The following week, Killian was able to go to childcare, at least until Thursday, which was New Year's eve. He missed his friends, and actually wanted to go, making staying away from Corpse easy.
And Weston appreciated it.
She inhaled sharply, but played it cool the only way she knew how; staying quiet. Climbing into bed with someone felt weird, but she was oddly comforted just knowing he was there. They sat in silence, their backs against the headboard, both of them too nervous to say or do anything.
Corpse turned on the TV to fill the silence, turning on some show on Netflix Weston hadn't watched before. She tried to pay attention but couldn't focus entirely. Corpse's body heat was radiating. She didn't need to look to know he didn't have any pants on, but what did she expect? They were getting ready to sleep. Of course he wouldn't be wearing pants.
She was playing with the bottom hem of her oversized t-shirt when she felt his hot leg touch hers. He was inching slowly towards her, heating her body like a damn furnace. His thigh was against hers now, and with her hand on her shirt, her knuckles were brushing his leg. He slipped his hand under the blanket, grabbing her hand in his own. He rested their hands on top of the blankets, neither of them moving to look at each other.
It felt so domestic, for them to be watching TV together, their hands on top of the comforter, casually laying together. Weston was nearly scared to look at him, or move at all, fearful he would disappear.
They laid there for awhile before Corpse moved to turn off the lamp lighting up the room, unlocking the comforting grasp they had on each other's hands. The only light came from the TV now, making the blackness of the room appear more blue.
When Corpse settled back into his bed, he laid down. Weston felt weird now, being above him, so she laid down as well, not moving to hold his hand again. She was too nervous to even consider it.
Instead, he boldly pulled her into him gently. It was unexpected, but she accepted it, laying her head on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, gently scratching her scalp.
"So much for not touching," she whispered, snuggling into his side tighter, so he wouldn't move.
He hummed deep in his chest as a response. She kissed his chest lightly, closing her eyes.
Weston kissed the top of Killian's head. "Have a good day, baby?" She asked, leading Killian to the car. She was able to pick him up a little early, since she got off of work earlier than usual due to the holiday.
"Yes ma'am," Killian said quietly.
Weston furrowed her eyebrows. "Is something wrong, bug?" She asked, buckling him into his booster seat.
She stayed in front of him, not leaving him alone in the backseat yet. Killian shook his head "no" but Weston could see the tears accumulating in his eyes.
"Are you sure? Do you just want a hug?" Weston offered. Killian nodded.
Weston unclipped him quickly, and pulled her into her chest. They hugged for a few moments.
"Wanna talk when we get home, bug?" Weston offered.
Killian nodded again. Weston buckled him for the second time and quickly got into the car.
She couldn't think of anything that would make Killian so sad. Maybe he was just having a day full of big emotions he was unable to understand.
They walked into the apartment, Weston setting all of her stuff down before picking up Killian and sitting him on the couch on her lap. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"The.... um.... my friends were talking about Christmas, and um... they were asking what everyone got from their parents and I tried to tell, I told them what I got, and... and Jake said... he said I couldn't say anything because I didn't have a daddy... and I told him I didn't need a daddy, because my mommy loves me extra, just like you told me to say, and... and they called me names, and...." Killian was crying now, nearly bawling.
Weston honestly wanted to cry with him. Kids who didn't understand could be so cruel.
"Oh baby," she whispered, hugging him tightly to her chest. She didn't know what to say. Nothing she would say would change what Killian knew he wanted. The only think she could do was discourage him from being around those kids, and encourage him to love the life he had in front of him.
But Killian was too young to understand.
She tried her best, but here, she felt like nothing was going to work. She let him continue to cry.
"I'm so sorry, Killian," she muttered, kissing his head as much as she could before he began squirming. "I... Baby, I'm sorry."
Killian began sniffling, his tears drying up. "Mommy?"
She knew it was coming. He did this sometimes.
"Where is my daddy?"
She huffed, but tried to hide her frustration from Killian. Weston wasn't mad at Killian, but, she was mad at Nathan for putting her in this position in the first place. But being mad at Nathan wasn't going to solve anything now.
"Baby... sometimes, baby..." God, how was she going to continue to explain this? The older he got, the less the simple explanations worked. "Baby, I don't know where your daddy is, but I know where I am. I am here, loving you more than 100 mommy's and daddy's could. And thats a lot of love. Sometimes, adults don't know what to do so they run away, and thats what your daddy did. But Killian, I promise it had nothing to do with you. You have done nothing wrong. I'm sorry your friends made you think otherwise."
Killian nodded and hugged around her neck tightly. "I love you Mommy."
"I love you more, Killian... Now, do you want dinner?" Weston proposed, hoping to distract him enough that his entire day wouldn't be ruined.
"Yes but, I want grilled cheese and soup," Killian said, his baby voice coming back again, happier.
Weston furrowed her eyebrows, looking at him like he was crazy. "Where have you had that?"
Killian laughed at her facial expression. "Crops made it for me and I like it!"
Weston sighed, but knew how her son was. If Killian wanted something, he wasn't going to budge. She sighed, realizing she didn't have any soup. "Killian, I don't have soup. Can we have that tomorrow night for dinner?"
Killian looked down shyly, mumbled a quiet "yes ma'am," and essentially, ripped Weston's heart out. "We can't ask Crops, Mama?"
He knew the "mama" would get her.
She huffed. "Okay, baby."
Killian could barely contain himself with his excitement, rushing to the front door and telling Weston to get ready faster.
Standing in front of his door, Weston was nervous. She hadn't seen or talked to him since Christmas, and luckily even then, the day was focused mainly on Killian so they didn't have the chance to talk about anything.
Finally, though, Corpse opened his door. He saw Weston first, but couldn't react, too shocked to have Killian immediately wrap himself around his legs.
While Killian explained why they were there, Corpse proposed a different idea. "Why don't I get the soup, but we have dinner at your house so we can play with your toys?" Corpse asked.
Killian agreed, and followed Corpse into his kitchen to "help" him carry the cans of soup.
Killian still distracted with Corpse, Weston made her way into the apartment, getting out everything to make dinner for all three of them.
Weston couldn't really think about anything around her. All she could hyper-fixate on was Killian and Nathan and how different her life would've been if he stayed. She wanted so badly to try to assure Killian that he would still be able to have a good life without a father figure, and she would play as many roles as she could, no matter what. But it was hard. It was hard to pay the bills, and for school field trips, and gifts, and groceries, and all of it all on her own.
She wondered if Nathan had found another family by now. Maybe he had begun to live the life he had dreamed of when he first convinced a 16 year old to move across the country. Maybe Nathan's wife knew about her, or maybe Nathan pretended he didn't have a life aside from the one he was living.
Nathan could've taught Killian how to play soccer by now, and bonded with him over airplanes Killian loved. So many life skills could've been taught, but Nathan had hated him before he even knew who he was. He hadn't seen his sons blonde hair he had inherited, or how tall he was for his age, which he had also gotten from Nathan.
But it wasn't just about what Killian had lost. Weston had lost Nathan too. Weston was never going to have a chance with anyone again, not with a son, no education, and a barely livable income. She would go the rest of her life alone. She was a single mother; no one would want that baggage. God, she was such a burden.
"Ah!" she seethed, laying her hand down on the hot pan unintentionally.
Her sound of pain pulled Corpse's attention right to her. Weston ran her burning hand under cool water, ignoring the sandwich burning in the pan. She was just so scatter-brained.
Corpse flipped the sandwich, it only turning slightly darker than the other two she had already made. After turning the stove down and making sure he wasn't at risk of burning the apartment down, he went to her aid.
Standing behind her at the sink, his chest was pressed against her back. "You've been off today," he commented, wrapping his arms around her waist sweetly.
She never would've taken him to be the clingy type.
"Sorry," she muttered, not feeling up to trying to have a deeper conversation. She dried her hands, and stepped away from him, leaving him standing alone.
Corpse was confused. She did like him, right?
Maybe, she had finally decided. He wouldn't blame her. Not at all. Weston had a lot more riding on their success if they were going to take anything further. The second a kid was involved, it changed the game. Corpse hoped she knew that she could make her own decisions, and he wouldn't be upset with the outcome. Corpse also hoped she knew he knew what he was getting himself into. He was in it for the long haul, Killian included, if she would have him.
But, maybe she had decided against having him in that way. All he knew was that she wouldn't want to talk about it until after Killian was taken care of and asleep, that was one thing she never budged on.
And maybe Corpse didn't want to hear the answer anyway.
NOTE!!
third update of the night :)
super long chapter to hopefully make up for some of the uncertainty of this upcoming week.
let me know what you think :)