Bittersweet

~~ Secrets & Regrets ~~

"Who are you to drag me out of there?" he snarled, wiping red lipstick from around his mouth.

Had he not listened?  "When you come to my place Tony, doing shit you shouldn't be doing—then it's my right to do whatever I goddamn feel like."

He stood there like a toddler expanded to adult size, irritation in his anger a sort of impetuousness.  He narrowed his eyes.  I wanted to wipe that look from his face. 

"Does Jenna know about this...her?"

"Vaffancula," he threatened.

I laughed at his outburst. "Papa will be so proud you remember some Italian.  Do you kiss our mother with that mouth?"

"Fuck off Gabe, my life has fuck all to do with you.  In fact, you only butt in when you want to spout your bullshit self-righteous crap and you're better than me speech.  Well brother, let me enlighten you.  You will never be better than me. You're nothing, Gabe. Nothing to me. Nothing to the family. You're like a stain we can't get rid of."

The garbage from his mouth never failed to surprise me.  Just like when we were kids, he would accept no wrongdoing. "What are you playing at, Tony?  You have a family.  A beautiful wife and a kid—a kid that's barely turned one.  What the hell's wrong with you, man?" 

He scoffed, pushing himself from the wall, straightening his suit jacket.  "She gets everything she needs from me.  So, what if I have a little fun on the side?"

What?  I couldn't believe him.  "Why the fuck get married?  Jesus Christ, Tony.  You've got a kid.   You can't just play around with people's lives.   This will destroy her if she finds out.  You saw how it affected Ma growing up.  Jenna doesn't deserve that—she deserves better than this shit, man."

"Yeah, well, let's just say I didn't have the greatest role model as a kid." I knew what he was referring to.  Our father had also had his fair share of women on the side.  I hated him for it.  It broke my Ma's heart, although she would never speak out or leave the bastard.

"Don't try to pass this onto him.  You're an adult and you have the opportunity to be a better man than him.  Appreciate what you have.  Be a fucking man.  You have responsibilities to Jenna and your kid."  I shook my head.  "You don't know how blessed you are man?"  I would have killed to be in his shoes, him preferably.

"Yeah, well, you could have had it all if you hadn't dropped out of college and lowered yourself to running a bike shop...and a dive like this?"

"For starters Tony you're in this dive and secondly, I didn't want to follow in his footsteps.  My life, my choices.  I wasn't interested in being a lawyer back then, and I ain't now.  You should try it sometime."

We stood glaring.  It was pretty obvious nothing I said was going to make a difference.  "Go home Tony and be a husband she deserves and a better father to your kid than we ever had from ours."

"Quit it Gabe, I'm going back in there and getting my blonde friend and then we're out of here.  You don't run my life.  Now get out of my face."

A small laugh escaped my lips.  That was it.  Clenching my hand into a fist, I slammed into his face, a crack greeted me.  Blood burst from his nose as I drew back and hit him again, this time I caught his left eye.  His hands flew to cover his face.

"You broke my fucking nose," he griped.

I pulled back, catching my breath. I looked at my hand, blood on my knuckles.  I never liked to argue with my fists, but the untapped anger erupted from my stomach—he had crossed the line.  I'd had enough of his bullshit. "Yeah, well get yourself home, Tony before I break something else.  And if I ever see you in my place again.  Or hear your cheating on Jenna again. I will drag your ass home and watch you confess what a low-life lying piece of shit you really are." 

I spat at his feet before turning and walked back inside.  Smirking wondering how he was going to explain a broken nose to Jenna.

~ ~ Present Day ~ ~

My phone vibrated, as I reached over to the passenger seat where I'd thrown it.  Switching my attention from the road. It was a message from Jake.  That could wait. I would be with him shortly, tossing my phone back.

Barely focusing on the road. The same question ran around my head—should I have told her back then?  But would that have done any good? Perhaps only hurt her more.

What I could do, though, was help her now.  I could get her number or her address from my Ma or my sister.  Reach out and do something to help at least. 

Replaying what happened again, I had to wonder—was I doing this for me?  Having felt something that day.  It was a connection I still didn't understand.  And what if it was one sided, all in my head?

Sighing, I pulled up into the parking lot at the back of the bar.  Goddamn!  I recognized the car.  Alison.  My day just got a whole lot worse.