"You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
PARIS SYMERE LEDÈ
WINSTON-SALEM, NC.
"Yo' feet fat as hell," Chase told me as he scrubbed my feet. "I'm never doing this shit again either, I hope you know that."
"I know, you won't have to." I told him with a small smile. "I miss my kid."
"She's coming back in an hour," He reminded me and I nodded my head.
I mean obviously I knew that but I really just wanted my daughter, I missed her every single minute that she wasn't here.
"I know." I frowned as he put my foot back into the water and stood up. "Where you going?"
"I'm going to wash my hands, chill out." He walked into the kitchen to wash his hands before coming back out and sitting next to me. "I still feel like if it's a boy Amir should be the middle name and if it's a girl Amira should be the middle name."
"You just want the baby to be named after you. I said I'll think about it."
"You was talm' 'bout you wanted the middle name to be Symere regardless of the gender so you ain't got no room to be talking shit about if I want this baby to me named after me or not, okay?"
I just looked at him in awe while he was turned towards the TV. "I love you, you know that right?"
"Yes, I do because you tell me it all the time." He said still being focused on the TV and I just nodded my head.
"Okay, glad you know...I wanted you to know one more thing though." I said and he glanced at me for a quick second before turning back to the TV.
"What is it?"
"My water broke." I said and he looked over at me with a shocked expression.
"What?" He jumped up from the couch and grabbed my Crocs and giving them to me while grabbing his slides. "Why you not standing up? Get up, come on we gotta go."
"It broke like three hours ago." I told him. "And I need a towel, my feet are wet I need a towel so I can dry off my feet."
"Three hours ag—Paris, why the fuck you just now telling me this?!"
"Don't yell at me I was scared to tell you now please go and get me a towel so we can go!"
He went to the bathroom and came back and tossed me a towel before going back into the bedroom and getting the hospital bag. "You dried yo' feet off yet?"
"I tried but I can't see my feet." I frowned trying to look down at my toes but I couldn't see anything over the fat ass Target sized ball that was hanging off of me.
He dropped the baby bag sighing and came over to me, taking the towel and drying off my feet before putting my Crocs on for me. He moved the spa bath from under me and took it to the kitchen and dumped the water out and I stood up, waddling over to the coat rack and grabbing my jacket.
"We having a baby," Chase said in a sing-song voice, dancing around me and I just stared at him unamused. "But you was all shits and giggles for the last three hours."
"Can we just go? I'm scared."
"Scared of what?" He stuffed his keys into his pocket and opened the door for me and I walked out. "You had a kid before."
"Yeah and I almost died giving birth to her." I explained as he closed the door and I walked towards the car. "I'm afraid to go through that again, birth isn't easy the shit is scary and I'm scared as hell to be giving birth again."
"I got you, you gone be good." He said and I huffed, getting in the car.
•••
I clenched onto Chase's hand as tight as I could while pushing. I chose to not use an epidural because I didn't want to risk me becoming paralyzed but I was beginning to regret it because this hurts like hell.
"Come on, just a few more pushes. I see the head." The OB looked at me with a smile and I blankly stared at her before throwing my head back.
"I'm not pushing." I looked over at Chase. "I'm not pushing anymore I can't do it."
"Yes you can, look at me." He squeezed my hand and I looked over at him, tired and sweating bullets.
"I can't do this," I shook my head crying. "I can't do this, I feel like I'm about to die. I can't push, I won't push."
"The baby almost out, you ain't come this far for nothing. You got this, you can push."
"No, I can't," I shook my head, sniffling. "I'm sorry I need to leave, I can't do this. I won't do this."
He sucked his teeth, letting go of my hand and taking off his slides before pushing me up and climbing into the bed sitting behind me, pulling me back into his chest, grabbing my hands again and squeezing them.
"I don't think you can do this," I looked up at him.
"Shh, it's okay I saw them do it on Private Practice and Grey's Anatomy, I'm good." He said and I laughed a little before taking a deep breath.
"You ready?" The OB asked me and I nodded my head slowly. "Okay, can you push for me?"
I closed my eyes squeezing them shut, pushing as hard as I possibly could before I had to stop again and take a few deep breaths.
"Just one more push, the baby is right there." She smiled and I nodded my head, getting ready to push again.
CHASE AMIR LEE
WINSTON-SALEM, NC.
"So what's his name?" Irazji asked, holding him in her arms. The only reason she had him and I didn't is because P swore up and down I was being clingy.
So what I can be clingy that's my baby. The hell?
"Namaree Amir Lee." She responded with a smile on her face.
She swore I wasn't gone get this baby named after me. Bet I did though.
"Namaree Lee?" Her granddad asked. "Young people don't need kids, I know that much."
"Ain't yo' name Ishmael?" I asked him. "Yeah, you ain't got no room to talk about names."
"Chase." Paris glanced at me.
"It's true." I shrugged before looking over at her granddad again. "Lemme' talk to you."
"I don't feel comfortable being alone with you."
"You act like I'ma kill you. You old as dirt, God gone handle that already." I said and he cut his eyes at me before following me into the hall and I leaned against the wall.
"So what the hell you want Bobby—"
"I love Paris, a lot. I wanna marry her. Soon, real soon. I-I-I got the ring picked out already I just wanted to ask for yo' blessing before I did it but no matter what you say I'ma do it regardless I just wanted to be proper first." I started and he just blankly stared at me.
"I want a family and a life with her, with a house and a dog and a whole bunch of kids. She deserve it, she deserves everything good and I wanna give it to her but I don't wanna do it while just being her boyfriend. I wanna be her husband, she deserves to be a wife."
"I hope when you say wife you don't mean yo' own personal slave. 'Cause when some people marry they try to turn their wives into something they ain't." He said and I shook my head.
"Nah, nah, I would never."
"Good." He said before getting quiet. "I give you my blessing."
I smiled before forcing it to go away and he just stared at me like he was disgusted. "I know you ain't that damn happy."
"A nigga is ecstatic," I slapped his back before going back into the room and crawling into the bed next to her, tryna fit into that small ass spot.
"Give me my son," I looked over at Ira who just had a stank face. "Don't look at me like that, let me hold what my swimmers created."
"Please never call my nephew what your swimmers created." Ira said passing him to me before she stretched her arms. "I'll bring her by tomorrow to come and see y'all and the baby, what time?"
"Any time after 1:30, I need a few hours to sleep in but I should be up by two."
"Okay, everybody else is coming tomorrow. They couldn't make it today because momma was at work and Ryan has a job interview early in the morning." Ira told her before looking at they granddaddy. "Get yo' old ass up and let's go. I'm tired."
"Then go to fuckin' sleep."
•••
PARIS SYMERE LEDÈ
WINSTON-SALEM, NC.
i keep changing pov's i don't even care.
I looked down at Chase who was sleeping on my chest debating on whether or not I should wake him up before just deciding to do it. His head was big as hell and he was hurting me.
"I was sleep," He mumbled, not moving his head at all.
"You know you can go home right? You don't have to sleep here I know it's uncomfortable."
"I'm straight."
"Okay, but you're hurting me can you please sit up for me?" I asked and he didn't respond. "Come on, sit up."
He didn't say anything he was just laying there snoring, making me toss my head back and sigh. "I just pushed a baby out of my vagina which ended up having to get stitched up, the least you could do is move your head."
I shook him again, harder this time making him wake up. "What?"
"Can you please get up? You're hurting me," I moved over. "You can lay here instead."
He stretched his arms and grabbed his phone off of the side table checking the time. "You hungry?"
"Yeah, can you go and get me some Jersey Mike's? I want the Big Kahuna Chicken Cheesesteak," I said with a smile. "And just get me a lemonade to drink."
"A'ight." He put on his slides and kissed my forehead. "Key eat that too?"
"Yeah but she's more than likely gonna eat before they even bring her here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah,"
"Alright." He grabbed his keys. "I'll be back."
•••
symere.p
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symere.p Yesterday was an extremely long day, but I got my son out of it and I'm so happy that the wait is over and I finally get to hold you in my arms 💘
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"He has his nose," Chase's mom looked at me with a smile before turning her attention back to Namaree. "He's a cutie."
I had invited her to the hospital along with Chase's siblings. I invited his dad as well but he claimed that he wasn't able to make it because since Chase couldn't work today, he had to cover the shop all day so he was going to be busy.
It was fine with me mainly because I could avoid an argument between him and Chase or an argument between him and Janine—Chase's mom.
"I'm mad, I wish he would've looked more like me. He doesn't have any features that's really similar to mine." I frowned.
Key and I looked alike, she shared some features that were similar to her father but me and her shared a bunch of features. Namaree looks a lot more like Chase, I couldn't find any specific features we shared and that really pissed me off.
"Well..." She started off before just staring at me for a minute. "Y'all have the same ears?"
"That's not enough."
"Y'all have the same lips—mm, no y'all don't." Kaliyah, his sister spoke up. "Yeah, sorry y'all don't look alike."
"Did you hate my brother yo' whole pregnancy?" Javon asked me and I shook my head.
"No, I didn't have any issues with him at all." I shrugged my shoulders.
"I got two subs—" I heard Chase's voice and I took a deep breath having a feeling that he was gonna spazz on me because I invited all of them here without mentioning it to him first.
"Why y'all here?"
"Damn, no 'hey sister, I haven't seen you in years'?" Kaliyah asked and he just stared at her before eyeing Janine.
"Why you here?"
"Bec—"
"You taking too long, hurry up and answer."
"I was getting to that."
"Not quick enough."
"She's here because I invited her here," I finally spoke up and he just stared at me.
"Why?"
"Because obviously you weren't and this is still her grandchild at the end of the day and this is your siblings' nephew so they deserve a chance to come and meet him even if it's just for a few minutes."
He looked at them for a second before finally deciding to speak. "Out, all of y'all get out and wait in the hallway."
"She didn't say we had to get out—"
"She don't have to say it but I did so get out. I ain't say y'all had to leave, I ain't make up my mind on that yet. So just get out before y'all piss me off and I make all y'all leave."
"You can't do that," Kaliyah made a face.
"Who can't? Watch me, get out." He pointed at the door and Janine passed me Namaree.
"Got them in here passing my baby around like he a blunt or some shit." Chase mumbled as they all left the room and I side eyed him.
When the door closed I noticed his facial expression change and he was giving me the death stare. "Well, for start—"
"Why the fuck you invite them here?!" He got loud, making me jump a little. I was expecting him to be upset but I wasn't expecting him to yell.
"Could you stop yelling? We have a son who isn't even 24 hours old, you shouldn't be yelling."
"He sleep, he ain't worrying about shit." He waved me off. "Now why the fuck you invite them here?!"
"I would really appreciate it if you would stop yelling at me," I started to get loud before I lowered my voice. If he kept yelling at me I was going to start crying.
"Nah, 'cause sometimes you need to be yelled at because you always acting fucking stupid. You missing some chromosomes?"
Not him saying a word that he can't even spell.
"This isn't stupid, they're family."
"No. They ain't."
"Yes, they literally are. You can't be mad at me for wanting my son to have both sides of his family in his life. You don't have to speak to them but I definitely will."
"Why you going out yo' way to talk to a bitch that don't give two fucks about you, huh?"
"Don't call your mother a bitch."
"She is one, why would I lie? Stop going out yo' way for them people because you want them involved. She ain't reach out to either one of us after you took me to see her almost two years ago but you pop out a kid and the first thing you decide to do is call her up?"
"Maybe she had her reasons? She could've been busy." I said, putting Namaree in the little steel bassinet thing.
"She ain't got no reason to be fucking busy. Stop acting like you stupid P, she showed up today but she won't show up again because that's the type of fucked up ass bitch she is. You reached out to her for no reason at all because she not coming back and she ain't gone check up on you or him again!"
"Stop yelling at me!" I said before I just started sobbing.
I hated getting yelled at, I always have. Especially being yelled at by him, I could take being yelled at by a lot of people but I hated being yelled at by him.
"Don't...don't start crying."
You know what? It's time for Paris to grow a pair. I'm sick and tired of everybody yelling at me and trying to walk all over me like I'm a doormat. I'm not a doormat, I'm big Paris.
"You're the reason I'm crying anyways." I wiped my eyes. "Stop yelling at me all the time like I'm your child, I'm not your child. You take your anger out on me and I let you but I'm done letting you yell at me all the time and just taking it. If you have a problem with something then talk to me like the grown ass man you are."
"Okay."
"No, not 'okay' because you say that now but in a week you're going to be upset about something and you're going to yell at me and call me stupid when I'm not! I'm actually very smart and I would love it if you would stop downplaying my intelligence just because you're upset."
"I don't—"
"You do. You do it all the time and it's annoying especially coming from someone who can't spell the word rhetorical. I'm a very intelligent person, maybe you couldn't tell because I do a lot of stupid stuff, maybe the stupid stuff is all that you see because—you know what? Never mind."
"Nah, say what you wanna say."
"No. I'm avoiding arguments but I do need you to stop yelling at me because I'm sick of it and if I were to yell at you every single time I got pissed off you'd be mad as hell, right? You act like you hate me and I'm sick of you acting like that, especially since you be all up in my pussy like a fucking tampon. Stop putting on an act it's irritating."
"Right but—"
"But nothing, tell them to leave I don't feel like being bothered anymore." I mumbled, grabbing the back that had the subs in it. "Stupid."
"I'm not stupid, you stupid."
"What's a word that's worse than stupid." I mumbled, thinking. "Idiot."
"Moron." He looked at me and I smacked my lips.
"Damn that was a good one I should've used that one."
•••
um...anyways so i'm ending this book very soon it's about time it's obvious a bitch ain't got no ideas for it and i don't have the connection with it anymore. this is one of my only decent chapters and it took me all day just to figure out what to do.
i'm mad as hell too cus i wanted to do a sequel for this book and i was really thinking about it but i just decided against it since i wouldn't really have nothing to write about.
also, i've done time skips a lot so i think 2 years have passed since last chapter was december 2016. now it's 2017 and the book timeline began in 2015. so paris is 24 and chase is 25. don't think y'all asked but i'm not only clearing this up for y'all but for me too.
anyways, happy early new year. i hope y'all have a much better year than y'all did this year, regardless of if it was good or bad. ❤️
- ken karev-sloan-avery.