1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter eight.

Taylor looked around the apartment and realised that she'd never seen a Christmas tree here. "Don't you have a Christmas tree?" She asked him, and he shook his head.
"I... haven't felt very festive. But we can buy one today - if there's any left. If you want a Christmas tree, we can have one."
"Let's get one!" Taylor laughed softly. "And we can... decorate it with some more wine."
Joe chuckled. "Sounds perfect."

She couldn't decide what she wanted to wear. Did she want to show her scars? Her bruises? Or did she want to hide it? She knew that the Paparazzi would be even worse this time than they were other times. This was because, firstly, this was going to be her first appearance with Joe, and secondly, because they'd all be wanting to see the bruises, to know the truth behind what Adam's statement had claimed. She thought she looked fat in the jeans she was wearing, so she took them off and put on black leggings.
I still look fat... she thought to herself. She wanted so badly to be able to ignore those thoughts, but they were too loud. She couldn't. It was winter - flowing skirts and dresses weren't an option.
"You look beautiful." Joe kissed her forehead as he walked past, checking himself out in the mirror. He was wearing black jeans, with a knitted jersey and a coat.

He looked great. The navy blue of the jersey looked so nice against the brown of his shoes. He looked very dark academia, and she grinned. He looked gorgeous.
"I love that colour on you." He told her as he looked at her in the mirror.
She bit her lip, watching him adjust his hair.
"Is it too much?" She asked him quietly, folding her arms across her chest.
"No. You look so pretty, that coat really brings out the colour in your eyes." Joe took her hand. "You look beautiful. No one else sees you the way that you do," he assured her. "Do you remember what we talked about?"
"I need to be kind to myself." She murmured and started putting her shoes on. Usually, she would have changed her outfit again, until she found one that didn't make her feel like that. She would have gone through every clothing item she owned until she found one that was at least a little bit decent.

But Joe was right, no one else saw what she saw. No one else saw her the way that she did. They didn't notice everything that worried her.
"Exactly." Joe grabbed a brown coat and put it on.
"Ugh," Taylor sighed. "I look like I haven't even tried compared to you! You look amazing."
"That's not true!" Joe said to her with a smile. "You look lovely. I love your hair like that."
She'd left her hair in its normal state, she hadn't straightened it and hadn't curled it. It was wavy, and she thought that it made her face look less gaunt. She wanted to look as healthy as she could. She wanted to look as if she was unphased by the events of the last few days. Of the tumultuous relationship she'd fled.

She threw a grey scarf around her neck. "You don't have to hide them, you know," Joe told her as he opened the curtains. "People are so proud of you. You're helping so many people."
"How do you know?" She was certain that he was lying, that he was trying to make her feel better. People would be mad at her. Disappointed in the person she had become. There was no way that she would have made people feel important, feel heard.
"Because they haven't stopped talking about you for a second, Taylor. The fans, they still love you to pieces, and you've given them the courage they needed to realise that they deserved better, too."

This made her pull her scarf away from her neck, and she laid it down on the bed. She hadn't even thought of the consequences of going public. Well, she had. But they'd only been selfish consequences that she'd thought of. She didn't think of all the other people that were in her situation but didn't have the ability to leave.

There were other people that had been through her pain, that were going through her pain. And she'd shown that these kinds of things happen to anyone, regardless of whether you live your life in a rural town, or whether you've had a spotlight beaming down on you since you were sixteen. It really did happen to anyone. Taylor felt bad that she hadn't thought of all the ways that she'd help people by telling them this. She couldn't actually believe that she hadn't thought of that already, because it was usually one of the first things she thinks about. She usually thought about what impact it would have on her fans, but that didn't even cross her head.