"He'll probably sleep for a few days." Aziraphale told Michael as they walked out towards the cliffs, staring out at the resting sea before them. The strong breeze preventing any warmth from remaining within them.
"How did you find out about all of this?" Michael queried. The angel sighed lightly.
"Crowley and I decided to go away for a while. We escaped to Egypt for a few months. Hell had just asked Crowley to do something he couldn't stand the thought of doing and I couldn't bare to see him so upset anymore. So we sold our house and went to Cairo. We had spent about three beautiful months there together before we decided to try. We made love that night. And it was wonderful and magical and perfect in every way. I couldn't have dreamt a more perfect night. But the next morning, I woke to find Crowley as you found Ligur. His skin boiling, his power gone and his eyes pale. I tried everything, from miracles to potions to human medicine. Nothing worked and he only got worse." Tears fell from the Angel's face as he recalled what happened.
"I went to beezlebub and lay my wings down before her and begged for her help. After hearing what had happened, she agreed and told me what to do." Crowley couldn't help but feel his own heart aching at what he heard from the distance he kept.
"But why? Why did she help you?" Aziraphale found himself looking out to the sea, his eyes glazing over with a distant past.
"There was a time, well and truly before the rebellion, where Angels and demons were considered equals. Back then it wasn't uncommon for alliances and friendships and even the odd relationship between the two sides. One of those relationships being between Gabriel and Beezlebub. The two attempted to make love... But when Beezlebub didn't get sick, Gabriel accused her of not loving him."
"Did she?" Aziraphale turned back face the archangel.
"You can't force yourself to love someone you don't."
"Wait, does that mean Gabriel knew she'd die if they did it?" Aziraphale nodded slowly.
"After that Gabriel locked the demons out of heaven claiming that they were too impure. Beezlebub shut down hell claiming that angels were too focused on God's love to care about anything else. From that it just escalated into a war. When really it's just a story an angel who's heart was broken and a demon who feels guilty for letting it happen."
"How come you know this but I don't?"
"The cherubim know all things of the universe."
"But you're a principality?"
"I wasn't always. When I left the Eastern gate, it was because I had been demoted. I did a few things that went against God's will and lost my status as a result. I can remember everything from before I was demoted but I no longer have the infinite knowledge I once held.
"I'm sorry."
"Oh don't be, I don't regret it for a moment."
"Aziraphale, before I go, can I ask you one more question." The angel nodded.
"Does it still hurt you? Being alone?" The angel looked down.
"Not a day goes by where it doesn't. It hurts knowing what could have been. And on top of that... There are nights where I can't sleep because all I can hear are his screams. It does hurt Michael. And I dare say it always will. But it's still worth it." Michael nodded before expanding her brilliant white wings and disappearing into the dusk. The demon watching didn't even notice the tears falling from his eyes. Once the archangel disappeared, he emerged from his hiding space, rapidly engulfing the angel in his arms.
"Angel!"
"C... Crowley!?" Aziraphale exclaimed in wide eyed shock. "D... Did you...."
"Please don't say anything Angel. Not yet. Just let me hold you." Aziraphale let out a breath. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around his demon's back. For almost an hour they just clung to each other. It felt natural. Right. Of course why wouldn't it? They'd done it hundreds of times. Even if only one could remember it. Eventually they pulled apart, just enough that Aziraphale could search through Crowley's eyes.
"Is it true?"
"I didn't want you to find out like this."
"W... When?"
"Do you remember the day of our fight in St James park?" Crowley nodded looking with confusion into the Angel's eyes. "Do you remember following me into the street?"
"No? I went home straight after our fight."
"No Crowley... You didn't." Aziraphale replied softly. "You stayed there for a while before running after me." A weakened smile drew onto the Angel's face at the memory.
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The angel stepped out onto the road as the crossing light turned green, only to be pulled by the wrist by a wide eyed demon as he was half way across.
"I'm never gonna leave you Angel." The redhead told him firmly. "But we both know things could go wrong. And if something were to happen to you... I wouldn't want to be here either."
"But Crowley..."
"No Angel. I love you. And I don't want to live without you." The words shocked the angel to the core. For so long he had loved the demon, believing that the demon would never reciprocate. Yet here he was, revealing exactly how the angel had felt for so long.
On the verge of tears, Aziraphale gripped onto Crowley, pulling him down to let their lips meet. Around them, the lights had changed; humans were honking their horns and yelling at them to move and they just stood there oblivious, kissing in the street.
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"You refused to leave my side for days after that. Then you ended up just moving into the bookshop with me. Your love for me had risen to the surface and wasn't going back down." Aziraphale smiled, his eyes glazed over with memory. "We were together for about two years." He sighed. "The best two years of my existence."
"What exactly happened?" The angel pulled back into himself.
"We were in our little home just outside of Cairo. We were just sitting on the bed talking. Trying to figure out what we were going to do."
"What do you mean?"
"You were still pretty upset by what Hell had made you do. It weighed on you for weeks."
"Why can't I remember this? What had they made me do?" Aziraphale looked up at him sadly.
"Crowley, my dear, do you really want to know?"
"Aziraphale..."
"January 18, 1864." He answered quietly. "They made you set fire to a church killing two and a half thousand humans." The paleness of the demon put even the angel's wings to shame. "Please try to remember dear that you had no choice."
"And you still somehow loved me despite that?"
"No Crowley. I love you. Period. There is no 'despite' anything. I love all of you. I hate that they forced you to do that. But I don't love them. I love you."
"Still? After everything. It's been over a century since then!"
"Yes Crowley. And I love you eternally." Crowley froze. Eventually, freeing Crowley from his state of confusion, Aziraphale kept talking. "Anyway. We ended up sleeping together that night. You fell desperately ill. So I took away your love for me. You forgot our entire relationship. Everytime you had felt love for me was taken from your mind."
"What if I were feeling it again?"
"What dear?"
"Love. For you."
"I..." The angel looked into the Demon's eyes wondering if it were even possible. "Crowley, I'm not even sure you can."
"But I do Angel. I love you." Hiding his eyes away from the demon, Aziraphale turned away to face the sea. The angel was certain that Crowley would never again be capable of loving him. The Demon's love for the angel still resided within Aziraphale's essence. It can't be exchanged and can't be returned. Could it be possible for a new love for the angel to be formed? The angel so desperately wanted Crowley back. But seeing the danger it could cause to a demon frightened him beyond comprehension.
Crowley interrupted Aziraphale's churning mind as he wrapped his arms around the angel from behind. Lightly he pulled Aziraphale closer against his chest. The movement so familiar and so comforting and missed by the blonde so deeply, tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to refrain from placing his own arms over the Demon's, linking their fingers together. His heart aching and his lungs drowning. That's when Crowley's low, steady and strong voice quietly found their way to Aziraphale's ear.
"Don't think I don't know what you're thinking Angel. I am in love with you again. I don't understand it but I am. And it's always been dangerous, we'll be careful this time. But I won't lose you. And I'm not gonna leave you again." Aziraphale remained silent. He couldn't think of what to say. He knew he needed to say something, but what? He remained facing the horizon with the tears he refused to let his demon see and settled for squeezing his arms tighter over Crowley's, hoping that would convey enough of a message for now. And it did. Crowley understood completely. He would be the same had the roles been switched. He remembered running into that burning bookshop thinking Aziraphale was gone. And if it had been because he had been hanging around the angel, he'd be hesitant to still be there too. But wasn't love worth fighting for?
"I'm so scared Crowley," Aziraphale whispered almost mutely. Slowly he turned around in the Demon's arms. The redhead ran a hand over the side of the angel's head. Aziraphale opened his mouth to say more but no words would come out. Crowley's hand slightly tilted the Angel's head up to meet his eyes.
"Let's go to dinner angel. There's a quiet little restaurant not far from here. I hear they do extraodinary lasagnas." The angel smiled as he looked into the golden eyes before him. Crowley smiled back, softly brushing away the Angel's tears. Aziraphale couldn't deny the relief he felt. The realization that they had an eternity to figure this out together. They were on their own side now. They didn't need to worry about heaven and hell anymore. They had each other and they could figure out everything else slowly and carefully.