Somehow this chapter and chapter 37 switched and it was terrible so, yeah. chapter 37 popped up before this one. sigh. I think I fixed it but I'm not sure.
-2 Days Prior-
"We're gonna be ok..." I breathe through my mouth and hold my head. "We're gonna be ok. He's ok...He's ok." I shut my eyes, a twig snapping somewhere in the distance while I sit on a fallen log, a pattern of panic shaking me before I verbally choke on a cry, biting my lip to keep from sobbing outright, but it's no use.
Of course it's no use!
I'm as emotional as I've ever been. I clamp my hands over my mouth and just sit, crying and falling apart at the knowledge that Carl and I aren't together. I mean fvck, the mission, going home, it's important but...But Carl.
"What do I do?" I ask him like a lunatic. "What do I do?"
I've been crying for hours! My leg and body ache, my mind is on full attention...and I'm scared. If not because of what could happen out here, then by what could've happened to Carl.
The possibility that...I'll never see him again.
I feel sick.
"Haaa..." I blow out warm breath onto my hands, I should at least try to keep my fingertips from freezing, but this skirt I'm wearing has little ability to actually keep me decently covered in this morning chill, and I'm surrounded by mist with pale sunlight falling down past the dead trees around me.
Ok. Ok.
What do I need? What do I want?
Obviously, that's to actually find Carl, so, to help with what I want, I have to get my as$ off this log, stop crying, and...Go back.
Go back.
Great! How am I supposed to go back?! I ran in the dark, for hours it felt! Go back?!
"Geh...That's right Spes." I sigh. "Go back." For what feels like the millionth fvcking time, I run my hands through my hair, the medium length growing longer and looking more badas$ grunged than before, and I touch the frigid metal handle on my saber, then idiotically double check to make sure my cameo is still on me.
"Oh gosh...Can't this just be a dream? A nightmare?"
I've had enough in the past few days; I wish this were one of them.
"One minute...by the fire, next minute...by myself." I openly confirm while I force a scoff, wiping my nose and lashes once again until I feel the race of pain, its leftover strength inside me, making an appearance.
Fvck. Last night I was too scared to give a sh1t about this, my head was a bit pre-occupied with a herd of Infected chasing after me, and when I found out that Carl and I got separated. Didn't exactly have time to worry about my insides being all bruised.
Dammit!
I should've just went with my stupidity and pushed through them! I don't know! Tried my best to actually meet Carl again on the other side? Anything would've been better than this!
Me by myself isn't what I'm ok with anymore! Maybe when I first left that stupid mall I'd have been fine without Jesse who is, in the ground at present, great reminder Spes! But no! Not now!
I don't care how capable I once advertised myself to be...I can't do this without Carl.
I can't do this.
I can't do this!
I can't fvcking do this!
I can't do this.
I can't...do this.
I... can't do this?
I can't do this???
No. No, no.
"No!"
Fvck no, idiot! Stupid! Get a hold of yourself!
"Ok Spes... time to reach down and get that justified ego goin' on." That one that's gotten me the evil eye from so many other b1tches back home that thought I was all talk with nothing to back it. That ego.
I can't just wait around to feel like I can do this, I have to decide it.
At least that's what Gabby taught me all those years ago.
Hours of training that I wouldn't let her stop no matter how exhausting they got, or how terrible it was to not breathe after so many fencing and wrestling sessions.
Fvck, those were brutal.
But, hmm...worth it.
_________________
"I'm too tired! I change my mind! I don't feel like it!" I brat out before throwing my practice stick down to the ground, cringing at the sweat clumping my hair together while Estela sighs at my behavior and Gabby watches while I sit down, not moving, glaring at her to show that I won't be bossed around.
Gosh, for the first time in ages, I can actually see how much of a...a... brat I was. Still am...I guess. Maybe. Whatever.
"So that's it? You're a quitter?"
"No!" I spit out. "This is just training, and I'm tired! I don't feel like going on! My arms are about to fall off!"
"You'll never get anywhere if you just limit your abilities to how you 'feel'. You still have some energy Spes. Toughen up."
"Tch." I turn my head and grab my bag to pull out a clean towel, wiping my forehead and hiding my face from how pissed off and embarrassed I was.
"Estela? Will you give us a second?" Gabby turns to my friend, only a few years younger at the time given I was barely 13 at said moment, and she reluctantly leaves our sides. Hmph. "Look Spes," My instructor, still a little bit of a stranger back then, kneels down and laughs at my refusal to make eye contact. Gosh I remember mentally cursing her out using the alphabet from a to z. "If you want to continue-"
"I don't need a slave driver."
"Actually you do. Until you can learn to push yourself to your absolute limit, I'm going to have to, but only if you want it. This isn't just a fancy game. It's a dance of beauty and self worth as well as physical development..."
Whatever, at least that's what I thought. Ha, note the aloof disrespect.
"But doing something like this, it can be more. I've seen you working at this, and I know you don't want to quit...I know you're stronger than this. If you go through life relying on how you feel, both physically and emotionally, you'll never get far. It takes more than that. It takes willpower."
I sigh and decide to face her; I mean what else could I do? I was tempted to role my eyes but at this point I was more or less just ready to listen and accept the fact that she was the teacher, I was the student, no matter how vexing that was.
"I've seen it in you, but you're also stubborn, and it's blocking how strong you could allow yourself to be."
I'm strong.
"Don't entitle yourself to earn respect. Earn respect, by earning respect."
______________
I don't think the way I turned out is what she meant, or had in mind, if anything, my ego just boosted a thousand points over the past years, until this war slapped some sense into me.
Hmm...she wasn't wrong though.
After a moment of standing, I decide to sit down, and then lie flat on my back, pressing my fingers onto my sensitive stomach below my navel, and massage my soreness in circles, pushing hard at first until I don't need to anymore.
Ouch.
If I can't sit around and wait to heal at least a little naturally, then I'll just have to tend to myself and accept the fact that I'm alone.
I'm finally finished being the underdog, the little girl coward. Sure, I was cocky at first, but just because I found out some things that I didn't expect to be out here, doesn't mean I wasn't cocky for a reason. There was a reason behind my self respect; I just forgot that there was one at all.
If it's arrogance, if it's false confidence, if it's annoying smugness, I don't care. As long as it gets the fvcking job done, I can worry about being a righteous little survivor later.
It's time to step up.
It's because I can do this without Carl, without anyone, that I'm going to be able to find him.
Fvck, I hope this works...I hope.
________________
3 to my left, 2 to my front, and let's see...30 degree angle on my left.
6 in all.
Ok, calm down.
Literally closing my eyes like an idiot with these suckers, I feel my hands begin to shake, the adrenaline and anticipation to go at just the right moment trembles me, but I'm ready to get myself out of this mess, just a little moment, and that's when I move.
An imaginary strategy lining up in my head, my steps already planned out for me.
With the two closest to me at the front, I bite my lip and stab the ground with my saber, holding onto it the entire time I force my best roundhouse kick that I urged Gabby to teach me, the one I failed to use on her before, but it's enough to knock these brain dead demons down for the count, one of them actually decapitated while the other struggles to get up.
I crouch next, all the way down until I fall to a split, and it's like a fvcking rampage of pain attacking immediately afterwards, but I don't give a sh1t to pause, I just pull up my sword the same moment the 3rd leans down to get me, and I slice straight up through its forehead, slinging the immobile beast to the side before I bend my leg to trip another.
This is going to hurt so bad.
None the less, I'm pushing my head to roll over, frontal direction, towards a clear area of combat, my sword secured in between my legs until it pricks the ground, and I stand to yank it out, running to greet the slow fvcks trying to eat me, their eyes never finding mine until the last moment I finish them off.
2 left.
Stupid and risky, but I press my back to the first one, hoping that this little avoidance tactic won't backfire, and I wait a minute for the last Infected to come at me before falling on my knees just in time to slide towards my right, pants dragging on the ground with the strength of my feet pushing me to twirl upwards and pin the oncoming walker. It's like a shish kabob when I finish off this little scuffle, the end result being my saber lodged through both their soft skulls from beginning to end.
Ok then...dancing still works.
"Ha." I mentally pat myself on the back before falling back down, out of breath and tired from how much I exerted myself within a few minutes, 3 tops, and still no sign of Carl, even after I found our camp from last night.
The suns already going down too.
Fvck!
"Where are you?" I gasp.
Where?
___________________
-The Following Morning, Time: 3:28 A.M.-
"Come on!" I yell before kicking the front door of a random house, hitting my head on the white paint, brain recollecting the one time a few or so days ago when Carl and I first set out by ourselves. It was raining and I had the brilliant idea of hugging him to break down the door together.
But... this b1tch as$ house won't open for me even though it's not as fancy as the other one! Why the heIl did people not leave their doors unlocked! Did they seriously think they'd be coming back!? Gah!
It's late too either way. Or rather too early. I'm not about to camp in the woods like before, and I'm lost, so this house is sort of a good thing, for now. Fvck, what if Carl's looking for me and I'm just walking away from him?
Dammit. I hate this.
"Come on." I shake my head and shrug off the depressing thoughts of not having my lover with me. It's like this big hole was just chomped out of me and I'm trying not to look at the injury so I don't fall into one of those depressed states so many heroines on TV fell, fall, whatever, into.
Instead, I'm here, cursing at this door, occupying myself with using the end of my saber to try and jimmy the lock open.
"Who am I kidding?" I'm frustrated with this locksmith sh1t. A quick glance to the window next to me and a few good sized rocks help me form the plan of slowly and cautiously walking back down to the trail, and I pick one up before hearing the whale of an Infected close by.
"No fvcking end." I grin with a large amount of exhaustion behind my smile, and squint to adjust my sight given there's only a shred of moonlight from above, and surprisingly, my skill to throw anything isn't a total fail.
A loud shatter, duh, and I'm running my as$ back towards the front porch because I have no idea where this walker is. It sounded close though.
"Ok. In ya go." I throw my backpack with, well, the fvcking rotting piece of ear that Juan made me and Carl take with us, past the weakened glass structure so I can clear up some more edges, and lift my leg in the same time a pair of rotted hands grab my arms and the walker I heard starts to open its mouth to tear into me.
"No!!" Oh my gosh! Fvck!
My arm and sleeve are already stuck the second I pull back, my wrists still caught, my saber currently in front of the door, blood oozing out while the dead guy inside the house tries to chomp into my injured forearm. "Argh!" I yelp after feeling the top of my head slam into a cut piece of glass close to the window frame, the Infected trying to make a fvcking meal out of me, my heart pacing at in incurable rate almost paralyzes me, and it's a strong pinch in my head that lets me know I have a piece of fvcking glass, in my fvcking skull!
Sh1t!
It's strong! These things, they're normally so easy to break apart, and yet they're bones are strong enough to tug me like this and injure me?! My face feels pale and cold, but my fingers, they're shaking and tingling with adrenaline, or whatever the heIl that's compelling me to use my wrestling stamina and throw my arms down while gripping this dead male creature, the sudden jerk a strange way to get its attention off my blood...the blood it came from.
"You fvck!" I curse at it, like it actually understands me, my rage not giving a crap, and I pull the walker straight out of the house and onto me, and ok, I didn't really think this far ahead! All I know is I'm rolling around with it before my rundown body finds one last straw to pull, my final balance of energy before I finally earn the right to go to sleep, and I fight the cringing smell of this animal, using simple gravity to stay on its stomach, and what the fvck am I doing?!
It's body trapped under mine, it's arms still trying to tear off my layers of skin, I'm not wasting a second, before I think with my head, if I can call it thinking at all, and sit up straight, before I, in the next second, literally, next second, scream out some curse word or yawp, and smash my forehead against the rotted one underneath me, head butting this demon so hard that when I open my eyes after hearing some sort of watery crack, I'm staring right into those pale lifeless possessed iris' amongst gray veins, my bangs beginning to soak with ooze while my sweaty skin above my eyebrows is already slightly splattered with it.
Oh.
My.
Sh1t.
"Gooosh." I sigh and roll off the literally, out of it walker, my head pounding and balance woozy. "I think I need a break." No kidding. Haven't slept since we left the boarding house. Ugh, that place. "Think I'm just gonna lie here for a minute! Carl!? If you decide to, pop up or something? That'd be nice!" I shut my eyes and feel my chest rising up and down, the air escaping and filling, and I open my lashes once more to feel a tear slowly trail down my profile, towards my ear, and I allow myself this one tear, because I'm fvcking heartbroken at the moment, and I think I deserve to at least feel sad right about now?
"Something like that." I croak.
Ow.
Fvck my head. What the heck was I thinking? I mean it worked, I just don't know why I did that.
Gosh, I'm sooooo tired.
I just want to close my eyes and wake up rejuvenated. I want to wake and find out this is all a bad dream...I don't think I've actually accepted the fact that I'm alone yet.
Maybe that's why this, epiphany is working so well.
Maybe.
___________________
Maybe it'd be nice, to know that, this is all a dream, just the latest part, just, the part where, I lost Carl...just when I lost him...maybe before that?
Before the entire group got stuck under the ground?
What am I even doing out here in the first place? I was supposed to be doing something...what was it? It was before we were going back home. Before we were waiting around at Deniece's fvcking whore house...Before I ran away to get over killing someone with Carl.
Before I stumbled across Gabriel's church...
Before I met Jesse...
I was going to look for the group, Illusion, I'd heard about once...They were part of a chain of strongholds for scientists, at least that's what those two strangers in the cafeteria said.
Orion's Belt.
I was going to Orion's Belt...and there, I'd find...
I'd find-
____________________
-Several Hours Later-
"Hmmmmm..." I groan, opening my eyes and squinting at the afternoon sun falling down to barely catch me, the obviousness of me falling asleep outside, unprotected already has me in a bad mood before I quickly get up and feel the dried blood on my forehead as well as a b1tch of a headache.
Ow! Or something that resembles it! Oh, that glass.
Lifting my fingers to feel the small triangle sort of shape amongst my gray strands, yup, that glass, about an inch above my hair line, I curse and fall over at the strain of pulling it out and tossing the evidence that I got hurt to the side.
"You fvck!" I hit the leg of my early morning opponent, still laying down and jaw open with its head...whoa. I did that? Oh no wonder my head feel like it's been cracked open! Oh and I'm so hungry! I feel like I'm going to throw up.
Every muscle aches too. Oh, I could go for a massage right about now.
Even yawning hurts me somewhere.
Well, aside from this, first priority is getting inside. If there were any other Infected I'm sure they would've come along by now. And I'd be dead. Yippee for my stupidity of sleeping outside...fvck, my back just popped in like 30 places, sh1t!
Ok, brave and bend down, grab my saber, ow...
I could really use some pampering right about now. Tch. Funnily enough if I found Carl and he was hurt I'd be pampering him. However if he's right as rain, then I demand him to carry me or something. Dammit though.
What is this? The third day of the week, Juan gave us?
4 more days. Sh1t, what if I don't find Carl before then? I think I could make my way back to the mall, find directions somehow, I mean I know there aren't exactly any people around and I've never really needed to find my way around the world before, but it can't be THAT hard.
Still...I'm not even planning for that outcome. Last thing I need is to ditch this place altogether. I'm dead set on finding him. But where would he be?
One minute of being outside, another of falling into the window, landing on the ground near a vent, I swallow and get down to looking in the kitchen and any other rooms for some stuff we may be able to use.
"Seriously?" I frown and scoff at the old soy milk still in a fridge, a few plates with rotted cheese, like I needed another reason to hate cheese, and some gallons of what looks like it used to be orange juice but I guess its better left for a mystery, as well as a dead rat on the bottom shelf.
Hmm...delightful.
A slam of the door, a look of the eye, and I'm back to daydreaming again at an old photo of a family stuck under a pencil magnet with some green frame on it that says, 'Chucky Cheese'. Oh yeah, I remember that.
Mom took me once.
Mom...
"Hmph."
Apart from looking around, finding some hard as fvck chips and settling for a granola bar that crumbles the second you pick it up, I avoid opening the closet doors or pantry for fear of what might be behind them, an eerie scenario of another person huddled in a corner, watching me move about without a thought to them has me scurry to sit next to my saber, and I'm beginning to let my imagination get to me.
The wind blowing, the window wide open, my body unprotected, scary movies from my childhood revisiting me...and I feel sick.
After going to the bathroom, cleaning up my face, looking over my injury, staring outside and grabbing everything in the medicine cabinet, I take a final polish to my saber, cleaning it of anything that got it dirty, prior to braving to set out again, my intention to go back towards the forest we were trapped in, and explore the territory around there.
I have 4 day left, almost 3 soon.
I won't waste it trying to get my mental sh1t together. Everyone's counting on us. I won't let them down. I'm deciding that right now.
______________
-5 Hours Into The Following Day-
-Third Person P.O.V.-
Fatigue.
Anguish.
Frazzled determination.
All these mixed up in one were the mental and emotional objects Spes carried, trying her best to blindly walk through the forest without surrendering herself to that odd character that's been following her ever since she left the mall, waiting to catch and swallow her mind up if she ever stumbled and fell into that mental enemy of hers.
The clean and overly blissful smell of the forest sprayed up into her nostrils while she leaned on a tree, the rough bark under her palm tingling her nerves so she could remember to keep on walking, her borrowed boots crunching leaves underneath her, the small red slashes of any small injuries she'd sustained over the past 2 days showing remarkably well against her almost flawless skin.
She wasn't about to give up, she didn't want to, but it was time, she knew, to start giving her meaningful, purpose filled journey, a time limit.
This couldn't go on forever.
When would she stop?
Carl is everything to her. She's in love with him, and on another matter, he's the reason she has a purpose, why she values herself at all. She's the reason he's in love and loving someone with all his affection. Surely, she'd love herself if only because of that.
If only because she's making him happy.
But what about the rest of them? Her new family?
What about them?
Alas...it is in this case, one or the other.
Both packaged with a dab of guilt, and spoonful of insanity.
______________
-Spes' P.O.V.-
"Mark?! Could you come help me?!" Fvck, that accent's worse than Daryl's. "I'm goin' outside! Come on!"
My feet still and I straighten my stance, waiting for this girl that seriously needs a hair cut to hold up with whatever she's doing, and talk to me. It's been literally, days, since I've seen another human being, and I'm thinking, maybe if I asked someone for directions, as well as ask them if they've seen Carl, or by chance have any food to offer me, it'd be nice.
One glance though and she drops her bucket straight down some steps, her bare feet catching my eye before I look her up and down, trying my best not to frown, but as it so happens, I don't give a crap right now.
"Hi..." I think that's what would make me seem more human. She's looking at me like I'm a freak. Gosh, it's the hair isn't it? Gah! I'm so sick of my hair! "Uh...sorry," I glance inside and see a grown man walking towards the entrance to their tiny little abode, extremely humble too, and I resist grabbing my sword to show them not to get too close. If I can just get some help, I'll be on my way. By now I know not to trust anyone with all of my blind gullible side.
"Who are you?"
"Ah..." I lift my eyebrows. "Uh...my names...Trinity." I for once use my middle name instead of going to the same old same old of them wondering what's up with my first name. Besides, I've always wanted to do that cool thing where I have an alias or whatever. And not like the first time.
Either way, spy Spes, I guess.
"Where'd you come from?"
Around. What the fvck does it matter?
"I've been walking around for days. I'm looking for someone?"
"Yeah?" He nearly barks with a hint of anxiousness and I shift to the side, swallowing again before nodding, the girl looking like she's about to pass out. What the heck? Geez. If this turns into Chainsaw Massacre then I've officially met the sickest outcome on the planet.
"A few days ago, I was with someone, we got separated by a herd." I proceed with caution. "He's uh, about...this tall." My fingers stick together and I lift my arm to motion a height about 2 inches taller than my own. "Uh, for a guy, long brown hair. Blue eyes." Unbelievably blue. Like, sh1t they're so blue. I miss staring into them. I can't believe how much I miss him. "Pale skin. Uh, about 16?" My throat goes a little scratchy and I clear it quickly. "Have either one of you-"
"Dad." She interrupts me, which pisses me off tremendously, especially with that high pitched fvcking voice, and she holds his arm before he shakes his head and goes inside.
Uh...kay?
"If you haven't, may I have some wa-"
"We don't got nothin' for ya!" Interrupted again, and this time the outburst literally forces a tooth of mine to dig into my cheek to keep from correcting her speech.
We don't have ANYTHING for you.
"Sav!" The man's voice yells before she looks back at the guy I'm assuming is her relative, her dad or whatever, coming back with a cup of what I hope is water for me to drink, the girl who just finished telling me off frowns at me the entire time my mouth fills with something that tastes like creek water.
Not what I had in mind, but at this point I'm not going to be picky.
"She had her drink. She needs to leave."
What the heIl is her problem? I'll leave, just chill out for a second. Until then I'm going to drink extra slowly just so I can piss her off.
"Sav. Hon..."
"No daddy!"
I'm missing something aren't I?
"Go on." He tilts his head to the house but before I can go back to lifting the white mug up to my lips again, I catch a figure in the doorway approaching the front steps of this rundown house, and the second I land my eyes on the face...a smile spreads on my lips, and I drop the cup at the boom of relief that's inside me right now after connecting with those eyes I thought would be so long before I saw again.
Oh my gosh...
"Carl!" I ditch my spot and leave their cup, my tired legs sprinting the short distance from here to there, and I'm throwing my arms around his strong body before shutting my eyes and thanking the Lord for leading me back to him, an incredible relief and just, uplifting feeling of safety and happiness smothering my heart, and I'm choking him in an embrace that I know I'll feel returned to me any second now...
Any second now...
Uh...
"Carl?" I pull back, the lack of his arms wrapping around my waist delay the happy tears I was just about to bawl before raising my hand to touch his bangs, my desire to swipe them to the side and get a good look at him, goodness knows, after almost 3 whole days of not being with him...I want to at least look at him properly...
But the second I do... I feel something inside me crack and bust when my brown haired, blue eyed lover backs away like I'm about to slap him...like I'm a stranger.
It makes me flinch too, when he jerks away from me like I've infected him.
-Carl's P.O.V.-
She's even more beautiful up close, but...why is she hugging me?
She called me by my middle name.
So that must mean...
"You know me?" I casually ask, a little serious but mostly curious as to what she'll say, but I'm not granted a response. Instead...I see her eyes shut and widen, then her eyes glaze over.
"Are you being funny?" She slightly scolds.
I look at Savannah shrug and stare at this girl like she's the one that has head problems.
"No." I shake my head. "Do you know me? I mean, you know who I am?"
"Uh...yeah?" Her voice starts to shake. "Yeah, I know you? And if you don't stop pretending, not to know me...I'll fvcking kill you." She points to herself before backing up a few steps, glassy eyes looking my way like she's waiting for me to confess something, but I have no clue what she wants.
In fact, I'm actually a little nervous that she just threatened to kill me when she has a fvcking sword on her hip.
"Carl, I'm serious! Stop it!"
"How do you know my name?"
"Stop it!" She hisses and Savannah suddenly grabs my hand, pulling me down to stand next to her. "What the fvck do you think you're doing?!" Her anger immediately goes to my childhood friend, and I don't think I've ever seen a glare like that in my entire life. It even has Savannah mute, for once. "Carl, I've been out, looking for, you for 2 fvcking days! If you don't quit screwing around with these people right now, I don't know what sick game you 3 are playing, haha, not funny, but stop it right now. I mean it." She warns.
"I'm not playing around. I don't know you. I mean, I don't know if I know you. How do you know my name?"
"Don't do this to me." She laughs a second before running her hands through her hair. "I'm serious Carl; stop, just...right now? Please? Can we go?" She gestures both her hands to the direction of the woods.
"Not until you tell me how you know me. And why are you calling me Carl? My first names Mark."
-Spes' P.O.V.-
"Mark?" My disgust for the name sleeks out and I side glance before moving my fingers from my hair. "Mark?!"
What the fvcking heIl?!
"All of you, please could you-"
"I'm sorry Trinity." The man takes a step forward. "We stumbled across Mark a few days ago, he'd hit his head...woke up and he couldn't remember anything."
"No." I shut my eyes and watch Carl be hung over by that b1tch, and...
He has...He can't...
Sh1t...
"You don't remember me." I watch Carl stare my way, like he just saw me for the first time only a few moments ago, and it's all I need to hit the ground on my knees, looking from side to side, a freaky tidal wave of truth drowning me in one full second, that I don't think I hear anything for another 3 minutes.
"Maybe we could talk? Maybe you could tell me how you know me?" My brain finally surfaces to hear...Bullsh1t.
He wants to talk? I've been out, by myself, scared to death, looking over my shoulder, brain being scared with all the wild possibilities that could happen in the nearby future...and the one thing, that made me think, I could get through it, was finding Carl.
I don't know why, but I feel my body crawling with shivers as the tears begin to fall and my bottom lip is bit to keep from completely losing my mind.
Carl doesn't remember me?
No. No that's impossible.
Why so impossible?
Because if he doesn't remember me...that means that, everything we've been through together, side by side, even hating each other at one point...
The past you accomplished, with the one you love, never existed, for him.
Oh...no...No...
Spes?
Tell me...
What purpose do you have now?
"Do you nee-"
"Do you remember my name?" I look up at him, his face taken off guard and slowly I stand, heart: breaking, while he straightens to face me. "I said," He gasps when my warm tears fall. "Do you remember, my name?"
"It's...Tr-Trinity?"
"That's my middle name." I spit. "What's my first name!?" I shout. "You remember!" My hands curl into fists, and I hit his chest with both my hands, the impact not as strong as I would've liked, given his body is toned enough to hurt me back.
But I'm already hurting...I've never felt anything hurt so much in my entire life. Not like this. An ache to pass all physical levels, that emotionally, it forces itself to break me down.
"Hey!" That country b1tch squeaks.
"Say it!?" I push him again, my foot stomping while I sob out some swears.
"I don't remember! I don't even remember my name!" Carl barks, and I push him farther back before hiding my face while it twists in gut-wrenching sadness.
This can't be happening. This can't, fvcking be happening!
"You're why I have a purpose." My voice is a muffle.
"Wh...What?"
"If you don't remember me...then I don't exist." I look up to him, my eyes drowning under my clear tears before he gasps at my face. "My name Carl. What's my name?" I whisper.
"I don't..." He shakes his head. "I don't remember."
"Ha." My hopefullness if clear in that last scoff. "Then let me remind you." I walk straight up to him, his legs not taking him back while I catch him off guard, cupping his cheeks, a breath before tilting my head upwards to push and press my lips onto his while he freezes at contact, my heart taking about all it can before Carl finally registers what's going on and accidently shoves me back.
"I don't know you!" He's blushing. "I don't remember you." He walks backwards before giving me an apologetic face. "I'm sorry."
"Go inside." That girl orders Carl, and he shakes his head one more time as a feeble fvcking apology. "Dad?" She begs her father to help my lost love back into the house, his curious blue eyes still on me when I'm struck with the reality of what's actually going on.
What's going on?
What's going on...is-
"Get the heIl away from us! Stay away from Mark!" A yell plasters onto my face while I stare at the house, the appearance of Carl's face staring at me in the window angers my blood, and I react just the way I want to when this girl chokes my hand to throw it away and she pushes me back. "Stay away from Mark. He's my friend. Not yours."
"I'm not leaving without him." I slowly venom the words that leave my tongue.
"I'll get my daddy to throw you off our property!"
I've had enough...
"So go! Now!" She hits my shoulder, and I feel her start to push again and again, Carl's face riddled with shock at what's happening, and concern for me getting my 'as$ kicked', but it's like something clicks inside me.
One slap to the face from her hand, and it's too easy, the form of my fist gripping the handle to my saber, but in the last second, instead of yanking out my weapon to strike right through her, I give her a glare and throw my leg right in her direction, the tiny bony body colliding with the ground at my feet.
"Oh my gosh!" She squeals and holds her ear that has blood coming out of it. "Daddy!" She screeches, and I'm too caught up in staring at Carl to give a fvck. He looks totally freaked out.
"Leave! Now!" The man yells.
"Daddy I can't hear nothin'!" She sobs and I begin to back away, the rocks at my feet staring up at me urge my next actions to channel my absolute anger, their purpose being fulfilled the second I grab one fist sized one, and glare at Carl in time for him to duck while I shatter their window to bits.
"Spes!" I scream and grunt while I reach down to throw another. "My names Spes!!" Another, and another.
"Why!?" I throw another rock. "Don't you remember?!"
Why?
"Argh!!!" I sound like a wild animal before throwing one more rock, Carl's face lifting from cover to peek at me fall back down on my hands and knees, crying and not understanding any of this.
This, that is not a dream.
None of this is a dream.
None of it.
__________________
-Carl's P.O.V.-
Spes...
Spes...
"You ok Mark?"
What?
"Yeah." I look to Joseph before he leans down.
"She broke your skin. Here." I wait on the chair before I'm handed a damp cloth to tend to my bleeding lower lip...from when she-when she kissed me. "You'll be sleepin' peaceful like tonight. Savannah will be in my room so I can take care of her. She can't hear in her left ear."
Sh1t.
"That girl did that?" I widen my eyes to look up at him before trailing them towards his bedroom where Savannah is still sniffling, holding her ear and whimpering at her lost sense before I go back to remembering every detail of the girl who we left to go off by herself.
How does she know me? She never told me. I'm dying to go back out there and find her, but it's dark and...what if she really doesn't know me? But, there was something so familiar about her. Everything that's been missing in Savannah, that strange girl...Spes...she fit them all.
Even that gray hair.
What the heIl...
How?
How do I know her?
How...
__________________
-Third Person P.O.V.-
Camping not too far away from her found love, Spes huddles closer to the fire she learned how to start from Jesse on the first night of their time spent together under the stars, camping and talking, getting to know each other, but this late 9 o'clock was different than all the other nights she'd spent away from home.
Feeling no energy to go back, no desire to leave, no clue as to what to do except maybe keep on trying, and hopefully she'd get him to go back with her either way, memory or no memory, hoping that would return later, Spes still felt the shock of being forgotten, completely wiped away from existence, that when the sound of something like the usual walker approaching her reached her ears, she didn't move an inch to try and save herself.
She was immobile, and in the small second of not caring, welcomed what would happen as the Infected came for her from the back, the minimal warmth of the fire keeping her senses alive, and she was ready to feel the bite, but she didn't.
Instead, a minute of silence, the curiosity of the gray haired Child Of The Future, and she turned only a little to feel a strong hand wrap around her mouth while her body was held in place, and more sounds of footsteps approached.
"Mm!" She widened her eyes, heart pounding and mind currently scattered, when a pair of lips hissed some words into her ears.
"Spes Trinity Markasson? It took a while, but your dad's going to be awfully glad, we finally got you...I hope you're ready to go home."