Cacophony

7: h e l l t o p a y

***

  An hour later, they had just finished picking up their equipment and their belongings from the ground. It was a daunting task, but with all seven of them working quickly and hardly any talk between them they managed to get it all somewhat put back where it belonged. They had a lot of work to do once they finally reached their destination.
  After continued threats to charge and arrest them all, the DEA officers eventually had to let them go free. Except Stuart. Since he had claimed the minuscule amount of weed as his own, he was the only one they could legally charge.
  Double checking that nothing had been left behind, they all resumed their positions in the two vehicles. They were all too angry to verbally unload what had just happened, and the easygoing mood from before was effectively squashed.
"You riding up front?" Chris asked her as they got ready to go.
"Um... no. I think I'm still going to try to get some sleep."
"Really? I'm wired awake after that."
"Sorry. I'm just exhausted." She lied.
  She didn't think she would be getting much sleep after what she had just been through, but all she wanted was to hide from the world. Shame pulsed through her veins at what she had done. Her mouth felt dirty, and she felt used. It was a feeling that wasn't unfamiliar to her anymore, and she hated herself now more than she ever had.
"Are you okay, Sydney Lee?" He asked, looking down at her with concern written plainly across his face.
"Yeah. I'm fine." She lied. "That was just stressful."
  Tears threatened her eyes again, but she fought them back. She refused to cry in front of Chris. She never had and she didn't want to change that now.
"What did officer fuckhead say to you?"
"He asked if I was a prostitute." She laughed, the second lie of the evening making the foul taste in her mouth even worse.
"You're kidding right?"
  Sydney shook her head, looking down at her feet.
"What a fucking dumb fuck. I'm sorry Syd. You sure you're alright?"
"Yeah." She forced herself to look up at him. "I'll be fine once we get the hell out of this state."
"Okay. Just let me know if you need to talk, okay? I'm a good listener." He offered a small smile, and pulled her into a hug.
  The hug was the most welcome thing she had ever felt, and tears stung her eyes again as she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. He felt like safety. She squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing the tears away quickly before they pulled away from one another.
  She climbed quickly into the covered truck bed and shut the little window between her and the cab before Chris got in to the driver's seat. Alone at last, she let the tears flow freely as she felt the truck pull back on to the highway.

***

  Things did not look up for them once they got to New Orleans. The venue was a shitty little brick building in an even shittier neighborhood. Since they were late, they had to set up immediately. This was no easy task, as all their equipment had been covered in humid dirt and much of it was still disorganized. When Soundgarden took the stage with no time for a sound check, there were more technical issues than Syd, Gunny and Stu could keep up with. There was one singular person who seemed to even pay the band any mind... an older, very intoxicated woman who danced bizarrely to their hollowly delivered set. Once the show was over, the food that had been so highly anticipated was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there were a few bags full of stone cold McDonald's cheeseburgers that they scarfed down before packing up again. Morale was low as they continued their journey home. Hiro seemed to be the most obviously upset by the way this trip had ended. The way he spoke, it almost seemed as though he had one foot out the door.
  When they returned home at long last, Sydney took the longest shower of her life. Even after the water ran cold, she continued to brush her teeth with the toothbrush she had brought into the shower with her. No matter how many times she had brushed them over the last few days, she still felt dirty. Her gums were bleeding from excessive brushing, but it didn't matter. She hadn't told anyone about the DEA officer in Louisiana... what she had done. She knew that it wouldn't matter if she told the truth, and she just wanted to put it all behind her. It had been one very awful experience among a ton of really great ones. She told herself that she was just paying her dues. The thought of telling the truth and seeing the pity and shame in everyone's eyes afterward was something she had no interest in.
"Hey!" Liz greeted her when she emerged from the bathroom.
"Hi." She replied with a small smile.
"How was the tour?" She asked excitedly.
"It was great. Exhausting."
"That's it? Exhausting?!"
  Sydney could tell that she wanted more, and in her desperation to keep the focus away from her self-loathing, she told Liz a few stories about the better shows they had performed. She also threw in a story about that time she'd been sitting in a cheap motel room with most of the guys and Gunny had lit one his farts on fire.
"Oh my god!" Liz was laughing. "I don't know how you manage to have fun spending that much time on the road with a bunch of dudes. I couldn't do it."
"What can I say," Sydney shrugged. "They're fun to be around."
  They talked a little while longer before Sydney told Liz that she needed a nap. Crawling in to her cot that had never felt so inviting as it did now, she fell fast asleep.