this changes everything. ⟲ wangxian

12. Helping vs. Harming

When I left
I wanted you to chase after me.

"I'm heading that way," Wei Ying smiles. "Well... I'll get going, then."

Wangji tries to say no.

He tries to say Stop.

He grabs Wei Ying's shoulders and whirls him around. He shakes him frantically. He breaks every rule on the Lan Clan Wall of Discipline—he speaks selfishly, only for himself; he shouts careless accusations; he elongates every single thing he wants to say to wholesomely express himself. He tells Wei Ying are you an idiot? Why are you leaving me? His grip on Wei Ying's shoulders tighten like iron clasps—they won't loosen even if he wants them to. He shouts Why do you think you can keep leaving like this? First for 3 months, then 16 years, and now for how long?

Why? Why are you doing this to me?

But Wei Ying is completely unbothered by Wangji's mauling protest, because the truth is he hasn't heard him at all. Wei Ying keeps walking. The truth is, he is long gone.

Wangji shouts and fights and screams.

"WEI YING!" Tears blur his eyes. Don't you know how I feel about you?

Wangji jerks awake trembling, in a coldsweat. When his dream is gone, his breathing has receded and he remembers Gu Meiyou's words.

Maybe if you gave me a chance... then you would really get to know me, and you would like me. And then we wouldn't disappoint our families.

Think about it.

Wangji opens his eyes.

Think about it.

He curses foully.

He peels himself out of bed, his head throbbing, his teeth aching from their nightmare-bred clench. It's raining outside, pounding heavily onto the cement outside his bedchamber window.

He should play some Qin.

Wangji rises from his bed and goes to his instrument. He lays his fingers across the strings and tries to believe in its power, tries to calm his temperament the way he has always learned to. But can playing his Qin calm his broken soul?

Can playing his Qin bring Wei Ying back to him?

There's a knock at his bedchamber door.

Wangji stops playing, "Enter."

A servant comes in and bows deeply, "Your Excellency... forgive me for disturbing you at this late hour."

"Is it urgent?"

"No. But, Advisor Zewu Jun saw your light was on and wanted you to know... Your Excellency. Two junior cultivators have just been reported absent from their classes for two consecutive days. They've skipped every meal, and no one has seen them since. Advisor Zewu Jun said to tell you the missing juniors are named Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui."