"Y'ready, Lisa?" Jennie knocked softly on the bedroom door. Lisa tugged her beanie onto her head and padded over to the door, opening it slowly and smiling when she saw the older girl on the other side.
"Ready," Lisa nodded once. "Will Chaeyoung be here when we get back?"
"She gets back from class in an hour," Jennie pushed the door open wider and motioned for Lisa to follow her. Lisa had her weekly therapy appointment that day.
"I do not like going," Lisa confessed as she followed Jennie out to the car. The Korean girl raised an eyebrow, making sure Lisa buckled her seatbelt before they pulled out onto the road.
"Why not?" Jennie asked. Lisa sighed and shook her head.
"I do not know her," Lisa pulled her legs up to her chest and stared out the window. "She does not know me. Strangers are not friends."
"I get what you mean," Jennie said honestly. "But she's a doctor, you've got to at least try to let her help you."
"Why do I need help?" Lisa lifted her head and looked over at the older girl. She didn't understand why she needed to go.
"I'm not sure," Jennie drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. "There's just some things you've got to work on, that's all. Everyone needs to work on some things. You just need a little extra help."
"But not everyone has to go and talk to a stranger," Lisa sighed. This made her feel different. It made her feel stupid. Why was she the only person who needed help?
"That's a lie," Jennie shrugged. "I have to go after class and get help from my teacher sometimes. It's practically the same thing. It's just I need help with dancing in heels, and you need help with your emotions. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
Lisa nodded slowly. What Jennie was saying was starting to make sense. But she still couldn't let go of that fact that she felt different. Not the good kind of different, either. The kind of different that made people stare at you when you went out in public.
Once they reached the doctors office, Lisa was led back into the small room. She sat down in the same red chair she had sat in multiple times before. There were a few different chairs in the room, but she chose the red one because it was the furthest away from the therapist's desk.
"How've things been at home, Lisa?" the dark haired woman looked up from her desk. Lisa hung her head down and played with her hands nervously.
"Good," she shrugged and tugged at the beanie on her head. Chaeyoung had given it to her, she remembered. It was the girl's lucky beanie. As long as Lisa was wearing it, she could do anything.
"What have you been up to since we last met?" the woman tapped her pencil against her desk. The noise made Lisa's anxiety heighten.
"I went to class with Rosie," Lisa remembered, feeling a small smile form on her face.
"Don't you mean Chaeyoung?" the woman asked. Lisa nodded.
"That is what I said," the younger girl grew nervous. "Her name is Rosie. Only I can call her that. She is my Rosie."
"Oh," the therapist jotted something down. Lisa didn't like her facial expressions. They worried her.
"I made a friend, too," Lisa blurted out. She knew whenever the woman wrote something down that she had said something wrong. "Two of them."
"You did?" the woman looked up. "Tell me about them."
"They are in Rosie's class. There is a girl named Maia. And her boyfriend is named Toby. He makes things with clay," Lisa looked down at her arm, where Maia had painted the flower. It had washed off in the shower, but there was still a slight shadow where the black paint had been.
"Did you talk to them?"
"Duh," Lisa crinkled her nose and looked up. "I got bored. And I watched them, and they talked to me. They were very nice."
"Do you like having friends besides the ones you live with?" the woman wrote something down quickly.
Lisa thought about this for a moment before shrugging. "I like having friends. It does not matter where they come from."
Her therapist pursed her lips, nodding and scanning the papers in front of her. "Has anything else been happening lately? Anything I should know about?"
Lisa's mind instantly went to the images that had been flashing across her memory for the past week or so. They scared her. But she couldn't say a word about them. She didn't know how people would react.
"I made psh'getti," she giggled to herself, looking up at the woman, who had a stern look on her face. Lisa swallowed the lump in her throat, forcing herself to keep the bad images to herself.
Meanwhile, Chaeyoung was putting the finishing touches on her butterfly painting. It made her smile each time she looked at it. Lisa had been the one who gave her the idea. She may or may not have added a little bit more yellow to the flowers than she would have normally.
She quickly got up to place her canvas in the back of the room. Most of the students had already left the classroom, class had been dismissed five minutes earlier. A few had stayed behind to catch up on their projects.
"Chaeyoung, right?"
The brown eyed girl jumped when a quiet voice appeared next to her. She quickly regained her composure and looked over at the other girl, tilting her head to the side.
"You wouldn't mind putting this up there for me? I'm short," Maia laughed softly and held up the small canvas in her hands.
"Oh, sure," Chaeyoung laughed, carefully taking the wet painting out of the girl's hands and placing it on the top shelf of the drying rack. "Maia, right?" she turned back to the girl.
"That's me," the girl wiped her hands on her pants and looked back up. "You're Lisa's girlfriend."
Chaeyoung nodded with a soft smile. "Yeah," she thought for a moment. "Thanks for being so nice to her the other day. She needed it." A look of soft confusion spread across Maia's face.
"I only talked to her for a few minutes," she chuckled, moving across the room and beginning to wash her brushes in the sink. Chaeyoung followed and began to do the same.
"Well, yeah. But she's... Lisa. She doesn't make friends easily," Chaeyoung bit her lip and turned on the faucet of the sink besides Maia's, watching as the bright colors were washed down the drain.
"Why?" Maia inquired. "Is she shy?"
"Hell no," Chaeyoung laughed and shook her head. "You know what I mean."
"I really don't," Maia looked over and furrowed her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"
"You really can't tell?" Chaeyoung was surprised. Maia retained her look of confusion and Chaeyoung bit her lip. "She's actually at the doctor right now. She was in... an accident. There was a lot of brain damage." It made Chaeyoung's blood boil just thinking about it.
"Her past is horrible," Chaeyoung shook her head. "So she's pretty... insecure about being around people, I guess. She's afraid they won't like her."
"I couldn't tell," Maia shrugged. "I just figured she was one of those free spirited, artsy types. You get a lot of those in classes like these," she chuckled. "She's cool. I see why you two get along."
"You really couldn't tell?" Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow. She suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She'd been defining Lisa by her insecurities this whole time, when Maia couldn't even tell she was any different. What had Chaeyoung been missing out on?
"I mean, I see it now that you mention it," Maia simply shrugged. "I'm not one to judge," she laughed, motioning to the array of colorful paint stains on her jeans. "We've all got something that makes us different."
"You're sure smarter than I am," Chaeyoung mumbled and laid her brushes out on a paper towel to dry. "Thanks for making her feel normal."
"No problem," Maia gave Chaeyoung a soft smile. "Tell her I say hi," she added, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.
"I will," Chaeyoung nodded once. The girls said their goodbyes. As Chaeyoung silently packed up her bag, she realized how horribly she'd been viewing Lisa. She'd been letting the girl's weaknesses define her, rather than her strengths. There was so much more to Lisa than just her past.
As she drove home, Chaeyoung hummed softly to herself. She was always excited to get home and see Lisa, but today felt different. It was like she was going home with a completely different view on the younger girl. It was refreshing.
The second Chaeyoung's keys entered the doorknob, the door flew open and Lisa practically tackled Chaeyoung into a hug. The brown eyed girl couldn't help but laugh softly.
"Hey, how was the doctor's?" Chaeyoung asked, smoothing out Lisa's hair and studying the younger girl's expression.
"She looks at me weird," Lisa mumbled. "She does not like me." Chaeyoung's expression softened and she shook her head.
"She's probably so intimidated by you that she doesn't know how to act, that's all," Chaeyoung shrugged and kissed Lisa's forehead. The younger girl just sighed and shook her head.
"It was really that bad?" Chaeyoung asked, noticing Lisa's hesitation. The younger girl simply nodded, and Chaeyoung bit her lip. "Why don't you run upstairs and get dressed into something warm, and we'll walk down to the park?" she asked, trying to distract Lisa.
It worked. The younger girl's face lit up and she nodded excitedly. "I will be right back," she smiled, kissing Chaeyoung's cheeks before hurrying upstairs. Lisa's excitement made Chaeyoung laugh.
The girl laid her backpack down beside the door and headed into the kitchen. She grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and jumped when she turned around and nearly ran into Jennie.
"Chaeng, can I ask you something?" the other girl said quietly, trying to keep her voice down. Chaeyoung immediately grew concerned.
"Yeah, what's up?" Chaeyoung set her water bottle down and leaned against the counter.
"How're things with Lisa?" Jennie bit her lip, watching as Chaeyoung grew confused. "I mean, you guys really... haven't progressed or anything. Not that it's a bad thing, I was just wondering what you're thinking."
At the same time, Lisa had padded softly down the stairs to grab her shoes from the front door. When she heard her name, she paused and listened quietly behind the wall.
"It's... okay," Chaeyoung shrugged. Jennie gazed at her, knowing that Chaeyoung had more to say.
"I don't want to force anything," Chaeyoung sighed, admitting what she'd been keeping to herself for a while. "I've just sorta been letting her initiate everything."
"Have you said that you love each other yet?" Jennie asked, watching as Chaeyoung's face dropped slightly. The blonde girl shook her head and shrugged.
"Not yet," she admitted. Meanwhile, Lisa furrowed her eyebrows from her hiding spot, thinking intensely about everything she'd just overheard. Quietly, she hurried back upstairs.
"Why not?" Jennie leaned against the counter, trying to be careful about how many questions she asked. Chaeyoung shrugged.
"I don't wanna say it and not have her say it back," Chaeyoung said softly, running a hand through her hair. She'd been trying to avoid thinking about this.
"You..." Jennie raised an eyebrow. "You love her?"
"Of course," Chaeyoung shrugged, looking down at her feet. "She makes it impossible for me not to."
"Then tell her!" Jennie reached out and squeezed Chaeyoung's shoulder. "What've you got to lose?"
"Her," Chaeyoung shook her head. "I'm fine with the way things are. As long as I get to be close to her." She looked up and bit her lip. Jennie thought about this for a moment before nodding softly.
"I understand where you're coming from," the other girl admitted honestly. "But just... don't cause yourself any harm by keeping your mouth shut, okay?"
Chaeyoung nodded softly. She grabbed her water bottle from the counter and nudged Jennie softly. "It'll be fine, don't worry," she reassured the other girl, even though she wasn't quite sure herself.
Jennie gave Chaeyoung a soft smile before the other girl jogged upstairs. Chaeyoung took a sip from her water bottle, pushing the door open with her hip. The second she entered the room, she was practically knocked over by a small blur.
"I love you," Lisa grabbed Chaeyoung's hands and looked into her eyes hopefully. She wanted those words to make Chaeyoung happy.
The older girl's eyes widened and she stumbled backwards, nearly running into the wall. She studied Lisa's face for a few moments before she realized what the younger girl had overheard.
"I..." Chaeyoung quickly shook her head and pulled them both into the room, closing the door behind them. "You don't have to say it if you don't mean it. I know you don't mean it."
Lisa's face dropped and she looked away from Chaeyoung, tugging frantically at the beanie on her head. She mumbled something to herself that Chaeyoung couldn't understand, and before the blonde girl could say anything else, Lisa turned around and hurried over to the bookshelf in the corner of the room.
Chaeyoung stood frozen as Lisa began pulling books off of the shelves, opening them and paging through them. She huffed in frustration, obviously not finding what she needed.
"Lili," Chaeyoung stepped forward, finally regaining her voice. "Lisa." She grabbed the Thai girl's arm to stop her from trashing the entire bookshelf. Lisa's eyes shot up and met Chaeyoung's and she quickly shook her head.
"What are you doing?" Chaeyoung asked worriedly. Lisa mumbled something quietly once again, slithering out of Chaeyoung's grip and grabbing another book off the bookshelf.
"Lisa," Chaeyoung grabbed the younger girl's shoulders and pulled her away. "You're making a mess, what's going on?" Lisa whimpered and looked down at the pile of books by their feet.
"I need a word book," Lisa said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Chaeyoung. "I need to find one."
"A what?" Chaeyoung scanned the books on her shelf and slowly realized what Lisa was looking for. "Why do you need a dictionary?”
"I need to learn about love," Lisa took a step backwards, ashamed of her words. She fiddled with her thumbs nervously, anxious to get back to the bookshelf and find a dictionary. But Chaeyoung had moved in front of the wall to block her.
"You can't learn about that kind of stuff from a dictionary," Chaeyoung shook her head, taking a step towards Lisa. The younger girl held her breath.
"You can not?" Lisa asked hesitantly. Chaeyoung shook her head.
"Everyone knows what love is," the blonde girl shrugged. "Even you."
"I do?" Lisa whispered. She didn't. At least, she didn't think she did. "I do?" she repeated, looking up at Chaeyoung pleadingly”
A sudden realization washed over Chaeyoung and her eyes widened. "Do you, Lisa?" she asked quietly, bringing her hand up to toy with her bottom lip.
"No one has taught me," Lisa mumbled, tugging on her beanie. "I have not..." she shook her head and walked over to the bed. "I have not seen it. I do not know... I do not know."
Chaeyoung felt her heart physically shatter, for more than one reason. She took a step forwards, watching as Lisa crawled onto the bed and hugged a pillow to her chest.
"Love can't be taught, Lisa," Chaeyoung sighed, shaking her head and looking down at the ground. "It's just... there. You just know."
"Oh," Lisa whispered, deep in thought. She looked up at Chaeyoung, just as the blonde girl walked towards the door.
"I... I need to go help Jennie with dinner," Chaeyoung said softly, tugging on the door handle. "I'll call you down when it's ready." She bit her lip, fleeing the room before Lisa could protest. Before Lisa could see the tears fall.
Lisa flinched when the door shut. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Stupid," she mumbled, shaking her head. She should know what love is. Chaeyoung wanted her to know, she could tell. She was stupid for not knowing. She buried herself under the covers and tried to take a deep breath.
"You should know," she whispered, curling up in a ball and burying her head in her legs. Everyone knew. Everyone but her. She didn't want to disappoint Chaeyoung. But even more importantly, she wanted to know. She craved to know what this foreign feeling was.
She reached up, tugging at the blue beanie on her head. And then suddenly, she was met with an overwhelming sense of familiarity. In flashes of black and white, a flood of memories hit her like a train.