Happy Merry Everything (Charlie Barber)

Come What May

"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Hi."
"Hi."

His voice was rich and warm through the phone. Your mind flashed to last night you spent with him. Lying on his bed talking the night away, his lips, his hands all over on body like wildfire, his laugh, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

"I miss you."
"I miss you too."

_________________

Over the next couple of weeks communication with Charlie had become less and less, but you didn't take it personally.  His show was in tech rehearsals and he didn't have a lot of time. He still made sure to at least text you good morning and wish you a good night. He even spent the night a few times. His show would be making its debut soon and you were so proud of him. You knew what this meant to him and what was riding on the show doing well.

The more you got to know Charlie, you came to learn that he could be a tad neurotic when it came to his work. He had revealed to you at one point that Nicole hadn't understood what went into directing and often chided him for "being consumed by theatre". Because of this, he went out of his way to express his gratitude for your understanding and support.

"Our relationship is important to me. You are important to me. I don't want you to feel neglected."
"You're working. I don't fault you for that."
"You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that."

You also discovered Nicole had been nominated an Emmy for directing shortly after they divorced, which turned out to be a blow to Charlie's ego and rightfully so.

"She wanted to do it more. She said she finally understood what I had been chasing after all of those years. Like she understood the rush from it, but it was still like a big, "Well, fuck me I guess." You know? I clapped when she won, but--it--I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, I'm sorry."

"You felt like she was celebrating all of the things she gave you shit about that led to--"

"The divorce? Yeah...just...shit, I...wow, I sound like some jealous sack of shit, don't I? How pathetic is it that I'm dumping this on you? If I'm treating you like a therapist, I should at least pay you for the session."
"Charlie."
"I just...I'm sorry...just...FUCK, you know?"
"Do you miss her?"
"I miss Henry."

He told you about putting things on hold for Henry.

"Oh yeah, I hated LA. It's a cesspool for broken dreams. A damn geographical oddity where you have to drive everywhere and everywhere is either 30 minutes or 2 hours away. Traffic is a nightmare and the sun is always in your eyes. Theater is nothing out there compared to what it is out here. It's all television."

"They still have things like the Pantages and the Ahmanson."

"For touring companies, sure. I put on a few productions at Red Cat while I was there, but it wasn't the same."

"How are the schools?"

"They're fine, I guess. Nicole wanted to put Henry in some charter school. Even though I have partial custody, but I didn't really get a say."

"So if you moved for Henry, why did you come back to New York, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I had no one. I had a handful of friends, but most were acquaintances. The family I had was long gone, except G-Ma...Sandra, her mother, who Nicole arguably thought loved me more than her. Maybe she was right. Probably. And then there's Henry and I love the kid, but he sometimes acts like he doesn't want to be around me or like he doesn't need me and then I'm out here and it's all "Daddy, Daddy. I miss you. I love you, Dad. When are you coming to visit?" And it's not that I did it intentionally, moving back. I would never do anything to hurt him. I love him more than anything. It's just...Nicole does shit I can't compete with. How can I compete with someone who buys everything to show affection? A kid his age doesn't understand that I can't afford the top tier annual pass at Disneyland because I'm paying rent on two apartments on opposite sides of the country. He just hears no. Meanwhile, Nicole buys him a present every time he says please and thank you...or--or--for pooping."