CONTAINS STRONG LANGAUGE, MENTIONS OF ABUSE, ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION, & ANGST
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I pressed my first bottle of hongju against my lips that night, leaning against the kitchen island as my eyes fluttered closed in numbing satisfaction. The alcohol slowly flowed through my veins, turning every feeling I had into a duller version of its former self. I didn't want to feel, didn't want to think. I hoped that downing enough of that bitter liquid would leave me a mindless, drooling mess and that I would wake up the next morning and completely forget about what I'd gotten myself into. Just the thought of ruining myself with more bottles of hongju put a pained smile on my face.
As the night ticked on into the early morning, I stumbled back and forth from the fridge to the recycling bin in the pantry to the left of the front door. Back and forth, back and forth, nothing but alcohol on my mind as I longed to numb the shocking pain that pierced my heart. I yanked another bottle from the fridge - my fifth at that point - and popped the cap, wrapping my lips around the clear glass neck of the bottle and stepping out into the center of the kitchen.
"Look at you," I hummed teasingly to myself, a pitiful smile blossoming on my swollen lips. "So stupid, such a love-struck moron." I chuckled at myself for slurring such an easy word. "Stupid Yumin. Falling for everyone in sight. Should've known they would cheat. They're all cheaters. Cheater, cheater, cheater-" As I twirled about in a circle, the soju bottle slipped from my grasp, shattering on the floor at the foot of the island stools. I frowned at the mess I'd made, my vision dancing in a flurry of black and white splotches.
"Wellll, fuck."
"Yumin?"
I startled at the sound of my own name, blinking rapidly into the darkness as I tried to focus on the form stepping out of the living room. Tingles raced up my spine; I was too drunk to deal with yet another argument with someone and I didn't want them finding me like this at such an odd hour. I made to step back, misplacing my foot and wobbling about for balance before I was wrapped securely in someone's arms. The feeling of someone beneath my hands made me flush, burying my head in the crook of their neck with a put-out groan as my eyes shuddered closed.
"Yumin, what're you- Have you been drinking?"
I could faintly recognize the voice rumbling beneath me as Jimin's, my hearing muffled as it crackled like static in my ears. His arms tightened securely around my waist, holding me upright as my body threatened to go limp. Nodding in reply, I listened as Jimin sighed, hauling me away from the broken glass and fizzy liquid on the floor to glare down at me through the dark.
"Why're you drinking, angel? You're-" I smirked up at the blonde, my head lolling back on my shoulders as I listened to the worry coating his gentle voice. "God, you're so drunk."
"More soju!" I cackled, bending backward as I made grabby-hands at nothing specific. Jimin hauled me back upright, reaching up to grab my chin and tilt my face towards him.
"Angel."
"What's going on in here?"
The lights to the kitchen flicked on without warning, forcing an agitated whine from my throat as I hid away in the crook of Jimin's neck. The light sent searing pain through my head, making me tremble with discomfort as the alcohol burned through my wasting body.
"What're you two doing? It's almost one." Yoongi's voice jabbed at my heart like the pin-prick of a sewing needle, our brief confrontation from early pounding in my brain. I listened to his footsteps shuffle closer, Jimin shifting me carefully in his arms as my legs threatened to give out beneath me.
"I'm just trying to get Yumin...situated," the blonde huffed, glancing down at me with an exasperated sigh.
"What happened?"
"She's drunk." I felt him jerk towards the broken glass bottle I'd dropped only a few minutes before, the scent of soju lingering in the air and on my breath.
I untucked my head from beneath Jimin's chin, glancing up at Yoongi with fuzzy vision as he leaned close to inspect me. His eyes lingered on my face for a few moments before he backed away, going to clean up my little mess with squinted eyes and sluggish movements. I tried various times to force myself from Jimin's embrace, wanting to stumble about the kitchen one final time before passing out somewhere secluded where I could ignore the train of thoughts rushing through my head.
What are you doing? I don't know what to do. How do I react? Fake it. Fake it, you're fine. Nothing happened. If you tell the others it will hurt them. What am I supposed to do? I don't wanna think about it right now. I don't wanna address it. Not now. Not ever. Why? Why did this have to happen again!? I can't get a break. I can't be happy. I just want to disappear. I want to be numb. Let me be numb, Jimin, just one more bottle.
"Yumin-ah."
"Mmh." Groaning in irritation, I untucked my head from beneath Jimin's chin, glaring through squinted eyes at Yoongi as he peered down at me.
"What're you doing? You never drink this much. Is something wrong?"
"Well, obviously there's something wrong, hyung," Jimin grumbled. "Angel, look at me."
I let my gaze drop to the floor, suddenly feeling very ashamed of myself. I was supposed to be strong; I was supposed to help the others when things were tough and still I'd drug myself up from the garage just to waste myself away with old alcohol from the back of the fridge. Tears gathered in the corner of my eyes as I refused to lock eyes with either man, my upper lip beginning to tremble.
"Yumin." Warm fingers slipped beneath my chin, tilting my gaze back off the ground until it found Yoongi's. He looked broken and so worried, my heart seizing in my chest as more tears trickled down my face. I tried to offer a reassuring smile, listless giggles slipping from my lips as I turned and stumbled into his embrace, finally breaking down into muted sobs as I hid away against his chest.
"I'm sorry," I panted. "I'm so s-sorry."
"Hey, what're you- What're you sorry about?" Yoongi pushed against my shoulders but I refused to show my face, clutching onto the front of his sweatshirt to keep myself against him. "Angel. Yumin." Finally, the brunet managed to push me upright, my eyes half sealed as more tears blurred my vision. The alcohol didn't help. I felt like I was stuck in a color-less funhouse, spinning and dipping about no matter where I looked.
"Look at me," Yoongi spoke softly, gathering my face in his hands so that I wouldn't look anywhere but him. I tried to blink my tears away, but more quickly took their place, leaving my eyes sopping wet and sore around their edges. Yoongi frowned, dragging his thumbs across my cheeks as he murmured, "Why're you sorry, Yumin? What'd you do?"
"I should-ah-h... should of mi-minded my business. I kept snooping. I should've s-stopped like you sa-said."
"You kept snooping? On Jungkook?"
I nodded, guilt settling in the pit of my stomach.
"I thought I told you not to."
His voice was so gentle, but his scolding still hurt.
"I just wanted to see." Sniffling, I blinked away a stubborn tear trapped in my eyelash. "Now I wish I didn't."
"Why?" Yoongi sounded more concerned by the second. "Did you find something?"
I hesitated, my brain going foggy for a moment before I bit down on my tongue. Choking back a sob, I rested my forehead against Yoongi's broad chest, letting my eyes flutter closed with exhaustion. If I told them anything they might break and I didn't want them in the same situation I'd put myself in now.
Or worse.
Shaking my head, I curled against Yoongi's chest, hiding my face away under his chin as I continued to cry, trying as hard as I could to hold in all the pain that swelled in my chest. I should've just minded my business. Even while Jungkook and Rachel fooled around behind our backs, I could've been none the wiser, letting everyone get over Jungkook disappearing that one night and move along with my life. The idea of snooping rarely coming to mind. If Jungkook would've just lied straight to my face and told me he got caught up at work, I would've been suspicious, but in the end, I might've believed him. Any little white lie to cover up that he had been at Rachel's.
The entire night.
"Hyung let's just..." Jimin stuttered, placing a hand against the small of my back. "Let's just get her upstairs, okay? She's obviously not okay."
Yoongi paused, staring down at me with a frown tugging at his plump lips before offering the blonde a nod, stooping low to hook his arm behind the crook in my knees and behind my back. He lifted me gently off the floor, hiking me up against his chest as I went limp with despair. I listened to the eerie echo of his and Jimin's footsteps in the dead silence of the night, letting myself zone out, completely detached from reality.
Why did it always have to end so badly? Why? I'd escaped my father and America, run away with who I'd thought was the love of my life to Korea. I escaped one broken home just to be thrown into another, one even worse than the last. For years I'd been stuck with Yura and his abuse, his lies, manipulation, drug abuse, neglect. And then I'd managed to escape again, this time into the caring arms of Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. I'd gotten a break from my old life for a few months, but now it looked as if I were spiraling back into it.
I'm so tired, I thought, the room going dark around the corners of my eyes. I tried to blink it away, thinking it was just my mind and the alcohol playing tricks on my vision, but the dark edges began to consume my sight whole until all I could see was nothing.
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Yumin slipped lifelessly from his arms and onto the bed, her head lolling to the side against her pillow. Yoongi had brought her to Jimin's room, per the blonde's demand to look over her for the night. He stared down at the brunette pitifully, watching as she flinched and whimpered under her breath in her sleep, eyes screwed shut with pain. What's the matter with you, angel? he thought, blinking back a few tears that threatened to pool in the corners of his dark brown eyes. What did you find that hurt you so badly?
"Yoongi?"
The brunet flinched, glancing over his shoulder at his younger boyfriend. He hadn't heard his name used like that in so long, desperate and concerned as Jimin stepped up to his side, staring up at him with wide eyes. Yoongi reached out to wrap his arm around the blonde's shoulders, pulling him comfortingly against his chest.
"What if she found something bad, hyung?" questioned Jimin, his voice soft and muffled against his chest. "What if she's been right the whole time and Jungkook actually did something bad?"
"I-" He didn't want to consider that option, but given the circumstances, he might have too. "I don't know, Jimin. I'll ask her when she wakes up, but...I don't think she's gonna tell us."
"Why not!?" Yoongi could hear the fury lacing Jimin's tone, shutting his eyes with a sigh as the blonde backed out of his embrace. "If she knows where Jungkook was that night and why he didn't come home, she should tell us! Even if it's something bad-"
"Jimin, it's up to her if she wants to tell us, okay? Obviously, it fucking hurt her like hell to find out." He gestured to the bed where Yumin continued to whimper against her pillow, tears running helplessly down her cheeks. The brunet's heart seized painfully in his chest at the sight, turning his gaze back to his boyfriend. "She probably doesn't want to tell us because she doesn't want to hurt us."
"It can't be that bad, can it?"
Jimin already knew the answer to that. His gaze dropped down to Yumin's unconscious form, worry lines creasing his forehead. Yoongi couldn't bring himself to look, his thoughts reeling with every bad outcome this could lead to, including losing both Yumin and Jungkook completely.
"Fuck."
Behind him, the bed creaked, bringing his attention back to Yumin. Yoongi watched as Jimin silently crawled around her, draping an arm cautiously over her waist and pulling her against him. The look of concern clouding his eyes made Yoongi feel terrible as Jimin gently drew circles against her hand, resting his chin atop her shoulder with a sigh. He appeared like a moping puppy, eyes wide and starry as he waited for Yumin to wake up again, cuddled against her backside for comfort.
"Hyung?" Jimin whispered, his eyes unfocusing as his tears finally began to spill over.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Can you... can you stay the night? Just in case something happens?"
At that point, anything could happen, but Yoongi nodded nonetheless, settling on the edge of the bed as he ran a comforting hand along Jimin's calf. His eyes scanned over Yumin protectively, wondering what was running so rampantly through her head as she grunted under her breath, fisting the pillowcase before her. She looked as if she was fighting even as she rested, her brow furrowed in distress as she lay unconscious in a restless sleep.
What did you find, angel?
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I'm so excited the continue this book! :D I haven't been this ecstatic to update in months.