Camila met Lauren's gaze and she looked deep in thought at the question. Her gaze shifted and flickered behind the girl's head,
''I think, it doesn't matter what I think...''
''What do you mean?''
''Well, what I said. I don't think it matters what I think because even with my opinion, you yourself are still in limbo. You don't know what you want.''
Lauren sat stunned in silence, and her eyes widened in surprise,
''Well, what is it that you think I want?''
Camila brought her eyes back to her, emotionless.
''I think everything you want, everything you feel is clouded by the desire to feel redemption for everything you've done. I'm not sure if the reality of our situation has given you just as much as freedom as it has to me, or if it's only made things even harder for you. Hope you find a peace of mind though.'' She said before patting Lauren's knee and getting up to walk away.
''I care about you, Camila. I know that much.''
''Well, it's a little too late for that, don't you think?''
''It's never too late.''
''I guess you're gonna have to prove me wrong.''
''Is that an invitation?''
Camila smiled weakly at her before walking off the stage and towards the exit, not once looking back.
Lauren brought her hands to her face and sat in the silence for a while, thinking of ways she could fix this, there had to be something, anything.
A few hours later
Lauren thought back on everything Camila confessed today, and she tried to wrap her head around how she could fix the situation between them. How could she convince Camila to trust her again, without Camila thinking that she was only doing this because she felt bad for everything that happened? How could she tell not only Camila but the whole entire school that this entire time it was all just an act? That although she couldn't deny that Camila's behavior was something she could easily frown upon, she was still unmistakably drawn towards her since the very first time she saw her. How could she explain to Camila that fitting in hadmeant more to her than pursuing what she actually wanted?
Lauren struggled with figuring out how she could even develop any sense of interest in the girl when she had behaved the way she had, does that make her as sick as those guys who participated in Camila's indecent now dark past.
What hurt Lauren even more was that she was still afraid of the feelings she was developing for Camila, and what scared her most was the way everyone would react, and maybe that's what kept her so undecided about what to do.
She found herself crying again, but it wasn't because of the truth behind Camila anymore, it was because of the truth about her.
I'm gay.
The thought itself shook her in fear, and it just seemed so different in this moment, touching Camila's body that night, kissing her for the first time, none of that made her realize she was gay.
Her feelings themselves, that erupted in the pit of her stomach every time she saw Camila never made her second think her sexuality, because she was never thinking when she was with Camila. She was impulsive, and never let anything sink in; she just lived in her presence.
But now realizing that she could no longer mistreat her to be near her, or to cloud the racing thoughts whenever she saw her, everything began to sink in. She was in fact gay, and it's different to be gay and not have someone who interests you, but once someone does, it just makes it all more real.
She thought back to a few days ago, their first kiss. It was a bittersweet moment, and she couldn't help but cringe at how badly she had ruined that. She shouldn't have gone that far just to have the upper hand, was it really worth it? Popularity and opinions were all going to fade once they graduated in a few months, and if Camila could risk it all, she could too, right?
She searched for her phone and when she found it, she took a deep shuddering breath before clicking the first contact she had on speed dial and waited patiently for her to pick up.
''Hello?''
''Mani bear?''
"Laur, hey, you're crying, what's wrong?
''I need to tell you something... Can you meet me at Starbucks in like ten minutes?''
''Yeah, sure, I'll be there, see you in a bit, and Laur?''
''Yes?''
''I love you, you know that, right?
''Yeah, I just hope you still do after today.''
''You're starting to worry me, Lo...''
''Ten minutes. See you then.''
She hung up, and cleaned her face from all the smeared make up before taking the ten minute drive to Starbucks, hoping she wasn't about to lose her best friend.
When Lauren got there, Normani was already inside, biting her nails nervously. Lauren sighed and reluctantly walked over. She pulled a chair out and sat, looking anywhere but Normani's eager gaze.
''Laur?'' she said, grabbing Lauren's hand in the process.
''Mani, there's something I need to tell you... I figured you should be the first one to know.''
Normani looked at her expectantly and Lauren struggled to keep eye contact when she whispered the words, ''I think I'm gay.''
Lauren didn't want to look up and see Normani's face, she couldn't decide whether she was or wasn't prepared to see her upset, confused or mad, but what happened next surprised her to say the least.
Normani broke the silence after a few moments, and answered her, ''Okay, and then?''
Lauren shot her eyes up at her to meet hers, and she searched frantically for any signs of her response being a joke, but she never found one, and it caused tears to well in her eyes,
''Wha- what?'' she managed to crack out.
Normani smiled slightly and squeezed her hand, ''You think you're gay, so what?''
Lauren scoffed out a sob, ''You're okay with that?''
Normani's smile grew at the incredulous look that Lauren was giving her, and she stood up to pull Lauren in for a hug,
''Laur, you're my bestfriend, I may not understand it, or relate to it, but that doesn't mean I think it's wrong? Why wouldn't I be okay with it? Remember that promise we made in kindergarten?
Lauren wrapped her arms tightly around Normani as she cried onto her shoulder, but pulled away to hold out her pinky, just like Kindergarten, ''It's you and me...''Normani smiled, and wiped the tears under Lauren's eyes before sticking out her own pinky and interlacing it with Lauren's, ''Against the world.''
''But, it's a lot to take in, what if people look at me differently, and start hating me? I mean aren't you grossed out? Aren't you going to be guarded now, like ''what if I hit on you''?''
Normani chuckled a little, "Lo, we've known each other since Kinder, I think if you would've hit on me, it would've happened by now, besides I'm too hot for you.'' The two girls laughed a little, and Lauren nudged her shoulder, ''No but really, how is this so easy for you, it's practically an abomination...sinful, wrong.''
Normani sighed, and put a comforting hand on her shoulder, ''Lauren, being gay isn't an abomination, the way people single out people who are, is what's an abomination. How are you so sure, it's a sin? Has God told you, himself? And you shouldn't look for reasons as to why it's wrong, you should be content with why its right, for instance, if dating a girl makes you happy? Then so be it. Maybe not everyone will agree with the way you and I think, but that doesn't mean it's wrong, some people just know how to understand certain things, without experiencing it themselves, you know?''
"But I'm scared, Mani...'' Lauren looked like a little girl, afraid of the world being afraid of her, and it hurt Normani.
''Yeah, it might be scary at first, but my hand will always be there for you to hold, and you won't know how people will react until you give them a chance...''
''Is it worth it?''
''Is happiness worth it? I bet once you've conquered your demons, you can find sixty reasons as to why it is worth it, just like Camila will.''
Lauren cringed at the name but smiled softly nonetheless and pulled Normani in for another hug, ''Thank you, for accepting me.'' She whispered.
Normani pulled away and kissed her forehead, ''It's my job, it was in the best friend pamphlet.''
They both smiled, and Lauren went home knowing exactly what her first of sixty steps to making it up to not only Camila, but also herself.
The next morning
Lauren watched anxiously from behind her locker door for when the brown-haired girl would walk through the front doors of the school. She had told Normani her plan, and confessed to Camila being the person she wanted to pursue, and was surprised to find out that Normani already had an idea as to who had captured the girl's attention, and although she told Lauren it'd be a struggle to get the girl, she agreed to help anyway.
Normani stood behind her watching just as anxiously and both drew in a sharp breath when the door opened to Camila walking in with a smile on her face for the first time.
Both girls smiled and exchanged looks and decided to be less obvious and bury their heads in their lockers.
They peeked every two seconds to see if the girl had opened her locker yet, and tapped their feet impatiently as the girl took her sweet time to get there.
Finally she did, and they watched excitedly as she opened it, and a small blush arose on her cheekbones as she grabbed the rose that sat in her locker. She pulled it out and smelled it which caused Normani and Lauren to squeal silently and hi-five each other. They continued watching as Camila removed the tiny note that was attached to it, and read it.
"Reason 1 out 60 as to why you shouldn't take the pills: There will always be a better tomorrow. -The girl who ran out of time.''
A small smile broke out on Camila's face and her eyes wandered up to meet Lauren's gaze with an eyebrow raise. Lauren beamed and bit her lip and gave her a small wave which Camila playfully rolled her eyes but returned the gesture before walking off to class.
A/N: Hey guys. :-) thank you so much for 2K reads ! i'm going to update more often so next update is in a few days !! leave a comment if you like habit :-) i love you guys ❤️