master it as well as he can, maybe it would hurt less to see him.
We finished at the restaurant shortly after that trip down memory lane and made our way outside. None of us were quite ready to leave it seems because we stood around and kept talking while Louis lit a cigarette.
The smell hit my senses and made me shiver so there was no way I was turning it down when he held it up to me. I wrapped my lips around it and inhaled slowly, feeling the addicting numbing sensation float through my body. I smiled as I blew out the smoke, missing that old habit of mine.
Smoking felt like youth, and tasted like home, and reminded me of everything I left behind, so I quit as soon as I could once I left.
Liam wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we stood out in the cold and I leaned my head on him, grateful that we were in an okay enough spot right now for a moment like this.
Our moment was ruined in seconds as Liam's arm was thrown off of me. We both whipped around quickly to see what was going on, but before I could process what was happening I watched a fist fly into my brother's face.
My eyes flew frantically to the crazy person who dared to hit Liam as I started to move in front of him, but I was yanked sideways by a grip that was painfully tight and aggressive enough to feel like it popped my shoulder out of place.
"What the FUCK, Ashton!? Is this why you've been such a fucking bitch lately? You've got four fucking boyfriends on the side!?"
Grant is spitting in my face while he yells at me on the street. His hand is bruising the soft area of my arm that he's gripping and his shouting is giving me a headache. I try to ignore his stupid words and pull away to check on Liam, who's being looked at and held back by the other boys. Everything happened so fast, I'm shocked they didn't all start throwing punches too. Then again, Grant was such a surprise it's only been a couple of seconds.
"Let go of me you fucking psycho! You just hit my brother!!" I scream at him without looking at him, still focused on Liam.
That must have pissed Grant off because he quickly grabbed my jaw hard enough to make me wince as he brought my face to his.
"I'm not fucking stupid, I know you're fucking them. I knew the second I saw you drool over those fucking twinks at the studio. You fucking slut, I should have dumped your fat ass months ago!" He was shouting in my face now, almost biting my lip as he snarled at me.
His face was knocked away from mine before he could continue his tantrum by a fist covered in rings that I knew well.
Immediately after Harry hit him I felt his grip loosen enough for me to pull my arm away which gave me enough leverage to pull my arm back and land my own punch on his face.
"FUCK you, Grant! You worthless piece of shit! I've been wanting to dump you for so long but you weren't even worth the hassle." Louis held Grant in place against the wall while I spat my words in his face.
"I haven't fucked anybody else since the day we got together, and what a fucking shame that is. I can't wait to be reminded what an orgasm that I don't have to fake feels like. I hope you rot in hell you pathetic piece of shit." I watched Louis grab the front of his hair and slam his head against the brick wall before he stepped back and flipped him off.
I immediately went to Liam, apologizing profusely and asking if he was okay.
Niall stepped up as Grant slid to the ground and left two hard kicks to his abdomen. I took the cigarette Louis offered me and looked over his shoulder as he lit it to see Niall kick him again in the crotch and then spit on his face.
"Those first two kicks were from Liam, but that list bit was from me you fucking cocksucker. I'd piss on ya on in the street right now if I wouldn't get arrested for it."
Harry and Liam laughed at Niall's words as Louis and I snorted out smoke. He strolled up soon enough and tossed an arm over my shoulder. "You okay, Ash?"
I nodded as I inhaled another drag.
"I am. I haven't liked him in a long time. What are the odds that within a few weeks of you all being back in my life I punched and verbally assaulted someone in the middle of the day? You guys are the WORST influence."
Everyone but Harry laughed. Harry was walking silently with his eyebrows furrowed and his arms shoved in his pockets.
" I can't believe you fucking dated that guy! No way that piece of shit was ever good enough for you!" Niall was borderline yelling now, the adrenaline still rushing through him as we approached the station.
" Yea but I mean, is anyone really good enough for me?"
I shot him a wink before sniffing out my cigarette and following them into the subway station.
________________________
Hey, Hi, Helloooo!
peace out grant, no one will miss you.
thanks for being here, love you bunches. -mo
find me on twitter for more pictures, mood boards, playlists, and general fuckery @ stachestyles_