The Farland Files

The Art of the Long Con

I wonder if all of you have the same obsessive tendencies, or are you going to blame that too on us having owned the same type of wand? Because I still had a different wand when I met the diary and the diadem.

"You're just that magnetic, dearest."

"You really aren't taking the twin wands seriously, are you? I can't believe you kissed that fool."

Lena smiled down at her book, amused.

Does it help soothe your raised hackles that my first kiss was the diary?

Marvolo seemed to pout. "Only slightly."

Get over it then- you're not here to control me, you're here for the ride.

Lena sat down at the head of the Slytherin table a little later than usual as she'd stayed up to talk Cassius Warrington and Cecilia Grimards through a relationship spat, starting to make herself a plate of breakfast, choosing to ignore the ugly pink bitch that was standing not too far away from where Theo usually sat.

"Hem hem."

She chose to spread some jelly over a piece of toast, taking a long sip of her hot chocolate before finally looking up as the woman cleared her throat again. "Professor. You must be lost. The Head Table is to your left."

"Educational Decree Twenty-Four was passed, stating that all student organizations, societies, teams, groups, and clubs are henceforth disbanded. No such things may exist without the knowledge and approval of the High Inquisitor. And any student found to have formed or to belong to an organization, society, team, group, or club that has not been approved by the High Inquisitor will be expelled." Umbridge seemed to preen, back straightening with importance.

"Good for you." She took a bit of her toast, chewing slowly while staring at the woman.

Umbridge huffed. "That means that your little... court is disbanded. You're nothing more than a disobedient pissant of a fifth-year."

"Okay." Standing, she looked out over the Slytherins, raising her voice so that she could reach everyone present. "The Court has been disbanded forcefully! By the ancient laws of our house, Delores Umbridge is now named an enemy of the House of Slytherin and the crown will go to the Head of House! As Delores Umbridge has been declared an enemy of the house, any who wish not to go to her classes can self-study or come to me for questions. Are there any who oppose this movement?"

All the snakes were silent.

The woman's eyes widened almost comically, seeming to flail for something to do in response. "This- you can't do such a thing! This is insubordination! A week's detention!"

Lena tilted her head. "Oh. Right. I forgot." Holding up her hand, the Slytherin house ring glinting in the light, she grinned sharply and then looked to Dumbledore. "Delores Umbridge has been declared an enemy of the Slytherin heir, and as I am the only heir of Hogwarts currently in residence, an enemy of Hogwarts itself- does the Headmaster see my claim?"

Dumbledore smiled at her fondly, nodding as if it was a decision he didn't want to have to make, but that he thought was right. "Yes, Hogwarts and I both see your claim."

With a flash of lightning across the ceiling of the Great Hall, a shower of rain started to pour exclusively on Umbridge and Lena grinned brightly as she sat down. "Karma, bint."

"Detention! Detention for the whole year! And no Hogsmeade visits!" Turning on her heel, the woman walked out quickly, the storm cloud above her head following her until she left the hall, sopping wet.