Corpse Husband

5

"Thanks,"

"Is that why you left so suddenly when your cousin called?" He asked

"Oh she didn't actually call," I said and slapped my hand over my mouth when I realised what I'd just said

"What happened then?"

"Oh, umm it was my parents and I basically told them I was busy and couldn't talk and they got annoyed," I stuttered

"Ok, now what actually happened?"

"That,"

"Then why are you saying it as if you made it up in the last few seconds,"

"I don't know,"

He was silent for a bit.

"I'm sorry, I don't like talking about my personal life, it's part of the reason why I liked YouTube, because I could pretend to be someone I'm not. My whole life my parents criticised me for not being smart, not being the top of my class, for liking girls-"

"Wait you're into girls?" He asked

"I like both," I said

"Oh ok, sorry continue,"

"They pressured me into becoming a doctor, I was working really hard to meet that expectation, working every single second I was at home. Until I met this one girl who told me I shouldn't let them live their dream life through me. We were best friends until she completely screwed me over. After that I didn't trust anyone, and it took over five years for me to properly trust anyone. But then I got a really nice friend who introduced me to some people that I know would screw me over and wouldn't hurt me," I paused

"You ok,"

"Yeah I'm just thinking. I'd given up on becoming a doctor, but my cousin was a doctor and my parents would not stop reminding me how she was the successful one, the smart one, the one they wanted, the one who wasn't an accident and wasn't a disappointment,"

"Im sure you weren't-"

"Yes, I was, you can ask them if you want I'm sure they would tell you exactly what they told me.

Praise my cousin because she's an amazing doctor who makes so much money and works really hard, yet somehow on top of her busy schedule she managed to find a husband, with whom she had kids and now they're a nice happy family.

My cousin is the one my parents wanted, not me, the one who can't get anyone to love them, the one who wasn't smart enough or hardworking enough to be a doctor.

That's when I decided to start YouTube, and it literally changed my life, I streamed Among Us with my friends and by some lucky chance I made a career out of it. It was a way to escape, a way to put everything I had into something. But even though I was happy, it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough for me to be a happy, successful youtuber, I had to be a doctor, but I couldn't, it would've never worked out.

And tomorrow I have to go to the baby shower of the person who has the perfect life, the person who, if I had their life, I would not have depression, or anxiety and I wouldn't of had the worst parents in existence and I would've definitely would not have fucking trust issues!"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry you went through that, you don't deserve it and it wasn't right," It didn't hit me how much I over shared and how much of a mess I was until now. How stupid and weak I'm must seem, dumping this all onto him.

I really couldn't stop myself. I got a tight feeling around my chest and before it could get any further I hung up of him and left the game.

I stood up and threw my glass at the wall, it smashed all over the floor, before I sunk to the floor, lying down and crying when a familiar feeling came over my body.

A few painful minutes later my attack was over. Fuck anxiety.

I looked at my PC to see a bunch of messages from corpse, but I couldn't bear to face him, not after what just happened.

When I looked at my phone I saw another mass of texts from him but I just couldn't bring myself to reply, and I just went to bed and cried.

A few hours later my stomach was grumbling since I hadn't eaten and it was beginning to become night.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face. I turned around to go back to my room but I just couldn't, I didn't have the effort, I couldn't do it.

I sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the door. I didn't cry, instead I let the numbness take over my body so I didn't feel anything. I suddenly felt calm and normal, until it went away and was replaced my sadness and devastation.

This was the first time if ever opened up fully about my childhood, so why had I trusted him so much?

After a while of staring at the bathroom ceiling, I finally mustered up the strength to stand and walked slowly back to my room and for the rest of the night I binged Netflix on my laptop.