tw; smut but actually it's more passionate than smut but not exactly love making?
JJ had come in later that night, and simply held me. No words needed to be spoken. She knew I was hurting, and she knew that all I needed was someone to just be there for me. And that's what she did. Would it have been better coming from me? Probably. But like Kristy said- I wasn't ready to talk about what happened yet. I still needed to heal myself first.
The night was filled with stolen kisses and us watching Parks and Recreation on my laptop, which happened to be my comfort show. JJ was being so supportive through all of this, and it surprised me. Mostly because I hadn't had anyone who was that supportive in my life before, and I wanted it to last forever. I was scared that something was going to happen, but I couldn't let myself get consumed by my fear. I needed to just be present. Don't think about things that could be- that's what my therapist told me way back when. Think about the here and the now, and what's happening at that moment. And at that moment, I was truly happy. I was with my girl... whatever she was to me, and for once, I didn't think of Caroline.
I thought of everything but her.
We woke up the next morning and I made sure to put on a brave face for the kids, knowing that Chloe would feel extra bad that she made me sad. I made sure she knew that I wasn't mad, and promised her that I wasn't hurt by what she said. We all had breakfast and ended up taking the kids to the park, Matt and Kristy watching them play around while JJ and I took a walk. We walked around the nature trail surrounding the park, hand in hand and talking about everything except the one thing we needed to talk about. Us. I didn't know what we were, she didn't know what we were, and the kids were questioning everything about us. JJ told me how they questioned her for ten straight minutes the night before while they were getting ready for bed, insisting that JJ help them so they could talk to her in private, away from Matt and Kristy. It was sweet, seeing them be so protective of me. It made me sad though, that I didn't get to really experience JJ with the kids, since I was locked up in my depression hole yesterday. But today was a new day, and I was determined to make the best of it.
By the time we made it back to the car, the twins were slumped in their car seats and the boys were rambling on about how they were fighting off some imaginary kraken that was trying to take over the playscape. I laughed, the feeling of normalcy starting to come back. It was taking so much strength to get out of bed today, but I knew at the end of the day it would have all been worth it since I got to spend it with my family and JJ. JJ squeezed my hand, smiling at me. She must have known it was tough for me to be doing this, and she was there by my side through all of it. The fact that she was so supportive meant alot, considering what I had previously been through. There was so much that I needed to unpack, but now wasn't the time. For now, I was with the people who truly loved me, and the one person who I cared about more than she'll ever know.
We made it back to the house and I helped Kristy take everything inside, curling up on the couch with JJ while we watched TV during quiet time. It was nice, the whole dynamic- everything felt normal. Like we truly belonged here. Together. And I was loving every second of it. JJ was running a hand up and down the dip of my hip when the twins came bursting down the stairs, all energized from their nap. They pulled the two of us off the couch, telling us that we needed to get all of the blankets downstairs now for the pillow fort, and that we couldn't wait. JJ and I helped the kids bring every single blanket and pillow we could find downstairs, throwing it all in the living room before Matt and Kristy came to help us set up the base of the fort.
By the time it was done, it was nearing dinner time and the kids were begging to watch a movie before they ate. I gave Kristy and Matt a look, telling them to go to the kitchen while JJ and I stayed with the kids. I navigated through Netflix, laughing as they fought over which movie to watch, ultimately ending up watching Frozen- which apparently this was the fifth time this week they've watched it. Lilly settled herself on my lap, leaning into JJ's side while Chloe laid her head on JJ's legs, sticking her thumb in her mouth. The boys sat on the right side of us, pretending to be interested in the movie but it was clear that they were more interested in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle show David was playing on the family iPad. I shared a look with JJ, stealing a quick kiss from her as I laid my head on her shoulder, smiling at the thought of what we were doing. It felt utterly domestic, but I loved it. I had never seen myself settling down after Caroline, but now that I was realizing what it could be- what we could have, it felt right.
Kristy called us to dinner about halfway through the movie, and it took five minutes just to convince the girls to go eat. I put a bit of food on my plate, not really sure how much I would be able to manage to keep down due to the stress levels I was going through. JJ patted my leg under the table, silently telling me that she was here for me, and that I could make it through my struggles. I greatly appreciated that, since it had been so long since I've had a... could I call her a romantic interest? That was really the best way to explain what we were. Either way, it had been a long while since anyone had shown this much concern about me. It was sweet. After the kids put all their dishes away, the twins pulled JJ and I back to the pillow fort, begging us to continue the movie. With a laugh I put it on, curling back into JJ's side and sliding my legs over her lap, since both girls were up and dancing along to whichever song was on. I couldn't help but place a kiss on the nape of her neck, smiling up at her. She was really too good for me. She was everything that Caroline wasn't, and it was clear that we were good for each other. That she was good for me. That I needed her.
Matt and Kristy joined us in the pillow fort a bit later, and I'm pretty sure they had snuck up to their room for a moment of alone time. Which like... they deserved. Having four kids under seven running around all the time... it was hectic. But Matt had to have a breeding kink. Or at least, I was 99% sure he did. There was no way one would willingly have this many kids who were under seven years old in their house at one given time. Either that, or he was really fertile. I looked back up to JJ, who was staring down at me as I got lost in thought. She pushed some hair behind my ear and pressed a kiss to my lips, to which the twins groaned about. I kissed her again, chuckling as they covered their eyes, complaining about how we had cooties.
The kids started yawning around seven thirty, so Matt and Kristy took the four of them upstairs to get ready for bed, knowing that JJ and I could use a minute alone and away from the kids. I pulled her face so she was facing me, adjusting myself so I was on her lap. Her hands ghosted my hips as we started kissing, but this time it wasn't feverish like all the other times. This time, it was slow. Like we knew both of us weren't going anywhere. We were going to be there for each other, no matter what it took. It wasn't long before I was laying down, and JJ pulled down one of the blankets to cover the door so nobody would come in. Her hands went under my shirt, lightly tracing patterns all over my stomach as she looked me up and down. Our lips met again as she continued to run her hands over me, almost as if she was trying to memorize every inch of my skin she could get her hands on. I let my hands get lost in her hair, except this time I didn't pull- I caressed the back of her head, holding her up by my lips so she couldn't leave. Her hand made its way down to my sleep shorts, slowly slipping under and resting between my legs. She lightly grazed the skin beside my underwear as she pushed it out of the way, her hand going to my clit. I felt her start rubbing, and I could tell that this time, it was different. There was more feeling behind it. It wasn't just the needy sex feeling. It was something else.
It was care.
Care filled her motions and it hit me then and there that I cared about her too. I cared about her a lot. More than I let on. My hands slid down her back and went to sit on her ass, squeezing as she continued on. I felt myself getting closer and closer, and I broke away from her lips, grabbing the nearest pillow and covering my face with it to muffle the sounds that were coming out of my mouth.
"You can let go, darling. I'm here."
It was those words that sent me over the edge, release flying through my body as she hugged me close, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. With a light push I flipped her over, nibbling on her ear a tiny bit before slipping my hands in her pants and starting to do the same thing that she did to me. Her eyes widened as I got closer, bringing our mouths together as I continued rubbing her. We locked eyes as she pulled away for air, and I could tell that she was looking at me with a look that was so much different than it was before. I felt her tensing under me and I started leaving kisses on her neck, covering her mouth with my hand as she came, her breath warm on my hand. I flopped down next to her, pulling my hand out and licking my fingers off, smiling at her.
"Baby." JJ shifted so she was closer to my face, a small smile forming on hers. "You don't think you deserve these things, deserve to be touched like that, but you do. You deserve so much and more. I want to show you that I can give these to you. I can help you get better. It will be hard, and long, but I promise I will be there for you every step of the way."
"Jayje-"
"I want to be there for you. I want to help you feel like you can be happy. Because Y/N, you make me happier than words can describe. And I want you to feel that too."
I started tearing up. "You mean so much to me, Jennifer. More than you'll ever know. You've changed my life around so much this week, and for once I'm actually waking up with a smile on my face. I appreciate you so much for that. I really do."
JJ chuckled. "It really has only been a week, hasn't it?"
"Exactly a week as of.... ten minutes ago." I smiled. "This by far, has been the best week of my life. And I have you to thank."
Three words were on the tip of my tongue, but I held back from saying them. I couldn't scare her away, especially after what she found out. If I lost her, I didn't know what I would do. We curled up together, deciding to sleep in the fort instead of moving to my bed, pulling the blankets together around us as she wrapped me in her arms.