a/n: heyo, before this chapter starts off, I will say it might start off bumpy. I am having a brain block.. system error.
•••
It's almost been a year since Bokuto and Akaashi met each other, interacted with each other. They both dearly missed each other's touch, voice, personality, but they were both oblivious.
Bokuto's volleyball career flew down, mostly due to the injury he got, which he knew affected his whole life. He only studied now, he was hanging on by a strand now, trying hard to not be kicked out of college.
Each day moved slower and slower, it was the same record on repeat. Lectures, study, strain his eyes and mental health. He tried, he tried everything. Nothing worked, why can't he get over him? Oh, it was because he loved him.
Love doesn't even describe any type of affection he had for Akaashi, his heart was empty, only would be filled with the person he loved. He was touched starved, he wanted the warm skin on his. Why can't he?
~
"Life sucks ass." Bokuto leaned back in the chair, every drop of enthusiastic was drained out.
"Tell me about it.." Kuroo croaked out.
"Sometimes death seems nice, doesn't it?" Bokuto spun around in the chair.
"Don't fucking talk like that Bo." Kuroo eyed him.
"Joke.." Bokuto hastily said, stopping the chair abruptly. Bokuto pulled his phone out, scrolling through some unknown chats.
"I don't like it when you say that.." Kuroo crossed his legs. "You know.. I'm really worried about you Bo, I mean.. all your energy seems to be drained nowadays." Kuroo sighed.
Bokuto didn't respond.
"Okay, just don't respond to your best friend." Kuroo rolled his eyes.
Bokuto stopped scrolling, his eyes unfocused. "I'm sorry." He whispered, "I'm sorry my enthusiasm is gone.. but don't the happy people get to be sad? I can't keep that act on forever.. I don't want to be the happy, energetic, humorous friend when I don't even feel that way.. you know?" Bokuto tilted his head and focused his eyes on Kuroo.
Kuroo didn't respond, he didn't know how to respond. Is this how he always felt?
"Is that how you've always felt..?" Kuroo questioned.
"No.. of course those feelings will always be genuine! I love being the happy friend cheering people up.. but I want a friend like that. I don't just want to give anymore.." Bokuto spun more in the chair.
The other boy sat there, no words came out of his mouth.
Bokuto sighed, "I know that's hard to respond to, stop thinking about it." Bokuto smiled a bit. Kuroo exhaled and fell face first onto the bed.
Kuroo let out a muffled sigh and flipped upwards, titling his head he asked, "Wanna tell me everything?" He cracked a smile.
"You know.. that would be nice Kuroo." He smiled a bit, jumping onto the bed.
"Just don't cry dude.." Kuroo laughed a bit, straighten his posture.
They both sat on the bed with their legs crossed under themselves, backs against the wall, both staring at the other side of the room.
"I guess.. I'll start.." Bokuto chuckled. Kuroo nodded and curved a smile. "First of all.. this is really awkward.." Bokuto laughed, Kuroo let out a hyena laugh.
"You know.. it is!" Kuroo laughed, Bokuto giggled along.
Bokuto huffed and intertwined his own fingers together, fidgeting with his nails. "Honestly, I feel drained. All of this.. it's like I'm being vacuumed up. Even if he did come back, I don't think I'll ever change back to my original self.. I mean look at me!" He laughed a bit, lifting up his shirt to reveal the bandages.
"You are pretty fucked up man.." Kuroo laughed.
They talked for hours, it was new to them. It felt nice for them to talk more in depth of their personal lives than just joking around. It strengthened their friendship by miles.
~
"How did you get so attached to Akaashi..?" Kuroo played with the hem of his shirt.
"Hm.. I don't know.." Bokuto closed his eyes, "When I first met him he was painting.. that is probably what made me so drawn to him. When I saw him painting in the park, it looked like he wasn't even there, by that I mean.. nobody seemed to noticed. They just casually walked by, like they weren't part of his reality. He was definitely in his own world.."
"That was.. in depth. Tell me more." Kuroo had a crooked smile on his face.
"Well.." Bokuto giggled while looking back at all the memories he and Akaashi had.
Hours went by of Bokuto and Kuroo talking about their relationships. They had laughs, serious talks, tears slipped out sometimes.The only difference between their relationships was that one of them didn't have that person, love to receive. One of them didn't have the other, they were never together.
~
He walked around the small streets, the night was warm. Shaking the can of paint, making it echo off the alley walls.
Spray after spray, tear after tear.
"It's been.. half a year since I disappeared." Akaashi dropped the can, making a loud clanking noise. "I miss you."
Don't miss him.
"I thought I told you to stop!" Akaashi screamed. "I'm never listening to you again."
Oh Keiji, but you already did. Look, you are considered missing. You left everyone, you isolated yourself. To me.. it looks like you listened.
Akaashi scrunched his eyebrows. He picked up the can of paint and started to make gray/white and black stripes against the wall.
After he finished the work on the wall he huffed, stepping back he looked at the wall.
"See.. I'm here with you Kōtarō.." He stared at the faceless painting. The art included a person with black and white spiky hair, but no face was included. "I made my own Kōtarō." He smiled to himself. The scary part was that the whole wall was filled with this exact art.
He was going mental, finally loosing it.
~
Watching the team play without him hurt Bokuto, he just wanted to play. Hearing the screeching of the shoes on the hardwood ground brought memories. He missed it, he missed it so much.
Bokuto watched them practice everyday. He encouraged and helped them with anything he could, anything he could do to step into the court.
"Nice receive!" He clapped.
The players were doing drills, the fun drills he loved. A wave of emptiness washed over him, making his stomach drop.
"I.. uhm, I'm going to go outside for a second!" He waved at the coach. He slowly walked out of the giant gym, pushing the heavy doors.
Walking out, a big breeze of warm air hit him. That reminded him that is was summer, he didn't like summer at all anymore.
He felt tired, he felt sad. Why does he feel sad? He had no reason to feel sad right now, he should be happy.
Bokuto dragged his feet to the side and slide down the wall. He watched people walk around campus. Slowly putting his earbuds in, he scrolled through the songs he liked. Of course he chose that one, that was the only one he ever listened to now.
The Night We Met - Lord Huron
The song Akaashi sent him, it felt that that was the only thing he had left of him. How could he have gotten so attached to someone he only knew for a year?
Pulling his knees up, a slight pinch came to his side reminding him he couldn't play volleyball anymore. Setting his arms on his knees and lowering his head to fear on his forearms. He closed his eyes and breathed.
He knew he would never go back to his original self. Everyone knew that, he wasn't the same at all anymore.
Inside the gym they all deeply cared about him, they worried. It was always the cheerful person giving people happiness that had to get hurt. Their team will never be the same without him, everyone knew that.
~
"I'm sorry.."
"I know you are.. don't feel bad."
"But.."
"It's alright.. I've accepted that he won't come back."
•••
a/n: Look look! I made a chapter :) Sorry for not updating yesterday! Hope you liked this one- it is sort of setting out both of their lives at this moment. (might be spelling errors, I haven't checked yet)
😞✋