Victorio.P.O.V.
This guy is really starting to get on my nerves. Especially his scary voice and fucking eyes.
What if he says about that to Jack and Lucas?I'm sure he'll say.They will make fun of me for God know how much long.Why would he do something in my favor?He just met me and already thinks I'm a freak. I'm not surprised he thinks so,but I was quite surprised when he didn't laugh at my stupid fall and than helped me.He literally saw my panic attack and I'm sure he already suspect some things.
I put on my headphones and played a nighcore of the song Disturbia and waited for Alann in front of the store.I looked down to see if my clothes were dirty from the fall, but luckily it wasn't.At least one point for me.
Alann came out of the store with water and chocolate in one hand and a skateboard in the second. He looked around as if looking for someone, but his gaze stopped on me.
ALANN:"Why did you come out?I thought you left."
ME:"No,I just went outside,not to make a fuss inside."
ALANN: "Let's sit down somewhere until you rest, and then we'll call Lucas or Jack on the phone."
ME:"Isn't it obvious that I'm quite well?"
ALANN:"Why do you have a problem with sitting,man?"
ME:"Because you're acting like I've broke all the bones in my body. I'm fine."
ALANN:"Well, you didn't look like that a while ago.The crown won't fall off your head if you sit for ten minutes to drink fucking water."
ME: "However .."
ALANN:"We'll sit down in that skate park downstairs. It looks interesting."
He looked up at the skate park that was part of the street where we rode.
ME:"Alright...Probably both Lucas and Jack turned there."
ALANN:"Do you think they noticed we weren't there?"
ME:"For sure ...Unless they ran into girls and started flirting with them.In that case, they forgot about our existence."
ALANN:"Are that happens often?"
ME:"To flirt with girls?All the time."
We headed to the skate park. For some reason, I was able to talk to him normally. It usually takes weeks, if not months, to relax in the company of a person I don't know and talk to him without stuttering. It's even more incredible since he attract me so much.
I think his cold vibe, which didn't seem to interest him in anything, made me not care if I was embarrassed and said something wrong. It was a change for me.
ALANN:"That's what I assumed ... I meant that they forget you while talking to girls. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you join them in a game with girls."
ME: "Do I look like someone who does that?"
ALANN: "Not really, but look often gives the wrong image of someone"
ME:"Not in my case."
ALANN: "Why?"
ME: "What do you mean 'why'."
ALANN:"Why don't you get involved in society? You're always on the sidelines,just like you are not even there ."
ME:"You don't know me, damn it."
ALANN: "No, but it's obvious."
I was silent. What could I say? I've never talked about these things in my life.It didn't seem like anyone cared and no one asked me anything.It's weird when I hear questions like this are dedicated to me.This is the first time in so many years that anyone has asked me something like this.I was still silent.Partly out of shock, but partly because I couldn't say anything.
We walked for a few minutes in silence, and nervous was killing me.
My thinking was interrupted by a very loud metal song that came next, so my heart suddenly racing.It used to be crazy, and now it has exceeded the tempo.
I forgot I have headphones in ears.
ME:"Fuck!"
I said quiet and pulled the headphones out of my ears.
ALANN: "Is everything okay?"
ME: "Yeah, it just a loud song came suddenly."
ALANN:"What are you listening to anyways?"
And that's where I also kept quiet.No one ever asked me what I was listening to, either.In fact, no one showed interest in me. Yes, I have Lucas and Jack, but we always only talk about their stuff.They have no fear of complaining about their problems and somehow I am always put behind.
ALANN: "You overthink again and look at the floor, Victorio."
His words startled me and I raised my head in front of me,not daring to look at him or at floor.
ME: "Sorry,I just...I listen to a lot of things."
ALANN: "Can I see your playlist? Maybe there's something I love too."
ME: "Not really...It's private."
I had to refuse him.Imagine what he would think of me if he saw all those nightcore and kpop songs ... God,I think he would definitely laugh at me.
ALANN: "It's just a playlist, but okay. It's your thing."
The skate park fence appeared and I was glad we finally arrived. If Lucas and Jack were here, it would mean that this scary conversation was finally over.It's damn weird talking about myself. I mean, I was mostly silent, but still.
We walked slowly inside and the place didn't seem very empty. There were about five or six guys skating around and making some movements that I would never be able to perform.In the corner of the park were some long-haired guys drinking beer and listening metal.On the other side,I noticed three girls talking to Lucas and Jack.I'm so glad they're here.I won't have to answer on Alann's nosy questions.
ME:"I see them."
ALANN: "Great."
We headed towards them.
ALANN:"They're with the girls ... Like you said."
The girls were in short shorts and I'm sure that attracted them.
ALANN:"And with pretty girls, as I can see it."
ME:"Yeah."
Honestly,I didn't even pay attention on them. When I looked better,I saw that they all had a beautiful body and one of them was blonde, and the other two were brunettes.It was obvious that they were flirting with each other.There's no way I'm going to meet these girls.
I mean,It's not like I even like girls.
ME:"I'll be there."
I pointed my finger at the corner of the park where there was some obstacle to performing those difficult tricks.
ALANN: "Good.I'll be there as soon as I tell those two we've back."
ME: "Don't."
I said without thinking and repented. That sounded wrong. He thinks I have something against him. In fact, I just have something against his questions.
ALANN:"Excuse me?"
ME:"I mean, you don't have to. Go with them."
ALANN: "It's pretty rude of us all to leave you there alone."
ME:"No, it's not. Why would it be? It's okay. I'm used to it. I have headphones."
ALANN: "You hang out with the headphones too much, you know?"
ME:"I love music."
ALANN:"And who doesn't? Anyway, take this. I'll tell them and I'll come back to you."
ME: "God, but I just said..."
ALANN:"Victorio ..."
He shoved water and chocolate into my hands.
ALANN: "Enough."
My heart stopped.He sounded damn scary and cold like usually,so I didn't dare say anything that would irritate him even more.
That was hot.
I just took what he bought and headed to place where I was sitting always.I put the skate on the concrete and sat on it.I put on the headphones and played the first song that came along. It was some old rock.I opened a bottle of water and watched how Alann talk to them.The girls seemed quite pleased when they saw him.I ate chocolate and he was still talking to them. Yes, so much about him coming back.
I started playing some game on my phone.
At that moment, someone shook my shoulder. It scared me a little. I jumped up and turned to the person next to me. It was Alann. Shit. Why did he come? It seemed like he was having fun with them.
ALANN:"God, it's so easy to scare you!"
ME:"Well you just showed up all of a sudden and hit me! Don't sneaked up like a ghost!"
He started laughing, and his laughter made me laugh too.
ALANN: "And you overthinking again and stared at the floor.You really like that, huh?"
ME: "What?I was just playing game!"
I said and immediately turned around. It's hard for me to look people in the eye as I talk.
ALANN:"Didn't I say will come back?"
ME:"I'm sure they're more funny company than me."
ALANN:"Don't be so sure...Those girls just want a boyfriend to show him.As soon as she sees a handsome man, she immediately jumps into the role."
ME: "Don't men do that too?"
ALANN: "Not everyone. And not all girls are like that. There are always exceptions, of course ... It's just that those girls downstairs aren't."
ME:"Why is it wrong to be average?"
ALANN: "Of course not...that people are only accepted."
He sounded like he had experience of everything what he said.Again,I was silent.I had nothing to say.It's better to be silent than to say something wrong and stupid.
ALANN: "You don't talk too much, do you?"
ME: "I talk when I have something to say."
ALANN: "You're always silent."
ME: "That means I have nothing to say."
ALANN: "Everyone has something to say, Victorio."
I shrugged and put my arms around my knees.
ALANN: "Do you see that brunette next to Lucas?"
I raised my head and looked. She was looking in our direction. Accidentally our eyes met, so I turned my head quickly. She was probably staring at Alann.
ME:"What about her?"
ALANN:"She thinks you're cute."
At that moment, I was happy not to drink water, because I was sure I would suffocate and choke.
ME:"What the fuck?"
ALANN:"Why are you so surprised?"
ME:"I'm sure you misunderstood, Alann."
ALANN: "No, I didn't. She thinks you're cute. She asked you to come to her."
It was hard not to laugh, so in the end I couldn't even stand it. I laughed for a few seconds because of that. There's no way she meant it.
ALANN:"What'so funny?"
He laughed mockingly at my infectious laughter,too.
ME:"Because there's no way she said that."
ALANN:"Dude,she's literally fuck you with her eyes."
ME:"She's looking at you,idiot."
ALANN:"No, you.She told me that herself."
ME:"I don't believe you."
ALANN:"Haven't any girl told you those things before?"
ME:"I'm not interested in...Damn,can you stop with that?"
ALANN:"With what?I'm just talking normally."
ME:"Stop asking questions."
ALANN: "I'm just trying to talk, but whatever you want. You don't have to be unpleasant."
ME: "I didn't. It's just annoying."
ALANN:"You're a weird guy, Victorio."
He got up and took his skate.
ALANN: "Well, since you enjoy yourself so much ... I'm not going to disturb you...freak."
He said that word quiet, but I still managed to hear it.I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt me at all.I don't understand why his opinion matters to me at all.
ME:"Don't call me that."
ALANN:"How?"
ME:"Freak.I hate it."
ALANN:"But you are a freak."
He left me and want towards Jack and Lucas.
Why am I feeling bad right now? He helped me and bought that nonsense (water and chocolate). He even tried to talk to me. I just don't know how to act when someone try to talk with me like that.I'm not used to it.My whole life,people using me and try to do something bad.It's hard for me to trust someone.
This is so stupid. I didn't even say "thank you" to him for helping me.
Should I apologize?I don't know.He called me the name I hated the most and he was attack me with a million questions.Anyways,I certainly don't have the courage to just come up to him and say "sorry." No. No. No. There's no way I'm going to do that. It seems pretty disturbing.
After more than two hours of sitting and listening to music, the three of them finally came to me. Great, I hope we go home now. I'm pretty stiff from sitting here. You're probably wondering why I didn't skate with them.I wanted to, but I didn't dare.I was afraid I would fall again, and here are a lot more people than down there.That would be a terrible shame.I got up the skate when they approached me and took it in my hands.
JACK:"Well, Victorio, shall we go slowly?"
He put his arm over my shoulder.
ME:"If you want, yes."
LUCAS: "Come on. I'm tired."
ALLAN: "I can't wait to fucking fall asleep."
We got out of the skate park and headed for my apartment.
JACK:"Yo, Victorio"
Jack called me.I took off my headphones and paid attention to him.
JACK: "Where did you and Allen desapire today?"
ME: "Uh, I ..."
ALLEN: "I wanted to buy something in the store, so I told Victorio to come with me."
What? It wasn't like that. I mean, that's only half true. Why did he keep quiet about my fall? I know Lucas and Jack would definitely laugh about it for the next two days.
LUCAS:"And why the fuck did you reject that hot girl?"
Because she's a girl.
So it's true. She really said that about me.
ME: "I don't know. I didn't really feel like talking to her.She wasn't my type of girl,anyway."
Nobody knows I'm gay.
I'm so fucking scared to said it.
I have been bullied my whole life.I'm scared to open my heart to anyone,because I don't think I will be accepted.
I have never been accepted anywhere.
JACK:"And which one is it?"
ME: "I don't know.I will know when I find her."
JACK: "Since I know you, you've never dated a girl,man."
ME: "That's my business."
LUCAS: "Let him be. Maybe he didn't like her."
JACK: "I can't wait for the party on Saturday."
The topic of parties and girls started, so I just switched off because I have nothing to say. Ofcourse,I would add some thing in conversation,but I couldn't really fit in that kind of subject.
Why is it so important to have a girlfriend? Like,if you don't have a girlfriend you're weird.I hate that.
Lucas bought some alcohol along the way and took something from the bakery for tonight.Alann didn't talk to me anymore, but he enjoyed in the company of Lucas and Jack.
After we got to my apartment, we took the alcohol out of the bag and put it on the table.
LUCAS:"Do you want to watch a movie?"
ALANN:"Which one?"
JACK: "I have an idea."
LUCAS: "Porn, as always."
JACK: "Please!"
LUCAS:"Will you?"Alann?Victorio?
ALANN:"Yeah,however."
ME: "I'm pretty tired. I'm going to bed right now."
LUCAS:"Come on, Victorio, you don't know how to fun at all."
JACK: "And we bought this many nonsense drinks."
ME: "I'll have a drink, of course. Did you mean to keep everything to yourself?"
I grabbed two cans of beer and headed for the room.
LUCAS:"Yo, Victorio."
ME:"What?"
LUCAS:"Where are we all going to sleep?"
ME:"There's one bed available in my aunt's room and two couches there.Sleep wherever you want...except my room."
After that I went to my room and locked it.
I leaned against the door and then threw myself on the bed.God, this was such a weird day.All the bad and awkward situations came to my mind.I felt really guilty because of Alann. I shouldn't said all of that.
Why am I thinking about him so much?
I grabbed the block and continued to draw a portrait from today.I was under a lot of pressure.Everything hit me.My own skin was suffocating me and it was tight to me. I just want to be happy and free. Because of my anxiety,I feel so trapped.