Halos murahin ko na ang buong mundo nang huminto ang sasakyan sa harapan ng sementeryo. Tinignan ko siya nang masama at nakangiti lamang ito habang nakatingin din ngayon sa akin. I looked at the time at my watch and I even cursed more when I saw that it's 2:30 am in the morning.
"Mag a-alas tres na ng umaga." Galit na sabi ko sakaniya.
"Alam ko. May relo rin ako." He said and showed me his watch. Binuksan niya ang pinto ng kotse at nang pababa na siya ay mabilis ko siyang pinigilan.
"Nababaliw ka na ba?! Anong gagawin natin diyan sa sementeryo nang ganitong oras?!"
"Kailangan ko siyang puntahan. Kung ayaw mong sumama, maiwan ka riyan. Bahala ka, mag isa mo lang diyan."
"Ryoga!" Galit na sigaw ko.
"Yoshikawa." Pangco-correct niya ulit.
He always corrects me whenever I call him Ryoga. Tuluyan na siyang bumaba ng kotse at napasabunot ako sa buhok ko. Wala na akong nagawa pq kung 'di ang sumunod na lamang din sakaniya. Ayoko namang maiwan mag isa rito.
"Bababa ka rin naman pala, ang dami mo pang arte." He said nang lumapit ako sakaniya.
"H-hindi ka ba natatakot?" I asked when we started walking.
Hinawakan ko siya sa braso dahil sa kaba na nararamdaman ko. This is a fucking cemetery and it's almost three am! God. I won't be surprised if I pass out here.
"Matakot ka sa buhay, huwag sa patay."
I looked around and it is so dark. Linabas niya ang cellphone niya at ginamit bilang flashlight.
"Sino bang pupuntahan natin dito? Mama mo?" Tanong ko pero hindi siya sumagot.
Nang biglang humangin ay napayakap na ako sakaniya sa takot na nararamdaman ko. Wala naman sigurong multo na lalabas dito, no? It will be the death of me if that happens.
"Malayo pa ba tayo?"
"Malapit na." Sagot niya atsaka niya ako inakbayan. "Huwag ka ngang matakot. Kasama mo naman ako."
"Sa'yo ko pa talaga maririnig ang bagay na 'yan?"
We stopped walking at napatingin ako sa harapan ko. May lapida ang naroroon at halos manlaki ang mga mata ko nang mabasa ang pangalan ng nagmamay ari non.
"Hello, Jowana! Namiss mo ba 'ko?"
Jowana Heaven
It's her ex! We are now in front of the grave of his ex. His first love!
Humiwalay siya sandali sa pagkaka akbay niya sa akin at lumayo ako sakaniya. May kinuha siya sa bulsa niya and it's a small candle. He lit it up using a lighter and put it on Ate Jowana's grave. Umupo siya sa may damuhan atsaka niya ako hinila papalapit sakaniya. I sat beside him while still looking at the grave.
"First time mo rito, 'di ba?" Tanong niya sa akin.
Kinagat ko ang ibabang parte ng labi ko nang maalala kung anong nangyari sa amin noon. But I failed stopping my tears from falling. I am crying. I suddenly feel guilty.
"I-if it wasn't because of me, she's still living." I said.
Guilt runs in my heart habang iniisip ang pagsasakripisyo na ginawa niya para sa akin. Instead of me being raped by that fucking Jace, she offered herself. She sacrificed herself for me.
"She's my hero." I said and I wiped my tears.
"Hindi ako nagkamali nang pagkakakilala sakaniya. She always lets other people's safety first before herself."
"Are you...still mad of me because of what happened to her?"
"Oo naman. Akala mo ba na alis na 'yung galit ko sa'yo? Luh? Asa ka." Tumatawa na sabi niya. "Pero huwag kang mag alala, 'yung galit na nararamdaman ko sa'yo noon, ay hindi na katulad ng ngayon. I realized a lot of things. Well, thanks to Arah. She made me understood everything."
"Does Arah know w-what you did to me?" Tanong ko.
"'Yung ano?"
"That you raped and hurt me."
He looked at me straight to the eyes at napaatras ako nang kaunti. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko atsaka niya ito hinalikan.
"I can't hurt you." He said which made me confused again. Kanina niya pa sinasabi na hindi niya ako kayang saktan where in fact he did!
"Why do you always say that where in fact you are capable of hurting me?"
"How will I explain this without hurting your feelings?"
"W-hat do you mean?"
"Hindi mo pa ba naiintindihan?"
"Ang ano?"
"Jowana saved you. I was born because of that. I scared and traumatized you when you were a kid which made them decided to forget about me, Ryoga and everything. Kung nanatili ako nang ganitong katagal kay Ryoga simula noong bumalik siya ng bansa noong nakalimot ka na, sapalagay mo hindi ko gagawin ang gusto kong mangyari sa'yo? Lalo na't ang daming pagkakataon na kayo lang ang magkasama at pwedeng pwede akong lumabas para saktan ka lang?"
"H-hindi kita maintindihan."
"Gustong gusto kong gawin sayo ang nangyari kay Jowana Rej. Gusto kong iparamdam sa'yo ang naramdaman niya pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ako makaganti dahil mahal ka ni Ryoga."
"Y-you raped me! Anong sinasabi mo?! You fucking detained me for ten days! You even drugged me! I-I even got pregnant because of you!" Sigaw ko sakaniya.
"Buntis ka na non. Hindi ako ang nakabuntis sa'yo. Si Ryoga." He said and he looked at the grave while smiling.
"W-what?"
"Nagtanan kayo 'di ba? Sa San Narciso. Hindi ka na umiinom ng pills noong mga panahong 'yon. Huwag mo na akong tanungin kung bakit ko alam 'yon. Dahil noong mga panahong 'yon, I can go out from Ryoga's body without his notice. Doon siya natakot noon, lalo na't sinubukan kitang saksakin ng kutsilyo kahit hindi ko naman makagawa. Kaya naisipan niyang iwan ka na dahil hindi niya na ako macontrol at natatakot siyang masaktan ka niya."
Tumulo ang mga luha sa mga mata ko habang nakikinig sakaniya.
"Huwag kang magalit kay Ryoga kung iniwan ka niya. Magalit ka sa akin dahil ako ang dahilan ng lahat. I can't hurt you, I can't even take my revenge. Kaya naisipan ko na lamang na gawing miserable ang buhay niya, ang buhay niyong dalawa. Sorry."
I couldn't absorb everything that he is saying now. Totoo ba 'to?
"If you didn't rape me, what was that? I knew you did!" Sigaw ko sakaniya.
"Rej, I'm really sorry. I am really really sorry but the truth was." He stopped for a while.
"What?!" Inis na sigaw ko sakaniya.
"I didn't. Those memories aren't real. They were just planted in your mind so that you could hate me and Ryoga."
Planted in my mind? How?! Like who would plant it in my mind?!
"S-sino? Sino ang may gawa non?" Umiiyak na tanong ko sakaniya. Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang braso niya pero nakatulala na lamang ito.
"Yoshikawa, sino?!" Sigaw ko. He looked at my eyes at halos manlaki ang mga mata niya nang titigan niya ako.
"B-bakit ka nandirito?" Inosente na tanong niya. He started looking around too.
"Huh?"
"Bakit kita kasama?! Nasaan si Arah?!"
He stood up from sitting and he held his head like he was in pain. Napaluhod siya sa may damuhan at halos mamalipit siya sa pagkakahawak niya sa ulo niya.
"R-Ryoga." Tawag ko. "Anong nangyayari?" Nag aalala na tawag ko. Lumapit ako sakaniya at hinawakan ang magkabilang braso niya.
"R-Rej..." Tawag niya and he held my both hands. "P-please tell me. Tell me if you can still remember Jowana's face. Please recall her face...for me."
"Si A-Ate Jowana?"
"I-I have started to forget everything. I don't remember her face anymore. Please make me remember her face before I disappear. Hurry up. Describe her face to me. Kahit 'yun nalang ang maalala ko. D-dalian mo." He said while he is crying.
I started to panick while looking at Ate Jowana's grave and I closed my eyes. I tried my best to recall her face when I fist met her to describe it to him. My eyes opened widely when I remember her clearly. My eyes started crying and my heart aches as her face is clearly flastered on my mind.
"Y-Yoshikawa."
"Tell me...tell me how pretty she is."
"She...Ate Jowana is..." Napatakip ako sa bibig ko.
Was that the reason why she looked familiar? Her face and her voice?
"Ate Jowana is Arah!" I shouted and he looked suprised.
Binitawan niya ang mga braso ko atsaka siya napahiga nang tuluyan sa damuhan. He closed his eyes and he started laughing.
"I was right. She is her." Nakangiti na sabi niya habang nakapikit. "I fell inlove with her for the second time around. Thank you, Rej."
Ate Jowana is alive! And she is Arah! Paano siya nabuhay? It is not that I don't want her to be alive but this is so fucking crazy! I saw her died in front of me. And then all of the sudden, magkasama sila ni Yoshikawa all this time without us knowing?! Alam ba nila Kuya ang tungkol don? Si Ryoga alam niya ba?!
Lumapit ako kay Yoshikawa at tinignan ang mukha niya.
"Yoshikawa." Tawag ko sakaniya at inalog ang braso niya. "Hey, are you sleeping?" I asked when he didn't move.
"Yoshikawa! Wake up!" I shouted at pinaghahampas ko ang dibdib niya. "Fucking wake up, you fool!"
Bigla akong ginapangan ng kaba nang hindi siya magising. Dinikit ko ang daliri ko sa ilong niya and he is still breathing. Bakit nawalan siya ng malay?! Kinapa ko ang bulsa niya at kinuha ang cellphone na naroroon sa bulsa. I looked at it and it's a Samsung phone. This is not Ryoga's phone. He is an avid apple user. He doesn't use any brand!
I just opened it and good thing wala itong lock. Bumungad sa akin ang picture nila ni Arah as his wallpaper. Is this his personal phone?
I looked at his contacts and Arah's number was the first one that was saved. I dialled her number and silently prayed na sumagot ito. Laking pasasalamat ko nang marinig ko ang boses niya sa kabilang linya.
"H-hello?" She answered.
"Hello, Arah? Yoshikawa lost his consciousness. I-I don't know what to do." Kinakabahan na sabi ko.
"W-what?! Nasaan kayo?!" Sigaw niya at narinig ko ang tunog ng mga paa niya at halatang nagmamadali ito.
"Nasa sementeryo kung saan nakalibing si Ate J-Jowana."
"Hintayin niyo 'ko. Papunta na ako." She ended the call at napaupo na lamang ako sa tabi ni Yoshikawa. I looked at his face and he is sleeping peacefully.
"R-Ryoga." Tawag ko sakaniya at hinawakan ang kamay niya. "D-did you also fall inlove with her? Y-your first love is alive." I said and I felt pain on my chest. What if she chosses her over me?
Nanatili lamang akong tinititigan siya sa loob ng ilang minuto. Nang makarinig ako ng footsteps ay agad akong lumingon at nakita si Arah na tumatakbo papunta sa amin.
"What happened to him?" Nag aalala na tanong niya at agad niya itong dinaluhan. She lifted his head up and put it on her lap.
"Nawalan siya bigla ng malay pagkatapos niyang makalimutan na siya ang nagdala sa akin dito."
"H-he forgot?"
"Yes. He was actually looking for you too. Malamang nakalimutan niya na rin na kakagaling lang namin sa inyo."
"Tulungan mo ako. Let's bring him inside my car. Do you know how to drive?" Tanong niya.
"I-I do."
"Drive his car."
Kinuha niya ang susi sa bulsa ni Yoshikawa at inabot ito sa akin. I walked towards them and helped her carry Yoshikawa. Halos hingalin ako sa pagbubuhat sakaniya because he is too heavy. Pinasok namin siya sa loob ng kotse niya atsaka niya ako tinignan.
"Sundan mo lang ako." She said at tumango na lamang ako.
Pumasok ako sa loob ng kotse at pinaandar ang makina. Nang umandar ang kotse niya at umalis ay saka ako sumunod sakaniya. When we arrived at her house ay tinulungan ko siya ulit na ibaba at ipasok si Yoshikawa sa loob. Dinala namin ito sa kwarto niya at hiniga sa kama. I took a deep breathe when I suddenly felt tired.
"He would be sleeping for five hours. Bago siya magising dapat maialis na natin siya rito. Tatawagan ko lang si Red." She said.
"Bakit?"
"Basta kailangan niyong umalis." Sagot niya atsaka siya nag iwas tingin.
"Bakit nakakalimot siya?" Tanong ko. "Bakit hindi niya matandaan na galing kami rito at dinala niya ako ron?"
"Ryoga is getting better. The cure of Ryoga is Yoshikawa's death. You should be happy dahil gumagaling na siya. I heard he had a lot of treatments and therapies. He was really motivated to heal especially when he found you."
"So, Yoshikawa was slowly disappearing by losing his memories?"
"Oo. If an alter ego started his memories to fade that would be the time that he will slowly disappear." She wiped her tears fastly. "B-baka nga wala na si Yoshikawa niyan. Baka hindi na siya bumalik lalo na't nagpaalam na siya sa akin. Alam na alam na niya sa sarili niya na mawawala na siya."
"Are you happy?"
"W-what? Anong klaseng tanong 'yan?"
"Are you happy that Ryoga is finally healing? Na mawawala na si Yoshikawa sakaniya?"
"I am. Masaya ako na gagaling siya kahit pa ang kapalit non ay ang pagkawala ni Yoshikawa na siyang nagmamahal sa akin." She said and her tears fell again, but this time she didn't wipe it.
"Why did you hide the truth that you are Jowana?" I asked which made her surprised.
"I-I don't need to explain why."
"You have to explain. You are alive! You are not dead!"
"I am not Jowana! Jowana is dead!" She bursted crying. "Hindi ko na kailangan pang mag explain sa'yo. You are out of my life and you have nothing to do with it anymore. We're not even friends to start up with." She added and she went out of the room.
Hinayaan ko na lamang siya na umalis at tinitigan ang mukha ni Ryoga na natutulog. I touched his cheeks while staring at his face.
"You'll get through with this. You'll be healed." I said and kissed his lips.
I waited for Arah to come back in the room but she didn't. Lumipas ang tatlong oras na nakatanga lang ako rito habang pinapanood na matulog si Ryoga. Biglang nag ring ang cellphone nito, or cellphone ni Yoshikawa rather. Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bulsa ko at tinignan ang screen.
Kuya Red is calling...
I answered the phone and waited for him to talk.
"Hello, Yoshikawa! Nababaliw ka na ba?! Ibalik mo si Reginy dito." Galit na sabi nito. This is the first time I heard him talking like this. He was always calm and hearing him like this gives different feeling to me.
"Hello?!" He shouted again.
"T-this is Reginy." I spoke up.
"R-Rej? Nasaan kayo? Nasaan si Ryoga? Magkasama ba kayo?" Nagaalala na tanong niya.
"Oo. We're here at Arah's house. He passed out."
"W-what? Anong ginagawa niyo riyan? You need to get out there bago pa magising si Ryoga." Nagmamadali na sabi niya. "Hintayin niyo 'ko riyan. Papunta na ako. Susunduin ko kayo." He added and ended the call.
I put back the phone in my pocket and looked at Ryoga's sleeping face. Yinakap ko na lamang siya at pinikit ang mga mata ko.
I was awaken by the sound of the door. I looked back and I saw Kuya Red who just entered.
"Let's get out of here." He said and he started to carry him.
"Why can't we stay?" I asked but he didn't answer.
Nang mabuhat niya si Ryoga sa likuran niya ay dire diretso na itong lumabas. Sumunod ako sakanila at nakita ko si Arah na nakaupo sa may sofa habang pinapanood lang kami.
"Mauna na kami." Pamamaalam niya kay Arah but she didn't respond.
Lumabas kami ng bahay at sinakay niya si Ryoga sa kotse niya.
"Drive his car and follow me." He said.
Pumasok ako sa kotse at pinaandar ito. Sumunod na lang din ako sakaniya hanggang sa makarating kami sa bahay nila. I just got out from this house and I am returning back again. Bumaba kami ng kotse at may mga tauhan na sumalubong sa amin. They carried Ryoga going inside of the house. I just followed them at sinalubong kami ni Ritsumi.
"Anong nangyari sakaniya?" Nagaalala na tanong niya.
"He passed out." I said at umakyat kami sa ibabaw papunta sa kwarto niya. They put him on bed at naiwan kaming tatlo rito ni Kuya Red at Ritsumi.
"Anong oras siyang magigising?" I asked Kuya Red.
"Maybe after an hour or two hours more." He answered. "Where is Dad, Ritsumi?"
"Nakaalis na siya kanina pa." Sagot nito.
I saw how Kuya Red took a deep breathe like he was relieved or something. What was with his reaction?
"Should I call him?" Ritsumi asked.
"No. Magigising na rin naman siya niyan maya maya lamang. Let's go out first. Let him rest." He said to the both of us.
"No. Dito lang ako. I'll wait for him to wake up."
"Okay."
Lumabas silang dalawa at naiwan akong mag isa rito kasama siya. I sat beside him at pinitik ko ang matangos na ilong niya.
"Ang tagal mong magising." Inis na sabi ko.
Hindi ako nasiyahan sa pag upo ko sa tabi niya at humiga ako sa kama. Yinakap ko siya at tinignan ang mukha niyang tulog na tulog.
"Please wake up now. We have lots of things to talk." I said and kissed his cheeks.
"I didn't. Those memories aren't real. They were just planted in your mind so that you could hate me and Ryoga."
Pa ulit ulit kong inisip ang sinabi ni Yoshikawa at hindi ako mapalagay. What does he mean that those memories aren't real? How come they aren't real if they are surely felt real? I suddenly felt frustrated knowing that Yoshikawa might not come back again. Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan kailangan kong malaman ang totoo?
Hindi ko alam kung nagsasabi ba siya ng totoo o hindi. Was he just pranking me? Gumagawa lang ba siya ng kwento para pagtakpan ang ginawa niya sa akin? I don't know what to think anymore, dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na nangyari talaga 'yon. The pain that I felt were real. Everything was real!
Natigil ako sa pag iisip nang biglang may kumatok sa kwarto. I stood up and opened the door. Bumungad sa akin ang mukha ni Ritsumi na nag aalala.
"May problema ba?" Tanong ko.
"Raine called and he told me that he brought Ivan in the hospital."
"W-what?! Anong nangyari?!"
"He has fever daw tapos nag bleed nalang daw ang ilong niya. Suspect niya that maybe he has dengue dahil may mga rashes na lumabas."
"He was fine last night!" I said at agad akong lumabas ng kwarto.
"Sasama ako." Ritsumi said and we both went outside of the house.
When we arrived at the hospital ay halos takbuhin ko na ang kwarto kung nasaan ang anak ko. Nang makapasok ako sa loob ay bumulaga sa akin si Ivan na nakahiga sa kama habang may dextrose na nakalagay sa kamay niya.
"I-Ivan." I ran towards him and I cried as soon as I saw his face in pain. "Anong nangyari, Kuya?!"
"Noong umalis kayo kagabi, I went to your room to accompany him. I noticed that he was hot so I checked him. He has fever. Tapos nagising nalang siya kaninang madaling araw at dumugo ang ilong niya. When I checked him again I saw some rashes on his skin so I drove him here. Pinatest ko na rin ang dugo niya and confirmed that he has dengue."
"Shit! Is he okay? Does he need blood transfusion or something?" Nag aalala na tanong ko.
"No. He just needs to have his platelets back to normal. Don't worry, ako nang bahala sakaniya."
"Ano ba 'tong nangyayari sa amin?"
Napaupo na lamang ako at para akong mababaliw sa lahat nang 'to. His father is unconscious and I have to talk to him about what happened to us. Tapos ngayon, nandirito naman ang anak ko sa hospital!
"Hey, Rej. Everything will be okay." Ritsumi said while tapping my shoulders.
"I don't know what to do anymore."
"Nandirito kami. We'll help you here." Kuya Raine said.
Tumango na lamang ako at lumapit kay Ivan. I held his small hand and kissed it.
"You can do this, baby. Mommy is here. We'll get through this." I told him. He suddenly opened his eyes and they are so red.
"Lolo." Pagsasalita nito. Is he calling Tito Ryu?
"Baby, this is Mommy." I told him and he looked at me.
"M-Mommy." Tawag niya.
"Yes? May masakit ba baby ko? What do you want?"
"I-I want to be with Daddy. Where is h-he?" His eyes started to look around.
"Baby, Daddy went somewhere. Pupunta rin siya rito once na nakabalik na siya, okay?"
"Okay." He closed his eyes again and I kissed his forehead.
"Take a rest sweetheart."
"Mommy." He called me again while his eyes are closed.
"Hmm?"
"Don't close your eyes."
"What baby?" I looked at Kuya Raine to ask but he is just listening to Ivan also so I looked back at him again.
"D-don't close your eyes when Uncle Red is talking to you." Bulong niya pero tama lang para marinig ko. Naghintay ulit ako na magsalita siya ulit pero wala na akong narinig pa kung hindi ang mahihinang hilik niya.
"While we were going in the hospital he kept on talking too." Kuya Raine said.
"What was he saying?"
"He kept on talking about Red and you. Something like magic daw."
Huminga ako nang malalim at kung anu-ano nang pumapasok sa isip ko. Mga speculations na hindi ko alam kung tama bang isipin ko o hindi dahil alam ko naman na mabuting tao si Kuya Red. Hindi man sila okay ni Ryoga, but he is not capable on doing such things to me and his brother, right? He was the one who helped me with everything.
"Ritsumi." Tawag ko sakaniya. "Can I have a favor?"
"What is it?"
"Please go back to your home and once Ryoga wakes up, bring him here right away."
"Okay. I will."
"And please, don't leave him alone."
"Sure. Alis na ako. Tawagan niyo nalang ako kapag nagkaproblema." I looked at her and she gave me a smile before going out.
Kuya Raine sat beside me and tapped my shoulders. I don't know what to think first. Sa lahat nang nangyayari ngayon at nalaman ko, isang tao lang ang makakapag bigay sagot sa lahat ng katanungan ko.
And it's Ryoga. It's him only.
He better wakes up now so I don't have anything to think about.