TW: Mention of suicide, past scars, and depression.
"Hey Bakugou...?" Kirishima whispers, staring at the back of the blond's neck. There was a lot on his mind at the moment, and he would like to get some of it out. Most of the thoughts were about their current situation and if the quirk will fade away. Kirishima didn't receive a response so he didn't try again. The last thing he wanted to do was wake up Bakugou. The blond can be extra grumpy when he's awoken from his sleep.
The redhead huffed quietly and curled up a bit. His thoughts weren't the best right now and he can't even get sleep because of it. Sometimes your thoughts can become so loud that it makes you a little triggered. Kirishima had gone through a lot of mental battles in the past especially in middle school and some things trigger him. Especially the scars on his wrists. He can easily say they're scars from training but the scars on his wrists were actually suicide attempts. They faded relatively well and he healed slowly but surely.
People did that to him, causing him to have terrible trust issues in the past. He was almost diagnosed with PPD (Paranoid Personality Disorder). Luckily he didn't. He was so scared to be around people, and was completely traumatized from his past experiences.
Kirishima's doing better now but his middle school days still haunt him. He was going through the mental battle all alone too. No one knew he was suffering mentally. He hid it with a smile. Eventually that smile faded and he broke down completely.
No. He doesn't want to think about the past anymore. Forgive the people who crushed him and forget them. It doesn't matter anymore. His past doesn't defy him, but it did make him who he was today. He was a better version of himself and he is proud of himself. Kirishima didn't want anyone else to go through the same mental pain he went through. It was very traumatizing.
He can't stop thinking about his past. It hurts him. It still hurts him. Yes, he did forgive the people who hurt him but he can't forget what they said. Kirishima felt tears welling in his eyes. Those tears are for the same pain.
No, he doesn't want to breakdown lying next to Bakugou. Kirishima covered his mouth and let the tears slip on their own. His past still crushes him, and he fucking despised it. The redhead sniffled and hiccuped. He was trying to keep the noise down to a minimum.
It always ended like this. His thoughts ends up making him think about the past and once he starts thinking of the past it takes so much self control to break him out. It always ended the same, with him having a breakdown and crying himself to sleep.
Another hiccup slipped out and the redhead squeezed his eyes shut. He really needed a hug right now. He wanted to cry in someone's arms and tell them he's not okay mentally. Just wanting to be comforted and held. More tears fall from his crimson red eyes. A small gasp came from his mouth along with another hiccup. He's so damn unmanly. Letting his damn past torment him like this. Some future pro hero he wants to be.
Kirishima felt Bakugou's body shift and turn. His eyes were wide and he halted all motions. He saw the blond still sleeping soundly.
Kirishima needed to get out of there, but if he does then he will trigger the heat in both of their bodies and wake Bakugou up. He'll just have to silently cry until he runs dry.
It sucks crying the same tears for the same reason. Those tears won't change a thing and that's what cuts deep. Kirishima was silently crying, letting out small hiccups and gasps every so often. He squeezed his eyes shut and fought the urge to punch the daylights out of himself.
"Kirishima..?"
Kirishima froze and fluttered his eyes open. He saw the blond staring at him with a facial expression he had never seen the blond make before. Kirishima woke him up with his crying. Just great.
"I..I'm sorry if I woke you up; you can go back to sleep.." Kirishima sniffled. He was afraid to even speak because if he did it will cause him to breakdown more and cry even more.
Bakugou reached over to his nightstand and turned on the lamp to see Kirishima's face. He was shocked by what he saw. The class sunshine was crying, but what's worst is that it's silent.
"Kirishima.." Bakugou whispered and watched the redhead sit up with him. "Wha-"
Kirishima shook his head no, indicating that he didn't want Bakugou to say anything. But Bakugou wasn't having any of that.
"What's wrong Kirishima?" The blond was genuinely concerned for his friend. Kirishima hiccuped and let another tear slip out.
Bakugou shakingly wrapped his arm around his friend's waist and pulled him closer to his body. Kirishima held back a sob and felt a gentle hand push his head to the side. His head was now resting on Bakugou's shoulder and he nearly sobbed out all his pain.
"Kirishima what's wrong?" Bakugou asked again, running his fingers through the redhead's still gelled hair. It was more chaotic looking then normal. Bakugou should've made him wash it out but he didn't care enough to say anything about it.
Kirishima didn't answer because he knows by heart he'll just sob. With a sigh Bakugou whispered, "Let it all out..It's okay to cry. Expressing your emotions is the most manliest thing anyone can do. Let it all out.." Bakugou wasn't good at comforting but he was willing to try.
That reinsurance was all the younger needed. He wrapped his arms tightly around the blond and cried into his shoulder. Bakugou rubbed small circles into his back and continued to whisper encouraging words into his ear.
"It's okay..I got you..Cry it all out. I'm right here. It's okay to breakdown, alright? Don't you dare fucking think you're weak and unmanly. You're the most manliest guy I know, ya hear me?"
Kirishima sobbed harder into the blond's shoulder. This kind of comfort was all he wanted and now that he's getting it he feels the need to let his emotions run wild. Bakugou's comfort was rare and a bit weird but it's Bakugou. His comforting, to Kirishima, was fucking perfect.
After a few minutes of crying and comforting, Kirishima managed to compose himself enough to only let out small sniffles. He felt the wet patch he left on Bakugou's shoulder and he frowned.
"Sorry about your shirt.." Kirishima mumbled.
The shirt was the last thing on the blond's mind. What he wanted to know was why Kirishima was crying.
"Why were you crying?" Bakugou asked tenderly, slowly but gently pushing Kirishima off him.
Kirishima wiped his tears and stared down at his hands. "I was just thinking about my past.."
Bakugou tilted his head. "What about it?"
Kirishima just shook his head. He wants to forget about the past not talk about it. He flinched when he felt a warm hand rest on top of his.
"Remember what you told me?" Bakugou said, putting his finger under Kirishima's chin and turning his head to look at him. Kirishima thought back for a bit and shook his head.
"You told me that talking it out will lessen the amount of pressure on you, and it worked. You had my back, didn't you?"
Kirishima nodded slowly. Bakugou had terrible PTSD from the villain attack and the sludge villain in the past. He occasionally gets nightmares about it and he always went to Kirishima for comfort. Bakugou trusted Kirishima and knew he could show his weak side in front of him. Kirishima also promised to keep it between them and he kept it.
"Now it's my turn to return the favor. Talk to me. This will stay between us. Don't you dare think about pushing me away either, Hair for Brains."
Kirishima sighed and closed his eyes. "In the past I was made fun of for my quirk. I shouldn't have let it get to me but I did..I was told that it was ugly, that it was weak, and not hero material. It brought my self confidence and self esteem down so low. I was bullied a little and was constantly being thrown insults at. I ended up having depression and did a couple of suicide attempts. I failed each time. I then became so paranoid, over the summer, about people and trusting whether to be around them or not. I was almost diagnosed with PPD, which is Paranoid Personality Disorder. I don't want to go into the details of that. On my last year in middle school I promised that I would never let people's words get to me again. I will be the hero I want to be. My scars have faded and I'm doing better now, but my past still haunts me. I forgave the people who hurt me but I can never forget what they did to me.."
Bakugou stared at him shocked. He didn't know Kirishima was going through that much mentally. He was going to kill the bastards who made his best friend think like that. Those bastards don't deserve to live after what they did to him.
Kirishima let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and looked to the blond. Bakugou didn't say anything, instead he hugged him closely. Kirishima was stunned at first but then hugged back.
"Feel better?"
"Ye..Yeah..." Kirishima answered and rested his chin on the blond's shoulder. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Shitty hair."
They both sat in a comfortable silence. They were just bathing in each other's presence. A huge wave of relief rushed over Kirishima and he was very content with it.
"Sorry again about waking you up." Kirishima airy chuckled.
"Say sorry again and I'll knock your teeth in." Bakugou threatened halfheartedly. Kirishima gulped and nodded.
Kirishima pushed himself away from the hug and yawned. Bakugou smirked a bit. "Tired?"
"Mhm.." Kirishima rubbed his eyes and tiredly stared at the blond.
Bakugou then shifted to lay down and he yanked Kirishima down with him, making the redhead rest his head on his chest.
"Bakugou?!"
"Shut up and rest."
Kirishima was a little nervous to fall asleep but he closed his eyes and felt a strong hand run through his hair. Before Kirishima fell into a deep sleep he heard Bakugou whisper, "Good night." Kirishima smiled softly and let sleep take him that night.
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A/N: A little bit of angst and fluff! I did say that the quirk was going to be more explained this chapter but I decided to make it next chapter since this chapter was overall a little cute to write. I'm very content with this chapter. I was going to make this chapter longer but decided against it. I don't want this chapter to be too long or this book to be long either. Uhm, that's it!
See you next chapter!
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