Renesmee's Narrative (Twilight Fanfiction)

Chapter 1

"The thorns of the rose twined slowly along my arm, leaving neither pain nor mark. Its intentions – to my knowledge were to hurt me, but a simple plant could not damage a blasphemous creature like myself. "Murder" is written across my eyes, my skin, yet it still seems to invite others in. They do not know the evil that I possess – that I myself am in fact a rose – forcing myself away from using my thorns and-"

"Can I come in?" The husky and yet so familiar voice asked. He knows I am writing.

"Sure."

He opens the door and is by my side in a second. He grabs a hold of the paper that I try to hide from him and he frowns. He looks into my eyes, and when I read his, I can tell that he is hurt.

"Blasphemous?" He questioned. "I thought you were doing better."

"I am." I sighed. We both knew it was a lie. He placed my hand in his and pulled me upwards from my chair. He pulled me closer and I rested my head against his chest. I once again sighed as he stroked my hair softly. I listened quietly to his heart beating steadily. I reached for his face and placed my palm against his cheek. My Jakey.

"Your Jakey." He agreed quietly, his voice barely a whisper as he chucked softly. "Forever."

I pulled away as soon as I heard the word. I found myself in a mood with Jacob, once again. He could see my frustration instantly. We've had this argument too many times.

"What's the problem? You have unlimited amounts of time to spend with your soulmate. What about that makes you unhappy?"

"It's just... too long." I looked down at the floor as I repeated the same phrase that I have given him for the past 50 or so years. "I go to high school almost every day, and I have done for the past 52 years. It gets boring after a while, believe it or not."

"You're bored with me?" His voice became higher. He was panicking. I rushed over to him and embraced him.

"No, of course not. I could never. I would just rather be... more normal. I hate that I do not have an end. Every day just feels like a step closer to an end that doesn't exist." I could feel him begin to whimper. It put him through agony to see me suffer this much. Stupid Nessie, oversharing again, being a burden once more.

"I'm just going to go and get some air." I sighed, and the familiar feeling of tiredness came over me, a tiredness I could never satisfy.

"I'll go with-"

"Alone." I cut him off with my harsh voice. I felt penitence instantly, and stroked his cheek and pressed my lips against his, as softly as I could. I tried to keep my thoughts as composed as possible, although I knew the effort would be futile nonetheless. Jacob could never control his thoughts.

I heard my father growl from the main house, though it wasn't loud enough for Jake to hear. I pulled away quickly, before anything could progress. I didn't give Jacob a chance to protest, and I was out of the house and in the woods within seconds.

I usually spend my time running to think of new ideas for writing, but today I decided to let myself wallow. There are only really two people in my life who remotely understand how I feel. My father – though I don't think he fully understands my grief. I grieve for a life I never lived – whereas he had seventeen bliss years of humanity. I had none. He was also selfish enough to doom another person – my mother – to this life, in order to pursue any form of happiness. I guess I am lucky in that sense – Jacob can be with me for as long as he likes, and still be without damnation and retaining his mortality.

The second person is my Aunt Rose – she most certainly understands my pain. Her mortal life was ripped away from her, but I still envy those nineteen years she had. When I was "born", I gave a new purpose to her life, but I know that she would give it all away within seconds for a second chance at mortality. It doesn't offend me - I would too. I would confide in Rose today, but she is on another honeymoon with Uncle Emmett. I will never understand how she can marry him again and again, one wedding was enough for me.

I could never confide in my mother. As much as I love her, I will never understand how she could even tolerate living this life – never mind choosing it. I also wouldn't want to upset her with my eternal misery. I know that I was the actual reason she was forced into my life, she died giving birth to me, but my father managed to get enough venom to her heart with the help of Jake. I can't help but feel guilty for that, although it was what she wanted.

As I ran, I found myself craving something to eat. I didn't require a large meal, but the burning at the back of my throat was becoming quite uncomfortable. I slowed down my pace, until I was barely above human speed. I looked around me, but remembered that all signs of life disappear within my presence. I jolted to a stop, ripping through the sea of leaves below me. I looked in the immediate area, and inhaled a deep breath. I needed to check for humans. Once I was confident that the coast was clear, I let my instincts take over.

I closed my eyes, and envisioned the world around me using only my sense of smell and my hearing. About half a mile away, up north, I could hear a woodland critter eating some form of nut. From its scent, I could tell it was a red squirrel. One of my favourite snacks. I opened my eyes and leaped to a tree above me, being as silent as I could. I continued to leap from tree to tree, until I spotted the tiny stream where the squirrel was located. At this point there was no escape for the rodent. I jumped from the tree and grabbed the squirrel before it had a chance to even acknowledge the situation. It was over in about ten seconds.

After the gory part was over, I straightened my back and threw away the corpse. I wiped my bloody lips with the back of my hand, proceeding to wipe that on my dress. Alice won't be happy. I sat down on a mossy rock and placed my head in my hands. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me – this would amuse Uncle Emmett – he kills bears for fun. The guilt then turned into disgust, as I remembered what I was. I thought of my family, and what we were. Although underneath our skin of stone and into our dormant hearts- and that is when I remembered again. I am separate from them. Although my skin is stone, underneath that blood flows. My heart flutters like a bee or a butterfly, whereas everybody else's haven't beat in years. I am the odd one out. A half-breed – not enough to be a vampire and certainly not normal enough to be a human. All of their eyes match – with colours of topaz that change to black to indicate thirst. Mine stay chocolate brown, though my father says that this is a good thing, and that it is a symbol of my mother's human soul living on within me. I have my father's hair colour, bronze that turns to chestnut when exposed to sun.

Whilst I was pondering, I saw a ray of light splash some colour onto the greenery. I'm not sure why, but the sight brought a smile to my face. I reached outwards, and tilted my wrist as I felt the warm brush across my skin. I noticed my skin begin to glint like an oddly shaped diamond, and for the first time in over half a century, I didn't feel disgusted from the sight of it.