Trigger warning, violence, abuse
"So uhm," I started unsurely after spending the last hour or so talking about everything that happened in our lives since we saw each other three years ago because despite talking about it before, there was still so much to catch up on, "there's actually one more thing I wanted to talk about with you,"
I was nervous to open the topic, but I needed to get it out. It was killing me for the past couple of weeks and I knew if I didn't tell anyone, I would probably explode. Still, I didn't know how to start it, and so even after I gained the attention of both the Korean women sitting in front of me; I haven't got a single word out.
Instead, I reached for the teacup on the coffee table with my trembling hands, and brought it up to my lips, taking a sip. My throat had dried up, and I desperately needed the soothing liquid so though I initially just took a sip, I ended up drinking the entire content of the cup up. And yet, for some reason, I still felt choked up, my mouth as dry as a desert.
The two women seemed to understand, as they waited patiently for me to speak up about what was bothering me. What made the whole thing easier, though, was the look of concern they looked at me with. Despite everything, they harbored kind feelings towards me and cared about my wellbeing as much as they used to before everything went down.
It wasn't supposed to surprise me anymore after the hours-long talks we had about it, yet it never failed to amaze me that in spite of everything, we were here now, together again. Not all of us, but more than I could ever ask for. I had my family back, and they were willing to look past my mistakes and welcome me back with open arms and loving smiles. Still, I didn't feel like I was deserving of it.
"It's about the text I sent to you," I looked at the brunette who furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but her expression soon turned into a knowing one as it registered with her, and I knew I could continue, "Several weeks ago, I sent Jennie a quick text to ask where Lisa worked at," I explained seeing that Jisoo seemingly didn't know what I was talking about and I was a little surprised to learn Jennie didn't share it with her.
"When you asked about it, I didn't give you an answer. I was too paralyzed after everything that went down, that I couldn't bear to talk about anything that was even relatively related to the subject.
I'm grateful you didn't push me into telling you and being patient with me. But I feel like after what happened, it's the right time to tell you. Because in all honesty, I don't know what to do next," I ran a hand through my hair as I took a deep breath, the recollection of memories crashing down on me like an avalanche, covering me in memories that wouldn't stop coming, and making it hard for me to breathe.
"It's okay, Chaeng," Jennie said, her tone gentle and pacifying, noticing the change in my demeanor, "We already know,"
"Y-you do?" I asked incredulously and somehow I felt a little better knowing that despite pretending not to even know me, the girl was affected enough to seek the companionship of her friends.
"Of course we do. It was in the first magazine since your husband bought the company,"
"What?" this time it was my turn to frown in confusion as I looked at the brunette, perplexed.
"That's why you texted, right? Chanyeol bought the company, and you wanted to know if it was the one Lisa worked at,"
"Well, yeah..." I trailed off and looked down to my lap, playing with the ring on my index finger out of habit, not sure how to process the information that Lisa didn't care, at all.
Of course, I couldn't hold it against her. I brought it upon myself, but I didn't know how to convey that to my heart that began hurting once again. And I couldn't help but think that I really was the only one suffering. That she no longer gave a damn about me. I had to remind myself that it was better this way when I felt tears brimming my eyes. That I wanted this for her.
But it still hurt, more than I will let on. Her indifference was painful and the knowledge that while I couldn't hold the food I ate, she was calmly standing in the middle of her office, not concerned at all. As much as I wished for this to happen, it was hard to admit just how much I hated it. How much I loathed the way her eyes looked me over as if she just saw me for the first time and saw me as merely the wife of her boss. Not someone from her past that caught her off guard, worthy of telling her friends about.
Eventually, I had to come to terms with it. She moved on, and I didn't. And I would forever remain the only one who cared. The only one who would hurt over the memories a single whiff of her scent brought. I would always and forever be the only one in hell, while she would fly above, unbothered by the agony a single cold glance brought.
I had to accept it the way it was, and the sooner I did, the better. Because though I was the one who made this decision, a part of me still wished she wouldn't have forgotten about me. As selfish as it was, I secretly hoped that a little part of her would always stay mine. Because I didn't want to be the only one.
Still, there was a part of me that hoped I was wrong and so, despite knowing that I wouldn't be pleased with her answer, I couldn't help but ask, "Did she...did Lisa tell you anything?"
"Like what?"
"Anything?" I reached.
"No, not really. I told you, we're not as much in touch as we used to,"
"Oh..." I tried to say something more so I wouldn't let on how I truly felt knowing I was right, but I found it hard, and so I remained quiet after that, processing what I've been told. Processing I wasn't worth even mentioning. Trying to get over the fact that my hypothesis was right, and I was holding onto something that I should've let go of a long time ago. I tried to feign indifference, but when Jisoo stood up to sit beside me and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, I knew I wasn't half as good at it as Lisa.
"What happened Chaeyoungie?" Jisoo asked sadly, calling me the name she hasn't in forever, and I looked up as soon as she's spoken it, falsely thinking she probably forgot about the term of endearment. But when I met her eyes, she smiled comfortingly, as if she knew what was going on inside, and pulled me into her side, rubbing my arms and giving me all the time I needed to speak.
"I met her," I murmured, my voice barely audible, "Twice,"
The room remained quiet, and I dared not to look at either of the women.
Jisoo's movement on my arm stopped, and I worried she would pull away and look at me in anger. I was afraid that Jennie would stand up and pull me up from the couch, and throw me out of their apartment for as much as mentioning her. I was scared that those simple four words, that weighed more than a mere observer could ever understand, would have unpleasant consequences and I would lose all progress I made with the married couple.
And just when I got ready to stand up and leave before I had to be asked to, Jennie spoke equally quietly, the tone of her voice hinting at apparent disbelief, "You did?"
"Yeah,"
It seemed like neither of the women knew what to say, and we all remained quiet. I looked into my lap, still scared to look at either of the two, too ashamed of myself, and fiddled with my ring once again. I assumed Jisoo and Jennie were exchanging glances, neither of them sure how to react to what I told them, and I couldn't blame them.
The cushion dipped and made a small screeching noise as Jisoo shifted on the leather couch, and I prepared myself to lose the warmth radiating from the older. However, instead of getting up and putting distance between us, she moved closer and resumed rubbing circles into my arms, as if sensing my emotional state. As if she knew it hurt me to talk about it.
And I guess she did. After Alice passed, Jisoo was like an older sister to me and we developed a very close bond where we knew what the other felt without the exchange of words. I feared I lost the connection when I severed the ties between us, but it seemed I was wrong once again, as the raven placed her head on my shoulder.
My heart ached as I remembered the look in Lisa's eyes, and not even Jisoo's presence could lessen the pain. To my surprise though, I heard the couch screech from the other side and when I looked up, Jennie was sitting down next to me. There was no anger present on her face, nothing close to it. Instead, she looked downcast and gave me a small smile when our eyes connected for a second before I looked down to my lap again.
Jennie wrapped her arm around my back, resting her head on my shoulder in the same fashion Jisoo has, making me feel incredibly safe and understood. It was certainly not a reaction I was expecting, and I felt overwhelmed at the affection I got from my two friends, who were now holding me close as if trying to hold the pieces together.
Despite practicing acting for years, it seemed I haven't mastered it because just a few words were all it took for them to know exactly what I felt. To understand. Though I doubted they really knew why I was upset, there was no way they could know. But they understood it saddened me she hasn't as much as mentioned the times we bumped into each other, and that was enough for me. Them being there and doing their best to let me know they were there for me, was far more than I could ask for. And certainly far more than I deserved.
So with the overwhelming support and bubbling emotion of both sadness and love, I let my tears fall as I shook in their embrace. And they continued holding me without a word. Because they knew there was nothing to say. I just needed to know they were there, needed someone to hold me through the silent sobs that shook my body with each dagger going through my heart like a knife through softened butter; with complete ease.
They were there, and they listened to my silent cries, once again for the woman who no longer cared about my existence and would probably prefer if it wasn't there. Ached for someone who couldn't be bothered to look at me twice. Caught in the memories where I laid my head on her chest and listened to the steady beating of her heart. Being taken back to the time where that sound was the only thing that mattered to me. Where I looked up to catch her already looking at me like I was an angel sent from above. And I failed to tell her she was my guardian angel each time. Now, all I could do was regret all that I didn't say, knowing I wouldn't get the chance again. Hoping she knew.
"It's okay, Chaeng," Jisoo whispered as more tears trickled down my face, "It's okay,"
"It's not okay, Jisoo," I choked out, "Nothing is okay. I hurt her so much and I can't take it back."
"Shh, it'll be okay. I promise," she ignored my words and held me tighter as I continued to wail.
"How can it ever be okay?" I pulled away to look at her with swollen, puffy eyes that begun to sting with each new tear I shed, "She hates me Jisoo,"
"She won't hate you forever, Chaeng," Jennie piped up, "Once she learns the truth she will-"
"Hate me? Because no matter what the truth is Jennie, I broke all the promises I ever made to her. I broke her heart. Out of everyone, you should know just how fragile she is. She can never forgive me,"
"Why don't you at least try," she tried carefully, "Jisoo and I don't hate you,"
"How am I supposed to tell her if she acts like she doesn't even..." I swallowed the lump in my throat before continuing, my voice wavering, "l-like she doesn't even know me. Like I'm nothing to her," I added quietly.
"What happened?" Jisoo tried again, "When you met her, I mean,"
My heart wrenched as I remembered, and Jisoo must've seen how painful it was for me to recall, and so she rubbed my back soothingly, "Take your time,"
After trying to regulate my breathing for a moment and willing for my tears to stop falling, I looked up from my lap where I've been eyeing the golden ring for the last couple of minutes, and sighed, "We didn't really meet the first time. We just saw each other from across the room.
She was a photographer at Chanyeol's event. I didn't notice her at first, but then I got up on the stage with him and he announced the pregnancy. Everyone was so shocked that it took a while for them to realize and take pictures of us. That's when I noticed her in the crowd. She was looking right at me.
I guess I felt a little hopeful, she would smile, though it doesn't make sense because why should she? But I expected at least some kind of acknowledgment. So when she looked at me with cold eyes, as if she was looking at a stranger, turned on her heel, and left without looking back, it really hurt. I couldn't stop thinking about it ever since,"
Both women stayed silent, not daring to speak a word in fear they would upset me further. But it didn't matter. There was nothing left to say. Nothing left to do. She didn't even want to see me, and if she didn't make it abundantly clear the first time, she sure as hell did the second time around. And though I thought she couldn't shatter my heart any further, she proved me wrong again.
"And then again, when Chanyeol brought me with him to work. That's when I texted you, Jennie.
I mean, I would be uncomfortable enough knowing she worked for him, but walking around with fear I could bump into her was an entirely different story. And unfortunately, even after you replied, I couldn't check my phone because I forgot to charge it the other day.
The office building is obviously huge, so I prayed that she worked elsewhere or that I wouldn't at least run into her, but you know how it's been with us from the beginning. I found it kind of hard to believe I wouldn't see her again if she was there.
So as you can imagine, I was anxious the entire time we were there. Then Chanyeol called the editors into his office to introduce me and I was really scared she would be among them, but she wasn't. That's when I thought that maybe for once it would work out in my favor, that she wasn't there.
Chanyeol left after and told me to wait in his office until he came back. I stepped out on the balcony for a moment and when I came back inside; she was sitting there. On his couch, waiting for him,"
Both women gasped but stayed silent, letting me continue telling the story. I mean, it was clear that if I didn't tell them, they would never know seeing as Lisa didn't seem to be interested in letting them know we've met again.
"The second she noticed me though, she got up and ran out. I didn't know what to do at first, but then it's like my legs had a mind of their own and I was running down the stairs, trying to catch up to her.
She ran into her office a few floors down and I..." I took a deep breath in to calm down, as I already felt my eyes sting again, a thin layer of tears forming, "and I knocked. When she opened the door, she looked stunned for a second. The next moment, I saw it. Disgust. Hatred. It was all there.
As soon as she recovered, though, she tried to shut the door into my face. I didn't even know what I wanted to say to her, how I would start, but somehow as the gap was closing, fear overcame me and so without really thinking about it, I stopped the door from closing. She told me to leave though, that she had work to do.
But what hurt the most was the way she said it like I was no one. Like I was a stranger interrupting her at work. Still, I didn't have it in me to let go, so I asked if we could talk and without hesitation, she told me no. She...-" my voice cracked and pain spread through my entire body as I felt myself crumble to pieces despite the two women desperately trying to hold me together, "She addressed me as Ms. Park. She said there was nothing to talk about. I gave up after that,"
"Oh sweetie," Jennie choked out, clearly on the verge of tears herself as she held me tighter, "I'm sorry,"
"I was about to leave but then Chanyeol came and as faith would have it," I laughed bitterly through my tears, "he told me I absolutely had to meet this amazing photographer. Surprise, surprise, it was Lisa.
He held the door open for me. So I stepped in first and you should've seen her rage. I didn't think a person could sound so spiteful when she told me to get lost. I've never seen her that angry. She was practically trembling. And of course, Chanyeol heard her, so she got into trouble and they began talking. I couldn't stay so I ran ou,"
"I'm so sorry, Chaeyoungie," Jisoo sighed and kissed my shoulder.
I was no longer crying, there were no more tears to shed. I wanted to cry, though it made me feel weak, it was the only way I could escape the pain. And yet, no tears came out, so I just stared blankly in front of me, while I felt my heart breaking into pieces over mere memories.
My shoulders were no longer shaking with grief and I didn't have to bite my tongue to stop the sobs from forcing themselves through my throat. There was nothing left for me to do but stare emotionlessly and hoping the pain would pass. That one day, I could be as unbothered as she was. I guess the day finally came, and the emotions finally died alongside the part of me that was still holding on. The realization dawning on me; I no longer had anything to live for.
"I don't know what to do," I admitted in defeat and slumped my shoulders. I felt chewed up and spit out, with my heart torn between fighting for her and letting go.
But the thing was, though a part of me wanted to fight for what I've given up years ago, there was no winning. I had nothing to win back, to fight for. Because even if by some miracle Lisa forgave me for what I've done, there could be nothing between us.
Sure, we could be friends, but even that I would have to hide, same way I hid Jisoo and Jennie from Chanyeol's sight. He couldn't know any of this. One day I would tell him about my best friends, it's not like I could've hidden them from him forever. Not if I wanted to continue seeing them. But that time hasn't come yet, and I knew it wouldn't for longer than I'd like. I hated keeping things from him in fear he would find out on his own and punish me for not telling him.
However, with Lisa, I could never tell him. Not even if she remained hating me for her entire life, I could never as much as mention her name. Because unlike the two Korean women, she was never just a friend. My only luck was that Chanyeol didn't seem to know who she was or what our shared past consisted of. If he had, boy, I would be in trouble, even if I didn't do anything.
Just knowing she was anywhere near me would ruin both mine and her life. Knowing him, he would fire her the second he'd find out, and he would never let me out of his sight again, and that would be the better end of it. I didn't want to even think of the other consequences it could have.
I didn't need to experience it, to know just what they would be about though. And it was definitely something I wanted to avoid at all costs. No, this wasn't just about Lisa or me. This would affect both of us. And though it hurt seeing Lisa pretend like she didn't even know me, a part of me was grateful.
"Well," Jennie spoke gently, "what do you want to do?"
"I don't really know that either," I sighed, "It's like I'm stuck in a loop of questions without answers that just keep repeating themselves. There are so many things I wish I could change, but can't. For instance, I want to tell her the truth, to explain. But what good would that do? It wouldn't lessen the pain and she would have no one to blame, no one to direct her anger at. Besides, what would even happen if by some chance she suddenly felt okay and forgave me? We can't exactly be friends,"
"Why not?"
Because Chanyeol can never find out, is what I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue and shrugged my shoulders instead, giving her a silent answer and hoping she wouldn't push it. There was no excuse I could make up that wouldn't give anything I wanted to keep under the covers, away. Whatever I would end up saying would only spark more questions and I would end up digging a deeper hole for myself.
Jennie seemed to pick up on my discomfort and didn't pursue me to answer her, and instead stayed quiet, patiently waiting for me to say anything, not knowing if I had anything more to say at all. But I did. When it came to Lisa and all the what-ifs and possibilities I wish I could've taken, I always had something to say. I could spend my whole night thinking about all the ways to speak to her, only to not follow up on any of them.
"But at the same time," I spoke quietly after a minute or two spent in complete silence that even the dogs sensed was not to be interrupted, as Kuma came up to me and laid on my feet, looking up at me sadly, "I want to let her go. I mean, I already have, but now I'm sparking something again. Something I know I shouldn't.
As you've said, I broke her. She doesn't deserve me hanging around her, trying to involve myself in her life again. I left her then, and I should leave it that way. I should let her hate me if that's the only way she can feel okay again. I don't want to hurt her anymore, she deserves to be happy,"
"What about you?" Jisoo asked sternly and hoisted herself off the couch, startling me, "Don't you deserve to be happy?"
"Jisoo," I groaned, "this isn't about me-"
"Of course it is! Stop beating yourself up for what happened so much," she looked almost angry as she ran her hand through her hair in frustration, "It wasn't your fault,"
"But it was!" I interjected, "I did this! I left without-"
"Yeah yeah, you could've left a note behind, but Chaeyoung, we both know this wasn't your decision to make. You suffered just as much as she has. Why do you want to play the part of a martyr all the time? Why do you constantly keep thinking that you don't deserve to be happy and that we should all loathe you like some criminal?!
Whatever happened doesn't change the fact that you're the kindest, sweetest, and most caring human being I have ever met. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you! Why do you keep on insisting that she should just continue to hate you? Why should there be anyone to blame Chaeyoung? It was not your fault. You didn't choose this. You had no choice, and it's not fair that you should suffer for it forever!"
"And neither should Lisa!" Jennie interjected, equally upset at my mindset as the older girl, "She deserves to know the truth because despite everything, I know she's still hurting. That she never stopped. Hatred is a burden she would carry with her forever. Do you really want that for her? And do you really want to be the one for whom she carries it, knowing you never wanted to leave her in the first place? Does that really sound fair to you?"
"I don't want to give up on her, but I have to," my voice trembled.
"Why would you have to?" Jisoo was the one to speak again, but much more gentle this time as she crouched in front of me and cupped my cheeks in her palms, "Why do you keep punishing yourself?"
"Because she doesn't want me," not like I want her, "Because I hurt her even though I promised I wouldn't. I knew what would hurt her the most, and I did it anyway. She won't ever be able to forgive me for that.
I'm not trying to play the victim, unnie," I spoke louder this time, though my lip quivered as I met her eyes, "I just-...there's nothing left for me, okay?"
"Chaeng, I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"
What was I trying to say? Was I even trying to say anything at all, or was I just stubbornly holding onto my own beliefs, ignoring everything she said? No, that wasn't it. Maybe partially, but more importantly, what I really wanted to say couldn't be spoken. Not out loud. Not to anyone.
I had a husband. Lisa probably moved on with someone new and I would honestly rather have her hating me than walk around with her as a mere friend, suffering through yet another heartbreak whenever I'd see her. Lisa and I could never go back to being just friends again because we were never just friends in the first place. We were always so much more than that. And though I severed several ties that night, I could never break our connection.
Me leaving, would never change the fact that she was my soulmate, and I was hers. That though our story was tragic, we were meant to happen just like this. So even if she understood, we could never be something we were never meant to be.
"I'm tired, unnie, so tired," and to that, she didn't have any other answer than sitting by me again, and wrapping me in her arms.
"Don't give up,"
...
I've been gone for quite some time, spending a few hours at the married couple's apartment, despite wanting to leave earlier, not wanting to intrude. Of course, they called it nonsense as soon as I spoke up, and therefore I ended up in Brooklyn for longer than I've anticipated.
This wouldn't pose a threat if Chanyeol knew my whereabouts, but since he didn't, it was a little risky for me to go outside like this. Especially considering it was with people who he didn't know.
However, I wasn't too worried because I still had some time left before he would get home from work. I knew that at the speed the car was currently moving through the streets of New York, I would still have about half an hour before he would arrive. And that half an hour would be just enough time for me to change into more comfortable clothes he was used to seeing me in whenever I spent my whole day at home.
It would be just enough time for me to hide the sheets Jennie has given me with the song lyrics I promised I'd take a look at, from his prying eyes, and replace them with a book instead, reading a few pages so when he'd ask what it was about, I would have something to tell him.
Though I had this planned to the dot, I would lie if I said I wasn't the slightest bit nervous. The whole prospect of hiding this from him was making me anxious. I kept nothing from him. Well, aside from the things that had something to do with Lisa, I've never quite given up, like the Squirtle plushie hidden in the back of the closet, or my UCLA hoodie, joining Squirtle on the top shelf.
I knew he wouldn't look there, and in case he did, I already had convincing lies for why I owned a plush toy as a twenty-four-year-old and why I had two articles of the same clothing and yet only the wearing one with the letters already crumbled, sticking away from the fabric.
That was the first thing I'd do once I reached the apartment. Hide it just in case he discovered it in my purse. God knows what he would do if he found out I tried to do something to "outshine him" when I was supposed to be nothing more than his wife. Let alone if he found out they were the song lyrics to my gay friends' song. He would flip out for sure, and as always, I would be the one to endure his wrath.
It wasn't even a big deal, I mean, I knew I wouldn't do anything about it. Not when I had no interest in music. And even if I did, and Jennie would end up liking what I've created, it's not like I would suddenly become famous or anything. Maybe there would be my name in the back of the album, but that was about it. Not to mention the name "Park" wasn't exactly unique, so even if it was written across an entire page, no one would know who it belonged to. Yet, Chanyeol was the only one out of the two of us, who was allowed to have a career and do things that were meaningful to him. It didn't matter what I'd want to do, as long as it could even remotely put me out there, he wouldn't let me.
I have sugarcoated nothing, not once. So when I said he was overly possessive, controlling, treating me like a thing that only belonged to him, I meant it. He wasn't willing to share me with the rest of the world, not even the smallest parts of me. Not unless I was by his side, with his slimy hands all over me, leaving marks. The only time I could step into the spotlight was when he had complete control over what the light would shine on, and just how brightly.
Not ten minutes later, the car came to a stop in the underground garage, and the chauffeur opened the door for me, letting me step out of the car. Just like always, Michael was already standing in front of the door, on the lookout for any potential threats. If only he knew that any threat to me was currently sitting in an office, ready to pack his things and head home.
It wasn't until I stood up that I realized just how tired I've become. Fatigue was overcoming me with each step that I took towards the elevator, and I knew if I've worn heels - like Chanyeol always insisted I do, I would have trouble walking. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was lie down and let sleep wash over me, even if for just a couple of minutes.
I haven't realized it before, but apparently talking about something so troubling to me, and shamelessly crying my eyes out for what felt like years, was quite tiring. I felt drained of all energy, as if the tears that earlier escaped out of my eyes were little lighting bolts of electricity, keeping my body functioning. Perhaps they were, seeing as every droplet stung my skin and went straight into my bleeding heart, piercing it through.
Thankfully, the ride wasn't too long until the elevator made a dinging sound as we reached the top floor the door opened. It was just a few steps down the hall before we were standing right in front of the door, and I took a deep breath through my nose and sighed. I never thought I'd be glad to be here, but for once I was as the images of an empty double bed and a spacious shower filled my mind.
Because though it would only be for a little while, I couldn't wait to relax and recharge after the emotionally exhausting day I've just had. All I needed to do was just take a few steps and I would be at the foot of the bed, ready to throw myself down on the mattress.
So you can imagine my surprise when instead of seeing an empty apartment when I opened my eyes, I saw a figure glaring at me, anger practically radiating off of his shaking body, "Where were you?" he seethed through gritted teeth.
"Oh uhm," I was stunned, "Hey-"
"Don't!" he barked and raised his hand, silencing me, "Michael," he spoke calmer as he addressed the man standing behind me, "Leave us alone, I'll talk to you later,"
That was my cue, and I stepped inside, letting Michael walk away. Funny how the man who was supposed to look after me, protect me from danger, left the second danger was right in front of me in a form of an angry lion, ready to pounce on his pray and shred it to pieces.
"You," he pointed his finger right at my chest the second the door closed behind the muscular man and started taking long strides towards me, "Where the fuck were you?"
"I-I was-" my voice trembled as he yelled again, louder this time, and I began cowering in fear just like I've always done. Pathetic.
"Speak the fuck up when I ask you a question!"
My right hand flew to my left, searching for the ring, providing me with comfort whenever I'd feel nervous or scared, needing a little courage so I could reply more confidently despite being absolutely terrified. He wasn't supposed to be home for another thirty minutes; I was supposed to be okay, slip out unnoticed and come back as if nothing happened.
When I came back, he wasn't supposed to be here, but still at his office. And yet, here he was, his eyes burning holes into my head, impatiently waiting for answers. His tall frame towering over my small one, trembling in fear, wanting nothing more than to take a step back and put distance between us.
But I knew I couldn't. His breath was hitting my face as he stared down at me, his eyes filled with brimming anger, jaw clenched, breathing heavily through his flared nostrils. His entire face was red, and there was a single vein running on the side of his forehead, pulsating. He looked like he just stepped out of hell to punish me, ready to inflict pain and suffering onto my body and my mind.
I felt my bottom lip quiver, but I refused to cry. Instead, I looked down, my eyes meeting his pointy, polished shoes, not being able to handle looking into his threatening eyes. My heart started beating madly as adrenalin began filling my body - like it does when one is in danger. And I was supposed to run. Run as far away as possible as fast as I could. But I couldn't. Not from him.
My body began to sweat, and I knew I wouldn't come up with an answer he would like. I was petrified. He would hit me like he always did when he was mad. And it seemed I screwed up big time this time.
"Fucking talk!" he spat, drops of saliva landing on my cheek as I turned my head to the side and winced, closing my eyes in fear.
"I was with a friend-"
"At least have the decency to look at me when I'm talking to you!" he grabbed my left hand forcefully, pulling on it harshly and hurting me in the process.
"I-I was with a friend," I spoke through the lump forming in my throat from both suppressing a groan of pain, and a sob.
"What friend?" he roared, and his grip on my arm tightened.
"P-please, you're hurting me-" I squeaked out.
"I asked," his nails dug into my skin, emphasizing his words, "What friend?"
"Jennie," I cried out in pain, but his grip hasn't loosened as I hoped it would.
"Who the fuck is Jennie?"
"She's my friend from college," tears were rolling down my cheeks by now, and I bit my lip to suppress a scream.
"The dyke bitch who invited you to the wedding last year?"
This time I didn't speak. Instead, I nodded my head furiously, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would shriek as the pain continued spreading through my body. And when I looked at the death grip he had on my forearm, I saw red marks on the white fabric of my long-sleeved shirt, his nails tearing through my skin, leaving small wounds.
I bit my lip again, suppressing yet another sound as tears, like rivers, streamed down my face, wetting my cheeks and continuing down my chin and neck. And I didn't have the strength to wipe them away as they rolled down in large beads.
"Why are you hanging out with someone like that?" he shouted angrily, his grip still not relinquishing.
"I-I don't know anyone else here," I sobbed.
"How can I trust you?" he howled, "You disappear the second I leave and come back just minutes before I'm supposed to and you hide it from me! How can I believe you?"
"Why would I lie to you?"
"I don't know, maybe you're cheating on me!"
"W-what?"
"Are you cheating on me, Chaeyoung?!" he yelled.
"Of course-" before I got the chance to finish my sentence, my head snapped to the right as a sharp stinging pain spread through the left side of my face, and I fell to my knees due to the impact, screaming out in pain.
"Fucking slut!" he spat on me and kicked my side, my whole body colliding with the floor, "That's what you are! A disgusting, cheating, cock sucking bitch!"
"Please stop!" I wailed.
"Stand up!"
Attempting to scramble up to my feet, my head tipped back as I moaned in pain loudly, because as soon as I moved, pain shot through my entire body. So instead of doing as he said, involuntarily, I fell back down on the floor, my body curling into a ball.
"I told you to stand up!" he grabbed me by the hair and yanked me up to my feet.
My cries became louder as he began dragging me in the bedroom's direction, my vision blurry as I struggled to breathe, "Please!" I wailed, but it was no use as each time I made a noise, he would yank on it harder.
"You're going to regret this!" and with that, he slammed the door shut and threw me on the bed that I no longer craved to be in.