The truck engine roared in the distance as it disappeared beyond the horizon, leaving me behind on the border. There was no city in sight, nowhere I could do last minute research or at least pull some of my shit together before I left the Summerlands for good. The wind blowing from the Wastes was already colder than anything I have ever experienced in my life, forcing me to properly zip up and hide as much skin as possible. The land in front of me consisted of dirt and stones. It was flat and windy, no sign of a hill or any kind of shelter. They said that was what made Wastes so dangerous. It took days to cross them and there was nowhere to hide, no wood to make fire for the night. Nothing grew there, nothing lived there. Nothing ever could. Freezing winds blowing from the north were so sharp they could cut your skin. And here I was, about to enter this hell, hoping to come out on top.
But there was no point in waiting. I no longer belonged here. I had to go. And so hesitantly, I took my first steps. I wanted to be determined, to be strong and to believe. But less then 20 steps in I turned back around to look at those woods, and hills and, somewhere in the distance, lakes and oceans and I wanted nothing more than to run back, all the way home, to the warmth of my room and comfort of my bed. Get a good sleep and then read a book by our pool. I wanted to call Olivia and Sheyla and go to the mall with them, watch a movie in the cinema. I wanted to go back to school. And I stood there, the wind howling menacingly behind me as I tried not to break down into pieces when facing the reality that none of it can ever happen again. What have I done?
It took all my strength to turn back around, facing north, and start walking again. Olivia snuck a compass in my pocket just in case I needed it. Now that I stood here, I really appreciated her thinking. It wouldn't cross my mind that this was something I'd need. But in a place like this, the further I went, the flatter everything became. A few hours into my walk, I could no longer see anything but the frozen dirt, same as the one beneath my feet. Without the handy little thing, there was no way of saying in which direction I'm going. Like the ultimate trap of this place. There is nowhere to hide, yet you could get lost forever, walking in circles, never coming close to either side of the continent before death claims you.
It was only when the sun began to set that I allowed myself to slow down and pull out a snack and take a sip of now icy water. I didn't dare to look back again. Even if I could no longer see anything there, I knew that looking back would be quite literally the death of me. If I wanted to live, I couldn't think of what I left behind. It was gone now. I was gone. And once again, the thought of that brought tears to my eyes. Tears that immediately began to freeze under the icy wind. It reminded me that if I wanted to keep my water from freezing, I should probably move it closer to my body. I braced myself and opened my winter onesie to quickly hide both flasks inside before zipping it up immediately.
I was naive to think that my clothing was good enough to protect me forever. I realized as much the moment the ground beneath my feet changed. Not expecting the sudden change, I found myself slipping and falling to the ground, hitting my already bruised cheek. The pure shock of what just happened caused me to lay still for a solid few minutes before I gathered my wits and tried to get up. It was dark already and in my exhaustion, I couldn't comprehend at first why the ground turned so slippery. The temperature dropped significantly and the winds only grew stronger, howling across the Wastes. Quickly, my hands and feet began to grow numb from the cold as I struggled to progress further. I was utterly exhausted and freezing by the time the sun came up. It was the longest night of my life. And the darkest one too. I never knew nights could grow so dark. That they could last for long hours.
When the sun finally rose, I managed to get a look at the slippery ground I was now battling. Ice. I've never seen so much ice in one place before. This wasn't a couple ice cubes we'd put in our drinks while chilling by the pool. No, this was insane. Wherever I looked, only ice. I roughly recalled from our classes that this should mean I crossed over into the Northern territory. I was a little over half way across, but the journey that remained would be much harder as the exhaustion, hunger and cold gripped my entire being. I wanted nothing more than to stop and rest. But there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. And so I kept pushing, one step at the time.
With every step I took, I was watching the horizon, hoping to see something, anything that would tell me I was close now. But the horizon remained agonizingly empty. Did Winterlands even exist? Just because they were there eons ago doesn't mean there was anything there now. Hopelessness gripped me tight as I pondered giving up and getting rest even if it meant I would never get up again. It was then, that I was startled from my thoughts by a crunch under my boot. Shocked at the sound, I looked down to find a bone under my foot. A wolf bone. I froze, in sheer horror this time as I looked around myself properly. I was standing there surrounded by corpses. Human and inhuman alike. They were everywhere.
I let out a silent scream, unable to actually make a sound as the cold and the trauma of the past days took nearly all of my voice away. Terror took over my entire being, letting me forget how freezing cold, hungry and exhausted I was. What was this place? No books ever mentioned a massive open graveyard in these parts. Who were all these people? Why did they come here? What did they die for? Were they exiled like me? I knew only of one other exile from my town. But who was to say others didn't have their criminals too? If so, what did these people do to deserve such fate? Did they let their temper get the best of them like I did?
I don't want to die. That's what I told my parents in the interrogation room almost a week ago. That's what I screamed in my mind as if it could really prevent my fate while I was trying to walk through the sea of skeletons and corpses all around me. I had to make it through, this couldn't be the end. I kept going, eyes pretty much closed as the night began to fall again and the darkness grew beyond anything I could ever imagine. I kept pushing. I had to make it. I couldn't die here. I just couldn't.
I forced myself to open my eyes briefly, just to check my compass and assure myself I was still heading in the right direction, when a tiny white specle appeared in front of me. Confused at the sight, I looked around only to see hundreds of them. Tiny, white flakes falling from the night sky. Snow. But there was no snow in the Wastes! I looked towards the dark horizon and what I saw nearly made my knees buckle with relief. Mountains. Rock giants covered in white, barely visible in the night but just enough for me to realize I was close. So close to making it through this hell. Winterlands were real. They still existed. And at that moment I didn't think about the possibility that maybe there is no life waiting for me there. Because I needed something to keep me going.
Was that what killed all these beings? Did they sink to their knees with joy and hope upon seeing those mountains only to realize that they couldn't get up again? Unable to move, did the cruel lady winter take their lives as they looked towards those mountains, wishing they never stopped moving? It made sense. Because rest was all I wanted to do right now. It was all I could think of. My entire body screamed and begged for it so much I could cry. But I had to keep moving. I had to make it. Even if there was nothing there, I had to make it across.