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"I'll tell you when you can come out," Chandler whispered to Veronica.
The two had woken up that morning to the sound of Joey rummaging around in the living room. After the night they'd first slept together it had become a common occurrence for the two. Chandler and Veronica had quickly struck up a secret friends-with-benefits type of deal after that night. And they had been enjoying it immensely, minus of course, the time spent hiding from Joey.
"Okay," She nodded before he pulled her in for another kiss. She giggled as she pushed him away playfully, "You can't tell me when to come out if you never leave."
"Well maybe I don't want to leave," He countered as he kissed her nose softly.
Veronica kissed him quickly before she pushed him to the door. "Go."
"Wow!" Chandler scoffed when the entertainment unit ripped the arm of his shirt, "That ripped! That ripped real nice!"
"How many times do I have to tell you!" Joey rolled his eyes, "Turn and slide! Turn and slide."
"You don't turn and slide, you throw it out!" Chandler corrected heatedly, "I'm tired of having to get a tetanus shot every time I get dressed!"
"Look, we're not throwing it out! I built this thing with my own hands!" Joey huffed decidedly.
"All right, how about we, how 'bout we sell it."
Joey thought about it for a minute and nodded reluctantly. "All right. But, you're gonna have to tell them."
Chandler pursed his lips as he opened the cabinet door where their pet deck and chick lived. "Do you mind if we stick you in another cabinet? They seem all right with it!"
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"Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of olives?" Joey asked as he rummaged through Monica's fridge.
She rolled her eyes. "I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me $2.95."
Joey grinned, clearly not seeing that as a bad thing. "Done."
"Hey," Phoebe rushed in frantically, "I need an atlas! I need an atlas!"
"Why?" Monica scoffed with a laugh and raised a brow sarcastically, "Do you have a report due?"
"I have a date with this diplomat I met while I was giving free massages outside the UN and I don't know where his country is," Phoebe explained quickly as she looked around for an atlas.
"Okay, let's start with the free messages outside the UN," Monica stopped her questioningly.
"Oh! That's my new thing," She smiled excitedly, "I figure bodies at peace, make peace."
"That actually makes so much sense," Veronica nodded to her.
"I know right!" Phoebe clapped happily.
"Wow! You might just get the first Nobel prize in rubbing," Monica teased, "So what country is this guy from?"
She paused as she tried to remember. "Ick-neck-tree-anis... There's a 'g' in there," She shrugged.
Monica's brows furrowed. "Where's that?"
"If she can't say it, you really think she knows where it is?" Veronica arched a brow.
"In your atlas!" Phoebe snapped.
"I don't have an atlas."
Phoebe's face fell. "Oh."
"Oh, but wait I do have a globe," Monica remembered and went to look for it, "Here you go."
Phoebe frowned when she saw the miniature globe. "What is this?"
"It's a globe and a pencil sharpener," Monica smiled.
"You knew that wasn't what she meant," Veronica pointed out dryly.
"Hey, does anybody need anything copied?" Joey asked once he was done eating the olives. "I'm going down to the Xerox place."
"Oh, no thanks," The girl shook their heads.
"Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of."
Monica's brows furrowed. "If you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down there?"
"Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the belly button ring again?" Chandler raised a brow.
"Yeah!" Joey grinned excitedly, "You wanna come?"
Chandler paused and shrugged when Veronica didn't do anything. "Yeah!"
Before the two could leave, Ross walked in holding a newspaper with Rachel.
"Hey, here's a question; where did you guys get the finest oak East of the Mississippi?" He scoffed.
Chandler frowned in confusion. "Uh-uh, first you tell us where you got the prettiest lace in all the land."
Ross rolled his eyes and held up the newspaper. "I'm reading your ad."
"Looks good, uh?" Joey grinned, having been the one to make the ad.
"Stunning entertainment center," Chandler read dryly, "...Fine Italian craftsmanship."
"Oh my God, you guys are selling the entertainment center?" Phoebe gasped.
"Why?" Rachel frowned, "I love that thing."
"You want it?" Chandler raised a brow.
Phoebe and Rachel immediately shook their heads vehemently. "Oh no."
"Ah, Gepetto, $5,000 dollars?" Chandler's jaw dropped, "Are you insane?"
"Hey, the ad alone cost 300 bucks!" He argued as he threw his hands up defensively.
"All right, look, I'm changing it to 50 bucks, or your best offer," Chandler decided.
"What kind of profit is that?!" Joey cried, "And you call yourself an accountant."
He pursed his lips and shook his head. "No."
"Oh," Joey paused as he tried to think of what Chandler did, "What do you do?"
"I can't believe you don't know what I do for a living!" He huffed and stomped out.
Joey looked to the rest of the friends for an answer but they all shrugged and shook their heads.
"Yeah, I actually don't know," Phoebe shrugged.
Ross sighed in relief. "Good, so do I."
"Something to do with numbers?" Rachel suggested.
"That reminds me, I was supposed to be at work an hour ago," Veronica commented nonchalantly but didn't move from her seat on the couch.
"Well?" Monica asked slowly as she stared at her in disbelief, "Aren't you going to go?"
Veronica rolled her eyes and reluctantly stood up. "Ugh, fine."
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"So you guys having any luck getting rid of the entertainment center?" Monica asked Chandler as she put fruits into the blender.
"There were a couple of calls last night, but Joey didn't think any of them were going to work out," Chandler scoffed in annoyance, "Yeah, Joey has a very careful screening process. Apparently, not everyone is qualified to own wood and nails."
Before they could discuss the entertainment unit any further Rachel walked out of her room.
Last night had been her anniversary with Ross and they were supposed to go out for dinner but she'd gotten stuck at work. So, despite Rachel telling him not to, Ross had shown up at her office with a picnic basket dinner. They'd ended up fighting, Mark had come over to comfort Rachel and Ross had gone to a party with Chandler, Joey, and the Xerox girl.
"Hey," Veronica smiled softly at Rachel and held her arms out for a hug.
"Hey," Rachel greeted quietly as she wrapped her arms around Veronica.
"Hey," Chandler greeted her before making his way to the door, "...I'm going to go check on the duck. Veronica, wanna come? He misses you."
Veronica nodded at the look he sent her. "Yeah, I'll be there in a bit. We need to talk to Rachel first."
With that, he smiled and walked out of the apartment with a spring in his step.
"How's the big anniversary dinner?" Monica asked excitedly as she poured orange juice into the blender to make her smoothie.
"Well, we never actually got to dinner," Rachel explained slowly.
She'd only told Veronica everything that had happened the night before.
"Ooh, nice," Monica laughed cheekily.
Rachel shook her head sadly. "No, we kinda broke up instead."
"What?!" Monica yelped and accidentally switched the blender on.
"God, Monica it's on the ceiling," Rachel gasped in shock.
"Guess I'm making mimosas instead, then," Veronica shrugged as she went to work.
"That's okay, this is more important than fruit on my ceiling!" Monica managed to force the words out but no one believed her.
"Okay, mimosas for us and straight vodka for Monica," Veronica sighed.
"Thank you," Monica whimpered as she looked up at the ceiling sadly, "You broke up?!
"Yeah, but it's okay because when Ross left Mark came over-"
"Oh no!" Monica cried as her eyes widened, "Rachel, you and Mark?!"
"No, no, no, it's okay, calm down. Mark and I talked, and I realized how much I love your stupid brother, and, yeah, we got our problems, but I really want to make it work."
"I still think you can do way better," Veronica reminded her.
Before they could discuss the Ross situation anymore they heard screaming coming from Joey and Chandler's apartment. The three shared worried looks before they raced over.
"What the hell happened?!" Chandler yelled as he looked around at the empty apartment, "How were you locked in?! And where the hell is all of our stuff?!"
The girls gasped in shock and horror when they noticed that their apartment no longer had any furniture.
"Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and he said he didn't think big enough to fit a grown man!" Joey explained shakily as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.
Chandler's eyes widened in shock. "So, you got in voluntarily?!"
"I was tryin' to make a sale!" He defended earnestly, "Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I'm gonna do?"
"Bend over?!" Chandler snapped as he glared at him.
Veronica quickly rushed to his side and wrapped an arm around his waist comfortingly. He looked down at her thankfully and gave her a squeeze as he tried to calm down.
Joey frowned as he watched the two, jealousy bubbling inside of him before he forced himself to snap out of it. It was purely friendly he reassured himself and it only happened because he'd screwed up and gotten them robbed. That's why Veronica was comforting Chandler instead of him, he assured himself.
"Wow!" Rachel breathed out, "They really got you guys. Your T.V. The chairs."
Monica nodded as she looked around. "Oh yeah, your microwave, the stereo."
"Aw, man, he took the five of spades!" Joey cried as he flipped through the deck of cards before he grinned, "Oh, no, no, no, here it is!"
"Oh my God!" Phoebe's jaw dropped as she walked into the apartment, "What happened?"
Chandler lifted his head off Veronica's shoulder. "Oh, um, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed!"
"Oh! Y'know, I've got an extra futon," Monica remembered with a smile.
"Dude, you don't have to brag! We got nothing here!" Joey huffed as he glared at her.
"Chandler, no!" Veronica yelped as she held him back from attacking Joey.
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"Hey!" Phoebe greeted as she walked in carrying a box. She frowned in confusion when she saw Monica mopping the ceiling, "Why are you mopping your ceiling?"
"Oh, there's banana on it," She explained nonchalantly as if it was a totally normal occurrence.
"Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian woman living in mine. Oh, the mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail," Phoebe motioned to the box she'd put on the kitchen table.
"Thanks," Monica smiled as she went through the envelopes, "Veronica, some mail came for you."
"A male?" She shrieked and ran out of her room, looking around the apartment wildly, "Well, who is he? What does he look like? Did you let him get away?"
Monica rolled her eyes and held up the envelopes. "Ronnie, this kind of mail."
"Oh, well, I know him," She rolled her eyes as she grabbed the letter in disdain, "Bill."
"Hey, what is Fabutec?" Phoebe asked as she read the label on the box.
"All right, don't judge me too much. Okay? But I saw this infomercial and I swear to you I have never ever bought anything on TV before," She paused and held up the mop, "Except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg waxing, it just, it looked so amazing-"
"Waxine!" Phoebe and Veronica cried excitedly.
"Yes!" Monica clapped with a grin, "Have you seen it?"
Phoebe nodded quickly. "Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl."
"Look at these calves," Veronica showed off her legs proudly, "Waxine girl legs right here!"
"I know!" Monica squealed as she ripped open the box impatiently.
"Do you think it really doesn't hurt?" Phoebe asked, "'Cause how can they do that?"
"Hello!" Monica scoffed, "Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rainforest!"
Phoebe nodded knowingly. "They have the best stuff in there."
"And it's about to be waxing us, pain-free!" Veronica clapped, "What do you think will happen if I dip my Visa bill into the wax? Will it make paying it pain-free too?"
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"After applying the Waxine and linen strips to leg number one, grasp one of the linen strips by its 'easy grab tab' and pull it off in one quick pain-free motion," Phoebe read the instructions.
"Okay," Monica grinned and ripped it off before she cried out in pain, "Ow! Ow! Oh, oh!"
Phoebe raised a brow. "Was it not pain-free?"
Monica glared at her and scoffed. "No. It was painful. Oh my God, they should call it Pain-zine, now with a little wax."
"Huh, well, the girls in the satin nighties on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad."
"Maybe you did it wrong?" Veronica suggested with a shrug, "Because Phoebe's right, those girls don't even flinch."
"That's because their nerves are probably deadened from being so stupid!" Monica scowled, "But hey, y'know if you don't believe me, please, be my guest."
Phoebe and Veronica shared a look and nodded confidently before they ripped the strips off.
"Ow!" Veronica screamed out in pain, "Ow! Ow! Ow! What the hell!"
"Maybe you did it wrong?" Monica taunted her.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Phoebe clutched her leg with a grimace, "Oh my God!"
"Now, are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?" Monica huffed as she rubbed her leg.
The three girls stared down at the rest of the wax strips on their legs in disdain. They shared a pained look before they decided to rip the strips off for each other in hopes of making it easier.
"Ow!" Monica cried as Veronica ripped the strip off.
"Oh!" Veronica breathed out in pain Phoebe ripped off her strip.
"Ow! Ow!" Phoebe winced as Monica ripped off the strip on her leg.
"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!"
The girls continued to cry out in pain as they ripped the strips off. The door to Monica's room flew open and Joey and Chandler tumbled in with a teapot and a pan as weapons.
"Ronnie?" Joey called out worriedly before he and Chandler stared at the three in confusion.
"We're all right," Phoebe reassured them.
"It's okay, it's okay," Monica promised them as she fanned her legs.
"We were just waxing our legs," Veronica explained as she massaged her legs.
"Off?!" Chandler scoffed in horror, clearly not seeing why they were screaming so much about a little wax.
Phoebe narrowed her eyes at him. "For your information, this happens to be a pain like no man will ever experience."
"Yeah, well I don't think you can make that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely," Chandler arched a brow as he began to massage Veronica's leg for her, "Ooh, so smooth."
"I know right!" She grinned excitedly as she clapped.
"I think that women just have a lower threshold of pain than men," Joey shrugged as he forced himself to look away from Chandler and Veronica, "I mean, come on, it's just a little wax."
The girls glared at him and Veronica grabbed his arm while Phoebe smeared wax on it and Monica slapped the waxing paper on top.
"Oh, that's mature," Chandler scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"Okay, fine, so now what, I just pull it off?" Joey asked with a shrug.
Phoebe nodded. "Uh-huh."
"But wait," Veronica stopped him before he could rip it off and did the same to Chandler, "Now you can do it together," She smirked.
The two shared a look and laughed, thinking the girls were just being childish. They ripped the strips off and let out high-pitched whines as they tried not to show how much it hurt.
"Want to compare that to the pain of being kicked in the crotch? Because I am more than happy to help out," Veronica suggested as she arched a brow with a smirk.
Before they could say anything else they heard the apartment door slam against the wall. They jumped up in shock when they heard Ross and Rachel fighting.
"Come on, Rachel, come on! Talk to me! Please!" Ross begged.
"I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you right now!"
Monica's brows furrowed. "What? Rachel said everything was okay."
Phoebe frowned in confusion. "What, what are they talking about?"
Chandler and Joey shared a nervous look and shook their heads. "Nothing, nothing."
"Just get away from me!" Rachel yelled.
"No, it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?"
"A mistake?!" She scoffed, "What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!"
Phoebe looked at the friends helplessly. "Whe-where did he put it?!"
"If he put what I think he put where I think he put it," Veronica growled darkly, "Then he's not going to put it anywhere again because he won't have it anymore!"
"Ross, you had sex with another woman!" Rachel cried.
Monica's eyes widened and she covered her mouth in shock. "Oh my God."
Phoebe gasped. "Oh, I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday."
Chandler fidgeting nervously. "Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk..."
Monica glared at him. "Oh! You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?!"
Veronica hit Chandler over the head while Phoebe did the same to Joey.
"He has sex, and we get hit in our heads," Chandler grumbled as he rubbed his head in pain.
"Don't worry, you're not getting sex either," Veronica promised him with narrowed eyes.
"Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!" Rachel demanded, "Just get out! Now!"
"No! No! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this."
Rachel paused. "Okay! All right! How was she?"
Chandler's eyes widened anxiously. "Uh-oh."
"What?"
"Was she good?"
"Don't answer that," Joey begged quietly as the friends pressed themselves against the door.
"Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it! How was she?"
"She was..." Ross trailed off as he tried to think.
"Awful! Horrible!" Joey supplied hastily in a hushed whisper.
"She was not good," Chandler shook his frantically, "Not good."
"She was nothing compared to you," Joey begged him to say.
"She-she was different."
"Ew!" Joey grimaced in disappointment.
Chandler's eyes widened. "Uh-oh."
"Oh yeah," Veronica nodded, "Ross is about to be different too once I'm done with him."
"Should we do something?" Phoebe looked around the friends with worried eyes.
"Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we were broken up."
"We were on a break!" Rachel yelled.
"That, for all I knew could last forever," Ross argued, "That to me is a break-up."
"You think you're gonna get out of this on a technicality?"
"Look, I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay. I thought our relationship was dead!"
"Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake!" Rachel scoffed.
Joey shook his head and went to open the door. "Y'know what, I don't think we should listen to this anymore."
"What are you doing?" Monica gasped as she rushed to stop him, "You can't go out there."
"Why not?!" He whined, "I'm hungry."
"Because they'll know we've been listening," She reminded him sharply.
"God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!"
"Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn't happen!"
"Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all over again."
"Y'know what, I think we can go out there," Chandler shrugged, "I mean they have more important things to worry about."
Joey nodded. "Yeah, we'll be fine."
"Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I really did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to."
Chandler quickly handed Veronica the wax tub. "Wax the door shut, we're never leaving, ever."
She pursed her lips as she glared at him before she set the tub down and started hitting him.
"Hey, hey, hey!" He cried out as he held his hands up in front of his face, "What about Joey?"
Veronica nodded and turned to Joey and started hitting him.
Phoebe and Monica watched her and quickly decided to join her in hitting the two.
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The friends had resorted to eating the organic wax as they waited out Ross and Rachel's fight.
"They're gonna get through this, aren't they?" Phoebe asked quietly.
Chandler nodded confidently. "Yeah, come on, it's Ross and Rachel, they've got to."
"What if they don't?" Monica asked sadly.
Before anyone could answer, Joey spoke up. "You think I need a new walk?"
Chandler stared at him incredulously. "What?"
"Well, I've been walking the same way since high school. Y'know how some guys, they walk into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk," He explained seriously.
"Are you actually saying these words?" Chandler scoffed.
"What, now you're not even talking to me? Look, Rachel, I-I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry, I was out of my mind. I thought I'd lost you, I didn't know what to do. Come on! Come on, how insane must I have been to do something like this? Huh? I-I don't cheat right, that's not me. I'm not Joey!" Ross scoffed.
"Whoa-ho-ho!" Joey huffed, clearly taking offense before he saw the dry looks the friends were giving him. He sighed and nodded in agreement, "Yeah, okay."
"Hey," Monica called when she saw the time, "It's three in the morning. They don't know that I've come home yet. You notice how neither one of them is wondering where I am."
Phoebe gave her a blank look. "Yeah, y'know, people can be so self-involved."
"Even I didn't think about that and I'm always thinking about me," Veronica huffed.
"No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing with her, I can't, it doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever."
"Yeah, but this can't be it, I mean-"
"Then how come it is?"
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The friends had been in stunned silence as they tried to figure out whether or not Ross and Rachel had really broken up.
"They've been quiet for a long time," Phoebe pointed out quietly.
"Maybe she killed him?" Joey shrugged.
"If she didn't I sure as hell will," Veronica grumbled tiredly as she leaned against Chandler.
Chandler kissed the top of her head comfortingly and rubbed her arms. "Let's go."
The friends slowly opened Monica's door and saw Rachel asleep on the couch. They shared sad looks as they tiptoed around the apartment.
"Is that your new walk?" Chandler whispered to Joey.
He shook his head. "No, I really have to pee."
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"Is Joey asleep?" Veronica whispered as she met Chandler in the hallway.
"Yup," He nodded and led her into his apartment.
"What's going to happen now?" She asked worriedly once they got into his bedroom.
"I-I don't know," He shrugged honestly as he wrapped an arm around her.
Veronica cuddled into him as they laid in his bed. "That's not going to happen to us, right? This- us, I mean it's not a bad idea, right?"
"No. No, of course not," Chandler promised her as he kissed her sweetly.
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〚𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄〛
I hope you guys liked this chapter, please let me know what you thought!
Team Ross or Team Rachel?
Have a great day and stay safe ♥♥