Renesmee's Narrative (Twilight Fanfiction)

Chapter 2

"Some may say that the greatest power of all is tolerance of others, but I say that it is the tolerance of one's self. To be not disgusted by one's very existence should be the greatest empowerment of all. It is only then that you can be welcomed to the gates of heaven, and that your soul is pure."

I dropped my pen in frustration and slammed the notebook. Writer's block. I tapped on the table in annoyance and attempted to calm my grievance. I got up from my chair and decided to go to the main house. It had been a while. Jake was still sleeping, so I could go alone. This was probably for the best. Father isn't too fond of my relationship with Jacob.

I made my footing as light as I could and closed the door to our room with the most delicate movements. I'm not sure why I was so careful about it – Jake could sleep through the world ending. I ran quickly to the house but alerted my father in advance. Alice wouldn't be able to see me coming, after all. When I reached the glass door at the back of the dwelling, I was greeted by almost my entire family. Esme was the first to hug me and remind me about how long it's been, and as she embraced me, I flinched at the coldness of her skin. I forgot about that.

"Sorry dear, you gave me quite a shock too – it's like touching an open flame!" I appreciated Esme's attempt to make the ordeal less awkward, but it most certainly didn't work. I then turned to my mother and father, linked forever like young lovers.

"Nessie, it's been so long. How busy have you been?" My mother's voice sounded mainly happy to see me, but there was a sense of genuine concern behind her words. I knew what she meant when she said busy.

"I've been working a lot on my anthology. It was going quite well until I got a case of writer's block earlier this morning." I replied in my most indifferent and mundane voice. I didn't want to panic anybody. Although father knew exactly how I was feeling, and Uncle Jasper too.

"Oh. Well, that's quite annoying." I could tell that my mother didn't care all too much about my writing progress, and mainly just wanted to make sure I was okay. I couldn't concern her.

"Yes. Moving on – how has everybody been?" I made my way to the sitting room. Quite an ironic name, as we don't sit the majority of the time. I then went on to hear stories about vampiric sparring as Esme frowned as she disapproved, and how Carlisle's research is going well, and also how people have been commenting on how young he looks for his age. This is never a good thing to hear.

"I think we could stretch it out for another year, we definitely couldn't make it to two years." Carlisle warned. As this discussion went on, I felt myself becoming more and more detached again. I pitied my father and Jasper for having to feel my pain. This was another reason I stayed away, Jasper could feel my every emotion and I'd much rather he didn't. I became distracted and looked out of the window. The only one who noticed was my father, but I let him know I didn't want him to interfere. I could feel the tight feeling in my chest return, not the burning but instead the dark and empty hole that crushed against my organs. I found myself holding my breath to try and numb the pain. I knew I would begin to spiral later, and the feeling of tiredness was washing over me. I wanted nothing more now than to sleep, but I have not slept since I was a child. I felt like I was going to collapse, I could feel my legs weaken as I considered curling into a ball on the floor. I could not go on like this. The act was becoming too tiresome for me to continue. Here I was, suffering through eternal pain that could never go away, it was becoming worse and worse by the second - I could feel it. Nobody had even noticed yet. Apart from my father, but he kept his face composed although I knew he must also be suffering to see me like this. Then I saw it hit Jasper. His body jolted as it consumed all of my pain and hurting, and he ran out of the room in an instant before he could collapse.

Everyone had noticed now that something was wrong. Alice ran after Jasper, to nurse him. My mother looked towards my father and he nodded in my direction. I saw her then look at me, dismayed. Carlisle and Esme didn't seem to know what was happening, or why. I still hadn't broken my composure, so they didn't suspect me to be the cause of all this chaos. They too ran over to Jasper to see what was happening. It wasn't long before he had explained, but by then I was long gone.

I ran swiftly from the house; I couldn't face the embarrassment or the pain. I ran home to Jake. He was eating his breakfast – a three course meal – before he heard me running. He could sense my panic and fear and he had me in his arms within seconds as he asked what had happened.

"The feelings... they're too much." I gasped with little breath in my lungs. I wasn't exhausted from running, it was the darkness that was stealing the oxygen from my body.

"Wait, what do you mean? What happened?" He said in his calmest possible voice, though I could tell that panic was breaking through his words. I lost the ability to say my own words, so I decided to use my preferred way of communication. I raised my palm to his cheek and showed him the entire scene from my perspective. When the memory had finished, he suffocated me with his tight embrace.

"We need to work through this. Maybe we need some time away. Far away." He said in a hurry, but his voice was serious and filled with concern.

"Yes," I agreed, "we do."