this changes everything. ⟲ wangxian

20. To Remind You

Xichen is sitting at his desk, drawing a web of notes onto some papyrus. His thick dark brush scrapes against the canvas paper, bleeding black ink that spreads into curling monsters of characters in its wake.

The doors open.

"Lan Clan Advisor Zewu Jun," a servant says, and bows. "The Yiling Patriarch..."

He leaves in a hurry.

Xichen looks up from his poetry-writing. Wei Wuxian is standing right in front of him, Chen Qing in one hand, his dark hair longer than it was before. His eyes are emotionless.

Xichen sets down his brush. He smiles.

"Ah. Master Wei."

"Zewu Jun," Wei Wuxian says. "You look the same as ever. How have you been?"

Xichen rises from his seat and falls into a bow, arms steadily compacted together. The guest mimics the motion.

"How are you?" Xichen asks warmly. "We haven't seen you for all these years. I assumed you were well-off, starting a new life somewhere far away from here. Perhaps you've even got a family of your own now?"

Wei Wuxian scoffs. But it is not so lighthearted, "Believe me. I don't move as fast you'd like me to. Unfortunate as it is, it's hard to start a new life somewhere else when this one is still so fresh in my mind."

Xichen's face falls.

"I see."

"I can't imagine how pleased you've been to have not seen me for all these years," Wei Wuxian's face is pulled taut into a grin. "However! Home is home."

There is a beat of silence.

Xichen's face is stony for a long moment. And then, he relaxes. He smiles a mellow, warm smile and says, "Well, of course it is. I can't imagine how hard it's been, leaving the place you'd grown up in, searching for somewhere new to dwell."

Wei Wuxian says nothing.

"Anyways, I have called you here for a number of reasons. Firstly, I am truly concerned about how you've been these past three years, and hope you've been faring well. Cloud Recesses welcomes you back here with open arms," Xichen announces, his smile burning. "Secondly, I thought I should alert you to the news. You probably don't know that Wangji is getting married."

Silence.

A pin drops in the vast time between them. Wei Wuxian says nothing.

"Oh," is the first thing he says. He is looking down.

Xichen's smile broadens, radiating compassion, "Yes. He is betrothed to the beautiful Gu Meiyou, daughter of the Gu Clan Leader. Now... I can imagine how you must be feeling. I just thought it'd be wise to remind you that all of us have, indeed, moved on."

"Right. Yes, well," Wei Wuxian says. "I mean, I knew that. I just, I didn't think... well... I didn't think he'd be—"

"So quick?" Xichen interjects. "So quick to move on? Well, he had to be. In order to be an effective, a great leader of the Gusu Lan Clan, Lan Wangji had to learn to grab ahold of himself. To snap to his senses, and face the reality. The reality is that fairy tales don't exist in real life. Love..." Xichen's throat tightens as he says this. He remembers the illness Wangji is hardly recovering from, and hates it "...love is a sickness."

Wei Wuxian is silent.

Xichen can't tell what's going through his mind, but he knows for sure that the message is made clear.

"He is betrothed," Wei Wuxian says. Not to Xichen, but to himself.

"Yes," Xichen says. "And if you ever cared for him at all, you'll respect his decision, and let him be."

•••

In all his life, Ah Xian has experienced numerous kinds of hell. Hell on Earth, which was not only the scorching near-death of the Burial Mounds, but also how his name has been cursed; reputation unfairly torn to shreds, smeared on with filth. He's been stabbed, his kidney bled. He's had his golden core removed, left weak and insufferable. He's had the blood of a hundred innocent Wen Clan people on his hands, including his beloved friends. He has even died, had the gods rip him from his body away from the mortal world, only to be brought back again. He has been through all kinds of unimaginable loss, pain, torture, fear, tragedy, devastation, ruin—

So why does this hurt so much?