Moonbyul & Jin | Oneshots

Middle of the Night

She pulled out her phone sending a quick message to the members. She would just walk back to the dorm. She couldn't bear to be at this party for a second longer. Unlocking the door she left it closed then went to the bathroom window. She opened it and slipped out of the first-floor window. This way no one would see her. She pulled a mask out of her suit jacket and put it over her face covertly as she moved across the very large yard of the house. She finally made it to the outer wall and slipped out the door without anyone noticing.

She was free.

She made her way down the street, knowing exactly how to get back to the dorm. She was only a few miles from the dorm, hopefully, she could be back in an hour or so. But an hour or so alone with your thoughts can be practically unbearable when you have no one to be mad at but yourself.

She knew it was her fault. She couldn't say it out loud to anyone and admit that she was wrong, but with herself, she could admit it. It was her fault for being a fucking coward and she knew it. She hadn't been able to admit how she felt before and she still couldn't. And somehow despite all the damage it had caused her, she still couldn't find it in herself to admit those feelings. It would be her ruin.

How could you open the dam and expect the water to ever stop flowing? If she let herself acknowledge those feelings she wouldn't be able to ignore all the other feelings that she had kept locked inside for so long. She would have no control and no one, not even him was worth losing her control over. It was the only thing she had left.

But god how she missed him. She missed the way he would smile at her with his head tilted slightly. She missed the feel of his fingers brushing through her hair when she was upset. She missed the way he always knew how she was feeling even when she didn't know it herself. She missed the way he comforted her, not with words, but simply with his presence. She missed everything about him so fucking much. It was killing her.

Before she knew it there were tears streaming down her face. She ducked into an ally and leaned her back against the wall. She let out a soft sob and it was like her armor cracked wide open. She slid to the ground, her face buried in her legs.

"Fuck, I miss you Jin," She whispered in between sobs, no one there to witness it but the moon and the stars. "I need you."

~~~~~

Sometimes she and Jin had met up to drink and complain. They would meet at his apartment and she would bring the drinks. They would sit out on his porch and drink like two old women, griping about their lives. Byul cracked open another beer and handed it to him. His cheeks were red and his eyes were fixed on a point in the distance that she couldn't see. She knew he was having a hard time right now. She could hear it in the tension in his voice when he had called her earlier that day.

"Sometimes I get so sick of it." He said finally.

"What?" She asked, turning towards him. They were seated on two chairs that were slightly faced towards each other and she sat on the edge of her seat in order to give him her full attention.

"The pressure. Sometimes I just want to disappear. Not forever, but just for a few weeks. I don't always feel this way, but recently I've just been so tired."

"Sometimes it's like that." She said softly. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I never feel good enough. No matter how well the group does, how much we succeed I think there will always be a part of me that thinks I don't deserve any of this."

"You know that's bullshit. You deserve everything you have. You worked so hard for this." He looked at her with those piercing brown eyes.

"Don't you ever get tired of it Byul? You never let anything bother you, you're always so cool and calm." She smiled wryly.