(Y/N) was strolling towards an inn with a shiny dagger hanging off his left hip. He had bought it in a shop he passed on the way. The girl he met in there was clumsy, but that only added to her charm. He had heard another customer call her Wiz, so that's what he assumed her name was.
(Y/N): "This should be the place."
(Y/N) walked inside and up to lady at the counter.
(Y/N): "How much for a night?"
Receptionist: "It's 500 eris a night, with access to the tavern on the ground floor."
(Y/N) handed the woman behind the counter the money. She then handed him a key, and directed him to his room upstairs. The first thing he decided to do was unassemble his guitar. Using the dagger he bought as a screwdriver, he took the pickups out of the body.
(Y/N): "Let's see what makes this thing tick. Huh?"
(Y/N) was baffled when he saw that no wires were attached to the pickup. He furrowed his brow as he turned it over. Instead of wires going into various places, he saw a few small, nearly flat rocks.
(Y/N): "The hell are these doing here? I get it's a holy weapon, but I thought there'd have been some kind of electronics inside. I'm gonna need a drink."
(Y/N) carefully screwed the pickup back into the body, and set the guitar on the bed. He then made his way downstairs and to the tavern.
(Y/N): "Don't suppose you have Guinness, do you?"
The bartender looked at (Y/N) like he had grown a second head. Quietly, (Y/N) sighed and ordered again.
(Y/N): "Any whiskey you have will do fine."
The bartender nodded, and turned to the bottles behind him.
(Y/N): "What I wouldn't do to hear some Motörhead right about now."
Megumin: "(Y/N)?"
(Y/N): "Megumin? What are you doing here?"
Megumin: "I could ask the same of you."
(Y/N): "Oh yeah? Well I asked you first."
Megumin: "I'm staying at this inn, and I needed a drink before I went to bed."
(Y/N): "Well it looks like we're in the same boat. Wait a second, you drink?"
Megumin: "Only the hardest of apple ciders!"
(Y/N) sweatdropped, before a whistle caught his attention. He turned just in time to catch the jar of whiskey the bartender slid his way. He sniffed it a bit, and then took a big swig.
(Y/N): "Ugh, that's the good shit."
Megumin: "Wait, that's what you meant by drink?"
(Y/N): "I honestly thought it was obvious."
Megumin: "I guess it should've been. Anyway, I've been meaning to ask you, how old are you, anyway?"
(Y/N): "Just turned 16 recently. But I've been drinking since my first tour. How old are you?"
Megumin: "I'm 14, of marriageable age. So I'd appreciate it if you'd stop treating me like a child, and let me have a sip."
(Y/N): "Eh, one sip won't kill you. It's strong though, so don't say I didn't warn you."
(Y/N) handed Megumin the jar. She did the same thing he did at first and sniffed it. But her nose crinkled up at the smell.
(Y/N): "Don't force yourself."
Megumin: "I am a grown adult and can handle my liquor, thank you very much!"
(Y/N): "Sorry. Didn't mean to piss you off."
Megumin then placed the jar at her lips, and slightly tilted it back. Her tough facade broke as soon as she swallowed. She started violently coughing. (Y/N) quickly started to pat her back while laughing uncontrollably.
(Y/N): "Haha! You - hahaha! Y-you good?!"
Megumin: "Please don't laugh at me, the alcohol is burning me enough already."
(Y/N): "Sorry, it's just that's exactly what happened to me the first time I had whiskey."
Megumin pouted a little, but quickly forgave him anyway. She handed the jar back to (Y/N) and watched as he effortlessly chugged what was left.
(Y/N): "Well damn, I came down to think and unwind, but now you've got me all rowdy again."
Megumin: "I'm not feeling as tired as I was either."
(Y/N) looked around the tavern to see no one else there. He looked to the bartender to see him cleaning up for the night.
(Y/N): "Huh. I didn't think it was that late. Hey Megumin, tell you what. I'm gonna head back up to my room, wanna go with me? We can talk some more, and I can play you some songs."
Megumin: "I'm fine with that, as long as you don't try anything funny."
(Y/N): "Do I really come off as that kind of guy?"
Megumin: "No, not really. Just laying down the rules."
(Y/N): "Don't worry about it. Drunk or sober, no always means no. Besides, I haven't known you long enough anyway. Although, that didn't stop me with that chick from Seattle. Hehe."
(Y/N) was too busy reminiscing to notice how mad Megumin had gotten at the mention of another girl.
Megumin: "Huh?! What girl?! What's her name?!"
(Y/N): "I'm gonna be entirely honest here. I don't think I ever learned her name."
Megumin: "What!?"
(Y/N): "Hey, in my defense, it was after a show, and I was very, very drunk. They say you always remember your first, but I just barely do. A lot of that night is hazy."
Megumin: "That doesn't make it any better!"
(Y/N): "Look, can we just drop the subject here? Why does it matter to you so much anyway?"
Megumin opened her mouth to answer him, but shut it just as quickly.
Megumin: 'Why does it matter to me? Why did I get so worked up over just the mention of some random girl?'
(Y/N): "Whatever. Let's just go back upstairs."
(Timeskip)
(Y/N) was busy messing with his guitar while Megumin sat in a chair not far from him. She hadn't said a word since the whole Seattle incident, and (Y/N) was trying to think of something to say. He unscrewed the second humbucker to see if there were the same small stones. Sure enough, there was. He decided to see if Megumin knew anything about them.
(Y/N): "Yo, Megumin."
Megumin perked up at the sound of her name.
(Y/N): "Can you come here a sec, I wanna see if you recognize these."
Megumin hopped out of her chair and quickly stepped over. She took one look at the small stones and knew exactly what they were.
Megumin: "Oh, that's manatite."
(Y/N): "Manawhatnow?"
Megumin: "Manatite. It's that stone you see at the end of my staff. It's a stone used for channeling mana."
(Y/N): 'I wonder if I can play without shooting lightning if I learn how to stop the mana flow?' "How would I go about doing that?"
Megumin: "It isn't hard. I can teach you if you'd like."
(Y/N): "Please do."
(Y/N) spent the rest of the night learning from Megumin. How the manatite works, how to channel mana, how to stop the flow, and various other things. (Y/N) was a quick learner, so it didn't take long for him to get the hang of it. After he finished his study session with Megumin, they parted ways, and Megumin went down the hall to her room.
(Y/N): "I sure am lucky to have someone like her around."
(Timeskip)
(Y/N): "What kind of goddess does party tricks?"
Kazuma: "A useless one."
(Y/N) and Kazuma had just entered the guild when they saw Aqua doing her party tricks for a small crowd. After she finished, the crowd quickly dispersed and she sat back down. The two boys walked over to see Megumin sitting down with her. The boys took their seat at the table and tried striking up a conversation.
(Y/N): "Hey Megumin, thanks for last night."
Aqua and Kazuma's eyes suddenly widened. Were they hearing what they thought they were? Megumin was now the center of attention, and was trying to diffuse the situation.
Megumin: "It's really not what you guys are thinking!"
(Y/N) saw Megumin quickly getting flustered, and decided to tease her a little more.
(Y/N): "Seriously though, thank you. I had fun and learned some new things too!"
Kazuma: "Oi."
Megumin: "Are you trying to cause a misunderstanding?!"
(Y/N): "What? I'm just telling the truth."
Megumin: "You could have phrased it better!"
(Y/N): "I can try explaining it to them if you want."
Megumin: "That would be greatly appreciated."
(Y/N) then leaned over the table and donned the biggest shit-eating grin of his life.
(Y/N): "I was having some whiskey when I met Megumin in the downstairs tavern. After talking a bit, and finishing my liquor, we went to my room upstairs. There she taught me things I didn't even think of before!"
Megumin: "You've just made it worse!"
Megumin's covered her face to hide the deep shade of red it had become. (Y/N) was laughing his ass off, and the other two were so uncomfortable that they couldn't look them in the eyes. Kazuma quickly changed the subject.
Kazuma: "A-anyway, have you leveled up yet (Y/N)?"
(Y/N) sat up a little bit and caught his breath. He wiped a small tear from his eye, and then answered.
(Y/N): "I have, as a matter of fact. Have you?"
Kazuma: "Yeah. There's a place on my card that says skill points, but I don't know what to do with them."
(Y/N): "Same, I've been thinking about it since the tavern last night, but forgot to ask after the whiskey."
Kazuma and Aqua both snapped their heads towards Megumin.
Kazuma: "Hey Megumin, you didn't..."
Aqua: "Did you roofie him or something?"
Megumin: "Of course I didn't! What kind of person do you take me for?!"
(Y/N) feigned innocence while stifling laughter. Megumin quickly composed herself, and went on explaining how skill points work.
(Y/N): "Wait, so you could teach me explosion?"
Megumin jumped up, and got close to (Y/N). When he noticed that their faces were mere inches apart, (Y/N) went red. Megumin was too absorbed in her speech about explosion magic that she didn't notice.
Megumin: "Come, walk the path of explosions with me (Y/N)!"
(Y/N): "Y-you know, I'd love to. B-but first I need you to b-back up a little, before my face dies of heatsroke."
Megumin then realized just how close she had gotten. A deep shade of red blossomed onto her face, and she quickly sat down again. She looked down and quietly apologized.
Megumin: "S-sorry."
Kazuma: "Jeez. You really need to learn when to calm down, little girl."
Megumin's blush died down, and she looked as if a part of her had died.
Megumin: "Huh. I'm a little girl."
(Y/N) saw how despondent she was, and decided to try and comfort her.
(Y/N): "Hey, you may be little, but you have a big heart. Remember what I told you yesterday. Don't let others get you down. Besides, I always had a thing for smaller girls anyway."
And just like that, Megumin's blush was back, but this time more intense. She was interrupted before she could say anything though.
Darkness: "I've been looking for you."
(Y/N)'s face changed from a smile to primal fear in milliseconds. He recognized who the voice behind him belonged to, and was trying to come up with an excuse to get out of here.
(Y/N): 'Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. I gotta get away from this kinky blonde!' "H-hello Darkness. W-w-why would you be looking for m-me?"
Darkness: "After I spoke to Kazuma last night, he told me that he had promoted you to party leader."
(Y/N) quickly looked to where Kazuma was sitting, only to be greeted with an empty seat.
Megumin: "He said he had something important to take care of."
(Y/N): "Megumin. I need you to do two things for me. First, hand me that glass."
Megumin: "Why do you nee-"
(Y/N): "Just hand me the goddamn glass."
Megumin, although confused, complied. She watched as he downed the rest of the mystery alcohol that was in it, and then smash it into the table, shattering it, and cutting his hand a bit.
(Y/N): "THAT BUTTFUCKING SON OF A BITCH! WHEN I GET THE CHANCE, I'M GONNA WRING HIS NECK LIKE A ROOSTER!"
Aqua screamed, frightened by the sudden violence and loud shouting. Megumin jumped back some, and Darkness was flushed and panting.
Darkness: "I wonder how it would feel to be on the receiving end of his fury!"
(Y/N): "With that out of the way, I'll give you your second task, Megumin. I want you to find Kazuma, and whack him upside the head with your staff. Tell him that if he doesn't come back of his own accord, I'm more than happy to drag his unconscious body back. Ok?"
Megumin was a little frightened at the new side of (Y/N) she was seeing. She nodded wordlessly, and ran out of the guild to find Kazuma.
Darkness: "As I was saying-"
(Y/N): "Just give it a second."
A second or two after Megumin went through the doors, an audible *conk* was heard, followed by a yelp from Kazuma.
Kazuma: "The hell are you doing?!"
Megumin was heard whispering what (Y/N) did, along with his threat, to Kazuma. A couple seconds after, Kazuma walked through the guild doors, white as a sheet.
(Y/N): "Kazuma."
Kazuma jumped at his name being said. He nodded quickly, mostly out of fear.
(Y/N): "I'm promoting you to party leader. Now help me out with Pervzilla here."
Darkness moaned at being insulted, which only drove (Y/N)'s point home further.
Darkness: "I'll ask you once more. Please let me join your party."
Kazuma: "I refuse."
Darkness: "Mmh! Such a snap decision!"
(Y/N): 'Normally, I'm all for kinky women. But Darkness is just too much for me!'
???: "Darkness, that won't do! You can't be so pushy."
(Y/N) looked up to see a silver haired girl in a skimpy outfit. Deja vu washed over him, but he couldn't tell why.
(Y/N): "And who might you be?"
Chris: "I'm Chris, and I'm a thief if you couldn't tell. Darkness here is a friend of mine."
(Y/N): 'She seems normal enough. She reminds of someone though.' "Have we met?"
Chris stared at him for a second, and scratched her cheek.
Chris: "I don't believe so. I look forward to getting to know you, though."
Megumin looked grumpy all of a sudden.
Chris: "I couldn't help but overhear that you're in need of a useful skill. I can teach you some useful thief skills if you want. If you act quick, I'll do it for the price of a drink."
Kazuma: "You've got a deal! One drink for the lady right here!"
(Y/N): "I'll learn too. Oh and Kazuma, order me some strong whiskey."
Kazuma: "You can buy your own."
(Y/N): "You owe me for leaving me with Darkness. My offer to wring your neck still stands."
Kazuma audibly gulped, and ordered the strongest whiskey they had.
(Timeskip)
(Y/N), Kazuma, Chris, and Darkness were all outside the guild.
Chris: "There are many thief skills, Enemy Detection and Lurk for example. But the one I recommend most is Steal. Watch this. Steal!"
Chris reached her hand out in front of her, and a bright light appeared in her palm. When it dispersed, a coin pouch was in her hands.
Kazuma: "My wallet!"
(Y/N) burst into laughter when he saw Kazuma's predicament.
Chris: "Don't go laughing yet, (Y/N)! Steal!"
She did the same motion towards (Y/N) that she did toward Kazuma, the same bright light emanating from her palm. When it died down, instead of the small bag of eris she'd expected, Chris held (Y/N)'s guitar.
Chris: "Huh?"
(Y/N) threw himself on the ground at her knees, begging Chris for his guitar back.
(Y/N): "My baby! My gorgeous cherry baby! Please, please give her back! I have 26,000 eris still, and I'm willing to give it all! Just please don't scratch her!"
Chris was so surprised at how quickly he had lowered himself to save his guitar. He must have really cared for it. She was caught so off guard that she just handed the guitar back to (Y/N).
Chris: "Uh, s-sorry. I didn't realize it meant that much to you."
(Y/N) thanked her profusely, and took the guitar from her. He then sat down against the wall of the guild and hugged it. He was intent on letting no harm come anywhere near it.
(Timeskip)
The four were now back in the guild. Chris was now all teary-eyed.
Aqua: "What happened to her?"
Kazuma: "She taught me-"
Darkness: "Allow me to explain. This man savagely stripped Chris of her undergarments, then waved them in the air like a flag."
Kazuma: "Just what are you blurting out?!"
Chris spoke through faked sobs.
Chris: "He.. He told me to decide their worth on my own... If I didn't, they'd become a f-family heirloom!"
Kazuma: "You're not lying, but please stop! The female adventurers look like they could castrate me at any moment!"
(Y/N): "Wait, that's what happened? I was too busy protecting Amelia to pay any attention."
Megumin: "Who in the world is Amelia?"
(Y/N): "My guitar."
Megumin: "You named...Your guitar?"
(Y/N): "Hey, if B.B. King can, so can I."
Megumin: "I don't even know of the king you're talking about."
(Y/N): "Eh, forget about it. Real famous guy back where I'm from. Anyways, I won't condone the whole flag thing, but Chris did steal your wallet in the first place. It's justifiable, but only a little bit."
Megumin: "So you did learn some new skills?"
Kazuma: "I did. Watch this! Steal!"
Kazuma did the same motion Chris had done before and a bright light came out his palm. Once it was through, he opened his hand to find lacy, black panties, and Megumin almost in tears.
Megumin: "I see, when you leveled up, you changed your class from adventurer to pervert."
(Y/N): "Oi Kazuma."
Kazuma: "Y-yeah?"
(Y/N): "Give 'em here. Now."
Kazuma: "S-sure."
Kazuma then handed Megumin's panties to (Y/N), who returned them to her. She thanked him quietly.
(Y/N): "Alright Kazuma."
Kazuma: "W-what is it (Y/N)?"
(Y/N): "Run like hell. You have 10."
Kazuma: "Huh?! 10 what?!"
(Y/N): "9."
Kazuma then realized the trouble he was in. He bolted out of the guild with (Y/N) in tow not long after. It wasn't hard for (Y/N) to find him, as he was hiding in the same spot beside the doors as before.
Kazuma: "Yaaaah!"
(Y/N): "Relax! I'm not gonna kill you."
Hearing their exchange, Megumin walked closer to the door. She was interested in what (Y/N) was going to say.
(Y/N): "Would you quit screaming? I just needed to let some anger out. The band I was with were fucking me over since the start, but I had no way of releasing that pent up frustration. And you know what they say, 'The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun'."
Kazuma: "Wait, that's the only reason you told me to run?"
(Y/N): "I also may have... wanted to seem a little cool in front of Megumin..."
Megumin's chest tightened a bit at this revelation.
Kazuma: "Seriously?"
(Y/N): "Yeah. That, and I figured scaring you would take less effort than strangling you."
Kazuma then got up off the ground, and leaned on the wall next to (Y/N).
Kazuma: "Jeez, why are you so protective of her anyway?"
Megumin was especially interested in hearing this part. (Y/N) looked up at the sky in thought.
(Y/N): "I don't know, to be honest. The whole "please don't abandon me" thing just broke my heart. I've said it before, but I've been in her position before. Living under a bridge for 4 months did a number on my mental health."
Kazuma: "Oh god. Sorry, dude. Didn't mean to make you think about painful stuff. But is that it? You see yourself in her?"
(Y/N): "I do. That and. Well. God this is embarrassing to say."
Megumin was already happy that he cared for her this much, but now her interest was piqued.
(Y/N): "Whenever I look at her... I get this tight feeling in my chest, like I have to protect her from whatever bad things could come her way."
Kazuma: "Sounds like you, my friend, have a crush."
Kazuma looked up at the taller boy, but saw him with his head down. His hair was covering his face, so he couldn't tell what expression me had.
(Y/N): "Th-that doesn't matter right now! You need to help me out with Darkness!"
Kazuma: "Your right. We need to turn her away before Aqua gets a hold of her."
(Y/N): "If that happens, I might just masokill myself."
(Y/N) started laughing, while Kazuma only chuckled through a facepalm.
(Y/N): "One thing's for sure, though."
Kazuma curiously looked at him.
(Y/N): "I'm damn sure gonna learn that steal skill."
Kazuma stuck his hand out to (Y/N), who gripped back.
(Y/N) & Kazuma: "My man!"
Hearing them start to move, Megumin quickly rushed back to the table, although noticeably more red. The boys walked back to the table, and sat down like nothing had ever happened.
Aqua: "Hey Kazuma, is this the girl you were talking about last night?"
(Small Timeskip)
Aqua and Megumin were now looking at Darkness' adventurer card.
Megumin: "She's a Crusader! We should have no reason to turn her away!"
Kazuma: 'Of course these two just had to meet her. This is not going the way I'd like it to.' "Darkness."
Darkness looked over to Kazuma, hopeful.
Kazuma: "Aqua, (Y/N), and I don't look like much, but our main goal is to kill the Devil King."
Megumin: "It is?"
(Y/N): "Hell yeah it is!"
Megumin: "Why are you so gung ho about this?"
(Y/N): "A pretty lady asked me to."
Megumin: "Huh?!"
Chris was blushing for some reason.
(Y/N): "Whatever. Darkness, our quest can only get harder from here. If you were to be captured by the Devil King, you'd suffer a fate far worse than words could describe."
Darkness: "Exactly. Since olden times, being the Devil King's plaything is the duty of a female knight. That alone is worth the trip!"
Everyone looked at Darkness with confusion, some with disappointment.
Darkness: "Did I say something strange?"
Before anyone could say anything else, an emergency broadcast sounded.
Luna: "Emergency quest! Emergency quest! All adventurers please gather at the front gates! I repeat, all adventurers please gather at the front gate as quickly as possible!"
(Y/N): "This is gonna be my first real fight here! Come on let's go!"
(Y/N) sprinted out of the guild and towards the front gate. As he was running, he heard adventurers talking about harvests, and how rough this year's will be. When he got outside the gates, he saw a giant mass of green barreling towards the town. Soon Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness came out behind him. Megumin stood beside (Y/N) and posed.
Megumin: "A storm is coming."
(Y/N): "Indeed it is, my dear Megumin. Are you ready to see why they call me the Harvester Of Sorrow?"
Kazuma: "Who the hell calls you that?"
(Y/N): "Me, motherfucker."
Aqua: "Here they come! Bring out the Mayonnaise!"
(Y/N) and Kazuma both whipped their heads over to Aqua.
Kazuma: "Mayonnaise?"
(Y/N): "Don't get me wrong, I love Smashing Pumpkins, but why on god's green earth would we need that for monsters?"
Aqua: "Not monsters, you dummies. Cabbage. In this world, cabbages fly, and they migrate when they hit peak flavor. If we didn't harvest them, they'd end up rotting somewhere in the ocean. A waste of good food if you ask me."
(Y/N): "This place just gets stranger and stranger."
Luna: "Attention all adventurers! Please capture as many cabbages as you can. The guild will be buying them for 10,000 eris a head!"
(Y/N)'s entire disposition changed at the mention of that amount of eris. He grabbed a net, gripped the neck of his guitar, and sprinted towards the blob of green in the distance.
(Y/N): "I should have died a long fucking time ago."
Meanwhile, Kazuma and the rest were still waiting at the gate. Darkness was determined to prove herself.
Darkness: "Kazuma, please watch. I will show you my skills as a Crusader."
She then rushed forward and swung her buster sword at some cabbages. She miraculously missed every one. Off in the distance, (Y/N) was fighting his way back to the gates. He had his guitar strapped in front of him, and a net full of cabbage hanging off his back.
(Y/N): "This dagger fuckin sucks! It can't even cut a vegetable! If these fuckin green things posed a real threat, I'd be dead by now!"
Since the dagger that he'd bought from Wiz turned out to be defective, (Y/N) played his guitar to stun the cabbages so he could put them in his net.
(Y/N): "I really need to thank Megumin when I get back. I wouldn't be able to aim this lightning without mana contol."
As (Y/N) got closer to the gates, he saw some adventurers who'd apparently pulled the shortest straw. The cabbages were getting more violent by the second, and these adventurers got caught while they were down.
Adventurer 1: "This might be it for us!"
Adventurer 2: "Gentlemen, it's been an honor harvesting with you!"
Suddenly, a lightning storm came into their view. The lightning was precisely aimed to hit only the cabbage.
(Y/N): "To your feet men. Eris hasn't called you yet."
Adventurer 3: "Why did you take the time to save us?"
(Y/N): "Where I'm from, there's a saying. 'When you see someone in the pit fall, you pick them back up."
An older looking adventurer stuck his hand out to (Y/N).
Experienced Adventurer: "What's your name, son?"
(Y/N) suddenly saw an opportunity.
(Y/N): "Some call me The Painkiller. Some might say that Revolution Is My Name. But you can call me, The Harvester Of Sorrow."
(Y/N) guided the injured adventurers back to the gates. He met Kazuma and Megumin there.
Megumin: "What happened to them?"
(Y/N): "Nothing a little whiskey won't heal. Poor men would be killed back in the pits where I'm from."
The experienced looking adventurer from earlier came walking back to (Y/N). He stuck his hand out once more.
Experienced Adventurer: "Thank you again, son. All of us will tell the tale of the Harvester Of Sorrow who rescued us."
He then walked off. Kazuma and Megumin were both slackjawed.
(Y/N): "What did I tell you?"
Megumin seemed amazed, and Kazuma seemed exasperated.
(Y/N): "So what'd I miss?"
Kazuma: "Just Darkness somehow being noble and pervy at the same time."
(Y/N): "So just the usual?"
Before they could continue their conversation, Megumin interrupted them.
Megumin: "When faced with such a magnificent target, can I really withhold the greatest magic? No I cannot!"
Kazuma: "Please try."
(Y/N): "As long as you don't hit any people, I say go for it."
Megumin: "Oh, blackness shrouded in light...Frenzied blaze clad in night...In the name of the crimson demons, let the collapse of thine origin manifest. Summon before me the root of thy power hidden within the lands of the kingdom of demise! EXPLOSION!"
Kazuma: "Wait! Darkness is still in there!"
Megumin & (Y/N): "She is?"
But it was too late, the magic was already casted. All that was heard was a giant boom...And some moans?
(Timeskip)
Kazuma: 'I don't understand. How can a simple cabbage stirfry taste so good?'
The party, along with the entire company of adventurers, we're back in the guild, eating and drinking.
Aqua: "Well you're definitely a Crusader. None of the cabbages got past you, and you tanked Megumin's explosion!"
Megumin: "Again, I'm sorry."
Darkness: "It's alright, I quite enjoyed it in fact. And nonsense, I'm just a solidly built woman. Being used as a shield for others is all I'm good for."
Megumin: "Aqua's Nature's Beauty was amazing too, boosting morale and keeping the vegetables fresh."
Aqua: "That's just part of being an Arch Priest! Megumin's magic was outstanding too."
Megumin: "Fufu, the power of Crimson Demons is second to none!"
Aqua: "You did well too, Kazuma. Using Lurk to hide from the cabbages and Steal to capture them made you look like a real thief. With the power invested in me, I hereby dub you The Elegant Cabbage Thief."
Kazuma: "Oi, stop that. If you call me that I'll hit you."
Darkness: "Now that you've seen my abilities as a Crusader... Once again, I'm Darkness, a Crusader who never hits her target. I'm very good at becoming a wall though, so please *pant* don't hesitate to use me as a pawn! I look forward to working with you!"
Kazuma: 'Yep, she's one of those people. A hardcore masochist, and a useless one too. Why me?'
Aqua: "Time for drinks!"
Megumin: "(Y/N) is usually all in for drinks, I wonder where he got off to?"
As if on queue, a loud clap was heard at the center of the guild. Everyone looked to the sound instinctively. They were met with the sight of (Y/N) standing on a table, guitar in hand. He had a makeshift microphone mad out of a mug tied to a broom.
(Y/N): "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. This was my first harvest, and it was great. I made an absolute killing today. So guess what? Drinks on me tonight!"
The entire guild erupted in to cheers. Everyone started to order drinks. But (Y/N) clapped loudly once again, silencing the guild.
(Y/N): "Hey, I wasn't finished! On top of buying you drinks, I'm gonna let out some stress too. The entertainment has arrived!"
(Y/N) switched his guitar to 'OVERDRIVE' and played a power chord. The guild was stunned by the new sound, but only for a moment. They erupted into cheers again.
(Y/N): "Alright Axel! You ready to hear some heavy fucking metal?!"
Guild: "Yeah!"
(Y/N): "I don't think you are! Lemme ask again, are you ready for some HEAVY FUCKIN METAL!?"
Guild: "YEAAAHH!"
(Y/N): Now that's more fuckin like it! Somebody get me a whiskey! This song's called DAMAGE CASE!"
The crowd screamed with joy as (Y/N) started the song. It was like nothing they'd ever heard before.
Megumin: "Man, (Y/N) really knows how to rile up a crowd."
Kazuma: "He ought to. He said he was a performer back home."
The guild jumped and bounced to the new music they were hearing. As the song ended, everyone cheered.
(Y/N): "Now we're having fun! Alright, I'm gonna play you a song that you can drink the night away to! But before I do, I need you all to do something for me."
The guild looked confused for a moment, but quickly started to listen.
(Y/N): "When you pump your fists in the fucking air, stick up your index and pinky fingers. Looks like horns right? This symbolizes the very spirit of HEAVY FUCKIN METAL! This symbol was created by a legendary man by the name of Ronnie James Dio! He was one of the greatest that ever lived, and was a friend to all! Sadly, he passed away not long ago."
The entire guild's faces fell. They had never even met the man, but they were all sad at hearing of his death.
(Y/N): "But you and I can keep his spirit alive and kicking with this symbol! When I say go, I want you to throw up your horns in the name of the great DIO! Alright, GO!"
Upon hearing (Y/N) call them, hundreds of people threw up the horns. Kazuma, Darkness, Megumin, and even Aqua did as he asked with enthusiasm.
(Y/N): "For the rest of your life, I want you take the symbol with you, to keep Dio alive! Somebody get me another whiskey, and put it in a jar, so I can start the goddamn song!"
A big jar of whiskey crowdsurfed over to (Y/N)'s makeshift stage. He grabbed it, and chugged it all down.
(Y/N): "Hell yeah! With that out of the way, we can start the song, this one's called. WHISKEY! IN! THE! JAR!"
As (Y/N) played through the song, the guild only got drunker and rowdier. (Y/N) finished the song and was rewarded with cheers, and even more alcohol.
(Y/N): "I'm glad you liked that one! But it only gets better from here! I've got a couple more songs for you fuckin animals! Back where I'm from, there's a tale about the day of reckoning. On that great day, when the almighty rains fire and brimstone down on the people of the world, there are emissaries on horseback that bring the will of the Holy one's down to mankind. Their names are first, War! Second, Famine! Third, Pestilence! Fourth and final, Death! They are the four horsemen of the apocalypse! And they've come to take your life!"
As the song progressed, (Y/N) felt the effects of the alcohol hit him. He definitely screwed up a few notes of the solo. But the adventurers loved it nonetheless. Another, even larger jar of whiskey made it's way to the stage. (Y/N) downed it all, and then prepared the last song.
(Y/N): "Alright you lot! It's time to show me what you learned tonight! I'm fucking hammered beyond belief, so this'll be the last song of the night. Time to show us what you're fucking made of! Alright!?"
Guild: "YEAAAHH!"
(Y/N): "That was fucking piss poor! Give me everything you got! Alright?!"
Guild: "FUUCCKK YEEAAAAHHH!!!"
(Y/N): "That's more like it! This song is about an angel who descended from heaven to slay those who oppressed the holy's chosen people! Some call it just a story. Some call it true. I call it a badass fuckin song, it's called... CRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEPIIINGGG.....DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAATHHH!!!"
(Y/N) played and sang his heart out, and the guild ate it up. As he got to the solo, he lost focus a bit, and lightning shot out of the headstock into the ceiling. This only riled the crowd up more. As he reached the slower churning section, he stopped playing, and started clapping to keep time.
(Y/N): "To finish this part, I'm gonna need your help! I want you to repeat after me! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"
The entire guild followed after, and started chanting.
(Y/N): "HELL FUCKIN YEAH! NOW YOU GOT IT, KEEP IT GOING! YOU READY!? DIE! BY MY HAND! I CREEP ACROSS THE LAND! KILLING FIRSTBORN MAN! DIE! BY MY HAND! I CREEP ACROSS THE LAND! KILLING FIRSTBORN MAN!"
(Y/N) played the rest of the song, the guild loving every second. He wrapped up the show with a big finish.
(Y/N): "My name is (Y/N) (L/N)! Remember me!"
(Y/N) then had a flying piece of fabric hit his face. He peeled it off and saw that they were a female adventurer's panties. In his drunken state, he pulled them across his face like a mask.
(Y/N): "Thanks for the gift, random girl! And thank you all for listening! I've been drinking too long! Thank you, GOODNIGHT!"
Then, with pantie mask still on, stumbled off the stage. The crowd caught him, and carried him to the exit, cheering the whole way. At the exit, Megumin was waiting for him.
(Y/N): "Megumin! Honey! Long time no see!"
Megumin: "H-honey?! And you just saw me an hour ago!"
(Y/N) stumbled and leaned on Megumin.
(Y/N): "But an hour's *burp*...way to long to not see your cute face."
He booped Megumin's nose as he said that, only making her blush deeper.
Megumin: "Why does whiskey make you so flirty?! And get those things off your face!"
Megumin ripped the panties of unknown origin off of (Y/N)'s face and threw them on the ground.
Megumin: "*sigh* Let's just get you to the inn before you get yourself in more trouble."
(Y/N): "Ok, thanks, love you."
And then (Y/N) fell on his face. That's the last thing he remembered before blacking out entirely.
And that's the third chapter done. I like the way this one came out. The banter between (Y/N) and Megumin is really fun to write, and it's hard to stop sometimes. I didn't really plan for a romance, but it just kinda happened. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I'll see you in the next one.