I felt my heart beating like crazy as I broke into Dad's room.
The dark room was served with only one window, pile of papers and file works covering half the room. Dad was extremely private about his work room making me suspect if there were memories of mom and Yeo hidden there.
Even as a child, I knew that room was out of bounds that I'd barely step a foot into the room before. After 18 long years, I finally had the courage to sneak into the room ready to discover the unexpected truth.
5 hours earlier_
"Welcome back, Ladies and Gentlemen! And non-binary people!!" The lights swirled from the screen as Jimmy spoke toward the camera. It showed the boyz once again with the same costumes as not much time passed for them during the recording.
"I'm dying to hear the answer." Changmin chuckled as he spoke. "It has been only 10 minutes, dude. chill." Haknyeon insisted.
"Where were we- Right! Who will have the most successful solo career?" Jimmy asked. "Who eve thought that we would split up?" Hyunjae said with a confused face as oohs came from the audience alongside with the cheers.
"Plus our contract is- sjlfkdjfklsdhaf," Sunwoo was fast enough to shut Hyunjun's mouth tight before anyone could understand what he said. "Nothing! Nothing! He kept talking about the underwear story. haha..."
"I want to grow old with you guys, y'know?" Younghoon said glancing at the members as they all nodded instantly, showing each other pure smiles. "Well I'm really happy to hear that."
"Since we're in this topic, I was wondering about," he said pointing at each of them. "Why are there only 5 of you?" A strange icy silence fell upon the group as they weren't really expecting this as the ending question. No-one was.
"How many of us do you want?" Hyunjun asked with a straight face. "The world ain't ready for 1000 of us." More cheers. "I mean...NCT is already enough tho." Sunwoo said with a huge laugh, follw d by the audience.
"If you're comparing us with western boy bands...well, a lot of them had 5 members tho." Juyeon said. "Well..my point here is there could have been more,right? Seven?" The boyz exchanged glances. They weren't ready to answer this. I sat there, studying the boyz' reaction confused of what was happening.
"Well, Jimmy. You do understand how idol industry work,right? The line up changes literally every single day until it became offically so it's understandable that you think like that. But anyways, is there any other question left?" Juyeon said with a sly smile. "Yeah, we can't wait to perform "I'm your boy", Hyunjae said sharing a tiny nod with Juyeon.
"Well gentlemen," Jimmy said, fixing his tie. "It's been a pleasure. Thanks for chatting with us, Crescent !!!" Jimmy shook hands with the boyz, ruffling Hyunjun's boy as passed. The instrumental version of I'm your boy started off as they stood in position to perform the song.
"WOW. That went well except the last part," Changmin exclaimed as both of us nodded. "But what does he mean by seven?" I asked not knowing. "There used to be two more boys in the line-up but one left way before everything and the other one... no-one really knows." Haknyeon answered, biting his lower lip.
"Were they close with Hyunjae?" I asked after I saw his icy expression. "Yeah, really close from what I heard. The first one and him were inseparable. The other one was close with Juyeon, I think."
"Guys..I have to go. Chanhee needs help a the cafe." Changmin said looking from the phone. Both of us nodded, bidding goodbye to him.
***
On the train back to Songdo, I made the decision that I would tell Haknyeon about the lyrics but not Changmin yet, because I wanted to dig a little more before telling him. And this was the perfect time.
"Hak ah," He turned around looking at me. "If I tell you something, will you promise me that you won't tell anyone?" I asked, he looked confused at first but nodded.
I reached for his book under the bed.
"Isn't that..."
"Yes, Yeosang oppa's book."
I passed to Haknyeon and he ran through the pages, "I haven't seen this in years... That's cute that you still keep it."
I didn't respond, instead I skipped to the middle of the page where the certain words laid. "What am I looking at here?" He asked.
"Did-did you just write this? It's the exact same words from I'm your boy.." He exclaimed. "No...he wrote those words ages ago."
Haknyeon poked the inside of his cheeks, being overwhelmed by the situation. "What a weird coincidence."
"Unless...."
Haknyeon started turning the pages as he read through them quickly, his eyes furiously fitting from side to side. "Cresent's song....they...they're on almost every pages.."
***
"Here," Haknyeon said, his eyes full of excitement. I felt a sudden ping in my chest, looking at what he was pointing at.
In this suffocating darkness
I'll trap myself for you
Though I won't last long
I didn't realize what he was trying to show me at first since I recognized those words as my depressed time. Suddenly it hit me. It was from Cresent's number 1, Reveal.
"And this," Haknyeon flicked on a few pages. "These...they are smiliar to Wings,"
I'm walking again on the unconscious, blurred like a star
I approach you and reach out
I run while holding this fast-filling breath
"This is too much..Hak ah...way too much.." I said, hiding my face in my palms. "Look," Haknyeon said, with a n uncertain look.
"I know this is kinda impossible but it's possible if you think it. But it can still sounds absurd. Like," I sighed. He always beats around the bush when he doesn't know what to do. "..what if Yeosang was supposed to be a member of Cresent?..."
It sounded crazy to be honest. I never thought about this before but with just one tiny chance, even with this 0.00001% chance, he used to be with them...
I sat there staring at the wall, stunned. Haknyeon glanced at the clock. "Oh shit. I have to go tennis with mum. Sorry Yoona ah. I promise I will help you figure this out. I do.." His voice trailing away as he spoke.
Then he left leaving me dumbfounded from the situation. I know this sounds like a fiction story but when push comes to shove, you do what you gotta do. Even when it involves breaking into someone's room.
The dark room was served with only one window, pile of papers and file works covering half the room. Dad was extremely private about his work room making me suspect if there were memories of mom and Yeo hidden there.
Even as a child, I knew that room was out of bounds that I'd barely step a foot into the room before. After 18 long years, I finally had the courage to sneak into the room ready to discover the unexpected truth.
I scanned the drawers, cupboards and cabinets in Dad's studies. Everything felt like out of order in there. I opened the first drawers from the desk, trying to find something informative there. All I found was just spreadsheets, taxes, bills and office works, same old things. I felt hopeless until my hand reached the lower left drawer.
I encountered with a lot of Dad's old certificates. They represented how he used to be: a smart and ambitious old man. But he is not the same anymore. After mom and he died, Dad went through a lot, probably more than I did because after all, he lost not only his wife but his son... He indeed changed as time went on.
I pushed away the certificates and continued looking, trying to ignore the feeling of my heart sinking. Was I wasting my time? Was there any traces for him at all?
Then I discovered an crusty yellowish envelope with the address I secretly memorized when I was young. There was a letter inside. As I read through it, all sort of complicated feelings came back to me with a rush.
Dear Yeosang ah,
I can't do this anymore. Please come home. Even just for a few days. Things are getting bad and I can't see a way out. Between extra shifts, taxes, bills, taking care of Yoona, I lost the time for studying that I'm at stake of losing my job and my PhD.
Yes, I know what I'm doing right now. I'm saying in the exact same way you did a year ago, when you told me you wanted to be a singer. I remembered what I said too, "The one who wants to wear the crown, must bear its weight," and that you won't be able to...
I'm really sorry about everything I did to you. Trust me, I really am. I've hardly heard anything from you. I know we don't contact anymore but at least do it for her, Yoona. She needs her brother right now. I can't do this on my own with all the pressure I'm on.
I'm sorry about everything but I have to put Yoona first even if I have to do the risks. Her birthday is coming soon. Even if you won't spend the time at home, at least meet her. She has grown more beautiful everyday. You'd be so proud of her.
I know I am.
Please come home, Dad.
I f
Happy birthday to one of my bias werkers, Lee Juyeon ❤️❤️❤️
Wish the best for you✨