Corpse Husband

19

The house was silent, still.
The beds and sofas cold.
The nights quiet.

I was lonely without him.

We talked all the time; calling, FaceTiming, playing minecraft or among us, whatever, but we spent a lot of time together.

He'd been trying to persuade me to play rust but I hadn't given in yet.

The war in minecraft was getting bigger, more allies meant more enemies, but it seemed like we were winning so far.

If met a lot of new people over the last 10 weeks, and I was a lot happier.

I'd met more and more people and they were all understanding and comforting. I knew I could rely on them, I was the happiest I'd ever been.

He seemed happy too, and they made me even happier. But, even though I was happy, there was a part of me that told myself I didn't deserve it, the happiness.

Told me I didn't deserve anything, not this house, not these friends, not this happiness and, not Corpse.

I looked up at the shower head, letting the water fall onto my face. Running my hand through my hair, I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut.

My tears were washed away by the water, but not before I felt their warmth on my cheek.

I ran my hands over my hair one more time before turning off he water and stepping out.

Wrapping myself in a towel, I checked my phone and Corpse had texted me, asking if I wanted to play proximity among us.

I accepted and told him to send me the code when he had it. Throughout the day I waited for him to text back, I waited until I got bored and texted him again, still no reply.

I didn't go on my phone again for the rest of the day, but when I checked it in the morning he still hadn't replied.

I waited for another two days for him to text me back, assuming things and guessing why he'd ignored me.

He didn't like me anymore, he got bored of me, he realised what I was really like, he found someone better.

When he finally texted me back after fours days I pounced on the text.

Corpse: I'm sorry, I know you're probably angry but I wanna explain this one in person.

My heart filled with guilt, why of something serious had happened? And I'd been here thinking he hated me now.

We only texted for a few seconds, agreeing that he'd com tomorrow.

I counted down the seconds, getting more anxious and nervous as time passed. I didn't sleep that night, and when he texted me saying he was a few minutes away I camped from the window so I would see him arrive.

I watched for his car, but it never came.

Instead a white Audi pulled into my driveway, was that him? Had he got a new car?

No, it was an Uber, but he'd never get an Uber, would he?

My mind filled with questions but they all disappeared when he came out the car, his left arm in a brace.

I watched him walk all the way to the front door, the sound of the doorbell breaking my trance as I ran downstairs and opened the door.

I opened the door and he smiled, but I could see the sad look inside his eyes. I hugged him gently, careful not to nudge his arm.

He put his arm around me too and rested his head on shoulder. I pulled him inside, shutting the door and holding him even closer.

My heart ached as we laid on my my bed, my head on his chest. I fiddled with rings while he talked.

"It's not fair, I'm finally happy, for once I'm happy, and I'm much more active, really motivated and have you," he ranted and I entwined our fingers he sighed and his voice softened, "its my fault, I knew I should've given myself a break, I knew I should've but I couldn't stop,"

"You should've told me," I said quietly.

"I'm sorry, it came on pretty suddenly, it would just hurt whenever I moved, I can move it, it just hurts, and then when it happened I couldn't text you, plus I hated myself for letting it happen,"

"It's not your fault, you don't have an obligation to know when stuffs gunna happen,"

"But I should've-"

"If it's anyone's fault it's mine, I should've known,"

"It's not your fault,"

"Well it's not yours either,"

We laid there in comfortable silence for a bit, his right arm wrapped round me while I traced shapes on the hand he had around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed out, he shuffled closer to me and I wondered what we were. We were close, I mean, we kissed, but only once and neither of us had mentioned it since. It wasn't a bad kiss either, it wasn't awkward, it was what we both wanted, but what were we?

Did he like me? I mean, I can't, can I? Can I like him? As I thought about it more and more, I knew I wanted to kiss him again, to feel his lips on mine, to have him pull me closer, I wanted it again. My heart started beating.

But what if he didn't want that? What if he'd kissed me, and known it wasn't right? Maybe he just wanted to be friends. But look at us right now, friends don't do this, they don't cuddle this close.

Even if something happened, would it last? I'd never been in a proper relationship before, had he?

Thoughts clouded my head, I needed to know if he ever thought the same thing, but if I mentioned it what would he do? Leave? Kiss me?

I internally shook my head, who was I kidding. He wouldn't want me.