How can a guy subtly ask a girl to fuck? Is it by asking who's living with her? Is it by asking the girl if a boy can come over to her place? Is it by asking her if he could stay for the night? Is it asking the girl if boys are allowed on her place? 1...2...3... Okay, times up! If you don't have the answer, I will tell it to you later-- in my room with just the two of us. Okay, just kidding.
You see, guys do have a tendency to ask the same questions all the time. It's funny actually. It's amusing to see their faces act like it's nothing, but you could already see the objective in the question. I've been asked those questions a dozen times. Not just in the bar, but also in the office. I heard those questions many times and it still amazes me on how guys sucked at being subtle. I know you would say that I am just overreacting, but you would feel that. You would feel if it's really just an innocent question or not. I'm not sure if it's because I've seen some of my guy friends being jerks and douche bags or I just really have a good intuition. I have seen some of my guy friends pick up girls like an asshole they are. They are good to me and they were not afraid to show that bad side because they thought I was not paying attention. They were wrong. I am observing their every move and I get used to it. They taught me a lot. I am really grateful for that.
"Are you sure okay ka lang dito?" my friend, Ali, asked. Tumango ako sa kaniya at ngumiti.
"Oo, heto naman," sabi ko sa kaniya."Wag ka ng mag-alala. Just get your friend."
"Okay, I'm so sorry. We will just be quick. Don't entertain any guys at all," he sternly said. Natawa naman ako sa kaniya.
"Depende," I said teasing him, but I have no plans at all... or maybe if the guy is hot, why not.
"Dana!" he said and glared..
"Oo na. Oo na. I will be a good girl," I said at itinaas pa ang kamay to make a promise.
"Dana naman. Can you fucking cover up your cleavage?!" saway nito sa akin. I laughed. Agad ko namang itinaas ang damit ko para hindi na ito magalit. He was hesitant for a bit bago nagpasyang umalis after getting his helmet. He is letting his friend stay on his place kasi nag-away daw sa family nito. See? He's a very good guy and he has been just like this to me when I needed him two years ago. Kung hindi lang siguro ako babae pinatulog na niya ako sa kwarto niya.
I waited for them sa upuan namin. The past few weeks has been exhausting for me. Going to the office feels like I'm in hell, even though my colleagues are good to me now. Maybe, I really just don't feel the vibe of the company. I can't wait to fucking go. I thought and sighed.
Iginala ko ang paningin ko only to see a guy staring at me from another table. He was okay, but he has a girl in his arms and there he is staring at my boobs like he wants to touch it. I looked at the girl beside him. Okay, I understand now. I wickedly thought.
Usually, if I like the guy, I could just raise my glass towards him. He would obviously get that as a hint that I am cool with him. Most of the time, me and my girl friends would be surprised if we were handed a drink when we did not order it only to find out that someone ordered it for us. After a few bottles, those guys will approach us and will transfer to our table. Yeah, I know how shit works. They would try to lure us to have sex with them and they will try to get us drunk, but bitch please...not me though. I've been trained by Ali and my player guy friends whom which I haven't been in touch with for a year now since I started hanging out with Ali.
I know how to give guys blue balls, but of course, I'm a good girl because Ali is with me right now. I don't do one night stand. It's just me as a woman. It's just my preference, although I am not a saint. I know how to tease guys, but that's just it. I guess having sex for me is being in a relationship with someone or having feelings for them and besides I'm single as fuck or maybe I haven't met anyone worth the risk.
Napatingin ako ng may naglagay ng helmet sa upuan na katabi ko. It was Ali. He was right. Mabilis lang siyang bumalik. I shyly looked at the guy beside him and gave him a modest smile.
"Dana, this is Edison, my friend. Edison si Dana, my best friend," he said. I waved at the guy in front of me.
"Hi," he said at umupo sa tabi ni Ali.
"Oh, you're the guy right sa video call na kasama mo in Cadiz?" I asked Ali. Edison, looked at me briefly and then stared at Ali like he was confused. Ali raised an eyebrow. His was giving me a suspicious look. What now? Nagtatanong lang naman ako ah. I shrugged at him.
"No, he's a different guy," Ali said.
"Oh, sorry. Akala ko kasi ikaw yun," I said.
"No, kapitbahay ako ni Ali," he said and smiled at me. Tumango-tango naman ako.
"He's looking for a job here in the city. Baka may alam ka," Ali said. He's still looking at me straight in the eyes. Hindi na ako nakatiis. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Edison might be confused as to what is happening or maybe he was busy looking at the surrounding na hindi niya nahahalata ang tinginan namin ni Ali sa isa't-isa. Edison looks like it's his first time here. Ali's look was like saying 'Don't you fucking dare!' "May anak na si Edison. He's twenty years old at naghahanap pa lang ng trabaho."
I was almost offended by the tone of Ali's voice. Wait? Hindi ako nagtatanong ah! Why is he looking at me like I am interested with his friend? I am not. Okay, don't get me wrong. Edison was not looking like he's twenty years old. He looks just like my age and he's taller than me, taller than Jack. He has a very nice body. He has defined jaw and he has a beautiful smile, it's just that he's not my type and I am not into younger guys. I like mature men but not that old enough to be my father, of course. I like guys who's just like within the 10-year older bracket of my age.
"Oh, hopefully you'll get a job soon," I said. Avoiding Ali's not so amused gaze.
"Oo nga eh," Edison said. At first, Edison looked so harmless. We were just talking. Ali was obviously giving me a warning look and he was almost speaking for Edison most of the time. Ano na naman ang problema ng lalaking ito? He was the one who invited his friend, not me. Bakit parang kasalanan ko pa ngayon na nag-uusap kami? I am doing him a favor for entertaining his friend.
"Nahihirapan ka sa trabaho mo, right?" he asked Edison. Sinalinan niya ako ng beer sa baso ko.
"Oo, I don't like the work. Masyadong hassle eh," Edison said smiling. I smiled kindly at him too. I swear, Ali should stop being overprotective right now. Hindi ako pumapatol sa isang bata. For fuck's sake, Edison is three years younger than me. I like my man mature because I want to learn something from them. What would a 20-year-old guy offer me? He doesn't even have a stable job! I like guys who can teach me things. Those kind of guys who knows how to control and handle me. The more Ali asked questions to Edison, the more that I don't find Edison attractive at all. He's nice and all but he's really just not my type. That's just it.
The three of us were just talking about life and we were laughing when Ali decided to go to the bathroom. That's where everything started to go south.
"Can I ask for your Facebook account?" I asked Edison. Agad naman itong tumango at ngumiti sa akin. Inabot ko naman sa kaniya ang cellphone ko para matype niya ang Facebook name niya. He accepted my phone and typed it. Me asking for his Facebook account was just me being friendly. Nothing more.
Agad na bumalik si Ali but he's getting drunk now. Mas nauna pa yata itong malasing sa akin ngayon ah. Himala yata 'to eh.
"Do you know that Edison is a player? Marami siyang girlfriend," Ali suddenly announced. He smirked. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ni Edison. I smiled though.
"Really?" I asked, amused. Tiningnan ko si Edison. Nahihiya itong napakamot sa batok.
"Hindi ah. I'm a good guy. It's just that the mother of my child does not want me, but I'm a good guy," he said. Weeh? I almost said out loud. Based on experience, boys who say that they are a good guy tends to be the bad ones.
"He's a player," Ali reiterated.
"So, player ka pala ha?" I teased and drank my beer. Nagtawanan kaming tatlo. The conversation went on smoothly again. As usual, Ali knows how to carry a conversation. I'm thankful for that.
Ali and I were talking about work when suddenly I heard that familiar ding when someone chatted you on messenger. I opened it only to find Edison messaged me. Wait--what? I was confused. Why would he message me when I am just in front of him? At isa pa, nag-uusap kaming tatlo. It's not like he's not part of the conversation.
I opened the chat box only to find him taking many pictures of me and he sent it to me! What the fuck! I have to act calm. What the fuck is happening? Patay-malisya kong ibinalik ang tingin kay Ali, who was still talking about office work and his plan in the future.
What's this? Hahahaha. I chatted.
Cute. He chatted. Nagulantang ang pagkatao ko, beh. What? I have to fucking remain chill because if Ali would notice the changes in my expression, he would instantly know something is wrong and I don't want that.
Picturan mo ako. He replied. I was not thinking anything but it's just weird for me. I feel like I was cheating on Ali while he was here in front of me. Why are we chatting each other kung kaswal na nag-uusap kaming tatlo? Something is fishy. I started observing him. That Edison guy was not sane at all. He's crazy and I was in that phase too when I was younger, but this is just too crazy. We still kept on talking and this Edison guy kept on chatting me like he was not a meter away from me. He was very talkative sa chat! He was the one initiating the topic and I don't want to reply, but I can't since he's just across me.
What the fuck! He was asking me personal questions, but then his intentions became clear when he asked if what kind of place I was living in and who I was living with. I was like, oh, you naughty little child. You are barking at the wrong tree.
Ali, my best friend, the ever so innocent Ali with a pure and loving heart did not even noticed that his friend is secretly hitting on me. Ali kept on drinking and he was kinda drunk than the rest of us. For some reason, I don't want to drink that much tonight.
It was time to go home. Usually, Ali would be the one to bring me home, but he's wobbling and won't be able to drive his motorcycle.
"Pre, hindi mo na kaya," Edison said.
"Dana, I'm sorry. Kailangan mo yatang magtaxi ngayon," Ali said to me.
"No problem. Sige, uuwi na ako. Bye!" I said and I was about to walk away when I heard Edison talk.
"Ako na lang kaya ang maghatid sa kaniya. She can show me the way," he said. Tumitig naman si Ali sa akin at agad na tumango. He threw the key to Edison na agad namang sinalo ng gago.
"Take care! Pre, take care of her for me," Ali said. Kinawayan ko siya.
"Sober up!" I told him bago sumakay sa motor. Agad naman na pinaandar ni Edison ang motorsiklo.
"How long have you known Ali, Dana?" Edison asked me while we were on the road.
"More than two years I guess," I said. Tumango-tango ito.
"Pwede bang pumasok ang mga lalaki sa apartment building niyo?" he asked.
"Pwede naman pero if it's after ten hindi na pwede eh," I lied but was smirking inside. I really could strangle him right now for asking me that question, but then we would both die.
"You know, I really like you. You are easy-going and fun to be with. You are very beautiful," he said and I rolled my eyes. Mabuti na lang talaga hindi niya nakikita ang ekspresyon ko. I heard that recently, I swear they should update their vocabulary in making a girl feel special. Redundant. Hindi na nakakakilig eh. Well, maybe it's because that I don't find this child attractive at all. I was holding his shoulders then. The cold wind was blowing to my legs since I was wearing a skirt.
"Yakapin mo ako. Okay lang. Mabait ako," he said and I almost laughed. So, I did. Gusto mo talaga 'to Edison ha? I thought mischievously. I hugged him. Making him feel my boobs on his back and I know it's making him think of something worse. Mabait ka pala talaga ha? I stroke the side of his waist slowly and I felt him rigid.
Hmm... This is why boys should really know who the fuck they are playing with. If it's just teasing, I swear you'll go home crying because it would hurt so much. He's playing the nice guy card to me. I hugged him tightly and put my chin on his shoulder.
Gusto mo talaga 'to ha? I thought.
"Kailan ka babalik rito sa city?" malambing na tanong ko sa kaniya.
He answered, but I cannot hear him because of the noise. He kept on talking and talking and I was just saying yes and no. Nang makarating na kami sa labas ng building ng apartment namin ay agad niyang hinubad ang helmet na suot-suot.
"Thank you for the ride," I innocently smiled at him like I did not do anything.
"No problem. The pleasure is mine," he said. "Dana, wait!"
"Ha? Why?" I said at lumingon sa kaniya.
"Gusto mo samahan kita sa kwarto mo?" he asked. I have to stop myself from laughing. "Pero baka hindi na pwede mga lalaki diyan."
"Oo, hindi nga pwede. Masyado ng gabi eh," sabi ko sa kaniya.
"Oh," he said. "But you can't manage, right? Lasing ka pa naman."
Boy, I am not drunk. I wanna say pero hindi ko naman masabi.
"Okay lang. Kaya ko 'to," I said and smiled at him. Agad akong nag doorbell.
"Can I go here next week?" tanong niya.
"Here in the city? Of course, sa kay Ali ka titira?" I asked. Patay-malisyang tanong ko.
"No, I mean-- I wanna see you next week. Dito ako pupunta sa apartment mo," he said. This time hindi ko na maitago ang ngiti ko.
"Why?" I asked.
"We can talk and drink," he said.
"And.."
"You are not thinking bad about me right now, right?" he asked defensively.
"Wala ah. Alam ko naman na mabait kang tao," I said. Mabait, my ass. This kid really has to learn a lot. I should let him meet with someone that I know. I swear, he could learn a lot with that friend of mine.
"I will message you!" he said ng papasok na ako. "I will go here next week!"
"Oh, naalala ko pala wala ako dito next week eh," I said apologetically, but of course that was a lie.
"Sige, whenever you are available. Let's communicate via chat," he said. Tumango-tango ako sa kaniya. I swear, I have to stop this dangerous game I am playing, but I can't help it okay. Ginusto naman nila eh. Do they really think they are the only one who would know how to play games? Let's all laugh with that.
Let's go back to the question. How would you subtly ask a girl to fuck? You won't, asshole. You won't ask at all. Try asking a girl to have sex with you, you'll either get slapped or punched in the face, but as for me, being direct about it is a good thing since you are showing the girls your true intentions but then guys really sucked at asking their not-so-subtle redundant questions.