I woke up with little memory of what had happened, I was in a cell here in the bunker I was bloody, bruised, broken, covered in blood, sweat and tears. My heart shattered into millions of pieces to be here in the one place In the world I would rather die then stay in. One thing even in this horror made me smile against me laid Benny, as broken and brusied as I was his arms around me protectively hiding me away so if anyone came to hurt us he would be between us and them. I noticed the scar on his back bleeding, it was cut open again recently the sewing fresh, they had taken it away clearly beloved him to be trained up enough without it now I moved slightly which woke him
"Oohh sorry Benny, I didn't mean to wake you"
"It's okay honeybunny" he says holding me tighter "I'm just happy your here with me, they room you away I didn't know where they had taken you, they only brought you back an hour ago" he explained
"I don't remember"
"I barely remember anything past the injections except them taking you."
"I'm sorry I got you mixed up in all this"
"What do you mean?"
"If I hadn't come to your room that night. None of this would have happened" I cried
"Y/n, I know... the last few months have been. Well hell. But if you hadn't have come that night, we would never have spoken again, we would never have kissed, you'd have never came to new york," he explained "and I wouldn't have changed our time together for anything in this world my sweet honeybunny"
"Even after everything?"
"Even after everything" he nods "because I love you"
"I love you too, I'm sorry I never told you before you where taken"
"I'm sorry I never did, I should have told you. That first night"
"Which first night?"
"When you first kissed me. I wanted to tell you then" he says "I should have. I shouldn't have been going out so much, I should have stayed with you, I wish you weren't here with Me, that you were back in new York in the apartment, doing your dances all nice and safe" he smiled kissing my head
"I wouldn't want to be in New York Benny, if you weren't there too" I told him holding him as tight as I could. I sat holding him in my arms for what felt like hours, but neither of us ever wanted to let go of the other. I shuddered when the door to the cell opened I expected, Casak or a guard, but it wasn't it was that Staven boy,
"Follow" He says offering his hand, I was confused but I took it as he helped us both up leading us though the corridors
"chto sluchilos'?"
"my vyshli, skazali, chto ostalis' lyudi. Vernul nas, chtoby pomoch'" he explained
"Vam ne nuzhno bylo"
"Had to help" He says leading us up though the bunker
"We can't get out the way you did, neither of us our strong enough to take the swim"
"We Not go that way" He says leading us up the staircase higher and higher into the bunker, I knew we had far to go still, we were being held at the lowest point of the bunker we kept going through the various different things avoiding the traps meant to make you loose where you are, all my years of trying to escape this place I knew all of it. We turned off a set of stairs and Staven opened the door and I heard a sudden gunshot grabbing benny putting him behind me even if instinctively he tried to do the same thing but to me, and Staven dropped on the floor bleeding casak standing in the doo with a gun
"Run" I said grabbing benny's hand hard running down the stairs getting off at the next level down, hurrying through the long corridors hearing Casak and many other security men following and trying to find us I found the second staircase and we ran up the stairs finding the little door I wanted, it was locked and I panicked "No... no, No!" I complained hitting the door with all my strength Benny helped too both of us beating the door with all the strength we had left in us, punching, kicking till our skin was bloody. And with one last hit it opened. Sending us both tumblring onto the ground, surrounded by snow. The snow so thick you could barely see across the way, I heard the men chasing after us, Benny picked me up and we ran through the thick snow doing our best to walk though the knee high snow, I saw the car roger had brought me in covered in so much snow, who knows how long it had been since then. I opened the door and it was still unlocked the moment I did a bullet bounced off the rim of the car as the security and casak got out the door too Benny instantly pushed me inside the car and shut the door behind us locking it
"Okay... now what do we do?" he asked
"I have no idea" I cried hugging him tightly "I don't think we have a way out of this benny."
"No, no,no, don't cry" He says wiping my tears "Come on honey bunny, think. You're the smartest girl in the world you can figure something out"
"I can't... there's nowhere to go, nothing to do. We're gonna die. If we're lucky" I explain "We can't run, they'll shot us. We wouldn't make it far in the snow anyway, we can't drive though this snow, we can't swim, there is nowhere to go" I explained
"How long till the bullets get through the car?"
"I don't know, not long enough"
"Then, What do we do?"
"I don't know," I admit "but I can't go back in there, And I can't let you either. They wouldn't kill us for us, they'd keep us alive. To let us suffer" I explain "If you run, they just want me-
"No, I'm not leaving without you, I am never leaving you alone again I promised"
"Then what do we do?"
"We could run, go as far as we could, let them shoot us. At Least they won't take us back"
"There shooting to slow not to kill, they'd shoot us in the shoulder or the knee and take us back" I explained
"Then... I don't see another way out of this"
"There is. One way"
"What way?" He asked as I wiped my tears "Honeybunny, what way?"
"The CIA, they said if we ever got in trouble. As a last resort" I said pulling the compact from where I had hidden it when I first entered the bunker pulling it from my bra moving the bottom showing our last option,
"Y/n... are you serious?"
"I don't think we have another option" I said between my tears "At Least we won't suffer, they won't take us back, and we... stay together"
His eyes welled up with tears holding my hand tightly "I don't see we have another option either" he says as the sounds of the bullets attacking the car protected only but what was left of the bullet proofing, the sounds of the shouting of the men outside, the cold of the ice and snow surrounding us, so we were able to see our breaths our bodies slightly shivering, snow still in our hair where it hasn't even melted, our bodies, bloody, bruised, shaken, scared, Benny took the two capsules from the compact one in his own hand and one in mine, I froze feeling the real weight of the pill in my hand, that this little capsule sat between me and everything else in this world, the weight of my life, the horror and the torcher I had indured that made me truly believe I was stronger then taking my own life, the years of training of broken ankles and toes in the learning of each and every ballet move, The twisted wrists, the broken fingers learning every move on a chess board, all the moves once before and all the ones ever to come, Years of being shipped around the world like a secret, protected like a queen, and treated like a prisoner. The weight of a life I could have lived. The life I could have had with Russia if I had stayed, I would have been married, forced to have a child, forced to watch it grow into what I could never be. The weight of the life I wanted with Benny, But the life I could never have. A Life to be Mrs Watts, to walk a wedding aisle with him, to wake up with him a million more times, to dance a billion terrible dances with him, to play chess with him infinitely, Hundreds of good morning kisses, and goodnight cuddles, A trillion I love you's and all the languages we could say it in, the places we would never visit, the things we would never so, A thousand dreams and sweet sleeps we would never have. The dreams and plans of a life we couldn't have together. To watch my stomach grow to create a life all our own, watch the first steps, to watch the first words, A first dance, a first chess game, another life to grow and teach learning from the mistakes of our own. And all the millions and billions of tiny moments that this tiny pill would rob me off.
I looked up to him staring at his tear stained cheeks, his brown eyes full of tears as he felt the weight like me, of everything this would mean. I took his hand intertwining my fingers with his own as the sounds got louder, glass beginning to break and the car starting to fall apart.
He pulled us so our foreheads rested against each other unable to remove our eyes from each other "YA tebya lyublyu, Honeybunny"
"I love you too benny" I smiled making him have a tiny smile too tightening his grip on my hand "Together?"
"Together." He nodded as we slipped the pills into our mouths, I pushed it to the back under my teeth to bite down hard and quickly pulling benny closer holding my tightly in my arms, never wanting to be away from him for the rest of my life.