The Biker's Girls

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

"Mommy," she whined. I looked down at her hopelessly. She was just opening her eyes in that way that she does. She's been asleep half of the day and I'd already seen her wake up countless times.

I smiled when I saw her eys. Blue as the sky. "Hi baby girl. You have a good nap?"

She nodded. Ryder sat back into the seat, slumping. "C'mon. Let's go home."

I shook my head. "I told you I'm not going home with you. I'll just cut it now. It'll be the end."

"Where you go Mommy?" Ella asked, sitting up on my lap.

"I'm going to my home," I told her.

"With me?"

Oh fuck. Why can't I get a break? My heart was now breaking into another piece.

"No sweetie. I'm going to my house. You're going home with Daddy."

"I wanna go with you."

"I know, but you can't baby girl. I wanna go with you, too, but I can't either."

"Mommy," she started: puppy dog eyes and lip pouting. The whole nine yards.

"Stop, Ella," I said, closing my eyes. "Don't cry."

"But Momma!"

I could feel myself starting to cry again so I simply held her close.

"Ella, I'm going now," I said after a second or two. I pulled her away for a second, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair. "Maybe I'll see you soon." I felt like I should say I love you but that would be stretching it. And I couldn't imagine the trauma she'd have afterwards.

"Mommy, no!"

A sob escaped my lips then, and I pulled her away from me, leaving her on Ryder's lap, a shocked expression on his face.

I quickly got up and headed towards the exit, without looking back, but hearing Ella's cries as I left.

I took a cab to the mall, where I'd left my car, bags and purse inside. Luckily, I had some money in my pocket so I could pay the man. Ryder and Ella hadn't followed me, and my feelings about that were torn. I was glad they did because I didn't want to have to go through that again. But I wasn't sure that it wasn't worth just seeing Ella smile one more time.

I finally got home and decided that having dinner and taking a shower would be the remedy to my issues. After a quick shower and an even quicker dinner, I jumped into my bed, ipod in my hand. I was ready to dream away my worries. I was done with thinking of Ryder and Ella. Or, I was hoping to be done with them.

But that wasn't possible. The house phone started ringing the second I laid down. I got up and headed to the kitchen, hoping this would go by quick.

'Thompson'.

I sighed and thought about it. Should I answer, or not? Seven rings later, I took the phone off the tower and clicked Talk.

"Hello?"

"Josie?" I heard him yell. There was crying in the background and I knew who it was immediately.

"How'd you get my number?" I asked, peeved.

"Look, Josie, Ella hasn't stopped crying. I swear it wasn't even this bad when Maddie left. Since you turned around, she hasn't stopped," he said. His voice was desperate.

"I can't do this, Ryder!" My heart hurt again and the guilt threatened to consume me.

The crying didn't stop but I could tell that Ryder was sort of resigned. "You're right. I'm sorry I called you. Goodnight, Josie."

He hung up.

And then I started to cry.

I gave up on falling asleep after that. I just stood there, staring at the phone through tears. After it was midnight, and I still couldn't fall asleep, something broke. Something in my strength tore. I was thinking about Ella, and how this life she had was not something she deserved at all. Ryder was great with her, but she didn't deserve not knowing her mother. I hated her. I hated Maddie with every bone in my body.

And that's when I decided to call Ryder. I clicked the call back button and he answered the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Ryder, give me your address," I said, resigned.

I could hear whimpering in the background.

"No, it's okay. She's almost asleep," he said. Lie.

"I can hear her crying," I said, a little angry.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Give me your damn address, Ryder," I demanded.

He recited it and I wrote it down on a napkin.

"See you in ten," I said, before hanging up.