𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 (t.r)

deux

did you know that you were my poison?

the poison to your cure?

i could've helped you.

i could've brought you out to the light.

but we both know you would have burned. 

so you brought me into the darkness instead. 

and i let you.

hell, i even asked you to.

because we both knew that i would listen to anything you said.

and i didn't want to admit it,

but i was scared.

living in darkness is worse than death.

it is allowing yourself to fall into a black hole,

willingly,

and falling so deep that the light cannot reach you any longer. 

and i let you do that to me. 

follow, you ordered.

kneel, you commanded.

mine. you stated.

never.

yes, my king, i bowed my head. 

you're no king.

of course, my lord, i listened.

what kind of lord are you to do this to me.

yours. i agreed.

i am my own person. 

but i stopped being my own when you strolled into my life ever so casually, with your insanity masked by a smile so fake yet so sharp it could cut diamond. 

and everyone believed you. 

will you be by my side forever? you questioned, a smirk tugging at your lips. 

oh the nerve you had.

always, i grinned up at you, and for a moment i thought you meant the smile you returned.

only for a moment. 

my red blood ran black the second your flesh touched mine. 

my morals flew out the window the day you promised me the world. 

my heart stopped beating for life when you kissed me. 

do you remember?

or am i no more than a memory long forgotten?

do you remember how you would make me laugh, even as your face showed no emotion?

do you remember how much pain you brought to me when i caught you splitting your soul?

do you remember the sweet nothings you whispered in my ear as you tried to console me from my fears?

of course you don't.

because i was your toy, 

one second you needed me to satisfy your needs and your desires and the next i was flung against the wall like a used teddy bear. 

but that was all i ever was to you.

a one-time piece of fun. 

i'm sorry, you pouted.

i'm sorry too. 

why would you do that? i asked.

you know i fear death.

but i didn't think that you'd go as far as splitting your soul to become immortal!

that was the thing. i never thought. 

darling, relax. 

splitting your soul is only allowing death to chase you down the rabbit hole so far that he can destroy you bit by bit! 

you worry too much.

you worry too little!

oh i should have just let you drown. 

but i know that if time were to turn back, i would do the same thing.

over

          and over

                              and over again.