Lily and the girls are now all gathered around the small fire that they were able to create this evening on the now mostly empty beach. The temperature pretty much plummeted now that the sun is replaced with the moon and the heat of the air is replaced with the cool night breeze. The fire wasn't anything vast, but it did provide the girls with that extra natural warmth.
Lily has her head lying on Carina's lap, Carina's fingers leisurely combing through the lengthy, black hair. They've all been out here for out a half an hour or so just talking about everything and anything. The floor was open for anyone to speak and it was just nice to enjoy each other's company somewhere other than at school and at home.
"Hey, thanks for inviting us along," Desi suddenly expresses kindly, nudging her foot against Lily's. She's leaning back on her hands, her long and beautiful hair tied up in a high ponytail. It only further compliments her cheekbones that were carved by Jesus himself. "I think it was really good to get away from home for the weekend. I've been wanting to take a little break from there."
Carina stops running her fingers through Lily's hair and looks up at Desi. "Why?" she asks curiously with slight concern in her voice. "Is everything okay with you?"
Now all of the girls' attentions are lying on the youngest of the five, all waiting expectantly for her reply. Desi shrugs her shoulders halfheartedly. "No, yeah, I mean everything is fine. It's just tha-I don't know. It gets a little crazy at home sometimes since there are so many of us and I can't help but kind of feel ignored a bit. Like you would think that with so many people, you would always have someone to talk to and stuff, right?
"But that's not the case at home. I don't know the exact quote, but there was this thing from The Great Gatsby that said something like, 'big parties are private. Small parties are intimate' and that describes home for me. I'm one of the older kids there so the little ones always require more attention so it's like I'm sometimes disregarded. Like I could get a really good grade on a test, but they're not nearly as excited for me than if one of the smaller kids does well on something. I know that I'm older and I don't really need as much attention as my siblings, but it doesn't feel good to always be overshadowed and feeling like I'm placed lower on the priorities list. And I know that my parents love all of us equally, I do, but I wish they would express it more."
Desi purses her lips together as she absentmindedly looks into the fire, the flame reflecting off of her dark eyes. There's a quiet atmosphere around all five of them, no one moving or saying anything. Desi's sudden proclamation caught everyone off guard, especially Lily. She's known her for years and she never suspected her to feel that way. She always assumed that Desi had all the attention in the world at home and things were never lonely, but apparently she was wrong. It's wrong to make assumptions about things that she doesn't have any knowledge about and she's sorry for not ever thinking that Desi could have felt the complete opposite from what she expected.
And Lily has always been a little envious of Desi and her enormous family. Sometimes things are eerily quiet around her own household and times like those are when she really does wish that she had a sister or a brother or more running around to fill up that silence. The grass does look greener on the other side.
Naomi, who is sitting right beside her, makes the first move and gingerly places her hand on Desi's knee, giving her a comforting squeeze. Desi shifts her eyes over to Naomi, who's giving her a small smile.
"I'm sorry, D," Naomi whispers sympathetically. "I'm sorry that none of us knew that you felt that way, but we want you to know that you will never be ignored or left out around us, okay? We'll seriously always be there for you no matter what, especially when you're feeling lonely."
"I second that," Amanda adds in kindly. "I know that I just met you and Lily a couple of months ago, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you guys as much as I do. And I know that you wish things were a bit different regarding family life, but I also know that there is no one who loves you more than your parents, okay?"
Desi smiles appreciatively as she throws her arm around Naomi and Amanda's necks, pulling them both in against her side. "Love you guys," she grins before gazing at Carina and Lily respectively. "All of you. I don't think I could have asked for better people in my life."
That's it. Lily pulls herself up from her previous position and practically pounces on Desi in a huge hug. It doesn't take long before Carina joins in as well and before they know it, everyone's arms are wrapped around each other with poor Desi at the bottom of the dog pile and sounds of five different echoes of laughter carry out into the night.
"Alright get the hell off of me, guys," Desi chuckles, gently nudging everyone back with a wide grin on her face. "I appreciate the love, but when there's five of us together it can get painful."
"Talk about tough love, am I right, ladies?" Carina jokes. Or at least she tries to. All the girls just shake their head.
But instead of the girls moving back to their designated seats on the warm sand before, they all stayed and crowded around Desi. No one felt like moving back after what she shared. It's a natural thing that happens with all of them where if one of them is feeling a little down, they always make sure to be a little bit closer. There's comfort in just simple physical presence and knowing that someone is there with you.
"I hate to be a Debbie Downer and throw that on you guys all of a sudden," Desi begins again, tone serious, "but it was just something that has been on my mind lately. It's not that I'm not happy at home, because I am and I love everyone there, but I just feel invisible sometimes."
Lily, who's sitting slightly behind Desi's right shoulder, places a hand on her back. "No, I'm glad you told us," Lily says genuinely, "because now we know. I want you to always feel comfortable with telling us about how you feel so we can help in any way that we can."
Desi smiles as she ruffles the top of Lily's hair. "You're the best. Oh, and nice hickey, by the way," she smirks deviously. "I don't remember seeing that on the beach earlier."
Shit. Lily and Carina exchange a wide-eyed look of guilt and even at night, Lily's sure the girls can see the red tint of their cheeks. After their... little moment earlier, Lily went into the bathroom and the love bite on her neck was so noticeable. She tried her best to cover it with makeup but apparently it wasn't good enough.
Amanda and Naomi immediately shoot their heads around and scrutinize Lily's neck with narrowed eyes. Then they start to laugh and point once they are able to make it out. What immature children.
"I am not sleeping on that bed," Desi laughs, her head thrown back and her hand covering her mouth. Amanda and Naomi are cracking up as well while Carina and Lily are sitting there with their jaws dropped, blushing madly. The fact that they aren't saying anything only solidifies the truth in Desi's sexual remarks.
Lily had the strongest urge to choke Desi to death to stop her from saying anything else, but after that conversation they just had, she decides to give her a free pass. Besides, seeing and hearing Desi laugh is one of the best things in the world. Her eyes get all crinkly and she has this one little dimple that always makes an appearance when she smiles and it's the cutest thing. And her laugh is so contagious.
That's why Lily and Carina couldn't help but crack a little smile too.
-
"Do you think a turtle would be a good pet?" Carina asks, walking alongside Lily along the shore of the beach. The water occasionally would rise up and touch their toes before heading back down in a metronome-like manner. She can just smell the salinity of the water. Carina invited Lily for a walk on this lovely evening and she couldn't say no. The girls, on the other hand, went to go on the boardwalk to play games and go on rides and whatnot.
Lily lets out a small laugh, shaking her head fondly. She's used to these random questions that Carina seems to pick out of her ass, but she has never stopped finding them endearing as hell. "A turtle for a pet? I suppose so considering they don't require much attention, but they're not a good pet for you, my love," Lily smiles, taking hold of Carina's finger and bringing it up over her head, twirling her around once.
Carina giggles adorably as her hair blows against the sea's breeze and her smile shines brighter than the moon. Lily's always loved looking at her in dim lighting. The shadows across her face give her a mysterious and effortlessly beautiful effect.
"Why wouldn't a turtle be a good pet for me?"
Lily thinks about her reasons for a second before she delves right into it. "Well, because you need a pet that can keep up with your occasional hyper moments and turtles are always just straight chillin'. They don't really do much while you, on the other hand, do too much and I feel like you would stress it out and..."
Lily doesn't finish her sentence because up ahead, she and Carina catch sight of a tall, curvy girl with wavy black hair approaching them with a look of slight distress on her face. The darkness of the night prevents Lily from seeing the color of her eyes entirely, but she can tell that they're bright and golden in the proper lighting. Lily and Carina stop their absentminded walk once the girl stops in front of them. It's weird that she's alone. Maybe she's lost.
"Hi, I'm really sorry to bother you, but do you think I could use one of your phones for a second?" she asks nervously, fumbling with her perfectly manicured fingers. "Mine died and I kind of lost track of where my friends went."
Lily was right and she also is already in the process of fishing her phone out of her back pocket. "Of course. You can use mine," Lily offers graciously as she hands it to Golden Eyes here. She would be lying if she said she never lost Desi and Naomi before when the three of them would hang out. She would also be lying if she never thought of investing in tracking devices for them. She knows the struggle all too well.
Golden Eyes flashes a thankful grin as she sighs in relief, all of her teeth blindingly perfect. She is incredibly pretty.
Lily feels a hand tightly grip her own unexpectedly. Lily looks over at Carina to see her harshly glaring at the stranger in front of them. She actually looks like she's about to straight up pounce on her and gouges her eyes out.
The girl notices Carina staring and she clears her throat uncomfortably before turning on her heel to point her back towards Lily and Carina as she types the number in. Lily knows why Carina is acting like this. And she really doesn't like it.
So she pulls them back a bit while the girl talks on the phone with her friend. She stops once they're both out of earshot and frowns at Carina. "Why are you being like this?" Lily whispers in annoyance, careful not to let Golden Eyes hear them.
"Doing what?" Carina replies obliviously, furrowing her eyebrows in offense.
Lily rolls her eyes. She doesn't have time to be playing games. "You know exactly what you are doing!" she hisses. "Why are you being so possessive?"
"I'm not being possess-"
Lily immediately holds a hand up, stopping her word mid-sentence. "Don't do that. You and I both know that you were so just cut the crap, Carina. Am I not allowed to talk to anyone else now that you and I are together? Is that it? You always feel the need to mark your territory on me whenever I'm talking to someone. Do you not trust me to have a civil and cordial conversation with someone?"
Carina's eyes are fixed on her feet and she's rocking back and forth on her feet. It takes her a moment before she says something. "It's not you that I don't trust," she murmurs sheepishly. It was so quiet that Lily could barely hear her.
"Okay, well, why don't you trust me enough not to mess up anything regarding our relationship?" Lily throws back, voice rising with every single word. "You know it takes two people to cheat, right? And the fact that you think that I would just allow anyone to flirt with me is really offending. Do you think that I would be that stupid ? You of all people should just know how devoted I am to you! I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship, Carina!"
Lily feels herself getting angrier by the second. She's angry with Carina for being rude to a random stranger who didn't pose a single threat. She's angry with Carina for not trusting her. She's angry about the fact that Carina made her angry. She hates being mad, especially at her.
Lily has noticed that Carina always gets all weird and tense whenever someone physically appealing talks to her. At first, it didn't bother her. Hell, she found it kind of flattering. But now it has come to the point where it's like Carina's being unnecessarily rude, even if that isn't her intention, and she just needs to learn to trust Lily not to do anything that would hurt their relationship.
Carina winces slightly against the onslaught of her words. "Can you please not yell at me?" she mumbles feebly. Lily swears she could hear her voice trembling a bit.
Lily throws her hands up in frustration, feeling too heated to care that she's on the verge of tears. "I just-God, Carina, you have to trust me not to-"
She turns around when she feels a small tap on her shoulder. It's Golden Eyes handing Lily her phone back, undoubtedly feeling uncomfortable from witnessing the argument unfolding in front of her.
"I, uh, I'm sorry to interrupt," she apologizes awkwardly, "but, uhm, here's your phone back. Thanks for letting me use it."
Lily releases a heavy sigh and tries her best to smile politely at her, but it probably looked incredibly forced and therefore fake. Whenever she argues with Carina, she's automatically in the worst mood. "Not a problem."
The stranger then gives her a small wave before she heads back around, strolling off to wherever her friends are. Lily turns around again to continue speaking with Carina, but she's surprised to see that no one is there anymore. She looks up and gazes around until she finally sees Carina stomping down the beach, heading towards the direction of the hotel.
"Damn it!" Lily grumbles to herself, irritably kicking at the sand. She runs her fingers through her hair as she clenches her jaw, feeling her body get warm with frustration. Did she seriously just walk away in the middle of their conversation? Yes, Lily was yelling at her and yes, she knows that Carina hates to be yelled at, but it wasn't her intention to raise her voice. God knows she has a hard time controlling her emotions sometimes. Whatever she feels, she makes it known. It's both a blessing and a curse.
But Lily is just immensely aggravated. All she wants is for Carina to trust her. She wants her to trust her not to hurt her and not to do anything behind her back. She had no reason to be jealous and she never will have any reason to be because Lily only has eyes for Carina. Doesn't she get that? Doesn't she understand that there is no one else that Lily wants and therefore she has absolutely nothing to worry about? People could try to throw themselves all over her but she would still push them all away because none of them would be Carina.
Her phone rings in her hand and she hastily looks down at it, a flicker of hope that it would be Carina flashes. Her face drops when she realizes that it isn't. It's Naomi.
"What?" Lily snaps once she answers it. She then hates herself when she realizes what she just did.
"I-uhm, are you okay?" Naomi asks in confusion, her voice concerned.
Lily groans as she drops down and sits down on the sand, digging her free hand in the slightly moist material as she faces the ocean. The light breeze from earlier has picked up since then and because of that, the tides are crashing harder than before.
"I just fought with Carina," Lily answers depressingly, "and she walked away from me while I was trying to talk to her. I'm a little pissed off right now and I didn't mean to take it out on you. I'm sorry, Naomi."
"No, no, no. Don't apologize, Lily," Naomi reassures her. "You didn't mean to so I understand. I'm sorry about that, Lily, and I'm not going to ask you what happened, but I am going to ask you if you know where Carina is now?"
Lily shrugs her shoulders pathetically even though Naomi wouldn't have any way of knowing. "Probably in the hotel room or heading there."
"And where are you?"
"Still on the beach."
Naomi sighs quietly and Lily can hear Amanda and Desi talking to each other in the background. "I was going to ask you if you guys wanted to go out to dinner now but I take it you're not up to it?"
Lily looks up in puzzlement when she feels a raindrop land on her cheek. Followed by another. Then another. Fuck. Of course it starts to rain after her and Carina's argument. Mother Nature's timing is impeccable and she just loves symbolizing, doesn't she?
"You guys can go ahead," Lily grunts as she pulls herself back up to her feet. "I don't know if Carina would want to go but I'm not really in the mood tonight. Thank you, though."
"Yeah, no problem, Lily. Call me if you want me to pick something up for you later, okay?" Naomi graciously and kindly offers.
Lily smiles to herself, feeling incredibly grateful for her. "I will. Thank you."
"Oh. And Lily?"
"Yeah?"
Naomi's voice grows gentle with every single word. "I know this isn't my place but I want you to hear me out. Whatever the issue is between you and Carina, I have all the faith in the world that you will fix it. Like I've never seen two people better for each other and you guys love each other so much that you can get through anything, little or big. Another thing I know is that she's hurting just as much as you are right now. She loves you and she doesn't want to fight just like you don't want to fight with her."
Lily purses her lips as she listens intently to what her friend is preaching right now. She knows Carina's just as upset as Lily is, maybe even more considering she was getting yelled at. Lily should have been calmer and maybe then she wouldn't have walked away. She didn't really give her a chance to speak either.
"Thank you so much, Naomi. I don't know w-"
A deep rumble of thunder appears out of nowhere and Lily almost dropped her phone when she jumped up in surprise. She could feel it in her chest and its even more prominent since she's outside. The rain currently isn't anything more than a few drops here and there, but the wind has picked up drastically since earlier. A storm is well on its way.
Lily hangs up the phone without even saying goodbye to Naomi and she just starts to sprint across the sand towards the direction of the hotel because the only thing that she can think of right now is Carina alone in the room while it's storming. Lily made her a pinky promise that she would be there to hold her when she's scared and she will be damned if she's going to break that promise just because of a fight and her pride and ego got in the way. The only thing she cares about right now is Carina and protecting her.
The rain and thunder picked up while she was on her way to the building. The lady at the front desk gives Lily a strange look once she sees the frantic look on her face and the fact that she ran into the lobby, her hair, bare legs and arms, and clothes are all wet doesn't help either. She probably looks like a deranged madman.
But other people's opinions are not important right now. What's important is her girlfriend on the seventh floor in room 717.
She punches her designated floor number into the elevator and waits impatiently. A loud clap of thunder can be heard from where she is and she taps her foot anxiously as she watches the number rise up.
1......2.......3......
Lily can swear that it was not this god awfully slow before. But once it finally reaches the 7th floor and the doors open up, she runs down the hallway as her eyes read every single door until she finally reaches the one she was looking for. She takes the key card out from her pocket and inserts it into the scanner. The indicator turns green and she opens it, only to have it be stopped by the door chain lock. What the hell?
"Carina!" Lily calls out as she pounds on the door, peeking inside the room through the small gap that was available. She sees the blankets on the bed moving and a second later she sees Carina. She has her headphones in, her eyes are red, and her cheeks are tearstained. Lily feels a sharp ping in her heart.
"What?" Carina spats as she stands behind the door, not making a move to unlock the chain. Lily is still standing in the middle of the hallway, her hair and clothes wet and dribbling on the carpet beneath her. She doesn't want to have this conversation out in semi-public with a door between them but Carina doesn't seem to want to let her in.
Lily has to avoid looking at her face, not wanting to be reminded that she is the cause of her crying. "Can you open the door, please?" she mumbles, her voice weaker and smaller than she would have liked.
"Why? So you can yell at me again and make me feel like shit?" Carina immediately throws back, crossing her arms across her chest defensively. Now she's the one who's angry.
Lily flinches and ducks her head down in shame, not used to her being this upset. She's only seen her this mad once before and that was when she found out it was her who's been writing the letters and that night was one of the worst she's had. This night is creeping up on the list. "So we can talk, Carina, and because it's thundering and I wanted to make sure that you're-"
"-Look, I don't need you to be here for every single little thing, alright?" Carina shouts, her voice hostile. "I've made it 16 years without you by my side during storms and I can damn well do it again. Contrary to what you might believe, I can be just fine without you and I don't need you."
Lily feels her heart drop as soon as that last sentence left her mouth. She feels tears stinging in her eyes and the cold and hard look on Carina's face makes it worse because she looks completely unfazed and unsympathetic about what she said. Like she meant it completely.
"You don't mean that," Lily murmurs, more so to herself to try to convince herself that it wasn't true.
But Carina heard her anyways and she raises an eyebrow up challengingly. Then she strengthens her statement when she pushes the door closed, slamming it in front of Lily's face, leaving her there to blankly stare at the golden numbers on the white door, not being able to differentiate her tears with the water dripping down her face.