1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter six.

"Shh, Taylor." She felt cool arms softly land on her shoulders. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream."
She sat upright, catching her breath. She let the cool, winter night air flow into her chest, her veins. She couldn't talk, and could barely think straight. That nightmare had been awful. It had been the sort of nightmare that wasn't a dream. It was a flashback. It had happened. It was a part of her past. It was a part of who she was. It was one of the moments that had forged her, one of the moments that made up the essence of who she was. Dreams that were true? Dreams that had happened in real life, that were memories? Well... they were the worst nightmares of all. They were the ones she was most afraid of, the ones that she hated the most.

But Joe just sat there, his arms around her and holding her steady. He didn't push her away, didn't tell her to stop being ridiculous because it was just a dream. He didn't tell her that she was dramatic and that she should be over this already.
"When will they stop?" Taylor said as she lay back down. She asked Joe to join her, and she gasped as his cold feet touched hers. Something about it made her laugh. And then, she couldn't stop laughing. "It makes me feel fucking stupid." She said in the middle of it. "Honestly, what is even the point of all this?"
Joe lay beside her, watching as the laughter transcended to tears.
"It's not stupid. It's just a part of healing." He told her softly, wiping away a tear from her cheek as she turned to face him. She wondered how he knew so much about it. About healing. About pain. What it took to repair what people had broken.
"And it's not going to be easy... but healing never is. I believe that you can do this. Healing isn't linear, love." The words made fresh tears well up in her eyes. Because Joe was right. Healing was never linear, it wasn't something that was easy. It couldn't be solved by heading in a straight line. "It's not something that does what it's supposed to all the time. You're allowed to fall apart and break down. That strong, independent woman that you've been talking about losing is still in there." He placed a soft hand on her heart. "She hasn't gone anywhere. She just needs time to heal, and that's okay."

Taylor could listen to him talk all day, could listen to the smile in his voice all day. She liked it here, beside him. It felt like she was safe.
"She needs time to heal, and that's okay." She whispered sleepily to herself through closed eyes.
"That's right," Joe said, and Taylor felt his lips against her forehead, felt her entire body collapse with the softness of it all. "You can do this, Taylor."
She opened her eyes with a smile. "Come home with me - for Christmas. I mean, if you haven't got any plans but you probably do-"
"I don't, actually. I'd love to come with you." Joe answered.
"Really? I'm sorry if it's a bit much to ask of you considering everything that's happened and the fact that I've literally gate-crashed your entire life... I've probably wrecked all your plans and-" Taylor started.
"You haven't gate crashed my life at all," Joe assured her. "New York City can be a pretty lonely place when there's no one here for you. I'm serious when I tell you that I don't regret bumping into you at that cafe one little bit. I haven't smiled this much in a long time." There was that loneliness again. It was echoing in his voice - and it made her sad to think that maybe he'd been facing nightmares too.
She sighed with a smile.
"Me too," her voice was soft. She was happy.

The moon was high in the sky, and the starlight peeked through the gap in the curtains. She looked over at him, at the grey rings under his eyes, at his hair, messy and hanging over his forehead, at his hand, which was caressing her cheek. "We really should sleep," She told him.
Joe went to get up, but she held his hand. "Stay?"
He got under the covers, kissing her forehead again. "Goodnight, love."
Under the cover of night, Taylor sleepily whispered, "I love it when you call me that."

When she woke up, her entire body felt warm. She smiled as she thought of last night, of the words that she'd shared with Joe. She never felt warm, not like this. This was the kind of golden light that came right from the essence of who she was, and she'd never felt like this before. The bed lay empty beside her, except for Meredith, who was sleeping peacefully on the pillow that Joe had been using. She gently stroked her and pulled the blanket around herself. She peaked out the window and saw that there was a small layer of snow on the sidewalk and window ledge. She still got excited when she saw the snow because it reminded her of childhood. Of a time without all of that darkness that followed her now.