Woo back babyyy! 💙💫
Woo Wednesday for Big Woooo
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ʙᴀsʜᴀʀ ᴊᴀᴄᴋsᴏɴ
ᴄʜɪᴄᴀɢᴏ, ɪʟ
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"She just acts as if nothing even happened! She helps me around but Shar she hasn't even cried yet." Ms. Lacey said as she cried on me.
"I know, I keep trying to tell her to let it out but you know how stubborn she can get, it's the Capricorn in her." I replied.
"She's going to drive herself up a wall trying to keep it together." She said shaking her head.
It's been a few days since Mr. Wilson's passing and Lauryn hasn't shown once of emotion.
She's sad about it because she told me but it's like she's trying to push her feelings to the side.
I know she's hurting bad on the inside, when someone passes and you aren't on the best terms with them that's a terrible feeling.
I just got here to Chicago this afternoon because the funeral is tomorrow and I don't have a show until the day after that anyways.
Me. Lacey wasn't doing good at all.
So I think Lauryn is trying to be the rock of the family since her mom can't be right now.
I let her cry on my shoulder more as she started sniffling and sat up.
"Bless your heart Bashar, you really are a good man no matter what my husband thought of you. I bet he's looking down feeling crazy because he sees how genuine you can be." She said with a chuckle.
Wish he could see it while he was here better, but we actually hashed shit out.
A month or so ago I reached out and we had a long talk about everything and I was able to understand his reasoning for everything.
Lauryn walked downstairs and smiled seeing her mom and I.
"Y'all good?" she asked.
"Of course, but baby are you good?" Her mom asked.
Lauryn shoo'd her off, "Mom for the 100th time I am okay. Just trying not to dwell on it." She shrugged.
"Come sit down baby." I said as I patted the couch.
"I'm hungry, are y'all hungry?" She said walking to the kitchen.
Another thing she's been doing, avoiding affection.
I shook my head and looked over at her mom seeing the tears form in her eyes again.
This is hard on her because Lauryn is being so stand off-ish and she's taking it personal.
I got up and walked in the kitchen and saw Lauryn with one hand on the counter and the other rubbing her stomach as she rubbed it with her eyes closed.
"Baby what's wrong?" I asked rushing over to her.
I held her stomach as she huffed out air.
"I'm f-"
"Yo stop telling me you're fine! You putting stress on yourself and my baby trying to stay all strong and shit baby I know you're hurting. Please talk to me." I begged while lifting her chin to look at me.
"Something doesn't feel right." She said while rubbing her stomach more.
"Come on I'm taking you to the hospital." I said while lightly grabbing her arm but she pulled it back.
"Lauryn Wilson I'm not fucking around with you right now, I'm
Taking you." I demanded as I grabbed her arm again and held her back as we made our way out the kitchen.
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"Baby girl is okay, but you Ms.Wilson... you need to relax. Your blood pressure was incredibly high. Are you under a lot of stress or pressure?" The nurse asked as Lauryn shook her head.
"No I'm fine." She said while she laid on the hospital bed in her clothes looking down at her twiddling fingers.
I shook my head as I watched her lie through her teeth.
"Well your vitals are telling me otherwise. I need you to be on bed rest until we can get you back stable because too much stress on you can cause problems with the baby." The nurse said while giving Lauryn a stern look.
"Lauryn, baby... please just show us something! Let us in because we are all hurting and you don't need to go through this alone!" Her mom begged while grabbing her hand, "I just want you healthy and a healthy grandbaby."
Lauryn sat there in her thoughts as she looked down still.
"I'll leave you all alone and you are free to go whenever you're ready, but I'm warning you to please take it easy Ms. Wilson." The nurse said before walking out.
"You need to stop holding this in-" I started before she cut me off.
"I'M NOT HOLDING SHIT IT! Can y'all get off my damn bac-"
"I wasn't done talking Lauryn stop cutting me off Yo! Chill out because you getting me mad fucking tight. I'm really my being patient and trying to be understanding with how you're grieving but now you're putting yourself AND my child at risk because you're trying to be this strong person but we all know you hurting. Stop putting yo self through this. You're pregnant and your emotions are already up and down." I said staring at her as she rolled her eyes.
"You can leave." She said making me raise an eyebrow.
"I can leave?"
"Yes, goodbye... You're stressing me out." she said lowly.
We all sat there in silence for a while as the sounds of the hospital machines sounded in the background.
I stared at Lauryn as she stared off in the window.
All those times she begged for me to open up to her and here she is shutting me out.
I loved how strong she was trying to be but that is a big role to take that she isn't ready for.
And this is scaring me because I feel like it's all going to come out at this funeral tomorrow.
I just know it is.
And it's going to be a lot.
I just kissed her cheek before making my way out of the room.
Because all I can do at this point is wait for her.
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ʟᴀᴜʀʏɴ ᴡɪʟsᴏɴ
ᴄʜɪᴄᴀɢᴏ, ɪʟ
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"Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught
My heart to fear
And grace my Fears relieved
How precious did
That grace appear
The hour I first believed"
Some lady from our church sang Amazing Grace as they began to lower my dad's body in the ground.
My mom was hysterical as my auntie held her with tears all on her face.
Pop stood next to me rubbing my back while Mari was on my other side holding Bray.
The lady from church ended the song as everyone slowly started to leave.
"I can take Bray back to the house, I'm going to leave you all here and meet y'all at the house." Mari smiled as she grabbed me in a hug and I smiled.
I turned my attention back to my father as my aunt walked my mom to the car while holding her up.
"You ready?" Pop asked softly.
I didn't say anything.
I'm really never going to see him again.
I wish I could have just told him I love him.
I wish I could have just talked to him about Pop and this baby more.
"Baby?" He asked again.
I watched his casket get lower and fell to my knees.
All the tears I've been holding had finally found their way out.
I tried so hard to keep it together.
I really did.
Pop crouched next to me and grabbed me in a hug as I cried in his chest.
"Let it out mamas, I know you been hurting and it would come eventually. Just let it all out." He said softly.
"I-I just want to tell him I'm sorry and I love him so much!" I cried out.
"He knows you love him Lauryn, you can't bla-"
"I can blame myself! Why was I being so mean to him he always wanted the best for me. My baby won't ever meet her grandfather. Wh-" I choked up and cried more.
Thinking about all the milestones he's going to miss.
"Poppa who's going to walk me down the aisle?" I said before crying more.
If I could turn back time to just hug him once more I would.
Hear his laugh.
His corny ass dad jokes.
See his smile.
Just apologize.
Why did I ever shut him out.
"Life is too short to hold grudges I feel terrible." I said as Pop held me tighter and rocked us side to side.
"Think of all milestones he was here for baby girl. He saw you graduate high school and college, he saw his princess get pregnant with his granddaughter and he might not physically be here to see her get here but he's always watching. He was so proud of you," Pop said making me feel better.
"And I never told you but we had a talk. I reached out to him a month or so ago and he never didn't like me he's just protective as a father should be. I didn't understand at first but Bray is here and I get it. I'd be pissed off I felt like someone was wasting her time. He was hard on you because he wanted the best for you so now you just have to make him proud." Pop said making me feel a little better.
I didn't know they talked everything out so it's good they settled their differences.
"Y'all talked?" I said sniffling.
"Yeah, and he knows you love him he never even questioned it. He said all those times in high school you said you hated him he knows you never meant it." He said making me laugh some.
Pop is really making me feel better.
Dealing with death while pregnant is hard as hell.
I feel this shit so bad.
I know my baby is cursing me out in there for putting her through this but it's just so much.
Everything I do from now on will be for my dad.
"I have something that might make you feel better at the house. But we can sit here as long as you need." He said
I know my dad would approve of Pop if he really got the chance to get to know him.
I wish he did.
He's not what he thinks Pop is, pop is the sweetest and most gentle man I've ever known.
I nodded and just held him feeling more of my tears come down slowly.
Everything I do will be for him I promise.
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"Here y'all go." Pop said as he handed my mom and I a big box as we sat on the couch.
We were at his repass back at the house and everyone was trying their best to enjoy themselves like my dad would want us to.
"You didn't have to get me anything." My mom said smiling some as she held the box.
"I had to, baby I love you and have us forever and Ms. Lacey you're my family now, so the same applies to you." Pop said getting me emotional.
See what I mean?
The sweetest.
My mom smiled while holding tears back as we both opened the box.
I looked in it to see a white teddy bear with my dads old college football jersey on it making my eyes teary.
"H-how did you know about his Jersey?" My mom asked while staring at the bear as she held it up.
Pop smiled, "When I reached out to him we got to know each other a little better. Y'all would be happy to know he didn't die hating me." He said making the room laugh, "Press the hand."
I looked confused before pressing the hand and I held the bear while leaning forward crying as I heard my dads voice.
"Lauryn is my one and only baby girl so you have to treat her right. I just want her to feel the love that I know I feel for Lynette. Those women are my world and I'd do anything for them."
His voice.
"It's re-really him, oh Bashar come here!" My mom said while I guess they were hugging.
"How did you even get this?" I said looking up and smiling.
"He sent me a few audios talking about y'all and how I need to be for you so I just used that."
I cried even more.
It just wouldn't stop.
"This is the nicest thing in the world." I said while hugging Pop as he crouched in front of me.
I cried on his shoulder as he rubbed my back.
He was so sweet and caring.
Definitely reminded me of my dad.
So I guess he did approve.
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This was a sad chapter 😕
Poppa is so sweet though!
The bear is the sweetest.
Also I chose not to keep doing the dates b/c it makes me feel like time is moving fast asf. I mean it is but I don't like seeing it 💀