The Insane Journey

Chapter 4

 After an hour’s drive, Ivan brought the SUV to a halt in front of an old wall surrounding an abbey atop a medium-sized mountain. Unlike most medieval walls, this one was topped with barbed wire, video cameras and automatic guns. At the gate, a small booth was built into the wall and it was here that the monstrous SUV stopped for a moment.

 “Good afternoon, Father,” said an athletic nun in a black tracksuit and an aerodynamic habit.

 “Good afternoon, Sister,” said Phineas with a smile.

 The gate opened and the SUV rolled in, went round the old church and parked in front of a modern, prefabricated structure behind the church. Ivan let Phineas out and the latter entered the building, where he found his team of ninja nuns, in matching black tracksuits and aerodynamic coifs, hard at work training. Were it not for the coifs, they would have looked like an Olympic gymnastics team, with their boyish figures, short or tied-back hair and femininely muscular limbs.

 At first glance, the nuns seemed to be performing some kind of insane, chaotic modern dance involving furniture, weapons and fleeing men, but by the second glance, even the casual observer would realise this was no dance. The nuns were practising elaborate and deadly combat moves, using the furniture to jump off, hide behind and beat the fleeing men – all to the rhythm of church hymns performed on a massive pipe organ.

These dozen ninja nuns were the European contingent of a special force being trained by the church’s intelligence arm to solve serious problems. The nuns were slender, fit and fast. The fleeing men, on the other hand, were generally overweight, panicked and slow. That’s because they were convicted child molesters, rapists and atheists brought over secretly from the UESA. They had been told that they were being given a second chance; if they could flee the training building, they would be granted their freedom in Europa.

 No one had ever fled successfully. Indeed, as Phineas entered the building, he saw a man run up to the door, stop and lose his head. Literally. The head simply rolled down his chest and to the floor. The rest of the body, presumably somewhat surprised by the decapitation, waited a moment before crumpling down beside the head amid a shower of blood.

 “They are getting better every time I see them, Sister Alessia,” said Phineas to the older nun standing to the side of the action.

 “Thanks be to God,” said Alessia.

 “And thanks to the dedication of you and the ninja nuns,” said Phineas.

 “Thank you, Father. It is God’s will,” said Alessia.

 “Are they ready to eliminate Maxwell in the name of God?” asked Phineas.

 “More than ready, Father,” answered Alessia.

 “Excellent. We leave for Cape City tomorrow night as planned,” said Phineas.

 “Then Maxwell will be burning in Hell tomorrow night,” said Alessia.

 “Amen,” said Phineas.

 “Amen,” repeated the nun.

 “By the way, Sister,” said Phineas.

 “Yes, Father?”

 “This guy seems to be wearing a local mailman’s uniform,” said Phineas, pointing with his foot at the recently separated head and body that lay on the ground not far away. Sister Alessia looked down and grimaced.

 “Mercy me, I believe you are right, Father. He must have been bringing a registered letter. I’ve told them again and again to leave registered post with Sister Ersilia in the office.”

 “This is not good, Sister,” said Phineas.

 “I know. I’ll ring the post office first thing tomorrow,” said Sister Alessia.

 She looked around the room and called out “Sister Gertrude!”

 “Yes, Sister Alessia?” said Gertrude.

 “Take this body out to the compost pit,”

 “Yes, Sister Alessia.”

 The following night, Phineas climbed again into his SUV, but this time, there were three more behind it, each seating four ninja nuns in full battle gear. Each Ninja Nun had in her mind an image of her intended victim: Maxwell van Mars. The SUVs slowly and quietly left the abbey and made their way along the winding dark highway to Cape City.