1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter nineteen.

While they sat down at the table and ate breakfast together, Taylor told him about the tour.
Joe's mouth fell to the ground when he heard the news. He could have kissed her right then and there. He didn't know how she did this - how she just knew all of these things. He'd been dying to come here since he first discovered the Lake Poets. Joe had often found that when he wanted an escape, when reality got too much, he'd crawl into bed, and he'd pretend he was here. With wisteria covered cottages and lakes of shattered mirrors.
And now he was here. For real. With Taylor Swift. For real.

Taylor put on a coat and scarf. Her bruises were pretty much healed, but her mind had somehow convinced her that wearing a scarf was going to keep her safe. That it would protect her from people's prying eyes and their unwanted comments. So, she had taken to wearing a scarf everywhere she went. She didn't quite know what she was going to do in summer, but she hoped that she might be in an even better place than she is now by then.
Taylor had thought she'd decided that Joe couldn't have looked any more beautiful than he had back at the cottage, but when they were walking through William's house, she could tell that he was in love with life. That made her so happy to see, because she still couldn't forget that something had made him want to hurt himself too.

They got to read old transcripts of poetry, walk through his house. Taylor could swear that he was still there, with them. She wondered what he'd think of a couple of runaway celebrities wandering through his house. She wanted to know what had been the driving point to get him to come here. She could really, truly see the appeal of it all - she'd already googled houses to buy in the area. She loved it. It was alive in all the ways that America wasn't.

The best thing about it - no one seemed to know who she was. There was an old lady that was in charge of looking after the place, and she just thought that they were a couple with enough money to book a private tour. It was so nice to have people looking at them without their eyes popping out of their heads.
They wandered around the house and the gardens.
"We have to come back in spring. And summer. And autumn." She said as she held Joe's hand. He squeezed it in reply.
"We might as well just pack our bags and move here."
Taylor smiled, shrugging. "I mean, I definitely wouldn't say no..."

There was a local coffee shop in the centre of town, and Joe ran in to get them both coffees. She was desperate for a coffee... it was nearly noon and she was feeling so tired. Jet lag was setting in.
But she was so excited for the rest of the day that it wasn't hard to convince herself to stay awake. Joe was alive here. She could tell by the way he moved, the way he breathed and the way he talked. He was just so much lighter.
He got back in the car, and Taylor had completely forgotten about the security that were in the car behind her. She felt lighter too. The country smells and the feeling of damp air against her cheeks made her smile.

"I think that this has been the best trip of my entire life," Taylor said as they sat in the car overlooking the lakes. They'd driven a little way out of Windermere, and pulled over on the side of the road.
"Can I take a photo of you?" Joe asked quietly. "Of us? In front of the lakes?"
Taylor smiled. "Of course." She hated being in photos, but she wanted these memories as much as Joe did. She let Joe take photos of her, and she even asked her security to get a photo of the two of them together. Maybe one day she'd post it. Maybe one day she'd look at it and not hate the way she looked.

She was getting better. But she loved the photos of her and Joe together. She smiled when she looked at it. The gentle mist against the Windermere peaks, and Joe. He'd put his arms around her so he was standing behind her. He'd said something funny which the both of them had burst out laughing at - and this came across so clearly in the photo.
She loved the way she looked in this one - she loved the way she wasn't posing, the way she was looking at Joe and not at the camera.

She sent it to her Mom immediately. She loved it. She hadn't loved a photo of herself in years. She didn't know whether it was because she had a thick coat on, so no one could see her weight or her scars. But she really loved it. She showed Joe before they started driving, and he smiled.
"That one is definitely going on the private Instagram." She knew what he meant. Like most celebrities, they had private Instagram accounts under fake names. She'd started this one ages ago, and it was one that was only for friends and family. Joe had one under the name of William, and she loved all of the photos.
"Definitely." She took his hand. "I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else but you." He smiled, handing her back her phone.
"I don't know... I think Meredith and Olivia would argue against that." He laughed. Taylor let out a laugh too. "I wouldn't want to see any of it without you." He murmured seriously. "You're what makes it so special."
"I am not!" Taylor giggled. "You're the one that makes everything special. Literally, I could watch your face forever. Especially here. It's just so... gorgeous."
Joe smirked. "Oh really?"
"Yup. Really."

They spent the rest of the day driving around and taking photos of various different views. Several selfies were taken, posted and laughed at. They'd driven to a walk that Taylor had heard of called Orrest Head, which was a walk that was supposedly the perfect place to be during sunset. She linked arms with Joe as they headed through the winding paths.
"I keep wanting to pinch myself," Joe admitted as they began walking. Their security were out of wars reach, and she was able to forget about them. "I keep expecting this to all just evaporate in front of me and leave me stranded."
Taylor gave his arms a squeeze. "Why?" She hoped that it wasn't rude to ask.
"Because this was the place I'd come to - not actually... but in my mind - when life was... when things all got too much. When I felt like I was teetering on the edge of falling into a dark place... if I felt the light slipping away, I'd come here. It would make me feel better. It'd distract me from doing... from making reality stop." His words hurt. She didn't want to think of him being in pain, wanting it all to go away. She didn't want to think of the fact that he'd been in the same dark hole that she'd escaped from.

"I used to sit in a chair by the window," Taylor told him. "It was an arm chair that I'd bought when I first moved to New York. Made of the softest pink velvet that I'd ever touched. I loved it, when I first saw it. But then it turned into the place I sat to feel safe from him... I think that it helped me to feel like I hadn't lost the girl I was back then. I used to sit in it, right up against the window, and stare outside. All day. Watching the busy streets, the rain on the rooftops, the sun behind the building. I used to make up little scenarios for the people that walked past the window in my head. It was easier to keep my mind busy than feel the pain." She admitted. "I'd think of ice skates and frozen ponds, and a life that wasn't mine. It makes me so sad to think that you were hurting."
"It makes me sad too, Taylor. I don't like seeing you in pain, and I really wish that you could see yourself the way I see you."
Those words really got to her - because she wished that she could too. She wished she could see the woman that everyone else saw. But she only saw a distorted version of herself.
"I'm getting there," She whispered. "I'm really getting better."
Joe leaned over and kissed her cheek. "You are. I'm so proud of you."
The sun was beginning to dip into the darkness when they reached the lookout. It was so breathtaking that Taylor actually had to concentrate on breathing.
"I love you," She murmured as she leaned her head on Joe's shoulder. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Taylor. More than you'll ever know," He kissed her head. "More than I'll ever be able to tell you."
"Look at us -" Taylor smiled. "Look at how beautiful we are."

It was true. As they were watching the sun sink into darkness, they had been bathed in daylight. They had been covered head to toe in golden light that almost seemed to be a sign that they'd really found daylight - and maybe that they'd reached the end of the string of gold. They'd found themselves at the end of the golden string, but also, along the way, they'd found each other.