Will
I wasn't mad at either of them, just myself.
Why was I so stupid?
I slammed the front door shut, knowing Nico would be close behind. I didn't care if it shut in face. I was too pissed to care about anything, really.
I heard the front door open as I made my way up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. I was around the corner of the hallway by the time Nico called out for the fourth time since we stopped running.
Before he could come up the stairs, I ran into our room and grabbed a change of clothes, hurrying to the bathroom down the hall. It was locked, the sound of K-pop flooding from the cracks in the door.
"Kayla, open up!"
"I'm doing my makeup, hold on!"
A few seconds later, the door clicked, and I slipped inside. Kayla sat on her velvet stool, her hair up in a towel and a robe wrapped around her body. She glanced up from her mirror, a mascara wand in her hand, and frowned.
"Ew, you're sweaty!" Kayla scrunched up her nose.
"That's why I'm taking a shower!" I squeezed past her and entered the shower room. The best thing about this foster home, other than the amazing foster father and all my incredible foster siblings, the bathrooms were sharable. If someone was taking an hour to do their makeup and you needed to shower? No problem. The shower had its own room. So did the toilet. I closed the door behind me and leaned over to turn the shower handle, ducking out quickly so not to get drenched by cold water. Stripping off my sweaty clothes, I climbed in and sighed as the warm water hit my back and streamed down my exhausted body.
I could hear Kayla's music through the door, but it was suddenly turned off.
"What's up?" I heard her ask someone.
"I need relationship advice," I was surprised to recognize Katie's voice.
She and Travis were sort of an item now. Emphasis on sort of.
They didn't label themselves as anything, but they walked to school together and sat beside each other during class and lunch. Every now and then, I could see Travis holding her hand under the cafeteria tables while our group was chatting.
I tried not to listen in on the conversation but turns out these walls were thinner than I had thought, and the sound of the water pounding against the tile floor wasn't loud enough to drown out any noise.
"I don't know how to tell Travis anything," Katie said. "I mean, I answer his questions, but I can never start the conversation. I don't even know if I can tell him about my past."
"He has one, too, you know. Worse than you'd think," Kayla said.
I knew bits of the Stoll brothers' pasts, but not the whole story. Apparently, they weren't from around here. Their mother left their dad a few years ago and moved in next door when the boys were in their very early tweens. They never talked about their dad. Ever. They also had an older half-brother I knew had died, around the same time they moved. I didn't know much about him, including his name, but he was a sore subject for the brothers.
"The subject has never come up, but what if he asks? About me being in foster care? What happened to my dad?"
I heard Kayla sigh. "Tell him the truth, even if it hurts you. He'll understand everything. Trust me."
"I don't want to lose anyone else, Kayla!" I heard crying, and my heart sunk.
I knew that feeling.
I never told anyone about my past either. Not even my two best friends, Lou Ellen and Cecil. They'd ask, and I'd stay silent. I refused to answer.
It was hard enough going through what happened once. But if I tried to explain it to anyone again, more than the five different times at the police station, in court, and to Mr. Chiron, I would break apart. No one needed to go through what I went through.
I leaned against the shower wall and let the water fall down my back, the girls silent.
They probably left already.
A tear rolled down my face, mixing with the shower water, and I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the memory ebbing at the edge of my mind.
Too late.
Blood.
All I could see was blood.
Someone was screaming. I think it was me.
My heart was racing faster than it ever had in my entire life. My hands were soaked in the crimson pool they pressed against, trying desperately to stop the flow. More just squirted through the cracks in my small fingers. More screaming.
My vision filled with tears. Someone was pulling me away from her body.
Her...
My mother.
Bleeding out on our living room carpet, her blue eyes lifeless.
Blood.
All I could see was blood.
"What took you so long?" Kayla asked as I turned the corner into the dining room. Breakfast was spread across the long table. Cecil and Austin were already filling their plates with seconds, stuffing toast and bacon in their mouths. Katie looked up from her bowl of cereal and bran muffin, milk around the edges of her mouth. Kayla was munching on an apple, the remnants of pancakes on her plate. Nico sat at the edge of the group, in his usual seat beside where I always sat.
I met his eyes and he turned away; his dark eyes glued to his empty, spotless plate.
He wasn't eating again.
That was a bad sign.
I sat beside him, and I felt him tense up. He was mad about earlier. I couldn't blame him. I was being the biggest jerk, ignoring him like that.
I scooped some eggs onto my plate and grabbed some bacon and a bran muffin. I placed the bacon on his plate.
He didn't say anything. He did, however, pick up one of the pieces and take a small bite out of it. Kayla glanced over, raising an eyebrow, but said nothing.
Cecil and Kayla argued about video game rights and Austin hummed as he ate. Katie remained silent, as usual. I chipped in on the argument here and there, but Nico didn't. I doubted he was a big video game fan.
By the time I finished my eggs and muffin, Nico had finished two pieces of bacon. I grabbed two more and placed them next to the remaining one. He sighed and cast a glare in my direction.
He didn't finish any more. I nudged him lightly and he shook his head slightly, telling me he was done.
I sat up and said goodbye to everyone, tapping Nico's shoulder as I passed him on my way out of the room. I didn't hear him follow me up the stairs, but I had just sat down on my bed when the bedroom door opened again, and he squeezed in.
Nico stood there like a small child sent to the principle's office for the first time. He fiddled with the long sleeves of his black hoodie, staring at the carpet floor.
"Hey," I crossed my legs and waited for him to move.
"What did I do?"
The aching of my heart nearly made me gasp. I blinked away the emotional pain and tried to find a response.
"N-nothing. It's me, not you."
I heard him scoff, still standing by the ajar door as if he were preparing to bolt.
"You have no clue how many times I've heard that line."
"Please look at me, Nico."
His dark, lifeless eyes met mine, and I felt a tear trickle down my face.
"I'm so sorry, Nico. I-I just started feeling all these emotions at once, and I didn't want to hurt you. That's why I ran off."
"You should've stayed." Nico bit his lip.
"I know. I should have. Will you forgive me?"
"Only if you explain why." A trickle of blood appeared on his lower lip.
"Come closer. And close the door, I don't want eavesdroppers."
He shut the door and hesitated at the edge of my bed. It took him a few seconds, but he finally moved and climbed up, sitting across from me. He stared at his skull-print socks.
"What happened, in the forest? W-was it Nova?" Nico looked up and met my eyes again. Those lifeless eyes...
I had hurt him.
"Yes, I guess. It started with her," I reached out for his hand, but he pulled away, holding his knees to his chest. Fetal position. He was really upset.
"It wasn't Nova specifically. But her being there, you two knowing each other...I guess I got jealous. But then I started thinking...I overthink easily. I'm sorry."
"You got jealous? Of me knowing Nova?" He smirked slightly, though his eyes were just as dead as before, so it wasn't out of humor. Then the smirk disappeared, and he frowned. "D-do you like Nova?"
"Yeah, Nova's great. But you don't mean that way..." I tried to rack my brain for an answer. I had no clue how he'd react. I mean, we were roommates...This could get awkward quickly. "And I don't like her like that..."
I had never told anyone yet. Not even Cecil or Lou Ellen.
Nico sighed. "Well, I have no idea why you were jealous. She and I were just volleyball friends. I don't like her that way either."
He and I were silent for a moment.
"Nico, please don't be weird about this, but I need to come clean," I tried to meet his eyes, but he looked away.
"Nova wasn't the one I liked more than a friend, Nico."
It took him a few moments to respond. His eyes widened slightly, and his lips parted in surprise. He slowly looked up at me. A deep blush appeared on his cheeks. His eyes met mine and a smile formed on his face.
"Wait..." Nico scooted closer. Was that a good sign?
"Yeah, I just admitted that." I sighed and smiled at him. "You don't have to say anything, but please just hear me out."
He nodded but his eyes drifted downward again, staring at the wrinkles in the comforter. I stared at my hands as I talked.
"I got jealous because I thought you were into Nova, which made the chance of you liking me back slimmer. So, I got mad at myself for hoping, and when I get self-destructive, I start thinking too much about everything. And I mean, everything. Grades, friends, my future. My past..."
We both looked up at the same time.
"I started thinking things I shouldn't have. I get really pissed when my brain takes over, and I knew that if you asked me why I was acting weird, I would snap. I'd yell at you or something, and I don't want to hurt you. You've already been hurt by so many people. I don't want to be another name on that list, Nico."
He inhaled sharply as a small tear escaped, trickling down the side of his face. I reached over and wiped it away.
"I've been through hell, too. I hide it behind a smile and care-free demeanor. I haven't told any of the others my past." I said as Nico scooted closer, his twitching fingers inches from my hands. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry if this is too much for you to handle right now. I've been keeping it to myself for a while and - "
Nico frowned. "How long?"
"How long what?" I asked, noticing his hands inching closer, dying for someone to hold them. I wondered if he ever had someone care for him other than his family.
"How long have you had a crush on me?"
I laughed sheepishly. "I guess when you started reaching out to me. I felt like you trusted me. I hope you still do."
His fingers found my hand, and I took his cold hand in mine. He gasped at the contact but didn't pull away. I used my other to tip his chin up so he'd look me in the eyes. Tears were forming in his black eyes, which were starting to come to life again. The blush deepened, and I felt my face grow warm too.
"I've never been loved before," Nico whispered. I pulled him closer and wrapped my arms around him. He cried into my chest, tears streaming down his face and wetting my shirt. I didn't mind.
"Please don't leave me, everyone I love leaves me..." He choked back sobs.
I tightened my arms around him, inhaling the rainwater smell of his hair, hoping that he knew how much I cared for him.
I might even be in love with him.
I wish he knew that.
I wish he knew a lot of things.
Blood.
All I could see was blood.
I pushed the memory away. What happened in the past stayed in the past.
It was time to move on now.
//AN//
who else is crying right now? just me? okay...
xoxo
a very sad writer