Sorry for a late update! I hope you guys had a marvellous Christmas! ;)
Stefan pov
It's already been three says since Jess is ignoring me. No matter how hard I'm trying to get closer to her to explain everything, she keeps finding ways to shut me out. This time, she's really holding it against me and frankly I don't really blame her. I should have told her everything the moment I was back.
But I was afraid of her reaction because I know she's already aware about my early reputation with women. She was right. I should not have assumed anything without telling her what really happened between Cara and I.
I'm really hoping she forgives me. We couldn't even talk about us because of this misunderstanding. I was really hoping everything would be fine between us. I had made so many plans so that we could spend quality time together. I really wanted us to get to know each other really well. But with everything going wrong this time, I really don't know how to mend things between us.
Maybe I should try again. Yes I will try again and again. I can't let her just slip away from my hands. Maybe if I keep trying, she might forgive me and give me another chance. I really want her by my side. I really want her to stay. She did not even eat those cookies and cupcakes which I bought from her favorite bakery. I know it's quite serious when none of them has been touched by her.
I decide to surprise her at her university. I'll pick her up after her class. And then when we'll return back, I'm going to take her out for dinner and tell her about everything about what really happened. I'm really hoping she listen to me this time but either way, I'll keep trying.
I buy some roses for Jess and park my car just outside her university. Checking my watch, I see there's still ten more minutes for her class to be over. Better early than late.
I tape my fingers on the steering wheel while I wait for her. I really hope she does not get angry with me again. I just want to talk with her. These three days have been like hell. I could neither eat nor sleep properly. Everytime we would see each other, she would either leave the room itself or turned her back on me. Her behaviour always creates an uneasy feeling in my chest.
I watch as students start walking around and wait for her. Her class is already over. I see her walking while reading something. My heart flutters at her sight.
"What did you do to me Jess?", I murmur and lean my head against the seat. I was never like this until I met you.
Grabbing the bouquet of roses with a smile, I'm about to get down when I see a man stops her. Jess gives him a bright smile. Unknowingly, I curl my hand into a tight fist.
Why is she smiling at him like that? Am I feeling jealous? Of course I am!
The man gives her a bunch of roses and she smiles again. Why the hell is she even giving him those smiles?! She only smiles like this for me!
And why is he giving her roses? Is he her boyfriend or something?
I watch as they converse with Jess smiling every now and then. What are they even talking about? Suddenly Jess stops smiling and from her body language I could tell she's feeling uncomfortable. She starts saying something while looking around and gives the guy another smile. But this time she looks nervous.
I should see what's wrong. Maybe the guy is harrassing her. I open the door to get down but stop when they hug suddenly.
Jess nods enthusiatically at whatever the guy says. I close the door and curl my hand tightly around the steering wheel.
Who even is he? Can't he keep his distance with her? He's too close for my liking. The guy ruffles her hair and I swear I want to punch him. Why is he touching her hair? I don't like it!
Did she really meant it when she said that we meant nothing?
Maybe! She seems to already have someone. Maybe this one won't hide anything from her. Unlike you!
I feel so bitter. Turning the key in the ignition, I roar the machine to life and drive away from there.
I feel so angry at me. At her. At everything. If only I had told her everything on time. Now I understand how she must have felt when she saw me with Cara. But with Cara it was only a misunderstanding and she's just my friend. What about this guy? Who is he?
"I don't really mean anything for her huh?" I question myself bitterly. I don't really like the fact that she was giving that guy her attention.
My phone starts ringing and without looking at it, I pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi Stefan? How are you?", Cara asks.
"I'm fine", I reply. Am I really fine? Or am I seeing red in jealousy? I really don't know.
"Can I come later to see Liam? It's been a really long time since I met him. I hope you don't mind."
"Of course not", I say and add politely. "You can come. We can have dinner at my place."
I cut the call after and throw my phone on the passenger seat. She texts me after a few minutes asking if I can pick her up to which I reply yes. I park my car on the side and think about the girl, who's making me a mess from within.
Everything was going great between us. Then how come in a blink of an eye, everything has turned upside down?
Jessica pov
"Leo I feel so tired", I drawl and throw myself on his bed.
"Who gave you these roses?"
"Alex did", I sigh and glance towards the flowers. "He's in my class. Apparently he likes me and want us to go on a date."
"I hope you said yes", Leo says with his hands on his waist.
"Of course not Leo. I don't like him in that way."
"Did you turned him down for Stefan?", he asks with a skeptical gaze.
"Of course not", I say and add harshly. "Why are you even taking his name?! I came here so that I can spend some time in peace but if you keep talking about him, I'm leaving!"
"Jess", he signs and takes a seat besides me. "You know why I probe you for answers right? Because I don't want you to suffocate yourself with all these thoughts. Talk to me about everything. You'll be at ease. I can't see you in a depress state. Just look at these dark circles beneath your eyes!"
Suddenly feeling the urge to cry on hearing his words, I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly.
"I'm sorry for being rude. I just don't want to even think about Stefan right now. I hope God could calm my mind. Can't he do something for me?"
"It's 2020 girl", he jokes. "God is asleep, taking a break. Try next year."
"I wanna get drunk or high", I whine.
"Shut up! I won't let you", Leo scolds me. "You have a baby to take care of."
"Yes", I smile. "My precious baby Liam."
"Besides you don't even drink!", Leo says matter of fact.
"I might start now", I say and he frowns.
"Shut up bitch"
I look at my reflection in the mirror.
"Should I dye my hair or cut it?"
"Oh my God Jess", Leo laughs. "I know you're having a mental breakdown right now but please don't touch your hair like last time."
"What do you mean?", I feign getting hurt from his words. "I did cut my hair into a straight line."
"Bitch it was cut diagonally", Leo wheezes. "How you did that, I still cannot understand it."
I chuckle with a little frown upon remembering it. I wanted a change thinking that might give me motivation to get my life together but I end up ruining my hair. It was really funny even though I had cried a lot for my hair.
"Atleast do something Leo", I pout and walk towards his fridge. I see a bottle of wine and taking it I started drinking it straight from the bottle.
"Ohh this is good. It's sweet", I say. I never had wine before.
"Jess!"
"Only a few sips I promise", I raise my pinky for him.
"Do you think he really played me like Brian Leo?", I find myself asking after a few beats.
"I felt so ashamed and humiliated and it's happening again", I continue in a murmur. "I hate myself for letting this happen."
"No", Leo says sternly and taking the bottle from me, he takes a few sips. "You can't hate yourself because it's not your fault. You did not do anything wrong. Never, ever hate yourself! It's a toxic cycle. No matter what, we should learn from situations and move on with an open mind. What's meant to be for you will always be for you. No one can take it away."
"Oh Leo", I sniff. "You're going to make me cry. Let's cheers for your words and for our dear friendship. I love you so much."
I start drinking from the bottle again.
"Jess stop it now", he takes the bottle from my hold.
"What would I do without you?", I pout and place my hand on his shoulder.
"You would be miserable without me. I just know it", he ruffles my hair. "You want a change. Leo will give you one. Let's bring your old hairstyle. I'll cut your bangs."
"Ok sir", I salute him. "Do your magic. I believe in you."
A few minutes later, Leo is already cutting bits and pieces from my hair.
"Leo I'm trusting you with my hair. Don't get me fuck up."
"You'll look beautiful don't worry", he reassures me. "Atleast your big ass forehead will be hidden."
"You're so mean", I retort but smile nevertheless.
A little while later, Leo removes my elastic band from my hair and styles it. His mother is a hair stylist and he often learns from her that's why I trust him enough to do what he wants.
"Et voila!", he says and turns my chair towards the mirror. "A queen like always."
I look at myself for a long while.
"Leo, I look like the old Jessica", I murmur.
"You always look like the old Jessica", he says in a duh tone and frowns suddenly. "No you did not! These bangs literally gives you another personality. Maybe just because I see you everyday, I can say you always look like the old Jess."
I return my eyes on the mirror again. And there I am! Beautiful and confident! I won't let someone name Stefan Black ruin my mental peace.
After a while when my watch signals me it's already five in the evening, I bid Leo goodbye.
"Leo put these roses into a vase", I say as I take my bag.
"Why won't you take it with you?", he asks while crossing his arms.
"I just don't want Stefan thinking anything wrong", I sigh.
"It doesn't matter whatever he thinks bitch", he scowls and then sighs himself.
"I can't even tell you to quit because your dumb ass won't ever listen to me."
"Leo....."
"Right. I understand but give me a call if anything happen or you're feeling sad okay?"
"I will", I say and hug him.
After a twenty minutes, I reach at Stefan's place. I check on Liam quickly. He's sleeping.
"Hey Jess", Mary greets me. "I love your hair."
"Thank you. Leo cut it for me."
"He did a great job. You look beautiful."
I blush at her words and after telling me she will leave a little bit early, she returns in the living room. I take a quick shower and after putting on some comfortable clothes, I hear Liam's voice through the baby's monitor.
Smiling to myself, I walk rapidly into the nursery and takes him into my arms. I sign in peace when his baby scent hits my nose.
"I miss you so much Liam", I coo and kiss him.
He's still a little bit drowsy but regardless I get a smile from him. Such a calm baby. Rubbing his back while he lays his head on my chest, I decide to feed him. It's nearly six now. Thank God Stefan is not back yet. I really don't want him to keep trying for small talk. Once I feed Liam, I'll return into my room.
It's been three days now since we are not talking. I do want to trust him but I'm scare because of what happened last time with me. I don't want to go through that again. It's too messy.
I feed Liam and return to sit in the living room for some time while I wait for him to burp. The door opens suddenly and Ciara saunters inside happily but stops on seeing me.
"Wow I almost didn't recognize you with these bangs. You look hot af! I would totally bang you if I was a guy!"
I laugh at her words.
She kisses my cheek as she takes a seat besides me.
"Hello my gorgeous nephew", she coos to Liam and the latter jumps happily on my lap.
"So what's up", I ask.
"I just drop by to see you guys. Where's Stefan?"
"He's not back yet", I murmur.
"Jess those news were false believe me", she states gently. "Stefan doesn't even like Cara like that. She's just a family friend. Trust me."
Just as I'm about to nod, the door opens again and Stefan walks inside with a woman besides him. She's holding a bouquet of red roses. She's the same one who was in the article with him.
Right! Kissing and hugging!
Cara Steele.
Ciara stares at me in shock and returns her eyes again on the couple.
"Ciara", I say quickly. "I have some assignments to complete. Can you hold Liam please? I'm sure they will want to take him."
"But...."
I place Liam on her lap quickly despite him holding my shirt tightly in his small grip. I kiss his small hands quickly. Ciara is looking at me sadly when she sees them together, entering inside.
"It doesn't matter", I give her a little smile and turns to leave quickly from there.
"Jess", Mary calls out at the same time. "Dinner is ready!"
I squeeze my eyes shut in disbelief. I can't even ignore her call. That's impolite. Turning around again, without giving anyone even a glance, I enter the kitchen.
"Mary I'm not hungry", I say quickly.
"But you didn't ate anything since you returned", she says concernly.
"Don't worry. I have snacks for later in my room if I get hungry", I smile and kiss her on her cheek.
She's about to say something which I'm pretty sure is related to food but I add quickly.
"I'm taking this big apple for later. I really have some work to do. It's important."
"But ignoring your health will make you sick darling", she chides in a gentle tone.
"I won't be sick", I convince her. "I promise."
Giving her a last smile, I turn to leave but freeze when I see Stefan standing near the entrance. I watch as his eyes start taking in my face carefully. His gaze lingers mostly on my hair. There's a small smile on his lips, almost barely noticeable.
He's mocking me in his mind isn't he? Just like Brian.
I walk past him quickly and return back in my room. I throw myself on the bed and start eating my apple angrily.
So he lied to me all this while huh? Cara is really his girlfriend! He even bought red roses for her. I take another angry bite from the apple while tears start running from my eyes and this time I let them.
Of course he will choose her. She's beautiful and from a prestige family. And he once even mentioned that he used to date Ana because they shared the same social bacground.
I have no comparison with her.
I'm just mad at myself because I let history repeat itself. Whatever Brian did to me in the past, still have an impact in my mind till this day. No matter how much I try, I can't forget the humiliation and pain he made me faced. It's not that easy to forget when everyone used to call me the 'side chick' as a joke repeatedly. He really made me a laughing stock to the point where I even stopped going to school altogether.
I sign loudly as I chew, and smile at my luck through my tears. I can't even hate him. Why did I even have to fall in love with him?!
My phone starts ringing and without looking at it, I pick it up.
"Jess come in the garden right now", Ciara says and cuts call.
I groan loudly. I really don't want to see them. But giving it a thought, I have to be strong. I have to put myself into an employee mindset and walk through the living room, ignoring them completely.
"What's the matter Ciara? Why did you call me here?", I ask once I see her.
"Are you alright?", she asks gently.
"Of course", I give her a bright smile, touched by the fact that she looks so concern for me.
"There's really nothing going on between them. I know Cara. She's a good person. Well I know she kinda likes Stefan since a long time but Stefan doesn't like her in that way."
"Them what about the red roses?", I ask curiously.
"I don't know", she murmurs to herself.
Maybe Ciara doesn't even know herself that her brother likes Cara. He has given her red roses and unless a man likes you, he would not just give you flowers.
"It's okay Ciara", I give her hand a gentle squeeze. "Besides they look great for each other."
She gives me a sad smile. "I'll talk with Stefan. Ever since he has returned from Seattle, he has been ignoring everyone."
She pulls me in for a hug.
"I'm right here if you need anyone to talk."
"Thank you", I say and add. "You could have come in my room instead of calling me here."
"I thought you could use some fresh air to clear your head a little bit. You looked really disturbed earlier."
Oh no! Am I that transparent? I really tried my best to hide my emotions.
She leaves after a while and I'm left alone in the garden with my thoughts.
Taking several deep to calm myself internally, I return back inside. I walk in the living room as discreetly as possible. My eyes suddenly veer on their direction. Stefan is already staring at me. Cara is sitting just beside him on the couch, with Liam on her lap while talking animately with Mary.
Her roses are on the table. I scowl when Stefan keeps his eyes on me. While still looking at me, he inches closer to Cara and put his arm behind her on the couch. She turns and gives him a loving smile. I control the urge to roll my eyes.
Is he trying to make me jealous or something? Because it's not working or is it? I scream in frustration in my mind.
Mary seems to be following his eyes because her gaze veer in my direction. She looks at Stefan then back at me again. From the way she's looking at us, I think she already knows what's going on. I smile and give her an awkward wave and walk quickly from there. Liam sees me and instantly start crying. My heart breaks while walking faster. I can't take him right now. Cara seems oblivious to whatever is happening. She's doing her best to calm Liam.
Should I take him? But what if Stefan don't like it? Afterall, they are together and obviously Cara is more likely to spend time with Liam now. He must get use to her.
Sulking, I return in my room and close the door. The way, they are sitting closely is bothering me internally. They really look like a couple and with Liam, like a cherry on top, they look like a complete family.
I start crying again and taking my unfinish apple, I start munching on it.
After a few minutes, I hear a knock at the door and quickly wiping my face, I open it. I scowl instantly when I see Stefan's face.
"Have dinner with us", he says slowly, looking at me carefully when I don't say anything.
Us?!
"Thank you but no", I say calmly. "I don't want to ruin your dinner."
"Jess", he sighs and adds softly. "Having an apple is not dinner and I have been noticing you are not eating enough these past few days. Please eat something."
"What is your problem Mr Black?!", I fume. Why does he still need to care about me? Is it even genuine? Or is he feigning his concern as well?!
"I don't need your fake concern. Don't forget I'm just your son's nanny. That's it! And whether I eat or no, that should be none of your business!"
I close the door before he can even say amything and lean against it. After a few minutes, I hear his footsteps fading away. Why does everything need to be so complicated?
Just to distract myself, I start working on my assignments. While typing, my eyes fall on the bracelet which Stefan had gifted me the other day. Now thinking about it, maybe he felt guilty about what he did to me and bought this as a sympathy gift.
Since the day he has gifted this to me, once I had removed it, I have never wore it again. I'm afraid I might break it or lose it. This bracelet is too expensive. I must return it back. I don't want it anymore.
It's past eleven when I check the clock. I rub some sleepiness away from my eyes and get up to make some coffee. I take the bracelet with me just in case I see Stefan outside. Better return it now than later.
I walk with my eyes half close to the kitchen and put some water to boil in the kettle. Then hopping on one of the stool, I sit down and lean my head on the counter and close my eyes. I'm so tired. All I want to do is sleep for one week straight away with no disturbance.
No Jess no! I can't sleep right now. I must finish my work first. Shaking my head a little bit, I sit straighter but after a few seconds, my eyes start closing on its own accord again.
"You're still awake", I hear Stefan's voice.
My eyes fly open and I place my hand over my erratic heart. He scared the shit out of me.
"I'm sorry", he says quickly, noticing my appearance. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"But you did", I snap and add softly. "It's okay. I'm just here to make some coffee."
"Can't sleep?"
He approaches me and takes a seat beside me. He looks nervous for some reason. Now that I see him closer, I notice the eyebags beneath his eyes. Is he not sleeping enough?
"Jess we need to talk", he says softly. "Please listen to me."
"About what?", I say in a tired voice.
"About us"
"Are you kidding me right now Mr Black?", I ask with a mock laugh. "You brought your girlfriend here earlier and you're talking about us! Don't you have any shame left?!"
I get up angrily to leave from there but he quickly hold my hand and pull me back. He makes me stand between his legs while he's still sitting.
"Hey! Leave me!"
"She's not my girlfriend Jess", he claims fiercely. "She just wanted to meet Liam and I couldn't refuse her. She knows Liam ever since he was borned and a close family friend."
"It's your house. You don't need to explain anything to me", I say while trying to free myself from his tight hold.
"Leave me!"
"No"
He pulls me more closer until there's no space left between us. My eyes widen when I feel his hands tightening strongly around my waist.
"What are yo-you doing?", I ask when he starts placing soft gentle kisses on my neck, moving up till my jawline.
"Kissing you", he murmurs on my skin, making me tremble.
"You can't kiss me", I say a little loudly and try to remove his hands from around me but he won't even budge.
He signs against my neck, causing goosebumps to erupt on my whole body. His hot breath against my skin is making me tremble in his arms. I know he's aware of it because he tightens his grip more and nestle his face in the crook of my neck.
"Leave me", I say in a gentle tone. I'm so tired now. I don't even want to fight with him anymore. I close my eyes and lean my head against his. He lifts his head after a few minutes and looks at me intently.
His eyes softens when I keep staring at him. He holds my face gently and start inching closer. I stop breathing for a few seconds. My eyes flutter close when his lips finally meet mine. My heartbeat increases when his lips start moving softly over mine, coaxing me to open up. I just stand rigidly in his arms but sensing it, he grazes the nape of my neck with his fingers softly while with his other hand, he runs his fingertips over my arm till he reaches my hand and interlaces our fingers together. A shiver goes down my spine at his touch.
All at once, the thought of Cara and him being together pop in my head, the way they were looking at each other, they way he was sitting so close to her. He already has someone and here I am, getting use by him! Just like last time! I feel so furious at myself.
I pull back instantly and without even thinking I slap him hard across his face. My eyes widen slightly when I realize what I just done. I'm shock by my action myself.
"How dare you?!", I demand angrily.
Stefan looks at me in shock, with hurt in his eyes but I can also see a hint of anger.
"Don't you dare try to do this again!", I order hotly. "I'm not going to be some rebound for anyone."
"What are you talking about?", he demands and holds my arms in a tight grip once again.
"How many times should I tell you that there's nothing between Cara and I?!"
"Because of your behaviour! You tell me one thing and then your behaviour says otherwise. I'm tired of all this. Besides don't even bother anymore with me. I don't care about anything you do!"
"Jess I know I should not have made you jealous earlier", he says in a low voice then adds angrily. "But you are hell bent on imagining the worst about me! You're not even giving me a chance to explain myself! What am I suppose to do? Everytime I want to talk, you shut me out."
"I don't want to hear anything!", I snap. "Get your hands off me!"
I shrug his hands away from my arms and take two steps backwards.
"Here is your bracelet", I place it on the counter beside him. "I don't want it. In case you might think I'm a gold digger in the futur!"
"I have never thought of you like that Jess", he adds in a sincere tone.
"Listen carefully Mr Black! There's nothing between us and there can never be anything. Don't think while you have a girlfriend, you can keep me on the side!"
"I can't wait to get away from here!", I add after a few beats.
I avert my eyes quickly when his face portrays hurt instantly on hearing my words. He gets up and I tip my head back to look at him. He looks so dejected.
"You want to leave Liam and I so badly?", he asks slowly.
Looking at his face, I realize I shouldn't have said anything about leaving. Now I'm sure he has taken it in the wrong way. Obviously I don't want to leave Liam.
"I still have to leave after two months", I reply and look down. "That was the deal since the beginning."
"Alright", he says after a while with a clench jaw. With an inconsolate look he turns around and walks away.
I look at his retreating back while my heart knocks painfully in my chest. I know he's hurt. I return back in the living room, and take a sit on the couch. I notice Cara's red roses still lying on the table. I guess she forgot to take it with her. I notice a little note inside. I know I must not read someone else's card but fuck it nobody's here. I open it and my eyes widen in shock!
'I'm so sorry Jess. Please give me a chance to make it up for you.'
These were for me?! But why did she walked in with them in her hands and why did Stefan didn't give them to me?!
Did I behave too harshly with him? I even slapped him hard. I could see my fingerprints forming on his cheek earlier. I should not have hit him.
I shove my hand through my hair and sigh loudly. I really misunderstood him and knowingly or unknowingly, he led me on as well. I know he sat closer to Cara to make me jealous. But why?
He was trying to make everything fine between us then why would he make me feel jealous all of a sudden? That would only create more rift between us.
I can't believe I slapped him after our first kiss. He was just trying to clear everything wrong between us and I overreacted.
I hurt him badly!