And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first,
Fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress,
Fearless
Astrid's POV
Zayn and I kept talking as usual. Our 10 daily minutes were something indispensable now.
"I love surprises." I said
"Do you?" Zayn smiled. He was shirtless and drinking a soda.
"Yep." I ate the rest of my nutella bread.
"What else, babe?" He kept asking.
"I don't really give a fuck about my birthday. People are always making a big deal out of it and I'm just like okay..." I laughed, but he stayed serious.
"When is your birthday?" He asked.
"I won't tell yoouuu..."
"Then I won't tell you mine" He joked.
"January 12. Too late, pretty boy" We both laughed. I loved when he laughed.
"C'mon, tell me!" He insisted but I denied with my head.
"I don't care about my birthday. I don't ever do anything, so just forget it. It's not that much of a big deal". I explained.
"NO. When is it!?"
"Geez. Okay. February 19, now stop being that much of a weirdo." I laughed and he did too.
"Okay, princess" We both smiled.
"Zayno, why don't you write songs for meeeee?" WHAT THE FUCK WAS I ASKING.
"Who said that I didn't, darling." He said and then winked.
Oh.
My.
God.
Nervous laugh.
"I was just kidding." I tried to save it.
"If you were kidding then I was kidding too. It's a shame though, because it's a great song." He winked again.
Oh.
My.
God.
Was this happening?
***
"Don't you think that it is lame that it's Friday night and we have been Facetiming for hours?" I asked and laughed.
"Right. We are really lame" He smiled "But to be honest, there's no place that I'd rather be."
OHMYGOD
"Of course that I'd rather be with you though" He smiled and I did the same.
"How has been the tour so far? Like, your impression. Do you think that it is gonna be the best tour or the worst, just explain your answer" I saw him.
He paused for several seconds.
"Neither the best nor the worst." He stopped to think "See, it's the best on the one hand. We are more experienced and we have some kick ass songs." He stopped again "But on the other hand, the more apart you are from the people you love, the more you miss them."
"So you miss people?" I asked, knowing that the response would be obvious.
"No shit" he imitated my way of talking.
"Hey! Stop talking like me!" I laughed. "Either that or I'll start talking like you".
"I can't take it! You're too American!" He was cracking out.
"Oh, as if you didn't love it. You love my Americaness."
"I indeed do. And you love me"
Awkward silence.
"Well, yes, your British accent is quite attractive. It's too ill." I tried to joke to get out of the awkward situation.
"That's what the girls say" He said intensifying his accent this time and I cracked out.
Zayn had drunk like 4 sodas and 2 small bottles of juice. I had given up on eating Nutella bread and had started eating the Nutella alone.
"I really don't get how you can eat that enormous amount of Nutella and still manage to look so fit" He stated and I blushed.
"Genetics" I managed to respond with the Nutella spoon still in my mouth.
"You're too cute" He giggled.
***
"OH MY GOD NO ZAYN STOP" I was cracking out.
"I'll post it if you don't say that I'm the hottest one in the band!" He threatened me.
"Okay, okay. You, Zayn Malik, are the hottest one in One Direction. Now delete it!"
Zayn had taken the grossest picture of me while eating Nutella. Although it was only a screenshot, he was threatening me to post it to his twitter/instagram if I didn't say what he asked me to.
"No" He bursted out in laughter "Say that I'm the best in the world."
"Okay. You, Zayn Javaad Malik, are the hottest and bestest human being in the wholedamn world" I confessed and he smiled.
"Right, I won't post it. But I'll keep it for personal pleasure" He stated and I raised my eyebrow. "I mean to smile once in a while... Astrid Taylor, who would say that you were a dirty girl!" He joked but I didn't laugh. He did laugh though. His eyes were too sparkly.
Damn, I was falling for that boy. I was falling hard.
***
"SAY IT!" I demanded and he laughed out loud.
"I CAN'T. French is too goddamn complicated!" He screamed and we laughed.
"Astrid Taylor" He pronounced it in an adorable British-French accent "est la meillieur du monde."
"I think you mispronounced it." I smiled.
"No." He joked "Call me Zayn the Frenchman Malik" He paused "No, wait, don't call me so."
***
"You know" He asked "Since the time when I didn't talk to you for a week, I feel guilty"
"Why would you feel guilty? We cleared up that it was all right. No hate. I think that it is clear, right?" I tried to make him understand.
"Yes, yes." He paused. "But I gotta win you, Astrid Taylor. And you not hating me doesn't mean that you will want more than that, and I do."
What does that mean?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Zayn, I..."
"No, no. Don't say a word. I'll fix everything" He smiled sweetly and I did the same.
What game were we playing?
***
"I don't know. I never felt OK at school. There were these kids messing with me during the elementary and middle school. It was in my senior year when I met my real friends" I explained and he nodded.
"I didn't have a good time at first. People segregated me because of my religion" He half frowned "But then in the secondary, it was all great. Not that I had many friends, but I cared shit for what they thought of me. I did what I wanted"
"I'm jealous. I wish I had been so"
"Don't" He stated "I didn't accept myself for years. I half did back then, but to be honest, I wouldn't be able to say that I am 100% with myself." He paused "Craaaazy".
"Yeah, that's crazy" I admitted.
"No, what I think that is crazy is that I'm finally talking this. Mom tried me to admit this for years. Even now she tries it." He half laughed "You are the first one to know this, miss psychologist." We both smiled.
***
"What time is it there?" I asked and he glanced the upper part of his screen
"5:24am" He confessed with a smile.
"Holy hell. It's been 7 hours, Zayno!" I smiled and he did too "Aren't you tired?"
"I actually didn't feel the time pass by. I should go to sleep though. I gotta be up at 1 to catch a plane to Edinburgh"
"Hashtag Cosmopolitan Malik"
"That's who I am" He smiled.
"So, goodbye?" I asked
"Not goodbye. I'll talk to you tomorrow, or better said today. Later. I'll call you as soon as I get to the hotel in Edinburgh". He promised and I smiled.
"Okay Zayno" I smiled back. Gosh. "Zayn Malik." I pronounced and he looked directly to me.
"Yes, Astrid Taylor?" He giggled.
"Sing me a song." I said as if I was drunk.
"Which one, darling?"
"Wait, are you actually singing me a song?" I asked with disbelief.
"Of course, so that you can fall asleep to my voice." I could feel his warm smile "Which one do you want?"
"Choose one of your band. The one you prefer, but don't come at me with Rock me or something like that. Be gentle" We both laughed without force.
"Ok. I have one. You just close your eyes, I'll talk to you later."
I did what he said, only wearing my headphones to listen carefully to the song that Zayn Malik.
Yes, THE Zayn Malik.
Was going to sing to me.
Shut the door
Turn the light off
I wanna be with you
I wanna feel your love
I wanna lay beside you
I cannot hide this
Even though I try
No. He wasn't singing Moments to me.
He so wasn't.
He couldn't.
Oh. My. God.
Heart beats harder
Time escapes me
Trembling hands
Touch skin
It makes this harder
And the tears stream down my face
His voice was softer than usual, maybe because of the few hours of sleep. I could feel his smile though. Wider than usual. I could feel him looking at me. I could feel that he was happy, and I knew for sure that I had not been happier in my entire life.
If we could only have this life
For one more day
If we could only turn back time
Don't cry, don't open your eyes. Don't fuck this up, girl.
You know I'll be
Your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
My love
My heart
Is breathing for this
Moment
In time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
My whole pride and integrity as human being were being destroyed with every word that Zayn sang. I could open my eyes in any second and tell the boy that he was perfect just like that. Zayn Malik. Even his name was flawless.
Close the door
Throw the key
Don't wanna be reminded
Don't wanna be seen
Don't wanna be without you
My judgment's clouded
Like tonight's sky
Hands are silent
Voice is numb
Try to scream out my lungs
It makes this harder
And the tears stream down my face
If we could only have this life
For one more day
If we could only turn back time
How could Zayn Malik, who seemed a perfect angel to me, don't fully accept himself?
Like hell, if he didn't love himself none of us had a chance anymore.
You know I'll be
Your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
My love
My heart
Is breathing for this
Moment
In time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
Flashing lights in my mind
Going back to the time
Playing games in the street
Kicking balls with my feet
There's a numb in my toes
Standing close to the edge
There's a pile of my clothes
At the end of your bed
As I feel myself fall
Make a joke of it all
You know I'll be
Your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
My love
My heart
Is breathing for this
Moment
In time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
You know I'll be
Your life
Your voice
Your reason to be
My love
My heart
Is breathing for this
Moment
In time
I'll find the words to say
Before you leave me today
No, you don't need to win me. You already have me.
After finishing the song, he stayed a while without talking. I had my eyes closed. He most probably thought that I was already asleep.
"Good night, babe." He said quietly and then, as he saw no reaction, he paused "Love you."