The Insane Journey

Chapter 3

 “Reverend Fudge is here to see you, sir,” she said into the phone.

 “That’s Forge, young lady. Forge,” said the reverend.

“Yes, of course, Father. The mayor will see you now. Come this way, please,” said the receptionist, getting up and opening the door for Phineas.

 “Bless you, my child,” said Phineas, as he walked into a vast, plush office. One wall was dominated by a massive fireplace that could probably have contained the better part of a forest fire. In the middle of the room was a small conference table surrounded by four chairs. At the other side of the room was a massive oak desk with a massive executive chair reluctantly supporting a massive bald man with pasty complexion and disturbingly large lips.

 He stood up, to the relief of the suffering chair.

 Jan van den Berg had been voted in as mayor in Cape City a scant few weeks before and was still settling into office. His predecessor had a well-deserved reputation for corruption (participating in, not combating) which was why the local population had turfed him out in favour of a devout – on the surface, anyway – Christian with strong links to the region’s powerful Family Values Association, Citizens’ Rights Association and several other associations full of members who were certain they were morally far superior to you and I.

 Jan had converted to evangelical Christianity some years before, not so much out of belief as opportunism and a keen interest in the American evangelical wealth being showered upon aspiring young politicians.

 He had met Phineas once or twice at church functions, but the two men had paid little attention to each other. Jan considered Phineas an annoying American evangelist who talked far too loudly, and until recently, Jan was insufficiently important to interest Phineas. However, with a landslide win in the Cape City mayoral election, the situation had changed.

 “Reverend Forge! I am honoured by your visit,” the mayor said.

 “Mayor van den Berg. The honour is all mine,” said Phineas, accepting the offered hand with a firm shake. “More importantly, congratulations on winning the election. The church is proud to have one of our own in charge of Cape City at last.”

 “Thank you, Reverend,” said the mayor.

 “Surely this is a sign that the good Lord wishes us to clean up this sinful city,” said the reverend with growing emotion.

 “Yes, Reverend, but I’m sure it’s not...” began Jan.

 “No, my son, it is not your fault. Your predecessor allowed the devil’s work to run rampant in this once-glorious seaside city, causing it to become a filthy cesspit of sin, debauchery and perversion.”

 “Well, I don’t think it’s that...” began Jan.

 “But fear not, my son. The church and I are at your service. With the Lord God’s most gracious support, we shall rid this city of sin and turn it into a wholesome urban paradise where children can roam freely in the streets without fear.”

 “Actually, the children can already...” the mayor once again desperately tried to say, before being cut off again.

 “And may I remind you that the church’s considerable resources are at your disposal. We understand that the war against sin does not come cheap.”

 “...play in the...Resources, did you say? Does that include money?” asked Jan.

 “Of course, my son, of course,” said the reverend. “My secretary will be in touch to arrange the details.”

 “That is most generous of the church,” said Jan.

 “Don’t mention it. It is God’s will,” said Phineas.