BAD BOY SAVED (female pov)

Be brave for Liam.

Be brave. Be brave for Liam.

The guys walked in from parking their cars and offered a few words of affirmation to Liam before taking their seats in the gallery. 

"I'll be right in." Liam told them but he looked like he was going to run. I watched him nervously pace up and down the corridor, using maximum effort just to breathe. He wasn't okay and I needed him to know he still had a choice.

"Liam, you know you don't need to do this right?" He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"I can't move forward without doing this, it's just hard to walk into that room. Lola not coming?"

He nodded towards his friends, we could see them through the open door. They all looked extremely nervous too. None of them were laughing or teasing one another like they usually did. They sat quietly, Zak had his head bowed, Jordan held Tias hand tight enough to make his knuckles white, Ben nervously picked at his finger nails and Reece wouldn't stop bouncing her leg up and down. They all cared for Liam so deeply, all except Lola it would seem.

"No. She said she's not feeling well." I couldn't mask the irritation in my voice.

"You're mad at that?" I sighed in annoyance and rolled my eyes.

"She should be here supporting you, even Reece came and I don't believe she's not well but today isn't about her it's about you getting the justice you deserve." I didn't want to talk about Lola. Liam brought himself closer to me and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Liv, don't be mad at Lola." How could I not be? Liam obviously wanted her there if he noticed she was missing. She knew how hard this was for him and couldn't even make the effort.

"But-" I started to say but Liam cut me off.

"Liv, you can't be mad at her. This trial, it's just as hard on her as it is for me. It comes with a lot of memories."

"What?" And suddenly I understood. Lola had been abused as well and I made her feel bad for not coming. I'm such a shitty person. "I didn't know." I whispered, a tidal wave of guilt setting in.

"Now you do." I needed to apologise to her the moment I set eyes on her.

They were getting ready to close the doors and had placed a 'court in progress' sign outside. I looked to Liam who still had doubts written all over his face and I held my hand out for him to take it. He glanced at my hand with complete caution, like I was the guard waiting to take him to his fate. Just when I thought he was going to back out he took my hand, his sweaty palm in mine and we strongly walked into that court room united.

Liam sat beside me, I could feel his whole body shaking like a leaf. He didn't want to hold my hand, he didn't want to be touched. He kept his head bowed, not looking at anything. Then he walked in, hands in cuffs linked to an officer.

It sickened me to my stomach that if I passed him in the street I would probably smile, or hold a door open for him, perhaps I would pay for his coffee if he rang up short at the counter. He just looked so ... normal.

When someone hurts the one you love you become addicted to hating them and your body, heart and soul craves it's daily fix. Hate consumes you, changes you. Hate is the devils path and as tempting as it is to walk down it you need to resist because the worst thing it can do to you is leave a footprint on your soul.

But how could I not hate the monster in front of me?

I hated him with every molecule in my body.

The lawyers read out some of Liams statements, the worst ones and it was excruciating hearing them again. I don't think Liam was taking in anything said during the trial, his coping mechanisms kicked in and he shut it all out. Keeping his head low and his hands busy picking at the skin around his finger nails. It's human nature to want to offer comfort to him right now, hug him, hold his hand, reassure him. But I knew Liam inside and out, he just needed to be left alone.