Her Beautiful Innocence

4 | 𝒫𝒶𝓎 𝒜𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃

 Grayson, who still hasn't taken a seat, started taking a few alarming steps towards the boy, and I swear I heard a squeak coming from him. Though it didn't surprise me as I, myself found Grayson absolutely intimidating. 

But I wonder why Grayson is acting this way. Why didn't he want me to hang out with this boy? 

"I said no. Do you want me to repeat that, because it seems to me that you're deaf? Or maybe I can show you as well," Grayson said, trying to keep himself calm, as he said it between gritted teeth. His fists clenched so hard, his knuckles turned white, and it made me try to make myself as small as possible in my chair. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he meant by that.

Just as Grayson was going to take another step forward, the teacher walked in, unknowingly stopping a fight from happening. I let out a breath I was holding and looked between the two boys, hoping Grayson will let it go. But Grayson wasn't looking at me, his focus lay undivided on the other boy, who quickly stood up and walked past Grayson, back to his friends.

After a couple of slow, painful seconds, Grayson sat down in the seat where the boy previously sat in, which was next to me.

He didn't say anything, he didn't even acknowledge me as he kept his gaze to the front of the class. The teacher was oblivious as to what just happened and told everyone to get their books ready to start the lesson. 

I couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was saying with Grayson sitting only a few feet away from me. Every time I'm near him, I get extra tense and self-conscious, while he doesn't even see me. I almost feel invisible around him, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Because yes, I don't want any attention on myself, but if it's with him, I don't mind that much. 

It's weird what someone can do to you, even if you've never even said a whole sentence to them. 

I started doodling again since I couldn't listen to a word the teacher was saying. I began drawing simple hearts and flowers, but then I got really into it and started sketching a girl. It wasn't a girl I knew, I just created her in the moment. 

She had freckles - I always wanted to have freckles, I think they're so cute and give off a fairy vibe. I gave her thin lips - I never understood my attraction to thin lips either. She had curly, black hair - only my best friends know how much I want to have black hair with curls, but it just doesn't fit me I guess. Plus, I wasn't allowed to dye my hair a different color, at least not until I'm eighteen. I wanted to give her brown eyes - Brown and grey eyes are my favourite. Doesn't matter if they're almost black or a light hazel brown. 

I have blue ones, but I just think that they look so sharp and... I don't know, it's hard to explain.

I found a name for my new drawing: 'My opposite reflexion'. It fits perfectly because she's the opposite of me. She looks so confident and happy in her own skin. She has every facial feature that I desire and don't have. This is what I want my reflexion to look like. If I stare in the mirror, I want to see her standing there.

I completely zoned out and forgot that I was still in class. The teacher called out my name, at first I didn't react, I was too deep inside my own world of imagination. After a few seconds, I felt someone nudge me gently. Faintly startled, I looked to my right, meeting his piercing stare. Those beautiful green eyes gazing back at me were so captivating. 

What I didn't notice was the whole class witnessing this exchange, they were all waiting for me to say something. Grayson showed me the page number in his book, I quickly turned to the right page and skimmed through the text they were reading. Unfortunately for me, I didn't understand one bit of what I just scanned through.