1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter one.

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris. The biggest celebrity duo there was. The two of them were the dream couple. The couple everyone wanted to be. The couple whose names were plastered across every magazine, trending on Twitter and everything in between. They were adored by everyone, young and old. Everyone knew everything about them, about their holiday vacations, about their favourite restaurant... they couldn't escape it. They knew where their favourite restaurant was, or where they liked to shop for their groceries. They knew absolutely everything - and there was only one part of their lives that the public didn't know.

Adam was great... most of the time. She was happy. Most of the time. Most of the time he was what she'd always thought she wanted in a person. But there were times that almost broke her, too. She didn't reply to his message and didn't make a move to begin tidying as the second text had told her to do. Tidy the place before I get back.

Taylor had done what she so often did and had convinced herself that this was normal. It was completely normal for him to be so... demanding of her. Of her body and her mind. Even when the little voice echoed in the back of her mind, she pushed it away. It was normal. It had to be. She couldn't afford to realise that it wasn't normal and it shouldn't hurt like that. Taylor didn't know what she'd do if she allowed herself to feel the pain. So? She pushed it down and refused to acknowledge it.

She just figured that she might have been a little more sensitive lately. So much had happened that she didn't even want to admit it just yet. Mentally, she couldn't unlock those parts of her just yet. She shoved them deep down inside of her, and she threw away the key. It was easier that way. To not acknowledge that pain. To pretend it wasn't there, that she wasn't fading away. That she wasn't merely a skeleton of the vibrant woman she had been in the past.

She'd been feeling like this a lot lately. Like she was falling further and further underwater and decided to stop struggling. Life was heavy and it hurt. It was eternal winter with neverending thunderstorms and torrential rain. It never got easier, and there was never any sunlight. It all felt too hard. She hadn't even had the energy to write music. A few, occasional lyrics would come to mind, but she wouldn't ever write them down. Nothing that made her feel like she was in love with life, in love with words. Nothing that made her sparkle. Because if Adam were to see these words, the ones with sharp, pointy edges... who knew what he'd do? She didn't want to find out. So she kept it all on the inside. She knew eventually she'd have to bring herself to write - that was her job. Writing songs and performing them for the world... Soon, the time would come when she'd have to book time at the studio.

Taylor was still sitting there, knees up to her chest when she heard the click of the keys unlocking the door. She was familiar with that sound by now, and her heartbeat doubled in speed, and she stood up, her hands shaking. She moved away from the pink chair a few steps as if that would make him see that she wasn't there. Because he hated it when she sat there. There weren't that many things he loved, actually. But she didn't let herself think about that. That was one of the many things that she kept locked in a cage inside of her chest.

"What the fuck is this?" Adam's voice called through the hallway as he came into view. He saw the mess, the clothes she was supposed to iron, the dishes scattered around the place. The layer of dust has swallowed up everything in the room. "I thought I said that you needed to tidy this, you know it's important to have a tidy home. It's good for our creativity. Our songwriting." He stared at her and she felt herself begin to crumble. Her hands trembled even more, and her words were lost. They always seemed to be, when he looked at her like that. He never used to be like this. Never used to scare her like this. "You know I like it better when it's clean."

"I'm sorry," Taylor said, trying to sound confident, but he was staring her down and as always, making her feel like she might be a little figure in a snow globe.
This has to be normal, Taylor reminded herself. Again.
"I couldn't get it all done-"
"Couldn't get it all done? Or you couldn't be bothered? Honestly, baby. All you've been doing is staring out that fucking window all day every day." He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. The tiny motion made her flinch. She took a step backwards when he stepped closer to her. His hands ran through his hair, trying to contain his anger. "I leave to go to the studio - you're sitting in that fucking chair and when I come home again - you're still there."